理发店的笑声（2015）

If I wanted to go out with you, I would ask you out.
如果我想和你约会 我会直接说出来的
I would be like, "You want to go see a movie tonight?"
我会说 "你今晚想和我一起看个电影吗"
And I'd be like, "Sure, that sounds great."
而我会说 "行啊 好主意"
Yeah. And then I would go, "You want go get drinks before?"
然后我会说 "去之前想再喝些啥吗"
And I'd be like, "No,
我会说 "不要
because then I'd have to pee during the movie."
因为我会在看电影时想上厕所的"
Yeah. That's exactly how it would go.
是的 事情的确会这么发展
So, what, so then drinks after?
所以 看完电影再去喝酒吗
Yeah, sounds great. Okay.
行 好主意 好的
Hey. How you doing, buddy?
感觉如何了 伙计
Not so great.
不太好
I'm just gonna throw myself into my work
我只能努力工作了
And try not to think about the fact
这样才能让我尽量不去想
That my parents are getting a divorce.
我父母要离婚了的事实
Geez. Even saying the word,
天哪 只是说这些单词
I'm getting a little lightheaded and...
我就有点要晕的感觉
No -- okay, okay, hey, hey.
别 好了 好了
Hey, then don't say it, all right?
那就别说了 好不好
And, for god's sake, please don't faint. I won't.
而且 求求你不要再晕倒了 我不会的
It should be fine as long as I don't think about it.
只要我不去想这些事 就应该没问题
All right.
好吧
Okay, who's next?
下一位顾客
How you doing there? I'm mo.
你好吗 我是Mo
hello, mo, I am vlad.
你好 Mo 我是Vlad
Vlad, how you doing?
Vlad 最近过得如何
Tough year for the celtics, eh, vlad?
凯尔特人队最近表现得不太好啊 是不 Vlad
Oh, the worst.
唉 烂透了
What'd you say?
你说什么
I said the worst!
我说烂透了
Yeah, well, you know, hopefully,
好吧 希望
next year, the celtics will, uh...
明年 凯尔特人队能
Joy, I'm so embarrassed.
Joy 我太丢人了
Oh, no. There's no shame in fainting.
别这样 晕倒并不耻辱
Have you ever fainted?
你晕过吗
No.
没有
Do you know anyone who's ever fainted?
你认识谁曾经晕过吗
Oh, of course.
当然
Do you know any guy who's ever fainted?
你认识哪个男的曾经晕过吗
No.
没有
Now would be a great time to tell your B.F.F.
现在是你告诉你的男闺蜜他妈妈
About his mom.
真实情况的好时机
I don't know. Don't you think dottie should be the one
我不知道 你们不认为Dottie
To tell him she's gay?
应该自己和Mo出柜吗
Eh, it could be a long time before she's ready.
呃 也许她还要很久才能做好准备
You have no idea how difficult and painful it was
你根本不知道我对家人出柜时
For me to come out to my family.
有多艰难和痛苦
You said your mama baked you a pie.
你曾经说你妈为此给你烤了个派
I'm trying to get him to do something
我在试着说服他做些
That you and I will enjoy watching.
能让咱俩看得过瘾的事情
Work with me.
顺着我的话
All right, I can do this. I can do this.
好吧 我能 我可以做的
Any last bits of advice?
有啥最后的建议吗
Yeah, well, be gentle. But be direct.
你要温柔些 但不能拐弯抹角
Be sensitive.
还要感性些
But be somewhere we can see you.
但是要在我们的可见范围之内
All right, all right.
好吧 好吧
Find your light and cheat out toward your audience.
走到你的聚光灯之下 欺骗你的观众吧
Okay, all right.
好吧 好吧
Mo? Yeah, buddy?
Mo 怎么了 兄弟
I just want to talk to Joy for one second. Oh.
我就是想跟Joy聊聊 噢
Yeah, what's up?
怎么了
How much to get you to tell Mo that his mama is lesbianic?
给你多少钱你愿意告诉Mo他妈是个女同
Bionic? What? I can't understand you.
仿生人 我听不懂你在说什么
How much to get you to tell Mo that his mom is a muff diver?
给你多少钱你愿意告诉Mo他妈爱好口♥交♥
His mom's Maria Shriver? No, she's not Maria Shriver.
他妈是Maria Shriver 不 她才不是Maria Shriver
Come here, come here!
