老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E05

Part 2 March 1, 2021, 10:32 a.m.

See? All there is to it.
我完全不怀念单身生活
Man, I do not miss being single.
约会真是噩梦
Dating is such a nightmare.
是啊太累了
Ugh, I know, it's exhausting.
每周换一个人约一次又一次
A new person every week, date after date.
不停地打那个电♥话♥
Calling that number over and over again
还很好奇为什么是杂货店的电♥话♥
and wondering why it's a grocery store.
你觉得你找到了一个特别的人
And you think you found someone special,
然后她就开始和你室友约会
then she starts dating your roommate.
你和她的约会过吗
You dated shes?
是啊男的女的
Yeah, there were hes, shes,
情侣三人情侣诸如此类
couples, throuples, what-have-yous.
诸如此类
What-have-yous?
我说过我在柏林的故事
I told you my Berlin story.
就像你跟我说你在玉米地迷宫里
You know, just like when you told me about that time
有个吻痕一样
you got a hickey in a corn maze.
是啊那一年我有三个吻痕
Oh, yep. Yeah. That was a three-hickey year for me.
我们都嗨过了现在我们有彼此了
See, we both had our fun, and now we have each other.
还是
S-Still having --
还是很嗨的对吧
Still having fun, though, right?
对不起你先来
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
不你来吧没事
N-No, you go ahead. It's fine.
你好啊
How's it going?
什么
What?
这些柠檬你拿来干什么
So, what are you gonna do with all those lemons?
可能只是做点柠檬水
Uh, probably just use them for lemonade.
所以你要挤压它们啊
Ooh, so you're gonna squeeze 'em.
这些柠檬真幸运
Lucky lemons.
亲爱的你买♥♥到柠檬了吗
Sweetheart, do you have the lemons?
什么
What?
这是你的心上人吗很抱歉
This is your sweetheart? I'm so sorry.
我不知道不然我也不会跟他调情的
I-I didn't know, or I wouldn't have been flirting with him.
刚才那是调情吗
That was flirting?
我觉得不是吧
I don't think it was.
对不起我只是想放开自我
Sorry. I was just trying to open myself up.
我和房♥东差点就接吻了
My landlord and I almost kissed,
现在他都不跟我一起看电视了
and now he won't watch TV with me.
你怎么跟谁都聊天
Why do you have to talk to everybody?
抱歉
I'm sorry.
你看起来需要喝一杯啊
Hey, you look like you could use a drink.
我弄了点芹菜汁
I've got pressed celery juice
还有一些骨头汤
and...some sort of bone broth.
他们说这对你的免疫系统有好处但如果你出汗
They say it's good for your immune system, but if you sweat,
闻起来就像是你在做汤
it smells like you're making soup.
我叫史蒂夫
I-I'm Steve.
我以为那家伙在跟我调情
I thought that guy was flirting with me.
我好久没约会了我都分不清
I haven't dated in so long, I can't tell the difference between
调情和购物了
flirting and grocery shopping.
不过我觉得"挤压"这句还是不错的
Although, I thought the "Squeeze 'em" Line was good.
非也
Oh, it wasn't.
但我要声明
No, but, for the record,
如果有人给你骨头汤
if a man offers you bone broth,
他绝对是在跟你调情
he's definitely flirting with you.
他有可能是想卖♥♥给你骨头汤
I mean, he might be trying to sell you bone broth.
但这次
But in this case...
我是在调情
I am flirting.
是吗
You are?
非常感谢
Oh, thank you so much.
我想当那个人体模型
Oh, to be that mannequin.
莱恩集中注意力好吗
Come on, Lane. I need you to focus, okay?
淡定别显露情绪好吗
Play it cool. Don't give anything away, okay?
维克多越了解你
The more Victor knows about you,
就越能伤害你
the more he can hurt you.
去吧愿调情与你同在
Now go. May the flirt be with you.
你能帮帮我吗
Could you help me out?
也许吧
Maybe.
把那边的马甲给我
Just need that tank top over there.
好的好的
Cool, cool.
我没开玩笑把那个给我
No, seriously, hand that to me.
如果我们让这些人体模型裸体太久
The toy store across the way calls the manager
对面的玩具店就要打电♥话♥给经理了
if we leave these mannequins naked too long.
