理发店的笑声（2015）

Oh, it doesn't matter.
呃 还是算了吧
Why, 'cause it's technology
怎么了 就因为这是高科技
And you think I'm in my early hundreds?
你还觉得我快一百了
Yes.
没错
You don't want my help?
不想找我帮忙啊
Fine, I won't give you my help.
好吧 我也不帮你们了
Seriously?
真的假的
You can't get a stupid password out of the guy?
你从他那儿连个破密♥码♥都拿不到
You think it's so easy? You do it.
你觉得简单 你去要啊
He's a monster.
他就是个禽兽
A monster with a talent for drawing things
禽兽到偏偏能画出来
That'll haunt your memory.
在我记忆中挥之不去的东西
Ugh, fine. I'll do it.
呃 好啦 我去要
Bring this.
带上这个
Why do I need a number-two pencil?
我要二号♥铅笔干嘛
Don't ask.
拿着就对了
Look, I did everything I could, all right? I talked about Hank.
关于Hank我该说的都说了
But he just don't believe me.
但他不信
Yeah, I get it.
好 我懂的
I mean, who would believe such a thing?
谁愿意相信这种事儿啊
No offense, Buzzy,
无意冒犯啊 Buzzy
But I think peeing on another man is disgusting.
但我觉得朝别人撒尿蛮恶心的
What do you mean "No offense"?
你说无意冒犯 是什么意思
You think because I'm gay
你觉得我是同志
I enjoy peeing on other men in the shower?
所以洗澡时就喜欢往别人身上撒尿吗
I-I'm sorry. I just don't know what you guys do.
抱歉啊 我只是不知道你们都干点啥
Hey, uh, Buzz, you got, um, a customer downstairs.
嘿 Buzz 那个 楼下有顾客找你
And, uh, you were right about Hank.
呃 Hank的事儿你说对了
It was disgusting and humiliating,
真是又恶心又丢人
And, um, we never have to talk about it ever again.
我们再也用不着再提这件事儿了
All right?
明白
Like, "Never" Never?
再也 再也不能提了吗
What? That's just gonna be very hard for me.
怎么了 不让我提这事儿太困难啦
Sure. Laugh it up.
好吧 尽情的笑话我吧
I'm sure it's easy for a guy like you.
对于你这种人 应该很简单
What? Come on, mo.
怎么 别这样 Mo
Don't make that face, please.
别摆那种脸了 拜托
I was just having some fun with him, all right?
我就是逗他图个乐 好吗
Now he knows, won't go back to the gym, end of story.
现在他知道了 不再去健身 得了呗
A.J., A.J., A.J., A.J., A.J.
A.J.啊 A.J.啊
Sweet, popular, high-school hero,
讨喜的受欢迎的高中时代的英雄
Never-been-peed-on A.J.
从来没被尿过的A.J.
That's not how this story ends at all.
故事不会就这么结束的
That's my best friend. I know him better than anybody.
他是我最好的朋友 没人比我了解他
And ben'll be right back at that gym tomorrow
Ben明天还是会回去健身
Letting the same thing happen.
还会让同样的事情发生
What? No, he won't.
啥 他才不会呢
Why would he possibly go back there?
他还会回去干吗呢
Oh, A.J., A.J.
噢 A.J. A.J.
Handsome, sinewy,
帅气的 强健的
Never-needed-braces A.J.
从来用不着牙套的 A.J.啊
Wait, wait. I'm sorry.
停 停 不好意思
You really think I'm handsome? You really, really do?
你真的觉得我帅吗 真的这么觉得吗
A.J., now's not the time for your wry, clever wit.
A.J. 现在不是你耍小聪明的时候
And yes.
不过是很帅
Ben's spent his entire life trying to be accepted
Ben这一辈子都想被Hank Damone
By guys like Hank Damone.
这样的人接受
By guys like you and Hank Damone.
像你和Hank Damone这样的人
And he's willing to trade his dignity to do it.
为此他连出♥卖♥♥♥尊严都愿意
It's hard to understand for guys like you and me.
像你我这样的人很难理解他
Can you define "Guys like you and me"?
你能解释下啥是"你我这样的人"吗
You know, popular kids.
