老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E11

Part 3 June 18, 2021, 10:19 a.m.

大多数女人
Most women.
大多数大多数女人
Most -- Most women.
卢安真的认为
Did Luann honestly think
她发短♥信♥向卡罗尔道歉
that she could text a half-ass apology to Carole
一切就会好起来吗
and everything would be fine?
我们都看到了推特
We all saw the tweets.
我看到推特了吗
Did I see the tweets?
你需要集中注意力
You need to focus.
如果你不接
If you don't answer,
你知道你妈妈会一直打的
you know your mom's just gonna keep calling.
不是我妈
It's not my mom.
可能只是电♥话♥推销员
It's probably just a telemarketer.
他们什么时候才知道现在没人乘船了
When are they gonna learn no one's taking a cruise again?
我来摆平他们
I'll get rid of them.
好的如果有人不请人吃早午餐
Okay. I'll be sure to pause it
我一定会暂停的
if anyone doesn't invite anyone to brunch.
喂
Yes?
我要那个戒指你这个狡猾的混♥蛋♥
I want that ring, you tricky bastard.
你不能改变主意杰姬
You can't just change your mind, Jackie.
我们说好了
A deal's a deal.
-这不公平 -是吗
- That's not fair. - Yeah?
你骗我换卧室
Well, it also wasn't fair when you tricked me
也不公平啊你明知道
into trading bedrooms when you knew --
你的卧室有鬼
you knew that yours was haunted.
那个鬼对我做了一些事杰姬
That ghost did things to me, Jackie.
她在我床上撒尿
She peed in my bed.
当时没人相信你现在也不会有人相信你
Nobody believed you then, and nobody believes you now.
那个戒指是我的
I'm getting that ring.
-妈妈说可以给我 -想得美
- Mom said I could have it. - Tough.
我现在就去妈妈那儿只要拿到手
I'm going to Mom's right now, and once I have it,
你再也见不到它了
you will never see it again.
是吗好吧今晚我就把戒指给西莉亚
Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, I'm gonna give that ring to Celia tonight,
只要戴在她的手指上那就祝你好运了
and once it's on her finger, good luck getting it back.
你只能从她冰冷的尸手上脱下来
You're gonna have to pry it off her cold, dead hand.
她为什么非得死不可
Why does she have to be dead?
你知道我的意思
You know what I mean.
好吧我要先到那里
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get there first,
一旦我拿到戒指我向上帝发誓
and once I have that ring, I swear to God
如果有必要的话我会吞下去的
I'll swallow it if I have to.
你就只能从我冰冷的尸胃里掏出来了
And then you'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead stomach.
你为什么非得死不可
Why do you have to be dead?
西莉亚西莉亚赶紧关掉
Celia, Celia, turn off your thing.
我们得去我妈妈家
We have to go to my mom's.
好吧去你妈妈家吧
O-Okay. Go to your mom's.
不你跟我一起
No. You're coming with me.
为什么我们今晚不用去你妈妈家
Why? It's our night off from your mom's.
别问问题好吗
Don't ask any questions, okay?
真是个惊喜
It's a surprise.
在你妈妈家的惊喜天哪
A surprise at your mom's? Oh, God.
如果你们又设计了一个舞蹈
If you guys choreographed another dance together,
-我就离开你 -不
- I'm leaving you. - No.
我删了抖音但那舞蹈真的不错
I deleted TikTok. But that was a good dance.
不过事后看来那个生日礼物确实不行
Though, in hindsight, a terrible birthday present.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们在约会方面可能很在行啊
I think we might be pretty good at this dating thing.
是啊如果一直这么顺利
Yeah. If it keeps going this well,
莎伦可能会赢20块
Sharon might be up 20 bucks.
-什么 -面包不错
- What? - Good bread.
是啊
Yeah.
你觉得怎么样
H-How are you feeling about things?
我感觉很好
Aw, I feel good.
在那封电子邮件之前婚姻早就结束了
I mean, the marriage was over long before that e-mail.
我突然想到
You know, it occurred to me,
如果不是因为我离婚
if it wasn't for me getting divorced,
我就不会把客房♥租出去
I wouldn't have been renting out that guesthouse,
你也不会住进来我们永远不会见面
you wouldn't have stayed there, we never would've met.
虽然这句话听起来可能有洛杉矶的感觉
I mean, at the risk of sounding too L.A.,
但这一切都像是命运
it all feels like fate.
-我喜欢 -我也是
- I like that. - Me, too.
