老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E05

Part 3 March 1, 2021, 10:32 a.m.

你妈在农贸市场勾搭陌生男人
Your mother's just picking up strange men
但不关我的事
at the Farmers Market, but none of my business!
什么怎么回事
What? W-What's happening?
我有个约会因为我不想成为
I have a date, because I'm not gonna be
和丹尼打不了炮的炮♥友♥
Danny's booty call without the booty.
不是吧为什么
No! Why?
弗雷迪因为她不只是你妈
Because, Freddie, she's not just your mother.
她也是个有需求的女人
She's a woman with needs.
不是吧为什么
No! Why?
我需要一些建议
Okay. I need some advice.
哪一条能显示"我有性冒险精神"
Which one of these says, "I am sexually adventurous"?
不是吧为什么
No! Why?
亲爱的你拿这些东西干什么
Honey, what are you doing with all those things?
西莉亚的生活很有趣很精彩
Well, Celia's had this interesting, amazing life,
而我只有90条米黄色裤子
and I'm just 90 pairs of beige pants.
她有很多有趣很棒的搭档
She's had all these, like, interesting, incredible partners.
她没有直接说出来
Uh, she didn't come right out and say it,
但我觉得她是贾斯汀·比伯的缪斯
but I think she was Justin Bieber's muse.
我手指上最潮的东西
The edgiest thing I've got is a callus on my thumb
就是玩太多《动物穿越》留下的老茧
from playing too much "Animal Crossing."
你们看到了吗
Do you see this, you guys?
这就是我一直在说的
This is what I've been talking about.
他对自己的感情太投入了
He is so invested in his relationship,
愿意为了另一个人放弃自己的人设
he's willing to give up his entire identity for another person.
瞧瞧从中吸取教训
Look at this. Learn from this.
别和他学
Do not be this.
亲爱的做你自己就好
Honey, just be yourself.
如果西莉亚不喜欢真实的你
And if Celia doesn't want you for you,
那她就不适合你
then she's not the right person for you.
就像杰姬说的握紧你的力量
It's like Jackie says. Hold onto your power.
你们在听杰姬的建议
Okay, you're taking advice from Jackie?
她是我们的大♥师♥
She's our guru.
现在我们都有约会了
Yeah, now we both have dates.
虽然我没地方放坚果了
And I have nowhere to put my nuts.
这件连体衣也不好放坚果
I'm having a very similar issue with this onesie.
不好意思有什么可以帮你吗
Excuse me. Uh, can I help you?
有啊你有脚凳吗
Oh, yeah. You got a step stool?
我重新问一遍
Let me rephrase the question.
你在搞什么鬼那是我的树
What the hell are you doing? That's my tree.
大自然不属于任何人
I don't think anyone can own nature.
作为这个院子的主人它就是我的
As someone who owns this yard, I think I can.
七年前我种下了那棵树
Yeah, I planted that tree seven years ago,
这是它第一次结出果实
and this is the first season it's bearing fruit, okay?
它经历过干旱感染过真菌
It's been through a drought. It's been through fungus.
见证了我的离婚
It's been through my divorce.
那是我的柠檬
Those are my lemons.
冷静点严肃队长
Alright, simmer down, Captain Serious.
这些柠檬够大家分的
There's plenty of lemons for everyone.
但它们不是大家的
Okay, but they're not for everyone,
偷我柠檬的医生它们是我的
are they, Dr. Steals-my-lemons? They're mine.
每到这种时间
See, it's moments like this that make me
我就会怀念在加拿大的日子
really miss living in Canada.
你好啊美女我给你带了礼物
Oh, hey, Sunshine. I brought you a gift.
我买♥♥不到花所以给你带了这些
I couldn't get flowers, so I brought you these.
柠檬
Aww, lemons!
-我们就是在柠檬摊相遇的 -没错
- Like when we met. - Oh, yeah.
是啊所以我才给你带了这个
Yeah, that's why I got them. Yeah.
你把车停在外面了吗
Are you parked out front?
我要开车吗
Oh, am I driving?
好吧那你给我点时间
Oh, alright, then you better give me a moment
我去前座放条毛巾
to put a towel down on the front seat.
这话我真的不想说
You probably don't want to hear this from me,
但我觉得你不能跟那家伙约会
but I don't think you should go out with that guy.
行了少来吧
No, you have to stop.