-好的给你 -谢谢
- Sure. Here you go. - Thank you.
回头见我去吃午饭了
Well, see ya around. I'm about to go on lunch.
我也去吃烤肉串吗
Oh, me too. Want to grab a kebab?
请暂停马上回来
Pause, please. BRB.
他刚邀请我共进午餐
Um, he just asked me to lunch.
我应该拒绝他对吧
I should shut him down, right?
-不同意但等十分钟 -好
- No, say yes, but wait 10 minutes. - Okay.
这样很奇怪回去找他吧
Okay, this is weird. Just go back to him.
但是慢慢来
Okay, but slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly.
正常速度去吧去吧
Uh, regular, regular. Just go, go, go.
他说"你喜欢烤肉串吗"
So, he was like, "Do you, like, like the kebab?"
然后我说"可能吧我也不知道"
And I was like, "I guess. I don't know."
我很冷漠
Like, "I'm so aloof."
然后安静了三分钟
And then there was like three minutes of silence,
最后他说
and then he finally goes,
"明天下班后你想出去玩吗"
"So, do you want to go out tomorrow after work?"
就像你说的那样
Just like you said!
当然所以我才是大♥师♥嘛
Of course. That's why I'm the guru.
我真的很喜欢这些新东西
So, I'm really loving some of this new stuff.
穿这件外套我的胳膊有点活动不开
My arms are a little constricted in this jacket.
我真怀念马甲生活
I'm really missing that vest life.
请不要在约会时说"马甲生活"
Please don't say "Vest life" On your date.
你看起来不错啊
You look nice.
看第二季《格蕾》马拉松穿这么正式啊
Pretty dressed up for a Season 2 "Grey's" Marathon.
你穿这身衣服坚果放哪了
Where do you keep your nuts in that outfit?
该死我忘记给你打电♥话♥了
Oh, shoot. I forgot to call you.
抱歉我得取消今晚的约会
I'm sorry. I have to cancel for tonight.
她有约会
She has a date.
我也是以防我是你的后备计划
So do I, just in case I was your backup plan.
恭喜
Congratulations.
你也有约吗简这
Um, you have a date, too, Jean? That's...
有点惊讶你不怎么约会啊
That's a bit of a shocker. You don't really date.
这有什么好惊讶的我也约过啊
Not sure it's a "Shocker." I've dated.
06年
2006.
11年 12年
好吧 11 12年是同一个人
Okay, fine, 2011, 2012 was the same guy,
除夕夜在他家过夜
overnight on New Year's Eve.
还有今天
And today.
我约了一个在农贸市场认识的人
I have a date with a guy I met at the Farmers Market.
怎么你要跟他约会吗
What, and you're going out with him?
你对这个人了解多少
What do -- What do you know about this guy?
他叫史蒂夫他想和我约会
Well, his name is Steve, and he wanted to go out with me.
-我还需要什么 -比如地址
- What else do I need? - Uh, maybe an address,
犯罪记录 DNA样本
a criminal history, DNA sample.
你住在一个又大又危险的城市简
I mean, you live in a big, dangerous city now, Jean.
你不能和陌生人约会
You can't just go out on a date with a stranger.
约会不就是约陌生人吗
Isn't that what a date is?
再说你也是陌生人我还搬进了你的客房♥
Besides, you were a stranger, and I moved into your guesthouse.
是的但我的评论都是五星好评
Yes, but I came with reviews, which were all 5-star.
除了一个摩♥门♥教♥徒家庭
Except for one Mormon family
他们觉得艺术品过于刺♥激♥
who found the art too provocative.
-这关你什么事 -不关我事
- Why is this your business? - It's not, it's not.
我只是很期待《实习医生格蕾》
I was just looking forward to a bit of "Grey's" Action,
而且现在取消有点晚仅此而已
and, uh, it's a little last-minute to cancel. That's all.
你昨天刚放我鸽子
You canceled on me yesterday.
是的所以你要还回来
Ah, yes, I did, and now you're getting me back.
我不是为了还回来我只是在享受生活
Oh, I'm not getting you back. I'm just living my life.
好吧祝你约会愉快
Okay, then, well, enjoy your date.
好吧
Alright.
-怎么了伙计 -没什么
- What's up, man? - Oh, nothing.