老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E05

Part 1 March 1, 2021, 10:32 a.m.

我最后一个箱子
My last box.
我现在是真正的洛杉矶人了
I guess I'm a real Los Angelener now.
洛杉矶银
Los Angelite?
等等叫什么来着
Wait, what are we called?
反正不是那个
Not that.
衣柜里90%都是羊毛的女人应该怎么称呼
What do you call a woman whose wardrobe is 90% fleece?
我来自爱荷华
I'm from Iowa.
我的衣服不一定要好看
My clothes don't have to look good.
只要帮我熬过冬天就行
They just have to help me survive the winter.
我兜里有开心果
Ooh, hey, I found pistachios.
坚果会过期吗
Do nuts expire?
赌一把
Eh, I'll roll the dice.
马甲不错
Hey, that's a nice vest.
这是新的还是你把昨天的反过来穿了
Is that new or did you just reverse yesterday's?
不不不别鼓励她穿马甲
Oh, no, no, no. Don't encourage the vest.
我们想让她转变一下风格
We're trying to get her to branch out,
少一点《冰雪暴》的感觉多一点
look a little less "Fargo," A little more
和她在一起不丢人的感觉
not embarrassed to be seen with her.
不我喜欢穿马甲的女人
No, I like a woman in a vest.
这意思就是"我在风暴中很可靠"
It says, "I'm dependable in a storm,"
还有"我觉得我的手臂很抗冻"
you know, but also, "I feel pretty good about my arms."
我今晚要穿它去看《实习医生格蕾》马拉松
I'll wear it to our "Grey's Anatomy" Marathon tonight.
但我得把恒温器调低
But I'm gonna have to turn the thermostat down
因为我的胸罩下面已经出汗了
because I'm already sweating under my bra.
我明白你的感觉
Oh, I know what you mean.
我穿法兰绒的时候后背下半部分也会出汗
I sweat in my lower back when I tuck in my flannel.
这是老年调情吗
Is this elder-flirting?
不知道但是也太尬了
I don't know, but it's very upsetting.
总之我是来告诉你
Anyway, I came by to let you know
我今晚得鸽了
I actually have to cancel tonight.
好吧
Oh, okay.
我完全忘了我在镇上来了几个朋友
I completely forgot -- I've got a few mates in town.
我们已经说好了我真的很抱歉
We already had plans. I'm so sorry.
不没关系《格蕾》回头再说
Oh, no, it's fine. "Grey's" Can wait.
明天再约好吗你有空吗
And we can raincheck for tomorrow, yeah? You free?
你知道我的我一直都有空
Oh, you know me. I'm always free.
这就是我喜欢你的地方
That's what I love about you.
"你知道我的我一直都有空"
"You know me, I'm always free"?
这种话只能在厕所隔间上写
That's like something you would write on a bathroom stall.
是啊什么鬼
Yeah, what the bucket?
你们说好的他却鸽了
You guys have something planned, and he just cancels day-of?
这可不行
I don't like that.
没什么大不了的
It's no big deal.
他还没离婚所以我们现在只是朋友
His divorce isn't final, so we're just friends now.
我们会一起出去玩
We hang out.
除非有什么事
Unless something comes up.
他的事
For him.
她根本没搞懂
She doesn't even hear it.
你和丹尼的事
This "You and Danny" Thing
变成了"你在等他"
is becoming a "You waiting around for him" Thing.
你就像打不了炮的炮♥友♥
You're like the booty call without the booty.
不好意思
Excuse me.
我从不等人
I don't wait around for anyone.
这点自尊心我还是有的
I think I have a little more pride than that.
我火♥辣♥的胸部把开心果焐热了
My hot boobs heated up my pistachios.
它就像坐头等舱一样
It's like being in first class on an airplane.
来点吗
Want some?
绝对不要
Absolutely not.
老妈驾到
第一季第五集
我好久没买♥♥新衣服了
Ooh, I haven't bought new clothes in so long,
我都不知道自己的尺寸了
I don't even know what size I am.
杰姬看看标签
Jackie, check the tag.
绝对不要
Absolutely not.
伙计们自从我决定采纳
You know, guys, ever since I decided to live by
史蒂夫·乔布斯那种"一套搞定"的心态
that whole Steve Jobs "One outfit for success" Mentality,
我就不害怕购物了
I don't dread shopping anymore.
