艾比酒吧

「艾比酒吧」是在户外观众面前现场摄制的
"Abby's" Is filmed in front of a live outdoor audience.
好了 今晚
Okay, tonight's round
竞猜萝西鬼画内容的环节现在开始
of guess that terrible Rosie drawing starts...now.
天哪 按你的水平 这画得也够烂的
Good God, that is terrible even for you.
-给点提示 -她很有名
- All right, hint. - She's really famous.
伊丽莎白女王
Queen Elizabeth.
奎因·莱提法
Queen Latifah.
可能是奥普拉
Maybe Oprah?
-第二条提示 -她是一名现代歌♥手
- Okay, hint number two. - She's a modern singer.
贝特·迈德尔
Bette Midler.
老兄 她说了是现代的
What? Dude, she said modern.
那就是
Uh, well then, um...
爱莉安娜·赛琳娜
Ariani Seleno.
弗雷德把爱莉安娜·格兰德和赛琳娜·戈麦斯搞混了
第三条也是最后一条提示
Okay, third and final hint.
丘拉维斯塔加油站
Chula Vista gas station.
-布莱妮·斯皮尔斯 -正确
- Britney Spears! - Yes!
27秒
27 seconds!
我还是坚持奎因·莱提法
I stand by Queen Latifah.
艾比酒吧
第一季 第二集
小艾
Hey, Abs.
你能把围墙旁边的树修剪一下吗
Any chance you could trim that tree by the fence?
上面总是有这种尖尖的球
It's dropping these spiky little gumball things
-掉到我家后院里 -我可喜欢它们了
- into my backyard. - Oh, I love these things.
小时候 我一直用它们做奇怪的小耳环
When I was a kid, I used to make creepy little earrings
我小的时候 我奶奶会用它们砸我
When I was a kid, my granny used to chuck 'em at me.
她真是个恶魔
She was a monster.
只是我的按♥摩♥浴缸被它们弄脏了
Yeah, it's just my Jacuzzi is littered with 'em,
这是我唯一能在家里不受儿子们打扰的地方
and that's the only place at home where I can escape my boys.
他们五岁的时候 我告诉他们
When they were five, I told them
那些喷口会把他们吸进下水道
the jets could suck them down the drain
然后把他们倒进太平洋里
and spit them into the Pacific.
他们现在还是这么以为的
They still believe it.
-这些傻小子啊 -我不太确定 贝丝
- Oh, those dummies. - I don't know, Beth.
我挺喜欢这些树现在的样子
I like the trees the way they are.
再说 那些树枝
Plus, those branches
可以帮我挡住亨利的阳台
block my view of Henry's backyard.
他光着腚游泳 光着腚做瑜伽
He swims nude. He does yoga nude.
还光着腚教瑜伽
He teaches yoga nude.
教其他光着腚的人
To other nude people.
-这忙我帮不了 -艾比
- I can't help you. - Uh, hey, Abby.
有些酒吧规矩太离谱了
Some of these bar rules are ridiculous.
「第89条 不许聊梦」
"Eighty-nine. No talking about your dreams"?
如果你真的做了个好梦
Well, what if you had a real doozy
比如你和奥巴马一起开了家餐馆
where you and Barack Obama opened up a restaurant toge--
-不 -不行
- Uh. No. - No, no, no.
好吧 我懂你们意思
All right, fine. I can take a hint.
我知道自己不受待见
I know when I'm not wanted.
让我把这枚硬币
I was just gonna go put this quarter
投进点唱机里 这是密苏里州的硬币
in the jukebox--but it's Missouri!
我的天哪
Oh, man!
我找密苏里州的硬币找了好久了
I've been looking for a Missouri for quite some time.
你们可能已经猜到了
As you might have guessed, I collect
我收集不同州的硬币 而密苏里州的
the state quarters, and Missouri is--
它们可不是随随便便就能搞到手的
well, let's just say they don't grow on trees, my friends.
我不能把它浪费在一首无聊的歌♥上
I can't use this on a dumb song.
搞得我有点为难
I'm in quite a pickle here now.
你看 我这里什么样的零钱都有
Lookee, I got all kinds of change here.
去把它花了吧 就在那边
Why don't you go spend it. Way over there.
-谢了 弗雷德 -好了
- Thanks, Fred. - Okay.
你的房♥东 比尔
Okay, so your landlord, Bill,
他现在就待这了 还要一直影响我们吗
he's just here now, interacting with us forever?
是啊 这是个问题 都聚过来
Yeah, it's a problem. Okay, huddle up.
你们还记得这里有老鼠的时候吗
Do you remember when we had the mice
我们那时候根本没法敞开了玩
and it was impossible to enjoy ourselves?