不不不他偷了我的柠檬
No, no, no. He just stole my lemons --
你手里拿着的那个
that one you're holding right in your hand.
你想要拿回去吗
Do you want it back?
不我还有很多但是你在干什么呢
No, I have more than I can use. But what are you doing?
你在干什么我在享受生活
What are you doing? I'm living my life.
如果你以为我会干坐着等你
If you thought I was just gonna sit around and wait for you,
那你就错了
you thought wrong.
而且我并不欠你一个解释
Besides, I don't owe you an explanation.
我只欠你房♥租
The only thing I owe you is rent.
顺便说一句我会给你的
Which I will get to you, by the way.
我的支票用完了
I ran out of checks.
好吧无所谓了好吧随便吧
Okay, fine. Doesn't matter. Fine, whatever.
我只是不想让你过一个糟糕的夜晚
I'm just trying to save you from having a bad night.
好了都准备好了
Okay, we are all set.
后座惨不忍♥睹如果一切顺利
Back seat is a disaster, though, so if this goes great,
我们只能在我的引擎盖上亲热了
we're gonna have to make out on my hood.
不用等我了
Don't wait up.
我把所有东西都拿了一点
Alright, I got us a little bit of everything.
不知道为什么有这么鹰嘴豆泥
And for some reason, a lot of hummus.
你说我们要去吃点东西
When you said we were gonna grab something to eat,
我没想到我们会来这里
I didn't think we were coming back here.
我以为是去餐厅
I-I was kind of thinking restaurant...
菜单椅子
menus... chairs.
抱歉简我不去餐厅
Sorry, Jean. I don't go to restaurants.
我应该早点说的
I should have said something sooner,
但我是免费素食主义者
but I'm a freegan.
免费什么
A freegan what?
不免费素食主义者这是一种生活方式
No, a-a freegan. It's a way of life.
我很久没约会了
I haven't dated in a long time.
这是宗教还是性
I-Is that a religion or a type of sex?
因为如果是宗教信仰那我就撤了
Because if it's a religion, then I'm out.
我是不花钱买♥♥东西的
Uh, n-- You see, I-I don't pay for things.
我认为这个国家恶心的消费主义已经失控了
I think the gross consumerism in this country
所以我只能尽量利用
has gotten out of hand, so I just try to make do
其他人分发或扔掉的东西
with what people are giving away or throwing out.
所以你从不花钱买♥♥吃的吗
So, you never pay for food?
不只是食物
Oh, not just food.
我的家具都是从路边捡的
I mean, I get all my furniture from the -- the curbside,
毛巾是健身房♥顺的至于我的衣服
I get my towels from the gym, and as for my clothes,
我就等着我这个体型的人
I pretty much just wait for people my size to,
死去
you know, die.
太机智了
That's...resourceful.
别人不要的东西我都能淘到宝
I see treasure in what others cast aside.
有点像我遇见你的时候
Kind of like how I met you.
记得吗你以为那家伙在跟你调情
Remember, you thought that guy was flirting with you?
-我记得 -但他没有
- I remember. - And he wasn't.
-我记得 -他有妻子
- I remember. - And he had a wife.
-我记得 -嗯
- I remember. - Yeah.
这就是我趁虚而入的绝佳时机
Well, that seemed like a perfect moment for me to swoop in
捡起他不要的东西
and pick up what he left behind.
就像我的乒乓球桌一样
Same way I got my Ping-Pong table.
不过你比我的乒乓球桌漂亮多了
Although you're a lot prettier than my Ping-Pong table.
你身上的鸟屎也少很多
And you have a lot less bird crap on you.
好吧你知道吗
Okay. You know what?
很高兴认识你
This has been great.
我还学会了一个新词
And I learned a new word.
谢谢你约我出来
Thanks for asking me out,
但这是你最后一次免费试用我了
but this is the end of your free sample of me.
保重
You take care.
我猜到你会走
I figured you'd probably leave.
我显然配不上你
You're clearly out of my league.
其实我很惊讶你一开始会答应我
I was surprised you said yes in the first place.
我不怎么约会
I don't date much.
我很高兴可以出来约会
You know, it was just really nice to be out with someone
而不是穿着死人的裤子坐在家里
instead of sitting at home in some dead guy's pants,
透过邻居的窗户看电视
watching TV through my neighbor's window.