理发店的笑声（2015）

Oh. Oh, okay. There's reception.
好 来了 这里有信♥号♥♥
I've got two bars.
信♥号♥♥两格
Oh, my gosh, they're so cute.
天哪 它们好萌
There's four pairs left. Should I add them to cart?
还剩四件 要放进购物车吗
Add to cart! Add to cart!
快放 快放
I have to have them.
我必须拥有它们
Oh, shopping online is so darn exciting.
网购真♥他♥妈♥让人兴奋
Don't you think?
是不是
Yeah. I just might wet myself.
是啊 我好像都激动尿了
Danni, don't do it.
Danni 别跳
Looks fade. It happens.
你变丑了 可是人必有一丑
We're trying to buy these really cute shortie overalls at eBay.
我们正在易趣买♥♥超萌的背带短裤
It's so darn exciting.
实在是太激动了
Okay. Confirming payment.
要确认付款了
Charmaine, do not move my leg.
Charmaine 扶好我的脚
I will lose cell reception.
不然手♥机♥就没信♥号♥♥了
All right. Shipping address same as billing.
收♥货♥地址和发♥票♥一致
"Yes." And --
确认 然后
Gone! Signal lost. Why did you sneeze?
没了 信♥号♥♥没了 你为什么要打喷嚏
I guess I'm allergic to having your ass in my face.
大概你屁♥股♥对着我的脸导致我过敏了
Oh, wait, wait.
等下 等下
It's back. Two bars.
信♥号♥♥又有了 两格
I'm on the site, and...
我打开网页了
Oh, my god. They're sold out.
哦 讨厌 它们卖♥♥完了
All of them?
全部都没了
Yep.
是的
Bye-bye, cute shortie overalls.
拜拜 萌萌的背带短裤
Danni, Danni, Danni, don't do it.
Danni Danni Danni 别跳
I'll sleep with you.
我愿意和你上♥床♥
Jesus, Ben. Are you trying to make her jump?
上帝啊 Ben 你是要逼她跳楼吗
Jesus. Ben, listen.
上帝啊 Ben 听着
You have to get wi-fi back in the barber shop.
你得恢复店里的无线网
Yeah, I'm not paying for wi-fi
我才不会花钱装无线网络
just so you three can spend all day looking at recipes
然后你们三个就从早到晚都看菜谱
and clothing patterns and cleaning products.
衣服款式和清洁用品了
Do we look like maids from "The help"?
我们看起来像是<帮助>里的女佣吗
I'm not legally allowed to answer that, so...
从法律上来说我不能回答这个问题
My husband likes to be able to text me during the day.
我老公希望能在白天给我发短♥信♥
Text you what? Jesus-faced emojis?
他给你发什么 耶稣的脸谱表情
Happy-face jesus, sad jesus, flirty jesus?
开心的耶稣 难过的耶稣 轻浮的耶稣
There is no flirty jesus.
根本就没有轻浮的耶稣
It's like we're cut off from the real world, all right?
我们就像是被隔离在现实社会之外了
No e-mail, no twitter, no snapchat, no yik yak, no yo.
没有电邮 没有微博 没有snapchat 没有yik yak 没有yo
We can't get news.
我们与世隔绝了
I was a Bill Cosby fan for exactly eight hours longer
我8小时以前就应该不再是
than I should've been.
Bill Cosby的粉丝了
Look, the price only went up a little --
无线网的价格只上涨了一点点
Bup, bup, bup. No means no, Danni.
吧啦吧啦吧啦 不行就是不行 Danni
All right? Girls need to hear that, too.
姑娘们也得明白才行
Don't sexually harass my decision-making process.
我做决定的时候不要性骚扰我
I'm leaving early tonight.
我今天要早退
You're closing up, a-cups.
你关门哦 "太平"公主
Whoa. Busting out the blazer.
哇 不♥穿♥运动外套了哈
Is it middle-school graduation already?
难道已经是中学毕业典礼了
Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
哒哒哒哒哒哒哒
Very funny. You're a regular Bob Hope.
好搞笑哦 你真是欢乐喜剧人呢
Oh, I cut Bob Hope's hair once in The '60s.
哦 60年代我给Bob Hope理过发
It was literally one hair.
他真的就只有一根头发
And for your information,A.J.,
告诉你吧 AJ
I'm sitting in the owner's box at the big game tonight.
我今天去看比赛会坐在老板席哦
Mo...
Mo
Oh, sorry. The owner's box?
抱歉 老板席
That's a big deal. How'd you get those tickets?
好厉害 你怎么弄到票的
Well, it's none of your damn business, Mo.