这就像那些老鼠一样
Well, this is just like the mice, okay?
别担心 我会解决的
Don't worry. I'll handle it.
你是要用花生酱把比尔引到一根塑料管里
So you're going to lure Bill into a plastic tube
然后再把他放到巴尔博亚公园里
using peanut butter and then release him in Balboa Park?
不是的 你觉得那样会有用吗
No. Would that work, do you think?
没用 对吧
No, right?
弗雷德 提醒你一下
Hey, Fred. Just an FYI.
你的那堆硬币里有很多只是纽扣而已
A lot of this change is just buttons.
比尔
Hey, uh, Bill.
我感觉我们最近占用了你很多时间
I feel like we've been taking up a lot of your time lately.
你的生活中肯定有很多人
There must be tons of other people in your life
渴望着能够
who are just desperate to get a...
-和比尔相处 -不见得
- a hot slice of Bill. - Not really.
我的大多数「朋友」
Most of my "Friends" are at "Trivia Night"
都去参加我前妻的「竞猜问答之夜」了
with my ex-wife, so, you know,
如果我去的话 会有点尴尬
if I showed up there, it would be a little awkward.
不试试你怎么知道 对吧
Well, you never know unless you try though, right?
上周我试过了
I did try last week actually.
我唯一不知道答案的问题是
Yeah, the only question I didn't know the answer to is,
「那个陌生人是谁 他的手
"Who is that strange man and why is his hand
怎么搂着我前妻的腰」
on my ex-wife's lower back?"
如果你只是读了一遍这些规矩的话
You know, you're never gonna really understand the bar
你是理解不了这家酒吧的精髓的
if you're just reading through the rules, you know?
也许你应该去坐一坐后面的长凳
Maybe you should just go sit on the back benches.
-和大家认识一下 -她说得对 比尔
- Get to know the people. - She's right, Bill.
你就这样直接占了自己的座位
It's not really fair that you just got your own seat
而没有像其他人一样慢慢提升自己的等级
at the bar without having to come up through the ranks
-这很不公平 -出大事了
- like everybody else. - Shocker.
那个高个子白人直接跳到最高级了
The tall, white man got to skip to the head of the line.
拜托
Come on.
因为这是我的房♥产 所以我才能跳级
I only got to skip ahead because this is my property.
这里为什么是你的房♥产
And why is it your property?
不是因为我个子高或因为我是白人
It's not because I'm tall or white.
因为这是从我富有的姑妈那边继承来的
It's because I inherited from my rich aunt,
光明正大
fair and square.
看来我真是个问题 是吗
Wow, I am truly part of the problem, aren't I?
那就去找解决办法吧
So go be part of the solution.
站起来 到人群里面坐一坐
Get on back there. Sit amongst the people.
就好像「卧底老板」一样
It'll be like "Undercover Boss."
不同的是大家都知道你是谁
Except everybody knows who are you are.
而且你还不是老板
And you're not the boss.
好吧 我试试
All right, I'll give it a try.
我还挺喜欢「卧底老板」的
I mean, I do love "Undercover Boss."
那帮家伙以为自己在骗谁啊
Those wigs. I mean, who do they think they're kidding?
你的意思是托尼·格温这么厉害
So you're saying Tony Gwynn's big paunchy belly
-是因为他的大肚子 -没错
- is what made him good? - Yeah.
脂肪就是能量 戴尔
Fat is energy, Dale.
这是科学
That's science.
聊棒球呢 伙计们
Baseball, huh, guys?
古老的白色球类运动 对吧
The ol' white ball, isn't that right?
你们知不知道「教士」这个队名
Did you guys know that the name "Padres" Is actual a reference
取自那些在加州的海岸边
to the Franciscan priests who built missions
建立布道所的天主教牧师们
all up and down the coast of California?
你们有去过
Actually, have you guys ever been
圣·胡安·卡皮斯特拉布道所吗
to the San Juan Capistrano mission?
那里真的很美
Because it is very beautiful.
我去过煎饼店
I've been to Mission Burrito.
那地方可正宗了
Now, that place is legit.
我靠 我真希望我们也能穿凉鞋
Damn, man, I wish we could wear sandals.
那就是我为什么搬来圣地亚哥的80%的原因
That's like 80% of the reason why I moved to San Diego.
另外的20%是因为...
The other 20% is...
有驻军的地方让我感觉有安全感
military towns make me feel safe.
说的是 根据第一零三条规则
That's right. Rule number 103.
男人在酒吧里不得穿露脚趾头的鞋
No men are allowed to wear open-toed shoes in the bar
因为 「太恶心了 谁想看那个啊」
because "Gross, who wants to see that?"
根本不对 我的脚很漂亮的