老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E13

Part 3 June 18, 2021, 10:20 a.m.

我都没有老招数
I barely have old moves.
告诉我你做了什么
Just tell me what you did,
我会告诉你你做得对不对
and I'll tell you if you did it right or wrong.
让我看看
M-Maybe show me.
给
Here.
这个枕头就是她的头
This pillow is her head.
如果你不知道这个枕头是什么
And if you don't know what this pillow is,
那你肯定做错了
then you definitely did it wrong.
莎伦
Sharon.
你怎么这么早就来了
What are you doing here early?
我什么都没准备好
I don't have anything ready.
你还有2小时27分钟才出生
You're not born for another 2 hours and 27 minutes.
好吧我出生以后就回来不打扰你们了
Okay, well, I'll come back when I'm born and leave you two alone.
再试一次
Give it another go.
记住
And remember --
上面的枕头和下面的枕头一样重要
the top pillow is just as important as the bottom pillow.
抱歉让你久等了
Sorry that took me so long.
我去了面包店遇到了安德里亚·德克尔
I hit the bakery and got cornered by Andrea Decker.
他们在年度春季舞会上失去了委员会成员
Apparently, they lost committee members for the Annual Spring Fling.
她说服了我来主持计划会议
She completely roped me into hosting the planning meeting.
什么意思什么时候
What do you mean? When's that happening?
周四只是咖啡/甜甜圈社交
Uh, Thursday. It's just a coffee/donut social,
但还是有40个人
but still, it's like 40 people.
但我们明天就飞回洛杉矶了
But we're flying back to L.A. Tomorrow.
其实吧
Oh, well, actually,
我想多待一阵子
I was thinking maybe I would stay a little longer.
简记得吗我周一有个研讨会
Oh, but, Jean, uh, remember, I have that seminar Monday.
我知道但我没事
Oh, I know, but I don't have anything,
就像我说的能回家见老朋友真好
and like I said, it's so nice to be home, seeing old friends.
所以我想多待一阵子
So I thought maybe I would, you know, stay a little longer.
做♥爱♥体验不好吗
Was the sex bad?
什么
What?
因为我说过在谢丽尔之后我就没做过爱了
Because I told you I haven't done the sex since Cheryl.
我床上功夫不好吗
Did I not do the sex well?
首先做♥爱♥还不错
Okay, first of all, the sex wasn't bad.
其次请不要称之为"做♥爱♥"
And second of all, please don't call it "The sex,"
不然我不知道还能不能再和你做♥爱♥了
or I don't know if I can have "The sex" With you again.
既然还不错那我就不懂了
Well, if it wasn't bad, I'm confused.
你跑出去留我一个人待了一整天
You ran out of here, you left me alone all day,
现在你又想多待一阵子
and now you're making plans to stay longer?
那又怎样
Well, so what?
我说了回家真好
Like I said, it's nice to be home.
我以为洛杉矶是你的家
I thought L.A. Was your home.
我可以有两个家
Well, I can have two homes.
有钱人总是这样
Rich people do it all the time.
艾伦·德杰尼勒斯有个专门给她的狗住的房♥子
Ellen DeGeneres has a house just for her dogs.
你是说像狗窝一样
What, do you mean like a doghouse,
还是一个大房♥子里面住着狗
or like a big, people house that dogs live in --
不我不钻牛角尖
No, I'm not getting sucked in.
我以为上♥床♥意味着我们准备好
I thought sleeping together meant that we were ready
对彼此做出承诺了
to commit to something with each other.
我不觉得上♥床♥
And I didn't think that sleeping together
意味着我必须放弃一切
meant I had to give up everything.
我的人生就这么在七分钟内决定了
My whole life was just decided in seven minutes?
谢谢你把我帮你脱胸罩的时间也算上
Oh, well, thank you for including the time it took me to take off your bra.
我不觉得想在这里生活有什么错
I-I don't see what's wrong with wanting my life here.
-这地方是我的一部分 -旧的那部分
- This place is a part of me. - The old part.
我不会为了和你开始新生活而放弃我的旧生活
I'm not just gonna give up my old life to start something new with you.
你在爱荷华策划春季聚会
Okay, and what am I supposed to do
那我该怎么办呢
while you're in Iowa planning the Spring Fling?
我不知道丹尼
I don't know, Danny.
做你想做的事
I guess you should just do whatever you want.
留下还是走你说了算
Stay, go -- it's your call.