给我90条米黄色裤子叫我亿万富翁就完事了
Just give me 90 pairs of beige pants and call me a billionaire.
你这样真的挺好的简
I think it's great you're doing this, Jean.
我特别喜欢帮人打扮
I'm obsessed with makeovers.
毕竟我这么潮我就喜欢帮助素♥人♥
Being a lifelong "After," I'm always fascinated by "Befores."
我告诉你我可是非常潮的
I'll have you know, I'm a Waterloo "After."
雷恩斯妈妈我太激动了
Mother Raines, I'm so excited.
你觉得躲猫猫肩上衣怎么样
How do you feel about peek-a-boo shoulder tops?
不用回答你非常喜欢
Don't answer that. You love them.
继续购物吧
Okay, let's shop.
莱恩
Hey, Lane.
你好维克多
Oh, hey, Victor.
我的衬衫后面皱了吗
Is the back of my shirt wrinkled?
我在上班前熨好了
I swear I iron it before work,
但我来了以后
but by the time I get here,
又有皱褶了
the wrinkles are back somehow.
秘诀是挂烫机
Uh, well, the secret is a steamer.
我有个不错的
I have a great one.
其实是我前任的但是
It's actually my ex's, but...
如果你要在邮件里跟我分手
hey, if you're gonna break up with me in an e-mail
却不做了结
w-with absolutely no closure,
那挂烫机就归我了
then I get to keep the steamer.
但你随时都可以借
But you can borrow it anytime.
我可以带到班上也可以去你家
I could bring it to work, or I could come to your apartment
帮你全部烫一下
and steam all your stuff.
你也可以来我家自己烫
Or you could come to mine and steam it all yourself there?
回头再说吧[后找你]
I'll talk to you later.
除非我先找你
Not if I talk to you first!
你没事吧亲爱的
Hey, you okay, Cookie?
莱恩在大学时心碎了一直没有恢复
Lane had his heart broken in college and never recovered.
从那以后只要他喜欢上一个人
Ever since then, whenever he has a crush on someone,
他就会抓狂
he completely falls apart.
没那么糟吧
I didn't think it was so bad.
妈妈别骗他了刚才多尴尬啊
Mom, don't lie to him. That was terrible.
这就是为什么你俩都是孤身一人
I mean, this is why you're both alone.
作为唯一有男朋友的人
As the only person with a boyfriend, you know --
你还好意思说男朋友
Playing pretty fast and loose with the word "Boy"
你男朋友都和伯尼·桑德斯去夏季露营了
when your boyfriend went to summer camp with Bernie Sanders.
伯尼是辅♥导♥员
Bernie was a counselor.
汉克和我们去过一次商场
Hank came to the mall with us once,
他一直在跟我们说
and he literally couldn't stop telling us,
"这里以前都是橘子林"
"You know, this place used to all be orange groves."
好吧我男朋友很老
Okay, fine, my boyfriend is old.
听我说
Just listen to me.
你们俩都在放弃你们的力量
Both of you are giving away your power.
这就是你们受伤的原因
That's how you end up getting hurt.
我对安迪也犯了同样的错误
I made the same mistake with Andy.
三年来我的生活都围着他转
I mean, for three years, I let my life become about him,
然后他走了我一无所有
and then he left and I had nothing.
所以当我遇到汉克时
So when I met Hank, I decided
我决定什么都不投资保证自己的安全
to invest nothing and keep myself safe.
她给汉克弄了个生命警报保证他的安全
And she got Hank a Life Alert to keep him safe.
我告诉他那是音乐播放器
I told him it was an iPod.
现在我要帮助你们因为我们三个之中
And now I'm gonna help you, because out of the three of us,
我才是大♥师♥
I'm the guru.
我们现在就是三只小熊
Look, we're in a Three Bears situation.
你做得太多你做得不够
You're doing too much, you're not doing enough,
我做得正正好
and I'm doing it just right.
妈你得出去
Mom, you need to get out there
和不是丹尼的人调情
and flirt with someone who's not Danny.
调情我不记得怎么调情了
Flirt? I'm not sure I remember how.
看好了
Watch.
你好啊
Hey. How's it going?
好了结束了感谢你的服务
Okay, we're done. Thank you for your service.
瞧仅此而已