过来 过来
How much would it cost me to get you to tell Mo about his ma?
我出多少钱你愿意跟Mo谈谈他妈
Oh, no, Ben, I could never --
不 Ben 我不
Name your price. $100.
你开个价吧 100块
$50. You said name my price. I want $100.
50块 你让我开个价的 我要100
Ugh, you're an asshole, Joy. Move! Oh!
Joy 你这个混♥蛋♥ 给我让开 噢
Hey, Mo.
嘿 Mo
How you -- how you doing, buddy?
你 你没事吧 兄弟
I'll be fine. I don't mean to be a distraction.
我会没事的 我不想打扰到大家
Hey, you're not a distraction, all right?
嘿 你才没有打扰到我们 懂吗
We all love you and care about you.
我们都很爱你 很担心你
Aw, Ben. Oh, no, don't cry.
哦 Ben 哦不 你别哭
It will make me sick.
我会觉得恶心
Listen, uh...
听我说 呃
Mo, I think I might have some insight
Mo 我想我可能知道
As to why your folks are getting a divorce.
你父母为什么要离婚
Really?
真的吗
Yeah.
是的
You want to sit down? Why don't we sit down, huh?
你要坐下吗 我们坐下聊吧
Okay, come here.
来 坐这
All right.
很好
Um...Look, remember when we were kids
呃 你还记得吗 那个时候我们还小
And your ma used to rip phone books in half
你妈老是把电♥话♥簿撕成两半
To make us laugh?
逗我们笑
Uh-huh. That was fun.
哈哈 那很搞笑
Remember her neck would strain so much,
你还记得么 她的脖子老是被扣得很紧
She would have to loosen her bolo tie?
她只能把领结松开
Remember every Halloween,
你还记得吗 每年万圣节
We'd go trick-or-treating with your ma,
我们会跟你妈玩"不给糖就捣蛋"
And she would always dress up as Ellen Degeneres?
她老是打扮成Ellen Degeneres的样子
You know -- sitcom Ellen, "Talk show host" Ellen,
知道吗 演情景喜剧 主持脱口秀的那个Ellen
"Crying because they wouldn't let her adopt a dog" Ellen?
"因为他们不让她养狗就哭了"的那个Ellen
But she wasn't Ellen every year.
不过她也不是每年都扮成Ellen
One year, she went as Rosie O'Donnell from "The view."
有一年 她扮成"观点"节目里的Rosie O'Donnell
Yes, okay.
好吧
Uh, one year, she went
呃 有一年
As Rosie O'Donnell from "A league of their own."
她扮成电影<红粉联盟>里的Rosie O'Donnell
Right, okay, okay. One yea
好了 够了够了 还有一年
Okay, okay -- do you see a pattern here?
够了够了 你发觉其中的规律了吗
Ellen, Rosie,
Ellen Rosie
Effortlessly ripping phone books in half?
毫不费力地把电♥话♥簿撕成两半
Do you see what I'm trying to get at, buddy?
你懂我想说的吗 兄弟
Yes.
懂
Yes.
我懂了
Dottie Mccracken is one strong, funny lady.
Dottie Mccracken是一个强壮又搞笑的女人
No, no, Mo. Um
不是 Mo 呃
Look, what I'm trying to tell you is --
听着 我想说的是
And I'm just gonna say it, okay?
我就直截了当告诉你算了
Mo?
Mo
Thank god I don't have to say it.
谢天谢地我没说出来
Ma, what are you doing here?
妈 你到这里来干嘛
We need to talk.
我们得谈谈
Ooh, girl, put down your candy bar.
女孩们 放下你手中的糖
The show is about to start!
好戏要开始了
So...Talk.
谈吧
Well, can we go somewhere a little more private?
我们可以去个私密一点的地方么
Anything you've got to say to me,
你想对我说的话
You can say in front of them, too. Why?
也可以让他们听到 为什么
Because I don't feel safe with you no more, ma!
因为跟你在一起我觉得不安全 老妈
Fine. Fine!
好 好
I'm gonna tell you the whole truth, Mo,
Mo 我决定告诉你事情的全部真♥相♥
And it's gonna be shocking.
而真♥相♥将令人震惊
The real reason your father and I are splitting up,
你♥爸♥跟我分开的真正原因
It's not because I had an affair,
不是因为我有外遇
But because of who I had an affair with.
而是因为跟我有一腿的那个人