理发店的笑声（2015）

Is, uh -- is that case sensitive?
分不分大小写
We got to do something about Ben.
我们得解决Ben的问题了
I know.
是啊
But how can we get everyone from the shop
但是怎么能让店里所有人
into the locker room tomorrow to watch it happen?
明天都去更衣室看看那奇观呢
A.J., don't you feel at all bad?
A.J. 你就不觉得很难受吗
I mean, maybe a tiny bit.
有一点点啦
Then you're a tiny bit better man than I.
那你真是比我好一点点哪
Come on, you guys.
拜托啊 伙计们
Know what, I'm joking.
开玩笑啦
We'll do something.
我们会想办法的
Buzzy's right.
Buzzy说的对
Someone's got to tell Ben what's going on.
得有人告诉Ben到底发生了啥
Why you doing that? It's the universal sign for "Not it."
你干啥呢 这是宇宙通用手势"我不去"
Ohhh,
噢
Looks like it's got to be you, Aje.
看来只能是你了 Aje
Me? Why would it be me?
我 为啥是我
You're his best friend. Why can't you tell him?
你是他的死党啊 你怎么不去说
Well, for one, I'm not it.
这个嘛 首先 我不去
Those are just the rules.
这只是规则
And besides, the thought of seeing Ben's face,
还有 想到要看着Ben的脸
his sweet round face, knowing I kept this from him...
可爱的圆脸 心知我瞒了他这么久
Buzzy, I'm sorry, I got to take that finger back.
Buzzy 抱歉 我得把手指收回来了
All right, lunch break's over.
好了 午休结束
And by the way, when you take too long a break,
顺便说句 你们休息时间太长的话
I get pissed off.
我会被气尿
Well, better off than on.
总比被尿好
All right, come on. Let's go. Back to work.
好了 快点 赶紧走 回去工作
Ben, can I talk to you?
Ben 能跟你说几句吗
Yeah, sure. Make it quick.
恩 当然 快点说
I saw you this morning at the gym in shower.
今天早上我在健身房♥淋浴间看到你了
Bet you were pleasantly surprised, weren't you?
你肯定很惊艳吧 对不
And it's not just an optical illusion
这可不是那种
like one of those posters
海报上海豚跃向你
Where the dolphin's coming right at you.
那种视觉错觉哟
Listen, I need to tell you about your friend Hank.
听着 我得跟你说点你朋友Hank的事
What about him?
他怎么了
Your relationship with Hank is not like a relationship
你和Hank之间的关系
between one friend and another.
不是正常的朋友之间的关系
Okay. What's it like?
好吧 那是啥
Well, it's more like the relationship
比较像狗狗
between a dog and a fire hydrant.
和消防栓之间的关系
What? A dog pisses on a fire hydrant.
啥 狗会尿在消防栓上的
Ah, I see what this is. And what is this?
啊 我知道是怎么回事了 怎么回事
This is when losers from high school
当高中的屌♥丝
become winners in life,
变成了人生赢家
And winners from high school become losers.
高中时候的赢家变成了屌♥丝
You know, we've had our stuff over the years, A.J.,
这么多年我们也经历了很多 A.J.
And it's clear to me that you're still trying
不过我觉得很明显你还是
to make me feel like a loser.
想让我觉得自己是个屌♥丝
But guess what, Slim Jim?
但是你猜怎么着 牛肉干
Um...
呃
I'm a winner now.
我现在才是赢家
And I'm friends with other winners.
而且还有其他的赢家朋友
So deal with it.
接受现实吧
All right. Yeah, that's great.
好吧 很好
But, uh, just do me a favor.
不过 帮个忙
Next time your bff Hank
下一次你的死党Hank
laughs at one of your jokes in the shower,
在淋浴的时候笑你的笑话时
take a look down.
低头看看
What? I'm not gonna look down.
什么 我才不低头看呢
You never look down. Everyone knows that.
你绝不能低头看 谁都知道
Although I don't mind if someone sneaks a peek
尽管我不介意别人往我这边
in my direction, for obvious reasons.
偷偷瞄两眼 原因不用说了吧
#CokeCan, #blessed --
天赋异禀的可乐罐般的"丁丁"
You know what I'm saying?
