老妈驾到（2021）

Call Your Mother S01E10

Part 3 April 16, 2021, 4:30 p.m.

但我不喜欢这段时间
But I'm not enjoying this time.
你打算怎么做你都没有男朋友
Well, how are you gonna do it? You don't even have a boyfriend.
你都没离开过家
I mean, you never even leave the house
除了来我家
unless it's to come to my house.
2021年了妈妈男人不是必需品
It's 2021, Mom. Men are optional.
我有个计划
And I have a plan.
我已经找到完美的捐赠者了
I already know the perfect donor.
聪明有趣英俊尼克·哈珀
Brilliant, funny, handsome -- Nick Harper.
这么多年后我们相遇是缘分
It was fate that we ran into each other after all these years,
因为我需要他聪明有趣英俊的精♥子♥
because I need his brilliant, funny, handsome sperm.
你要怎么做骗他吗
What are you gonna do, trick him?
因为那样会适得其反问问你的金阿姨
Because that'll backfire. Ask your Aunt Kim.
最好问问你表姐妹米斯蒂
Better yet, ask your cousin Misty.
不我要直接问他
No. I'm gonna ask him.
再说这真的没什么大不了的
Besides, it's really not a big deal.
我在掌控我的生活
I'm taking charge of my life.
很久以来我第一次感觉这么好
I feel good for the first time in a really long time.
我有个目标我有目标我有理由
I have a goal. I have a purpose. I have a reason --
我有头痛
I have a headache!
小声点
Keep it down!
如果不想聊
Okay. Well, if we're not gonna talk,
那我就玩新游《先驱者》了
I'm just gonna play the new "Outriders."
好吧
Okay.
那是最后一个椰子味的
That was the last coconut one!
五秒内捡起来没事
Five-second rule.
怪物
Monster.
杰姬怎么样了
How'd everything go with Jackie?
我不知道
I don't know.
我不知道我对她生孩子有什么感觉
I'm not sure how I feel about her having a baby,
但是这么久以来杰姬好不容易打起精神了
but this is the first thing Jackie's been excited about for a while,
我想支持她
and I want to support her.
我还是不自欺欺人了
And who am I kidding?
我都老到可以当奶奶了
I'm certainly old enough to be a grandma.
你不会还在想我们之间的年龄差吧
You're not still thinking about the age thing between us, are you?
这不会吓到你吗
It doesn't freak you out?
我会被毛毛虫吓到
Caterpillars freak me out.
会被自信的松鼠吓到
Confident squirrels freak me out.
社会经济地位
The effects of socioeconomic status
对心理健康的影响会让我抓狂
on the availability of mental healthcare freaks me out.
但我们的年龄差异绝对不会吓到我
But our age difference definitely doesn't freak me out.
而且我早就知道了
But then, I've known about it all along.
是吗
You have?
是因为我的手肘吗我的脖子
Is it my elbows? My neck?
我看报纸时拿报纸的方式
The way I hold the newspaper when I read it?
还是因为我读报纸
The fact that I read the newspaper?
简你租客房♥的时候
Jean, you gave me a copy of your driver's license
给了我一份驾照复印件
when you rented the guesthouse.
拜托丹尼
Oh, come on, Danny.
我比你老这么多你多少有点介意吧
On some level, it must bother you that I'm so much older.
我一点也不介意为什么要介意
It doesn't bother me at all. And why should it?
你很性感颜值即正义对吧
You're hot, and looks are the only thing that matter, right?
就会开玩笑
You joke,
但你还没出生我就结婚生子了
but I was married with children before you were even born.
简你擅长很多事情
Jean, you are good at so many things,
但数学不是其中之一
but math is not one of them.
我试着不在乎但是一天之内发生了太多的变化
I'm trying not to care, but so much has changed in a day.
简除了你的血液酒精含量根本没有什么变化
Jean, nothing has changed except your blood alcohol level.
妈我能住你这吗西莉亚很生我的气
Hey, Mom. Can I stay with you? Celia's really mad at me.
当然亲爱的
Oh, of course, sweetie.
你穿得好像
Why are you dressed like Aunt Kim
金阿姨把饼干送到消防局的时候
when she brings cookies to the fire station?