那不关你屁事 Mo
But since you're being so pushy, I'll tell you.
不过你这么想知道的话 我就告诉你吧
Hank Damone invited me. Hank Damone?
Hank Damone邀请我的 Hank Damone
Like Hank Damone Nissan? From the car commercials?
尼桑汽车广♥告♥里的那个Hank Damone吗
HANK, HANK, HANK
HANK HANK HANK
HANK, HANK, DAMONE
HANK HANK DAMONE
HANK, HANK, HANK, HANK, HANK DAMONE
HANK HANK HANK HANK HANK DAMONE
Not my tempo, fellas.
跟我的拍子不合 伙计们
And yes. Yes, that Hank Damone, all right?
是的 就是那个Hank Damone
The owner of four Nissan dealerships in the greater Boston area,
他在大♥波♥士顿地区有四个尼桑经销店
two der wienerschnitzels,
两个热狗店
and a sunglass hut.
和一个太阳镜店
Mo.
Mo
Wow, he's huge.
哇 他好厉害
How do you know Hank Damone?
你怎么认识他的
Yeah. Yeah. None of your g-damn business, Mo.
关你屁事 Mo
But since you can't seem to keep your nose
既然今天你对我的事这么好奇
out of my tuchus today, I'll tell you.
我就告诉你吧
We're both successful businessmen in the community.
我们同是社区里的成功商人
We have ways of finding each other.
我们总有路子认识对方的
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I have a question.
等一下等一下 我有个问题
Uh, sure.
问吧
Who is Bob Hope?
Bob Hope是谁
No. Mo, mo, mo.
不对 Mo Mo Mo
When I'm up HE-E-E-RE
当我唱的这么高的时候
You got be down HE-E-E-RE
你得唱这个音
DAMO-O-O-ONE
DAMO-O-O-ONE
Sorry, Aje. When I'm nervous, I get pitchy.
抱歉 Aje 我紧张的时候 就唱得很糟
Just give me one more shot.
再给我一次机会吧
I'm gonna shoot both of you
如果再让我听一遍那首歌♥
if I have to hear that song one more time.
我就枪毙了你们两
Hey, is Ben really friends with that guy?
Ben真的和那个人是朋友吗
You mean... HANK, HANK, HANK, HA--
你是说 HANK, HANK, HANK, HA--
I am not kidding. I will do the time.
我不是开玩笑 我真的会杀了你
Okay.
好吧
I don't know, Danni.
我不知道 Danni
I don't know if "Friends" is how I'd put it.
我不知道该不该用朋友这个词来形容他们的关系
Friends with benefits?
是炮♥友♥关系
No. No, no. It's nothing like that.
不 不 不 不是那样的
You know what? Forget it. I shouldn't be talking about it.
哦 忘了这吧 我不该多嘴的
How do they know each other?
他们怎么认识的
They know each other from the gym.
是在健身房♥里
That's the last I'm gonna say about it.
我不会说更多了
But it's not like they actually talk, right?
但是他们也没有真正交谈 对吗
I mean, it's mostly just Ben tapping him on his knee
最多就是Ben拍拍他的膝盖
to get his attention, right?
来引起他的注意 对吗
They talk to each other all the time.
他们一直都在交谈
But that's the last I'm gonna say about it.
但是我真的不会说更多了
Say more.
再说点吧
Hank pees on him.
Hank尿在他身上了
Do you mean like he doesn't respect Ben's opinion on things?
你是说Hank不尊重Ben的意见
No. I mean he urinates all over his legs and feet.
不 我是说 他尿得Ben满腿满脚都是
But that's the last I'm gonna say about it.
但是我真的不会再多嘴了
No, no, no.
不不不
No, mo, that's not the last you're gonna say about it.
不 Mo 你还得再多说点
I'm afraid that's just the beginning.
那只是个开头而已
Somebody get this man a beer, please.
谁来给他瓶啤酒
And, now, speak slowly, 'cause I'm taking notes.
现在 说慢点 我得记笔记呢
Now, please go on.
好了 开始吧
I-I don't want to tell you guys,
我 我不想告诉你们
But carrying this around has been killing me.
但是把这些埋在心里太难受了
Oh, please, tell us. For your peace of mind.
快告诉我们 为了你的安宁
And for our personal enjoyment.
也为了我们开心
Okay. Well, you know how Ben's had a great body lately?
你们知道最近Ben身材不错哈
Weird. Okay, continue.
呃 是吗 好吧 继续
It's because of this old-school gym he joined.
因为他加入了一个传统的健身房♥
All the guys shower together.
所有男人在一起冲澡的那种