我想继续庆祝
Want to keep the celebration going.
-来瓶香槟可以吗 -好的
- Does a bottle of champagne sound good? - Yes.
-好的 -保留软木塞
- Okay. - Uh, make sure to keep the cork.
为什么因为我们想记住这一天
Why? Because we want to remember this day.
这个叉子我也留着了
I'll also put this fork in my purse.
是啊这是我们初次约会纪念日
That's right. It's our first date-iversary.
我要把日期记在手♥机♥里这样我们就不会忘记了
I'll make sure to put the date in my phone so we don't forget.
戴眼镜吧简
Just wear your glasses, Jean.
不我想在我们第一次约会时看起来性感
No, I want to look sexy on our first date.
好吧
Okay, fine.
对不起请给我一瓶香槟
Excuse me, a bottle of champagne, please.
这是我们初次约会纪念日
It's our first date-iversary.
没问题事先声明
Absolutely. Just be clear,
我们不为虚构的庆祝活动提供免费甜点
we don't do free desserts for made-up celebrations.
好吧那如果我称之为周年纪念呢
Okay, what if I call it an anniversary?
那我就有义务给你们拿圣代巧克力饼了
Then I'm legally obligated to bring you a brownie sundae.
很好请给我两勺
Great. Two spoons, please.
对不起我不知道我为什么要眨眼
Sorry. I don't know why I winked then.
怎么了
What's wrong?
今天是21号♥
Today's the 21st.
是吗完了
It is? Oh, no.
我今天本来要给瑞皮除跳蚤的
I was supposed to give Ripper his flea treatment.
你介意和我们的初次约会
Do you mind sharing our first date-iversary
和瑞皮的除跳蚤提醒同一天吗
with Ripper's flea-medication reminder?
前提是你不介意和我结婚纪念日同一天
Not if you don't mind sharing it with my wedding anniversary.
-什么 -今天是我的结婚纪念日
- What? - Today's my wedding anniversary.
和迈克的婚礼
With Mike.
*纪念日快乐纪念日快乐*
*Happy anniversary, happy anniversary*
*纪念日快乐纪念日快乐*
*Happy anniversary, haaappy anniversary*
*纪念日快乐纪念日快乐*
*Happy anniversary, happy anniversary*
*纪念日快乐纪念日快乐*
*Happy anniversary, happy anniversary*
*纪念日快乐纪念日快乐*
*Happy anniversary, happy anniversary*
我怎么会忘记自己的结婚纪念日
How could I have forgotten my own anniversary?
我可以告诉你弗雷迪第一次吃芦笋的日子
I can tell you the date Freddie first ate asparagus,
但是和一个男人鬼混一晚上
but one night whoring around with another man,
我就忘了自己的结婚纪念日
and I forget my own wedding anniversary?
你不是在鬼混简
You're not exactly whoring around, Jean.
这是我们第一次约会
It was our first date.
不过我很想和你一起鬼混
Although, I was looking forward to whoring around with you.
丹尼我偷走了结婚纪念日
Danny, I stole my wedding anniversary
送给了一个澳大利亚"小伙"
and gave it away to some Australian bloke
你用的俚语和我不一样
who uses different slang than I do
可是我想用的时候你就这样看着我
and then looks at me like that when I try to use it back.
那通常是因为你用错了
That's normally 'cause you use it incorrectly,
但你知道吗这次你用对了
but you know what? You nailed it that time.
简我知道你的感受
Jean, I know how you must be feeling.
我很抱歉我只是
I'm sorry. I-I just --
我现在不想谈这个
I don't think I can talk about this right now.
我给你一些空间
I'll give you some space.
-妈妈 -妈妈
- Hey, Mom. - Mom.
-妈妈 -妈妈妈妈站住
- Mom. - Mom, Mom, stop.
妈妈妈妈妈妈
Mom, Mom, Mom.
你说如果她同意的话它就归我了
You said I could have it if she said I could have it.
她之前同意了
She said I could have it,
但现在她说她要吃了它
but now she says that she's gonna eat it.
用名词弗雷迪
Use nouns, Freddie.
妈妈弗雷迪忽悠我
Mom, Freddie tricked me.
他让我觉得男人才是问题所在
He made me think men were the problem,
但实际上只是他的问题
but really it's just him.
伙计们我现在处理不了这些
Okay, guys, I can't deal with this right now.
不妈妈妈妈告诉杰姬
No, Mom, Mom, Mom, just -- just tell Jackie