理发店的笑声（2015）

If I wanted to listen to an old queen
我要是想听个老"同志"废话连篇
ramble on about nothing, I'd go see a Tyler Perry movie.
我还不如去看Tyler Perry的电影呢
Sorry, honey. That's just not me.
抱歉 亲爱的 不是我自愿的
Ben thinks people enjoy being verbally abused.
Ben觉得人们喜欢被言语侮辱
He's not wrong.
他没错
You just bring some of that nasty home tonight.
你今晚回家再给我来点儿那种下流的
Good morning, starshine.
早上好啊 小星星
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.
欢迎迈入你余生的第一天
What are you talking about?
你说啥呢
How do you feel?
你感觉如何
I feel great. My guilt is gone.
我感觉很好 内疚跑光光
Mo,
Mo
if you were my dominant hand last night While I was sleeping,
如果昨天晚上我睡着的时候你代替了我的惯用手
I swear to god...
我发誓
It's nothing like that.
不是啦
But the offer still stands.
但是我的提议还是有效哦
Listen, listen.
听着 听着
Last night, while you were sleeping,
昨晚 你睡觉的时候
Danni told me that you write letters to everyone you're mad at,
Danni告诉我你写信给所有惹你生气的人
And I figured there's got to be one there for me.
我就想着那肯定有一封是给我的
So I went on your laptop,
所以我看了你的笔记本电脑
And there it was -- an open letter to Mo.
果然有致Mo的公♥开♥信♥
You read my letter?
你看了我的信
Yep.
对
And, uh, after I got over the slams
在我克服了你对我
about my clothes and my hair --
服装和发型的抨击之后
"Community-theater Kenickie" Hurt pretty bad...
"社区剧场版的Kenickie" 真的好伤人
...I read the rest of them.
我读了其他的
They're amazing.
写的太棒了
You're an amazing writer, A.J.
你是个很好的作者 A.J.
Mo, that is such an invasion of privacy.
Mo 你这是严重侵犯个人隐私啊
I don't even know what to think right now.
我现在都不知道该怎么想了
Don't think. Listen.
别想了 听着
I thought your letters were so fantastic,
我觉得你的信太出色了
I sent them to my cousin Lisa
我把它们寄给了我的表姐Lisa
who works at the Huffington Post.
她在赫芬顿邮报工作
Ta-da!
嗒哒
Ta-da?
嗒哒
Did you just say "Ta-da"?
你还有脸说"嗒哒"
Did I pronounce it wrong?
我发音不对吗
You break my arm, then you hack into my computer,
你伤了我的胳膊 然后又黑了我的电脑
You read the most private things I've ever written,
你读了我写的最隐私的东西
And then you send them to a publisher without my permission,
然后未经我允许就寄给一个出版商
And then you say "Ta-da"?
然后你还说"嗒哒"
Would "Voila" work for you, or...
那你是不是比较喜欢"瞧" 或者
I got to say, Ben is a marketing genius.
不得不说 Ben是个商业奇才啊
Rude barbershop?
粗鲁的理发店
That's so brill.
太妙了
I've been trying to come up with a gimmick like this
我一直想给我的纹身店
for my tattoo parlor.
也想点像这样的花招
"Take the hep c challenge" was a bust.
"肝炎大挑战"实在太失败
Shocking. You're done, Travis.
好吃惊啊 好了 Travis
Thanks, Buzzy.
谢了 Buzzy
How do I look?
我看起来怎么样
Like a mug shot of a former child star.
像个过气童星的大头照
It's the drug bloat.
这是药物肿胀
You getting way too good at being mean.
你刻薄得真是到位啊
I know. Last night, I called Tommy
我知道 昨晚 我把Tommy称作
"My boyfriend: based on the novel 'push' by Sapphire."
"我的男友 根据Sapphire的小说<推>改编"
And that is the true story of how I came out to my dad.
我就是这样跟我爸爸出柜的
Fascinating, super mario sister.