你懂的啊 受欢迎的孩子
Baseball star. Needlepoint prodigy.
棒球明星 刺绣天才
The point is, deep down, Ben's still the same kid
关键是 Ben在内心里还是那个孩子
Who's willing to do almost anything to belong.
为了求得认可他愿意做任何事
Yeah. You know, I-I never thought about it like that.
说得对 我 我从来没想到会这样
Well, now you know.
现在你知道了
Hey, my wife suggested couples counseling.
嘿 我老婆建议我们做伴侣咨♥询♥
For you and her or Hank and her?
给你和她做 还是给Hank和她做
So, Ben, why so quiet?
Ben 怎么这么安静啊
Where are the jokes?
怎么不讲笑话了
Oh, yeah.
呃 是啊
Um...I don't know if I know any more, Hank, so...
我不知道我还有没有别的笑话了 Hank
Oh, so tell the butcher one again.
那你就再讲一遍那个屠夫的呗
I love that joke.
我爱死那个笑话了
Yeah, I mean, I-I guess I could tell that one again
好 你们要是还想听的话
If you guys really want to hear it.
我倒可以再讲一遍
Guys got room for one more?
伙计们 还有地儿么
What are you doing here?
你在这干嘛
I just worked out, all right?
刚健完身 好吗
I'm gonna take a show-ow-ow wow!
我刚要洗个 哇 哇 哇
Come on, Ben, tell your joke.
快点 Ben 你倒是讲啊
You don't have to tell a joke, Ben.
你用不着讲笑话的 Ben
No, it's fine. He likes, Ben, my jokes. I can tell him a joke.
没事的 他喜欢我的笑话 我可以讲
Yeah, but seriously. You know you don't have to.
好 但说真的你不是非得讲
You're better than that.
你比那强多了
Hey, what is your problem?
嘿 你有什么毛病啊
Why do you hate jokes so much? I don't.
干嘛那么讨厌笑话啊 没有啊
I just think if anyone should be telling jokes in here,
我只是觉得 要是有人要讲笑话
It should be the one famous celebrity.
那也得是个名人啊
I mean, I don't know about famous.
虽然我不知道啥叫有名气
But, uh, okay. Here it goes.
但 好吧 我有一个
Why did the nun have such a high cellphone bill?
为什么尼姑的电♥话♥费那么贵
Uh...I-I don't know, Hank.
我不知道啊 Hank
Why -- why did the nun have such a high cellphone bill?
为什么尼姑的电♥话♥费那么贵呢
Because she was a "Roamin" Catholic.
因为她信的是"漫游军团"天主教
Your wives sure as hell aren't nuns!
你们的老婆肯定他妈的不是尼姑
Look, I want to thank you again
我要谢谢
for what you did at the gym today.
今天你在健身房♥里做的那件事
Oh, don't mention it, man.
根本不是事儿 朋友
And if anyone ever tries
如果还有人想那样对你的话
to do that to you again, I will be there.
我还会到场的
Thanks, man.
谢了 兄弟
Oh, I didn't say I would help you,
啊 我可没说会帮你
I just meant I would be there.
我只是说我会到场的
You should've let him.
你应该让他弄的
I'm not gonna let some perv pierce my nipples
我才不会为了"为你纹身"家的免费无线
Just to get free wi-fi from tattoo u.
就让什么变♥态♥给我穿乳环呢
Wimp.
没出息
You guys ever try "Rolling stones"?
你们试过输入"滚石"么
What are you talking about?
你在说啥啊
As a password?
密♥码♥啊
"Tattoo you" is album by the stones.
"为你纹身"是滚石出过的唱片
If I was dumb tattoo guy,
我要是做纹身的傻小子
I might think that was pretty clever.
我会觉得这么设置挺聪明的
Come on Buzz, I don't think people our age would actually use
得了吧 Buzz 我们这年纪的人才不会用
It works! We have wi-fi again.
成功了 我们又有无线啦
What?
什么
You are a genius. Thanks, Buzzy
你就是个天才 谢啦 Buzzy
Yeah. Not bad for a guy who's born before answering machines.
对于比答录机年龄还大的人 还不错
What's an answering machine?
什么是答录机