老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E08

Part 3 April 16, 2021, 4:29 p.m.

还要吸奶吗
when you were still breastfeeding?
儿科医生说
The pediatrician said
孩子们准备好了就会断奶
children wean themselves when they're ready.
好吧你断奶的时候记得告诉我
Well, let me know when you are.
再见西莉亚
Bye, Celia.
你为什么不写上她的名字
Why don't you just put her name on the TV
说是我们一起送的
and say it's from all of us?
因为杰姬送给我妈妈的每一件礼物
Because every gift that Jackie has ever gotten my mom
都是最好的礼物
has been the best gift ever.
去年是一个数码相框
Last year, it was a smart picture frame
里面都是我们的婴儿照片
loaded with our baby pictures
循环播放完整的比吉斯乐队选集
that played on a loop to the complete Bee Gees anthology,
妈妈时不时还会提起来
and Mom still brings it up out of nowhere.
今年轮到我赢得生日大战了
This year, it's my turn to win the Birthday War.
大战真的吗
War? Really?
-这对你来说是场战争吗 -是的
- This is a war to you? - Oh, yeah.
只要和杰姬在一起就是竞争
Everything with Jackie is a competition.
我今年一定要赢
I just decided to win it this year.
我没买♥♥礼物
I have no gift.
不敲门吗
Okay, no knock?
我们还没好到这种关系
We do not have that kind of relationship.
我在市里转了一圈
I have been all over the city.
我不知道该给她买♥♥什么
I-I don't know what to get her.
老实说我想不出比文胸更好的了
Honestly, I cannot think of anything better than the bra.
我给她买♥♥文胸再配点什么吧
What if I got her something with the bra?
比如内♥裤♥
Like panties.
你居然在我公♥寓♥说"内♥裤♥"
Did you just say "Panties" in my apartment?
丹尼我在写歌♥呢
Danny, I'm trying to write a song.
我一点也不了解简
I don't know Jean at all.
我所知道的关于她的最详细的事情
I mean, the most detailed thing I know about her
是她的用水量
is her water usage,
顺便说一句真是高得出奇
which is surprisingly high, by the way.
我可以在这方面做点文章吗
Actually, is there something in that?
我应该给她买♥♥个流量调节器吗
Should I get her a flow regulator?
嗯给她买♥♥条内♥裤♥和流量调节器
Yeah, just get her panties and a flow regulator.
通常我给别人买♥♥礼物的时候
Usually when I buy someone a gift,
我知道我对那个人来说意味着什么你知道吗
I know what I am to that person, you know?
但我们处于中间时刻
But we're in this in-between stage.
我们刚开始的时候
We never got to do that phase at the beginning of a relationship
没有经历过整晚聊天
where you stay up all night talking,
了解送什么礼物比较好的阶段
learning about what makes good gifts.
那你就给她买♥♥个礼物让她看看
Then get her something to show her
认识她你有多兴奋
how excited you are to get to know her.
你兴奋是应该的她就是梦幻伴侣
And you should be excited. She's a dream.
梦幻梦幻梦幻简
Dream, dream -- dream Jean.
*梦幻简*
*Dream Jean*
*流量调节器配不上她*
*Too good for a flow regulator*
有灵感了有灵感了
Okay, it's coming to me. It's coming to me.
我需要灵感而你需要离开
I need to create, and you need to get out.
为什么我闻到汉堡的味道
Why do I smell burgers?
你们来之前吃过了吗
Did you guys eat before you came?
我不想谈这个
I don't want to talk about it.
没人想听
And nobody wants to hear about it.
等等你俩关系有点紧张啊
Wait. Do I sense tension?
桌子上没有紧张的位置
There is no room at the table for tension.
晚宴上的紧张气氛会结束一段婚姻
Tension at a dinner party can end a marriage,
我不会再让这种事发生了
and I'm not letting that happen again.
再让
Again?
等等那条围巾不行摘下来
Wait, I did not approve that scarf. Take it off.
生日快乐
Happy birthday!
一切看起来都很美西莉亚
Everything looks beautiful, Celia.
我知道
I know.
-弗雷迪开门 -好的
- Freddie, get that. - Okay.
我放弃了我的花♥园♥石很吓人
Okay. I give up. My garden stone was scary.
