鬼玩人（2015）

你相信厉鬼的存在吗
Do you believe in the existence of evil?
救救我
Help me!
哦不
Oh. No!
三十年前我找到了《死灵之书》
30 years ago, I found the Book of the Dead.
因为我念出了书中咒语...
Now, because I read from the book...
[咒语]
Missar-drah--
厉鬼找到了我
... evil has found me.
你根本不知道自己在干什么
You have no idea what you're doing!
我当然知道自己在干什么
Of course I know what I'm doing.
这书是我写的
I wrote this book.
露比在密歇根的埃尔克格罗夫
Ruby is in Elk Grove, Michigan.
那是我的家乡
That's my hometown.
阿什
Ash?
你好呀老爹
Hiya Pop.
我碰上麻烦了
I got a problem.
那本书 它对我做了点什么
The book-- it did something to me.
它改变了我
It changed me.
晚安啦您呐
Night night.
我们该走了
That's our cue!
厉鬼 如果你们敢在这里露面 哪怕一次
Evil, if you show your ugly mug in this town ever again,
我都会把你们消灭的干干净净 斩草除根
I will take you down and I will wipe you out!
你们都听过我阿什·威廉姆斯的大名
You know me as Ash Williams,
那个从厉鬼手中拯救了埃尔克格罗夫的英雄
the hero who saved Elk Grove from evil.
这30年来 我一直用这把电锯斩妖除魔
For 30 long years, I've used this saw on monsters and demons.
但那都已是明日黄花了 如今老子用它...
But those battles are won, so now I use it to--
砍价格
Slash prices!
在"灰色斩杀者"五金杂货店内
At Ashy Slashy's Hardware Store Emporium,
我们罩着你
we got you covered!
想买♥♥颜料吗
You want paint?
我们会把它摇到喷薄而出
We shake it till we break it!
小妞们 你们定会爱上他的螺[蛋]母[蛋]
Ladies, you'll love his nuts!
还有比我的螺[蛋]母[蛋]更棒的存在吗
What's better than a handful of my nuts?
一根长[大]螺[长]丝[屌♥]
A long screw.
我们有巨[硬]木[屌♥]
We got wood.
我们有粗[精]绳[斑]
We got rope.
我们有橡[套]胶[套]
We got rubber!
我们要啥有啥
We got it all!
高价 狗带带带
Die high prices
债见了高价
Goodbye high prices!
为了那个特别的ta 我们这从霓虹绣花针到非洲
For that special someone, we've got everything from
乌干达 应有尽有
"D" To "Ildo."
因为在"灰色斩杀者"的店里 我们的服务...
Because at Ashy Slashy's, service is literally...
该口号♥不受商标法保护
[并]就[不]是我们的中间名嘛
- Not. - ...our middle name!
完美 不过才拍了22遍
Perfection! And only 22 takes!
-欢迎回到... -是啊
- Welcome back... - Yeah.
看上去棒棒哒 老大
It's looking good, Jefe.
这可是市场营销学第一课 巴勃罗
Marketing 101, Pablo.
了解你的观众
Know your audience.
看看这些人排在外边
Look at them lining up out there.
你太牛逼了
You're a badass!
我之前完全没见过一个小镇的人
You know I've never seen a town lose its shit
为一个五金店这么发狂
over a hardware store before.
是时候在闻着微香的
Well, it's time to wake up and smell
多花千金藤中醒来了 巴勃罗
the lightly scented wax flowers, Pablo.
这不仅是个商品齐全的五金店兼性♥爱♥玩具商店
This isn't just a well-stocked hardware store/sex-toy emporium.
不 这是本地英雄的圣殿
No, this is a shrine to a local hero.
这些敬慕的粉丝是我的追随者
Those adoring fans are my peeps!
好了
All right!
埃尔克格罗夫 你们好
Hello, Elk Grove! Hey, hey!
你们准备好买♥♥五金了吗
Are you ready for some hardware?!
