艾比酒吧

他给你起的绰号♥
to a nickname he gave you?
比如宝贝小羊
Something like baby honey goat.
他有没有叫过你宝贝小羊
Did he call you baby honey goat?
是啊 你猜的可真准啊
Yep, you cracked it.
艾比 我有主意了
Aha! Abby, I got it.
还记得我们曾经有过一场很激烈的争论
Remember we had that big debate over whether
到底该买♥♥热狗机还是爆米花机吗
we should get a hot dog machine or a popcorn machine?
-记得 -你也记得自己说过
- Yeah. - And remember how you insisted
咱们这里摆不开两台机器
that we didn't have enough space for both of them?
-没错 -隆重推荐给你
- Right. - Well, I present to you
爆米狗机
The PopDog.
二合一的超强机器
A two-in-one, awe-inspiring machine
能做热狗 也能做爆米花
that both cooks hot dogs and pops corn.
这怎么可能呢
I mean, how is that even possible?
那热狗酱汁怎么办
What happens to the hot dog juice?
我靠 比尔
Damn it, Bill.
能不能不要亵渎神迹
Would you stop dissecting the miracle?
让你的生活为魔法腾出些空间
Make room in your life for magic.
你们这些家伙真的超水平发挥了
All right, you guys have really outdone yourselves.
这些主意真的够蠢
I mean, these ideas are so stupid.
我都不知道怎么选了
It's hard for me to choose one.
我觉得应该使用点唱机轮盘
I think we should use the Wheel of Jukebox.
好耶
Yes.
什么是点唱机轮盘
What's the Wheel of Jukebox?
每月的第一个周日
The first Sunday of every month,
我们把点唱机里的硬币全取出来
we take all the quarters out of the jukebox.
然后转动这个轮盘
And then we spin this wheel,
指针停在谁的脸上
and whoever's face it lands on gets to decide
谁就来决定怎么花钱
how we spend the money.
小建议 与其转轮盘
Counteroffer--instead of spinning a wheel,
不如联♥系♥你父亲 然后认真讨论一下
you call your father and have an honest discussion.
太逊了
Boo!
当宽恕列车撞到宝贝小羊之后
The forgiveness train derailed
它会偏离轨道 比尔
when it hit the baby honey goat, Bill.
赶紧上车吧
Get on the stupid train.
好了 再把规矩过一遍
All right, let's go over the rules.
等等 上面没有我的照片
wait, wait, wait, my picture's not up there.
对了 我们还没给你拍正式的酒吧照
Oh, right, we haven't taken your official bar photo yet.
这样吧
So, um...
这就代替比尔了
That's Bill.
一块嚼过的口香糖
Piece of chewed gum?
不好意思 让我们把手头的事都放下
Oh, I'm sorry. Let's stop everything
然后我们就可以给你照相
so that we can take your picture,
到药房♥去打印出来
go to a drug store, print it out,
再把它剪下来之后贴上去
and then cut it out to fit on this wheel.
-你想这样吗 -不 我不
- Is that what you want? - No, it's not what--
大伙 都把手头事放了
Guys, stop everything!
我和比尔得先去趟沃尔格林药房♥
Bill and I have to go to Walgreens.
我在想 就算你花钱
I'm just thinking, even if you use the money
买♥♥了一件很蠢的东西 来刺♥激♥奥布拉多
to buy something dumb to stick it to Abelardo,
他还是会发现你把支票兑现了的
he's still gonna see that you cashed the check.
-那又如何 -也许他是想把这张支票
- So what? - Maybe he's gonna take that
作为重新回到你生活的邀请函
as an invitation to walk back into your life.
我不觉得他想这么做
No, I don't think that's what he's trying to do.
他如果想重新和我联♥系♥上
If he was trying to reconnect with me,
他也许会给我打电♥话♥ 或出现在我面前
he might have, I don't know, called me or showed up
至少也得解释287.5元是什么意思
or at least explained what 287.50 means.
可能吧
Yeah, maybe.
你知道怎么做比较好吗
You know what would be cool?
如果有一个信封
If there was an envelope
能让你写信
that you could write the letter on.
一张明信片 我刚刚说的就是明信片
A post card. I just described a post card.
好了 转轮现在开始
All right, the spinning will now commence.
先等等
All right, now, hold on a second.
我们不能出差错 好吗
We gotta do this right, okay?
