理发店的笑声（2015）

No.
不
I think he churn butter.
我觉得他是捣奶油的
No, ring a bell.
不 敲钟的
Ice sculpture.
做冰雕的
I don't do any of that.
我不是干那些活的
I'm just waiting for a friend, okay?
我就是来等一个朋友的 好吗
Oh, so, Ben told you about his date last night?
Ben告诉你们他昨晚上跟谁约会了吗
Come in! Sit down!
快进来坐下
They love you! Hi.
他们爱你 嗨
Okay. Let's hear it.
好了 你说吧
So, I was thinking, and, you know,
我在想 就是那个
Maybe I was a little rash on letting you go so quickly.
我那么快就炒了你 大概是有点冲动了
You know, I think Dr. Laura may have said it the best --
我认为Laura医生好像说过 最好的
Cut the shit.
别说废话
Joy already told me people are calling for me
Joy已经告诉我了 客人都在找我
and you want me back.
你想让我回去
Desperately, okay?
非常想
Look, what's it gonna take?
我要付出什么
You can ask for anything -- except for a raise, all right?
你可以要求任何事 除了加薪
I'll get you new equipment, a better chair, flexible hours.
我会给你新的设备 换个好椅子 上班时间你自己定
Just do not ask for more money.
只要不加薪就好
I want more money.
我要加薪
Damn it. I knew that was gonna happen.
该死 我就知道会是这样
All right. Fine.
好吧 可以
But you're killing me, Charmaine.
你简直是在要我命 Charmaine
Well, that's what you get for being such a jerk-off.
那是你活该 谁让你那么混♥蛋♥的
Listen, A.J.e...
听着 A.J.e
You're gonna be okay.
你会好起来的
I'm not gonna be okay.
我不会
Don't tell me I'm gonna be okay.
别跟我说我会好的
I'm never gonna pitch again...
我再也不能投球了
Which means I'm not gonna be a professional ball player...
那意味着我再也不能成为职业球员了
Which means I don't know who I am
我不知道自己是谁了
or what I'm gonna do with my life.
或者我这辈子到底要做什么
And that's freaking me out.
这很可怕
You are so much more than just a baseball player.
你绝不止是一个棒球手
Whatever.
无所谓了
Yeah, I don't even think baseball is what you're best at.
我甚至觉得棒球并不是你最擅长的
You know, I always thought you should have been --
我一直觉得你应该成为
Oh, I know what you're gonna say and don't.
我知道你要说什么 但是别说了
I don't want to hear what I could have been
我不想知道自己原本可以成为什么
or should have been.
或者应该做什么
Right now, I want to mourn who I thought I was.
现在 我只想哀悼下我心中的自己
All I'm saying is that when one door closes,
我的意思是 当一扇门关闭了
another one opens.
另一扇门会为你打开的
Yeah. And you know what's behind door number two?
嗯 你知道第二扇门后面是什么吗
Mo offering me a hand job.
Mo说要帮我撸
So, uh, thanks for taking a shift.
谢谢你来接♥班♥
It's the least I could do.
这是我应该做的
Poor guy... going through all this.
可怜的人啊 要经历这些
If only he had a healthy way of dealing with his emotions.
他如果有个健康的发泄情绪的办法就好了
I'm really worried about him.
我真的很担心他
He won't talk to me.
他不肯跟我说话
Oh. No. Don't worry, all right?
别担心了 好吗
A.J knows how to deal.
A.J知道怎么办
When he's really mad at someone,
当他对什么人特别生气的时候
he writes them a letter and really lets them have it.
他会给他们写信 把怨气都写下来
He never sends them, but at least he gets it
他从来不寄出去 不过他会发泄出来
out of his system so he can move on.
然后他就能向前看了
He's been doing it since high school.
从高中起他就是这么做的
They're all on his laptop.
那些信就在他的电脑里
That laptop right there?
就那个电脑吗
Yeah.
是的
All right. I got to go.
好了 我得走了
If you need to run out for anything --
如果你有事要出去的话
You know, you seem to be eating a lot lately, so, uh...
你好像最近吃了太多东西
Just lock the door behind you.
把门锁上就行
Sure, sure.
肯定 肯定
Hey, um, so, those letters he writes -- they're pretty rough?