希望你不会拘束妈
I hope this doesn't cramp your style, Mom.
我只是在这里待几天
Just crashing here for a few days.
西莉亚真的很生我的气
Celia's really mad at me.
我觉得最好给她点空间
I thought it was best to give her her space.
我们吵架
We got into it
是因为她改变了生孩子的想法
because she changed her mind about having a baby.
我说服了两个人生孩子
Now I talked two people into having a baby?
我应该做个TED演讲
I should give a TED Talk.
我们没要孩子所以
Okay. Well, we're not having a baby, so...
回头再说
We'll discuss.
让我脱下这件愚蠢的衣服
Let me just get out of this silly dress.
你都不知道不♥穿♥胸罩的时候
Oh, you wouldn't believe how much sequins itch
这些亮片有多痒
when you're not wearing a bra.
-妈 -淡定
- Mom. - Calm down.
我穿内♥裤♥了等等并没有
I'm wearing underpants. Wait. No.
妈
Mom!
妈你在这里干什么
Hey, Mom. What are you doing here?
不会吧
No way.
尼克·哈珀在我妈家
Nick Harper, in my mom's house.
伙计很高兴再次见到你
Hey, man. Good to see you again.
真的吗你是认真的吗
Really? You mean that?
我也有同感伙计
I feel the same way, man.
好吧妈这是尼克
Okay. Um, Mom, this is Nick.
尼克那个尼克
Oh, Nick. Yeah. As in Nick.
尼克
Nick.
我本来还担心我会忘记我的名字但你们救了我
I was worried I would forget my name, but you guys saved the day.
很高兴再次见到你雷恩斯太太
Nice to see you again, Mrs. Raines.
好久不见
It's been too long.
我能和你谈谈吗
Um, can I grab you for a minute?
和弗雷迪坐会吧你别太奇葩啊
Hang here with Freddie. Don't be weird.
我才不会呢你才是奇葩
I'm not gonna be weird. You're the weird.
我还以为她们会一直不走呢
Thought they'd never leave.
我妈没穿内♥裤♥
My mom's not wearing underwear.
-好吧 -蠢货
- Okay. - Stupid.
他看起来很棒对吧
So, he looks great, right?
他的祖父母都还活着
And all his grandparents are still alive,
而且他们胆固醇很低
and they have low cholesterol.
有个姑姑英年早逝
One aunt did die young,
但幸运的是她是被火车撞死的
but fortunately, she was hit by a train.
他很英俊还有一个漂亮的长脖子
Well, he is very handsome, and he has a nice, long neck.
你父亲家的人脖子很短
Your father's side of the family has very short necks.
以后孩子就不会遗传下去了
It'd be good to breed that out of the line.
你同意吗
So are you in?
我不知道他同意了吗
I don't know. I mean, is he in?
我还没问他
Right. Well, I haven't exactly asked him yet.
我们主要在谈论死去的亲戚
We mostly talked about dead relatives.
我练习得太过了所以新计划
I think I overdid it in practice, so new plan --
我要睡到明天
I'm gonna go to sleep till tomorrow.
我能问你个问题吗
Can I ask you a question?
我能阻止你吗
Am I gonna be able to stop you?
经典的尼克
Classic Nick.
我听说你很快就关注杰姬了
So, I heard that you followed Jackie back right away,
但你还没关注我
but you still haven't followed me.
我们没事吧
Are we okay?
是的伙计我会关注你的
Yeah, man. I'll follow you.
太好了现在吧
Great. Now?
你叫什么名字
What's your first name again?
我只知道你是杰姬的弟弟
I just know you as Jackie's brother.
你想让我嫉妒是吗尼克
You're trying to make me jealous, aren't you, Nick?
天哪你在做什么
Oh, God. What are you doing?
你怎么来了
W-What are you doing here?
我是来接你回家的
I came to bring you home.
这是不是意味着你不生气了
Does this mean that you're not mad?
我真的很生气我很想用西班牙语骂你
Oh, I'm really mad. Like yell-at-you-in-Spanish mad.
我因为我们吵架生气
I'm mad because of our fight,
我因为你跑到你妈这里生气
I'm mad because you ran to your mother,
我因为对这个可怜人所做的一切生气
and I'm mad at whatever you're doing to this poor man.
我是尼克我们在酒铺见过
I'm Nick. We met at the liquor store.
嗯我们都知道你是谁尼克
Yeah. We all know who you are, Nick.