太厉害了 超级玛丽姐妹
Now get out of my chair and stop coming back every day.
现在滚出我的椅子 别再天天来了
All right. You're up, beanie boy.
好了 该你了 小便帽孩子
Nothing. What do you want?
没什么 你想干啥
Look, this world's rudest barbershop shit
听着 这个世界最粗鲁的理发店的鬼主意
isn't working for me anymore.
我觉得不太好了
Yeah, well, it works for me.
是嘛 但是我觉得很好
I'm serious. It's not cool. Look.
我是认真的 一点也不好 听着
The whole vibe of this barbershop is bad news.
整个理发店都充满了负能量
They even being mean to each other.
他们都开始彼此刻薄相待了
Hey, I need change.
嘿 给我换一下
For this?
换钱吗
Yeah. What else would I be talking about?
是啊 不然我还能换啥
Um, I don't know. A change of clothes.
呃 不知道啊 换换衣服
It'd be okay if you showed up for work one day
你不用每天都穿的像
not looking like Kesha's sluttier sister.
Kesha的淫♥荡♥妹妹一样来上班吧
Hey, church lady...
嘿 教堂女士
You were a lot nicer before you were a virgin.
在你是处♥女♥之前 你人好的多啊
Gimmicks fade.
这招已经不灵了
Buzzy's barbershop is a family.
Buzzy理发店是个大家庭
That's your brand,
那才是你的招牌
And that's the one that's gonna last.
那才会弘扬下去
Look, all I know is, business is up, all right?
我只知道生意变好了 好吗
So there's literally nothing that you can say
所以真的不管你怎么说
that will change my mind.
我都不会改变主意的
You can have my raise back.
你可以不用给我涨工资了
Not gonna lie. That helps a little bit.
不想骗你 是有点打动我
But I'm still not changing anything.
但是我还是不会改变主意的
Ben, look at the type of people
Ben 看看你的新风格
this new brand of yours is attracting.
都吸引的什么人吧
Are these really the kind of clientele
你真的希望Buzzy理发店的
You want here at buzzy's?
顾客群是这些人吗
What's wrong with my clientele?
我的顾客群怎么了
Hey, rude barbers.
嘿 粗鲁发型师们
I'll be in the alley if anyone wants to spit on me.
要是谁想吐我口水 我就在旁边小巷哦
A.J., A.J., look.
A.J. A.J. 听着
I know you're not talking to me, but I've been thinking.
我知道你不想理我 但是我一直在考虑
if it helps us get through this,
只要能让我们冰释前嫌
I want you to hurt me like I hurt you.
我要你也同样弄伤我
Now, I broke your pitching arm,
我弄伤了你投球的胳膊
So it's only fair if you break my needlepoint hand.
那只有让你弄伤我绣花的手才公平了
So, I'm gonna close my eyes and I'm gonna count to three.
那我闭上眼睛 数到三
I'd appreciate it if you did it on two.
如果你在"二"的时候动手 感激不尽
One...two...
一 二
What are -- what are you guys looking at?
你们看啥呢
Is that another video of Charmaine?
Charmaine的又一个视频吗
No. No. A.J. Got published in the Huffington Post.
不是 不是 是A.J.在赫芬顿邮报发表文章了
It's amazing.
非常棒
I always knew he'd be a great writer.
我一直知道他会是个出色的作家
Anyway...
怎样都好啦
Wh-what's it about?
写的什么
Oh, it's called "An open letter to my boss."
噢 题目是"致我老板的公♥开♥信♥"
Aww, A.J.
噢 A.J.
Yeah, maybe we read that a little later.
是啊 我们还是晚会儿在看吧
Ben, you know, I just got to tell you
Ben 我只想告诉你
that I'm glad that the barbershop that bears my name
很高兴挂着我名字的理发店
is back to being a family.
又回归成一个大家庭了
I want to thank you for that.
我得为此感谢你
You're welcome.
不客气
What?
怎么了
Do any gardening with this hand?
你这只手做园艺活儿了吗