那他写的那些信 很伤人吗
Oh, yeah. They're brutal.
是的 特别残酷
How's A.J. doing?
A.J.还好吗
Not great.
不大好
It's gonna be hard for him to adjust to life without baseball.
要适应没有棒球的日子对他来说有点难
I get that.
我懂的
When I found religion, it took me a long time
当我开始信教 我花了很长时间
To get used to having my virginity back.
才习惯自己又变成处♥女♥了
All right. Listen up, yabbos.
蠢蛋们 听我说
It's time for us to start embracingour new brand, all right?
现在让我们拥抱我们的新品牌
Buzzy's is now a place where you come and get treated like crap.
现在 在Buzzy理发店 我们把客人当成垃圾对待
So what I'm gonna need you to do
因此我需要你们每个人
Is for everyone to be just as rude as Charmaine.
都要像Charmaine一样粗鲁
And --
还有
I mean, I literally just started talking.
我才刚刚开始说话
I don't know how you could have a question already.
我就不明白你怎么就有问题要问了
Yeah, yes, yes. What do you want?
说 说 说 你想干啥
I can't be as rude as Charmaine.
我不能像Charmaine那样粗鲁
It's physically impossible.
生理上就做不到
That was actually pretty rude.
你这么说已经很粗鲁了
Sorry.
抱歉
No, no, no. Don't apologize.
别 别 别 别道歉
Rude is good, okay?
粗鲁是好事 好吗
Trust me. You all have an inner Charmaine.
相信我 你们心中都有一个Charmaine
It's just gonna take some practice.
只是需要练习练习
Uh, let's see. Um, Danni, you first.
呃 咱们试试 Danni 你先来
All right, let's say you get a fat bald guy with a hook hand.
好吗 假如你的顾客是个又肥又秃的钩子手男
What do you say to him?
你打算对他说什么
"Sorry for the many bad cards you've been dealt"?
"为你生活的诸多不幸感到遗憾"
That was terrible. No.
太糟糕了 不对
Charmaine, help her out.
Charmaine 帮帮她
Well, when you have someone who presents multiple targets,
当你的顾客有很多弱点可以攻击的时候
You have two options.
你有两个选择
One strike for each target or --
分开攻击各个弱点
And this is a high degree of difficulty --
或者是更高难度的
Hit all the targets with one strike.
一次攻击所有弱点
How do you hit fat, bald, and hook hand all at once?
你怎样一次攻击肥胖 秃头和钩子手呢
Hey, Mr. Clean, what you eat for lunch?
嘿 Clean先生 你午餐吃的啥
Six pizzas and your right hand?
六个披萨和你的右手吗
Whoa.
哇哦
The great ones always make it look so easy.
大♥师♥级人物总是让事情变得如此简单
Look, point is, that's our new brand, okay?
听着 重点是 那是我们新的品牌形象 好吗
Joy, all right.
Joy 这样
I'm a new customer seeking the Buzzy's experience, all right?
我是专门来Buzzy理发店体验的新客人
Really let me have it.
一定要满足我啊
Hey, missy. You got change for a $20?
嘿 小妞 换的开20元吗
Do I look like I work at a bank?
我看起来像是在银行工作吗
Because I don't. I work at a barbershop.
不是 我是在理发店工作
Do you want a ten and two fives
你是要一张十元和两张五元
Or a ten, a five, and five ones?
还是一张十元 一张五元 五张一元的呢
Good day, sir!
祝你愉快 先生
Your essential kindness sickens me.
你善良的本质真是恶心死我
Buzzy, where are you going? The meeting's not over.
Buzzy 你去哪儿 会议没结束呢
Oh, the boyfriend's dropping off my lunch.
男友来给我送午餐了
Okay, okay, okay.
好吧 好吧 好吧
But give me a little preview of our new brand, all right?
但是给我的新品牌形象来个预演嘛 好不
Be a dick to Tommy.
对Tommy混♥蛋♥点儿
No, no. I'm not gonna do that.
不行 不行 我才不要
Oh, come on. You can tell him I made you do it right after.
拜托啦 说完你就可以告诉他是我逼你这样做的
Lunch is here.
午餐到
I made chicken salad.
我做了鸡肉沙拉
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
好吧 好吧 好吧