进来吧
Come on in!
钓鱼用品 二号♥走道
Fishing supplies, aisle two.
我们有枪 我们有旗子 我们有黄书
We got guns, we got flags, we got pornography.
那个在比较后边的
That's a little further in the back.
汉子 没法满足你的妻子们吗
Men, can't please your wives?
那最好去看看七号♥走道
Better check out aisle seven.
-你也是吗 -别推搡 天啊
- Same problem? - No need to push, jeez.
三号♥走道 大概
Aisle 3 I think.
-别推了 -离我远点
- Hey, no need to push. - Leave me alone.
最后一位是艾米
And last up we have Amy,
我被告知她有一个非常惊人的发现
who I'm told has made a startling discovery.
我这里看到 艾米 你是在泥土里...
I see here, Amy, that you discovered this item--
发现的这个东西
In the mud.
在泥土里
In the mud.
我知道 真抱歉
Well, I know. I'm sorry...
我他妈怎么跟你说的
What I fucking tell you, huh?
还要我跟你说几次
How many times I got to tell you?
椒盐脆饼干是专门给付费客人的
Pretzels are for paying customers only!
懂吗
Okay?
下一次我就用你的脑袋当母球打
Next time I'll use your head as a fucking cue ball.
谁碰了电... 谁碰了电视
Who touched the T-- who touched the TV?
我他妈要说多少次...
How many fuckin'--
是我
Hey, hey, it's me.
你说的对 厉鬼要回来了
You were right, evil's coming back.
你找到了一本用闪族古语写的书
And here you've found a book written in ancient Sumerian.
有趣
Curious.
"有趣"是值钱的意思吗
Does "Curious" Mean valuable?
这个看起来是某种...
This appears to be some sort of...
记叙性文体
descriptive passage.
[咒语]
Conda anu astratta alaktu...
你知道 对付那些小丑
You know with most of these clowns,
我得强势一点 但为了你
I got to play hardball, but for you?
软管夹半价
Hose clamps are half-off.
这些是世界上最棒的
These are the best in the world.
你戴上 它们会卡得很紧
You put them on, they grip tight.
不会滑脱松开 或像其他玩意儿那样裂开
They don't slip, slide, stretch, or tear like other things.
[咒语]
... estaro ces reche.
[咒语]
Sarr des kanda...
[咒语]
Kanda...
[咒语]
kanda?
什么
What?
显然你发现了一本古籍
Apparently you've found an ancient text,
也就是死灵之书
known as the Necronomicon-Ex Mortis.
亡者之书
The Book of the Dead.
那是好...的吗
Is that... good?
这本书包含符文
The book, is said to hold spells
和咒语
and incantations that,
如果大声念出...
if read out loud...
就会连接阴间的恶魔
... could connect the demons of the netherworld,
和我们自己的...
with our own--
软管最重要的地方在于
Most important thing about a hose,
它的直径和长度
is its width, and its length.
尤其是长度
Mostly the length.
技术故障
我们计划的节目将稍后恢复
Our scheduled broadcast will resume in a moment.
我还为另外两个节目付费了呢
I paid for two more spots!
好 两个墨西哥鱼饼
Okay, we got two fish tacos.
巴勃罗家的炸鱼薯条
好啦
Bam!
还有你的五金件
We got your hard drive.
-是我的 谢谢 -好好享用
- That's me. Thank you. - Enjoy.
稍等
Excuse me.
该死
Oh! Shit--
你是谁
Who are you?
在古罗马 他们称我为烈火恶魔女
Well in Rome, they called me mulier daemonium de igne.
烈火恶魔女
Demon woman of fire.
在古希腊 他们称我为
And in Greece, they called me
地狱恶母
ágria ti mitéra apó tin kólasi.
地狱恶母
Fierce mother from hell.
但在这个愚昧的时代 他们只叫我露比
But in these benighted times, they just call me Ruby.
给我