我要送给她一张贺卡你赢了
I'm giving her a card. You win.
这不是比赛
Oh, it's not a contest.
生日快乐妈妈
Happy birthday, Mom!
生日快乐妈妈
Happy birthday, Mom.
我去看看鸡肉
I have to go check on the chicken.
为什么没有人开始派对游戏呢
Why doesn't somebody get a party game started?
我喜欢派对游戏我先来
Ooh, I love party games. I'll go first.
"亲吻结婚杀害"游戏
Kiss-Marry-Kill.
我杀简
I kill Jean.
你得等我给你选择
You have to wait till I give you your options fisrt.
你说什么都不会改变我的主意
Nothing you say is going to change my mind.
如果我要娶《独领风♥骚♥》的保罗·陆克文
Okay, so if I'm marrying "Clueless" Paul Rudd,
那我就得杀了《蚁人》的保罗·陆克文
I guess I've got to kill "Ant-Man" Paul Rudd,
这可不容易
which is not gonna be easy,
但我可以亲吻真正的保罗·陆克文
but I'll be free to kiss real Paul Rudd.
不我忘了《四十不惑》的保罗陆克文
No! Oh, I forgot "This is 40" Paul Rudd.
-我能再来一遍吗 -不行
- Can I go again? - No.
我们明白了你喜欢保罗·陆克文
We get it. You like Paul Rudd.
是啊
Yeah.
跟我说说高中的简
So, tell me about high school Jean.
她怎么样她受欢迎吗
How was she? Was she popular?
我敢打赌她很受欢迎
I'll bet she was popular.
不她是个大书呆子
No, she was a big, ol' nerd.
但我愿意和她一起玩
But I let her hang out with me.
但她的转折点来了
But the turning point came for her
因为我帮她竞选了九年级
when I managed her 9th grade student council campaign
学生会竞选副♥主♥席♥
for vice president,
我想出了获胜的口号♥
and I came up with the winning slogan --
简会把活干完的
Jean Will Get the Job Done.
然后有个孩子在"活"前写了个"手"
And then some kid wrote "Hand" In front of "Job."
不是别人
Not some kid.
是你吗
That was you?
是的然后你以压倒性优势获胜
Yep. You won in a landslide.
我造就了你
I made you.
国际象棋俱乐部的男生
The boys from the Chess Club
跟在我后面好像在跳康加舞一样
followed me around like it was a conga line.
我要杀莎伦
I kill Sharon.
打扰一下各位
Excuse me, everybody.
抱歉菜要等一会
Sorry for the delay.
我奶奶跟我说老天爷会告诉她
My Abuela told me that God would tell her
鸡肉什么时候能好
when the chicken was ready,
而老天爷似乎跟她相谈甚欢
and God seems to be taking her sweet time,
等待的时候你们不如先拆礼物吧
so why don't we just start with gifts while we wait?
我先来我把这个挪出来一下
Okay, I'll go first. I'll get this out of the way.
现如今很难找到一个
So, now, it wasn't easy to come up with something
能刚好平衡在友情和亲密关系之间的礼物
that struck a balance between friendship and intimacy.
是个花盆装了泥巴
It's a flowerpot filled with dirt.
我喜欢
I love it.
瞧瞧你干的好事
What did you do?
你还有一条文胸在路上
You also have a bra coming.
太棒了小伙子我还用得到文胸
Oh, great. Because, boy, could I use a bra.
不这里面种了颗球根
Uh, no, no. There's actually a bulb planted in there,
大概2个月后会开花的
and it's gonna bloom in about two months,
因为我觉得我们的关系会在同一时刻
and I thought because were gonna take our relationship
更上一层楼
to the next level in about that same time,
我们的关系和这朵花会盛开
our relationship and the flower will bloom
同一时刻
At the same time!
太棒了
It's perfect!
丹尼干得漂亮
Danny, you did it.
我喜欢
I love it.
她喜欢
She loves it!
对她说了喜欢
Yeah, she says she loves it,
不过你试试在宁静室
but wait until it takes a call
接到一个关于便秘的猫的电♥话♥
about a constipated cat in the Quiet Room.
我不是杀了你吗
I thought I killed you.
你们先吃点小食
Okay. Here's a little nibble.