我还是走吧
I guess I'll go.
和莎伦说生日快乐
Tell Sharon happy birthday.
你得向上转然后拉门
You have to lift up and pull.
你知道吗我不需要你帮忙解胸罩
You u know what? I didn't need your help with the bra,
开门也不需要
and I don't need it with the door.
真不敢相信你把它弄坏了
I can't believe you broke that.
我只是想看看这是不是真的文凭
I was just trying to see if it was a real diploma
还是他从网上订的
or something he ordered off the Internet.
至少我们现在知道他姓什么了
At least we know his last name now.
郑重声明我是对的
And for the record, I was right.
海姆斯沃斯在他们那应该就跟史密斯差不多
Hemsworth. Must be like Smith over there.
伙计们我们得把碎玻璃扔掉
You guys, we have to get rid of the broken glass
然后把它挂回墙上
and put it back up on the wall.
杰姬放松
Jackie, relax.
我把它扔到垃圾桶底部
I'm just gonna put it in the bottom of a garbage can.
他不会知道是我们干的
He'll never know it was us.
每次都有棚屋
It's always a shed.
生日派对从奥蒂斯和亨利家开始
So, the birthday bonanza starts at Otis and Henry's for some apps.
然后去山核桃之家吃晚饭
Then Hickory House for dinner.
等我们喝醉了
And then, when we're good and drunk,
就溜进安德里亚·德克尔的花♥园♥
we're gonna sneak into Andrea Decker's garden
偷传家宝番茄
and steal heirloom tomatoes.
简你确定你准备好了吗
Jean, are you sure you're up for this?
丹尼刚走你一定
Danny just left. You must be...
什么我怎么了
What? I'm what?
很高兴和你一起过生日吗
Happy to be spending your birthday with you?
很高兴回到滑铁卢吗
Glad to be back in Waterloo?
好吧你说得对
Okay, you're right.
在你回去之前我和你在一起的时间不多了
And I only have so much time with you before you go back.
其实我想在这里待一段时间
Well, actually, I-I was thinking maybe I'd stay around for a bit.
是吗待多久
Really? How long?
我不知道走一步看一步
I don't know, maybe open-ended.
你也看到洛杉矶是什么样了又高级又奇怪
You saw what it was like in L.A. -- all fancy and weird.
还有代客泊车和素食狗粮
With their valet parking and vegan dog food.
是的但孩子们还在那边呢
Yeah, but the kids are back there.
是啊我知道
Yeah, I know.
但我住得这么近真的合适吗
But is it really healthy for me to live so close?
我担心会让他们窒息
I'm worried about stifling them.
他们长大了孩子们需要成长的空间
They're grown. Kids need room to blossom.
窒息成长
"Stifling." "Blossom."
简如果可以你能把那些孩子当背包
Jean, you'd wear those kids as a backpack if you could.
杰姬正在好转
Jackie's on the mend, and
弗雷迪找到了一个好女孩共度余生
Freddie's found a wonderful girl to spend his life with.
我觉得我该退下
I think it's time I step aside and let Celia be
让西莉亚成为弗雷迪生命中最重要的女人
the most important woman in Freddie's life.
好了够了
Okay, enough.
简你在干什么
Jean, what are you doing?
你等了几个月才和丹尼在一起
You've been waiting for months to get together with Danny.
而我做到了我们叫个脱衣舞娘吧
And I did. Now, let's call a stripper.
好了别说了
Okay, stop.
不管出了什么问题你都能克服的
Whatever went wrong, I'm sure you can get past it.
我不知道我能不能
I don't know if I can.
亲爱的你在洛杉矶得到了你想要的一切
Honey, you got everything you want in L.A.
你为什么要逃跑
Why are you running away?
我没有逃跑
I'm not running away.
我只是想留下来陪你
I just decided to stay with you.
我想要你
I want you.
你为什么要毁了你的生日
Why are you ruining your birthday for me?
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God!
丹尼是个变装皇后
Danny's a drag queen.
莱恩这么天真
Oh, Lane. To be that naive.
丹尼要是变装皇后就好了
If only Danny was a drag queen.
这些显然是他杀的女人的衣服
These obviously belong to the women that he killed.
这件适合你杰姬
I like this for you, Jackie.
你破坏了现场
You're contaminating the scene.
是啊莱恩我们得为警♥察♥打包标记
Yeah, Lane. We have to bag-and-tag for the cops.
但既然你已经摸过了
But since you already touched it,