鬼玩人（2015）

Ash vs. Evil Dead S03E01

Part 2 Sept. 6, 2020, 5:18 p.m.

I'll take that.
不等等这太重要了...
No! No! Wait! It's too important--
鬼玩人
之
阿什斗鬼
第三季第一集
吃鸡♥吧♥
真♥他♥妈♥操蛋
This is bullshit.
这年头大家的脑子都秀逗了嘛
Whatever happened to free speech?
这是我见过最棒的大丁丁了
Ah, this was my best giant penis yet.
是啊
Yeah.
谢谢你的安慰
Thanks for talking me into this.
还有一点没擦掉哦
You missed a spot.
-魂淡 -还是没种的
- Dick. - Less.
我们快点擦完走人好吗
Can we just finish and get out?
我惹上的麻烦已经够多了
I'm in enough trouble already.
他们还没看到我在珀金斯的车上画了什么
Wait till they see what I drew on Perkins' car.
有"男阴♥道♥"这个词吗
Is "man-gina" a word?
瑞秋拜托
Oh, Rachel, please.
我只想老实度过接下来四个月
I just want to get through the next four months.
你什么时候变得这么小资了
Since when did you become Miss Bourgeoisie?
很简单
Oh, it's simple.
顺利毕业我就能离开这了
I graduate, I can leave here.
离开意味着不用待在这破地方
I leave here, I'm not here,
多好的事
and that's a good thing.
看来你还没有爱上埃尔克格罗夫的
All right, you still haven't fallen for Elk Grove's
"小镇风情"
"small town charms?"
什么风情
Excuse me?
整座小镇居然因为镇上的前变♥态♥杀人狂
The whole town's excited because their ex-psycho killer
开了间五金店而兴奋
is opening a hardware store.
还不如现在弄死我
Kill me now.
生活还可能更糟的
Could be worse.
怎么说
How?
我们可能变成他们那德行
We could be like them.
才怪永远不可能
Oh, yeah. That'll never happen.
很好因为如果你变成那样
Good, because if you did,
我就只能割腕自杀了
I would have to slit my wrists.
看小狮回来了
Oh, look. Cougie's back.
好啊滚远点小狮
Yeah, well, fuck off, Cougie!
行了我们知道了
Okay, we get it.
戏服吉祥物很有趣
Costume, mascot, very funny.
你可以走了
You can leave now!
喂混♥蛋♥ 滚远点
Hey, asshole! Go away --
见鬼了
Shit.
见鬼了
Shit.
好吧伙计现在我生气了
Okay, guy, now I'm mad.
老天爷那是什么声音
Jesus, what is that?
可能只是些校队的王八蛋
Probably just some varsity assholes
在搞狗屁恶作剧
playing some bullshit prank!
布兰迪别
Brandy, don't!
你有什么毛病种马男
What is your problem, fuckboy?
救命
Help!
救命救救我们
Help! Help please!
故事讲完了
And that's the whole story.
伙计你好吗
Hey, feller. How are you?
女士们快来来亲热亲热
Ladies. Come on. A litlle somethin', somethin'.
这就对了
There we go.
给你五分钱跟我玩一玩
Nickel for a tickle, huh?
怎么样
What do you say?
我真不敢相信还真是他
I don't believe this, it's really him.
-嘿宝贝 -妈妈妈妈
- Oh, hey. Hey, honey. - Mom! Mom!
学校有个坏人你一定
There's this guy at the school, you've got to come
-要来救我们求你了 -什么
- help us, please! - What?
巴勃罗
Hey, Pablo.
我有事跟你说
Ah, I got to talk to you about something else.
你要是想加薪...
If this is about a raise--
事实上你现在根本就不付我工资但是...
Actually, you don't pay me at all right now, but--
狗♥娘♥养♥的
Son of a bitch!
喂女士请排队
Lady! There's a line!
怎么连我都不记得了吗
What? You don't even remember me?
捕兽夹绝不会忘记猎物
Well, the old steel trap never forgets a rack,
但脸就两说了
but faces are a little fuzzy.
给点提示
Give me a hint.
我要的是提示
I said a hint.
我他妈是你老婆
I'm your fucking wife!
我什么
My what?
我们得谈谈
We need to talk.
女士我不知道你是
Lady, I don't know what kind of coo-coo juice
喝了什么鬼
you've been drinkin',
但如果你是来骗赡养费的...
but if you're fishing for alimony--
你的一个倒霉怪物刚刚在
One of your goddamn monsters just attacked our daughter
肯沃德县高袭击了我们的女儿
at Kenward County High.
女儿
Daughter?!
你真是认错人了
You definitely got the wrong guy!
恶魔让你切掉了自己的手
Demons made you chop off your hand.
什么我要吞掉你的灵魂
"I'll swallow your soul."
最棒的性♥爱♥是三十秒外加芝士汉堡
Good sex is 30 seconds followed by a cheeseburger?
好吧也许我们真认识
Okay, maybe we have met.
但我提醒你一句
But in case you didn't get the memo,
我和我朋友我们斗恶魔大获成功
me and my compadres, we buried evil big time.
埃尔克格罗夫已经没有恶魔了
Elk Grove is officially a demon-free zone.
老大
Jefe.
我觉得她说的是实话
I think she's telling the truth.
伙计我不是让你激光消除了吗
Dude, I told you to get that shit lasered off.
不不是我♥干♥的
Nah, I didn't do this!
刚刚在外面出现的
It just happened outside.
我好害怕
I'm scared!
追着我女儿的恶魔...
This thing is after my little girl and--
行了行了我去就是了
All right all ready! I'll check it out!
和以前一样对吧巴勃罗
Just like old times, eh, Pablo?
除了多了个老婆还没了凯丽
Except for the wife part, and no Kelly.
事实上和以前一点都不一样
Actually, it's not like old times at all.
-赶紧开车吧 -你镇定点大姐
- Just drive! - Hey, easy for you sister.
你突然闯进我的生活
You come waltzing into my life,
说什么恶魔什么女儿
yapping about demons and daughters,
我对你可一点都不了解
and I don't know boo about you.
-坎迪斯酒吧 -嗯然后呢
- Candace Barr. - Yeah, and?
布兰森呢
Branson?
布兰森
Branson.
-快给我 -棒
- Give me some! - Yeah... !
天呐
Ah! My God!
天呐她太棒了
Oh God! She's so good!
等等甘蒂丝·巴尔
Wait a minute, Candace Barr.
不是吧甘蒂·巴尔[糖块]
Oh no, Candy Barr?
我们的女儿
Well, this daughter of ours,
我肯定她认为我很特别对吗
I'll bet she thinks I'm pretty special, huh?
做梦去吧
Dream on.
我告诉她她老爸是个毒贩子
I told her her old man was some crack dealer
被关进了大牢
who got shanked in prison.
什么
What?!
这样总比承认我和一个
Well, it was easier than admitting
神经电锯小子搞上了要简单
I'd hooked up with some psycho saw-boy!
好吧但女儿这事肯定是你胡说
Oh, okay, but I call B.S. on the daughter.
我每次都会用幸运橡胶套
I was using my lucky rubber all through the odds,
那玩意万无一失
and that sucker went 50 and 0.
*我想要糖果[甘蒂] 嘿*
*I want candy, hey!*
专心开车好吗
Just drive!
[咒语]
Candalier boncelo....
[咒语]
Kanda.
[咒语]
Abomino.
老天这味道
God, that smell.
这个猴场30年都没变
This monkey farm hasn't changed in 30 years.
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