为什么你是转轮的那个人
I mean, why do you get to spin?
如果要这么做 我们应该转轮决定谁来转
If anything, we should spin to see who spins, right?
比尔 别发疯了 决定谁来转轮的方式
Bill, don't be crazy. Obviously, to see who spins
是从一个装有写满后座顾客名字的乒乓球桶里
we reach into a bucket and we pull out a ping pong ball
抓一个乒乓球出来
with a back-bencher's name on it.
丹
Dan!
我不想担这么多责任
Oh, uh, I don't want that much responsibility.
忍♥着点吧 丹
Oh, suck it up, Dan.
如果你不想担这个责任
If you didn't want the responsibility,
你就不该让我们把你的名字
you shouldn't have had a name
写在乒乓球上
we could put on a ping pong ball.
听好了 丹 转到老贝丝的照片上
Listen, Dan, give that wheel the ol' Beth flick,
你想喝多少免费伏特加都行
and you'll get all the free vodka you can handle.
谢谢 但我不喝伏特加
Oh, thank you, but I don't drink vodka
因为我对土豆过敏
because I'm allergic to potatoes.
其实是所有的茄类植物
All nightshades, really.
一个茄子就能要我的命了
An eggplant could kill me.
没什么能比一个会被茄子放倒的男人
Nothing sexier than a man
更性感了
that can get taken down by an eggplant.
别听他的 丹
Don't listen to her, Dan.
顺其自然转起来就可以
You spin however it feels natural.
只要确保指针停在我的照片上
Just make sure it lands on my face.
丹 看到那块口香糖了吗
Hi, Dan. See that piece of gum there?
那代表我 而且我希望能帮斯基普
That's me, and I want to get Skip
赢到他的意面沙拉
his pasta salad.
天哪 丹 我爱你
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dan, I love you!
我什么都没做 我发誓
I did nothing. I swear.
是啊 你什么都没做
That's right, Dan. You did nothing.
我会一直记住的
And I'll always remember that.
天哪 别啊
Oh, God, no.
好吧 看来我们得买♥♥一台爆米狗机了
Well, then I guess we're getting a PopDog.
首先 我想感谢艾比
Uh, first off, I would like to thank Abby
没有她 我都不会在这
for without whom I wouldn't even be here.
当然 感谢上帝
I gotta say thank you to God, of course,
我爱你 大家伙 你太厉害了
I love you, big fella. You're amazing.
向那位发明了
Shout-out to the lady
热狗面包的女士致敬吧
who invented the hot dog buns, right?
他们本来只打算把热狗放在面包上
They were just gonna put it on bread,
但这位先驱
but this pioneer...
她有远见地说道「等一下」
she had the vision to say, "Hold on, give me a second."
艾比
Abby.
在你兑现支票前
Before you cash that check,
我找到了另一封你♥爸♥的来信
I found another letter from your dad.
-什么 -它被埋在了一堆
- What? - Yeah, it was buried
床具和浴室用具的优♥惠♥券下面了
in a stack of Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons.
下次你买♥♥浴巾的时候
Also, next time you buy bar towels,
你都可以免十二次单了
you're getting like 1,200% off.
我爸的笔迹很难认
God, my dad's handwriting is so bad.
「我一直在想你
"I've been thinking a lot about you
希望你能得到这个
And I wanted you to have this
我就能和我错过的二十三个混♥蛋♥亲热了」
so I could make out with the 23 buttholes I missed?"
我想他写的是
I think that's
补偿我错过的二十三次生日」
Make up for the 23 birthdays I missed."
-这样更说得通 -没错
- Oh! Oh, that's better. - Yeah.
上面说他为每次错过的生日补偿我25元
Says he's giving me $25 for every birthday he missed,
但由于税务原因 他分了两期寄出
but for tax reasons, he's sending it in two installments.
这张是287.5元的支票
And there's a check for 287.50.
你先打开了第二份信
You opened the second check first.
分期付款 老爸的一向作风
Installments. Classic Dad.
他也是这么付钱给我的牙医的
It's also how he paid my orthodontist.
奥托医生可不喜欢这样
Dr. Otto did not like that.
我带了八年的牙套
I had braces on for eight years.
其实 这举动挺暖心的
Actually, kind of a nice gesture.
像个好爸爸
Like a good dad.
如果这能改变你对这笔钱的感觉
Yeah, you know, if this changes the way you feel about the money