你懂我的意思吧
So, the first guy says,
第一个人说
"I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend."
"我刚把我的妻子和我的好友捉奸在床"
And the second guy goes, "Well, what did you say to your wife?"
第二人说"那你对你的妻子说了什么"
Hey, this sounds like a joke about you, Nicky.
嘿 听起来是关于你的笑话啊 Nicky
Go on. All right.
继续 好
So, the first guy goes,
然后 第一个人又说
"I told her to pack her bags and get out."
"我告诉她打包行李走人"
And the second guy goes, "Well, what did you say
然后第二个人又说"那你对你的好友
to your best friend?"
说了什么呢"
And the first guy goes, "I said, 'bad dog.'"
第一个人说 "你个纵欲的狗"
Bad dog!
纵欲的狗
His best friend!
他最好的朋友啊
Damn, it smells like peroxide and daddy issues in here.
呃 闻着有双氧水和恋父情结的味道
Charmaine.
Charmaine
Travis, I need you to do something for me.
Travis 我需要你帮个忙
But first I need you to back up
但是在我大喊强♥奸♥之前
Before my rape whistle blows itself.
你得先后退
Okay. We're dancing.
好啊 跳个舞
We're dancing.
跳个舞
You finally ready to get a tattoo on you?
你终于准备整个纹身了吗
'cause I got a special on rabbit tracks
我这正好纹兔子脚印有特♥价♥
That go down your back and disappear in your crack.
可以顺着后背往下一直走到沟哦
Rabbit tracks?
兔子脚印
Well, it could be any animal, but rabbits make it super cute.
其实什么动物都行 但兔子的超萌
I don't want a tattoo.
我不想要纹身
How about a piercing?
那来穿个环吗
Nipple are two for one.
穿乳环买♥♥一赠一啊
Let me just cut straight to the chase.
我还是有话直说吧
What's it gonna take to get the wi-fi password from you?
怎么做才能拿到你家的无线密♥码♥
Ohh, okay.
啊 好吧
A woman who knows what she wants.
知道自己想要什么的女人
Me likey.
我喜欢
Uh, what's it gonna take?
怎么做才行呢
Have sex with me.
跟我嘿♥咻♥
Okay, that's not gonna happen.
好吧 门儿都没有
But a negotiation has to start somewhere.
但是交涉还是要开始的
How about you give me the password,
这样行不行
And I'll tie you up and beat the shit out of you.
你给我密♥码♥ 我把你绑起来痛打一顿
Oh, ho!
不会吧
Ooh, a romantic.
原来是个浪漫的妞儿
I like that kind of music.
我喜欢那种声音效果
Uh, what about this -- we both get naked,
这样呢 我们都脱♥光♥光
You put me in a burlap sack,
你把我装进麻袋里
Cut a little hole in it, pull my junk through it,
袋子上开个洞 从那放我老二出来
Flick it with a number-two pencil,
用二号♥铅笔挑逗它
Then do the beating, then I give you the password.
然后再打我 我就给你密♥码♥
You give me the password,
你给我密♥码♥
I'll put you in a burlap sack and tie you up.
我把你绑起来扔进麻袋里
No hole, no nudity, no junk.
没有洞 不脱♥光♥ 不露老二
But I will beat the shit out of you.
但我还是会痛扁你
Burlap sack, tie me up, hole, just the tip,
麻袋里 绑起来 留个洞 露个尖儿
Two flicks with the pencil,
铅笔轻拍两下
And, of course the beating.
当然还得有你打我
Burlap sack, tie you up, no hole, no tip,
麻袋里 绑起来 不留洞 不露尖儿
Two pencil flicks over the sack --
袋子上面铅笔拍两下
Burlap, not ball -- and one hell of a beating.
是麻袋 不是蛋 然后往死里打
Add one sweet kiss and you've got a deal.
再来个香吻 就成交
No deal.
没换来密♥码♥
He wanted too much.
他要求太多
It's upsetting.
烦死人了
Don't make me talk about it.
再别让我提起这事儿
Talk about what?
啥事儿啊
Oh, nothing.
没啥
We're just trying to get a wi-fi password --
我们就想弄到个无线密♥码♥