艾比酒吧

就像是什么「太潮湿了」
Oh, that's just stuff like, "It's too humid,"
又或者是「不够潮湿」
or, "It's not humid enough!"
主要是湿度问题
It's mostly just problems with humidity.
他对湿度非常敏感
He's super-sensitive to moisture.
也有可能是弗雷德讨厌人类
Oh, it could be Fred Versus Man.
「教士」输了吗
Did the Padres lose?
-他们赢了 -是怎么赢的
- Oh, they won. - Okay, but won how?
有可信度吗 他们有滥用中继投手吗
Convincingly? Did they over-use their middle relievers?
他讨厌这点
He hates that!
我不 我能知道他们赢
I don't... Look, I was proud of myself
我就很自豪了 好吗
for just knowing they won, okay?
他回来了 收好了
He's--he's coming! Okay!
大家都冷静点
Everyone be cool!
-能给我杯啤酒吗 -当然可以
- Can I get a beer? - Oh, sure.
-享受这杯冰啤吧 -在这个地方就该喝这个
- Yeah! Enjoy a cold one. - That's what this place is for!
我们都是这样的 都喝啤酒 兄弟
That's what we do here, we drink beers, buddy.
给你
There you go!
好的
Okay.
十九年间 你最后一次看弗雷德喝啤酒是好久
When was the last time you saw Fred drink a beer after 19 years?
他不是已经改喝威士忌兑可乐了吗
Didn't he already switch to Jack and coke?
对啊 而你就会想用新的苏打水枪
Yeah. And you would think with the new soda gun--
是苏打水枪
Oh! The soda gun.
他生气是因为我们雇了那个人来修苏打水枪
He's mad because we hired the guy to fix the soda gun.
老掉牙的弗雷德讨厌人类的例子
Good old-fashioned case of Fred Versus Man.
又或者是弗雷德讨厌自己
Or...or is this Fred Versus Himself?
这里水有点深啊
Some deep stuff goin' on here.
好吧 弗雷德现在很害怕
All right, so Fred's in a funk.
科里能修苏打水枪而他不能修
He's feeling bad about Cory fixing the soda gun
他因此而难过
that he could never fix.
可怜的弗雷德
Oh, poor Fred.
你觉得我和科里之间的性吸引力
You think he was also upset that Cory and I
也让他难过吗
had so much sexual chemistry?
是的 有可能
Yeah, probably.
我们得做点什么 悲伤的弗雷德让我也悲伤
We gotta do something. Sad Fred makes me sad.
会传染的 会影响整个酒吧
It's contagious. It brings down the whole bar!
看看斯基普 他就是个废物了
Look at Skip. He's a wreck!
好吧 我们让他高兴起来 有什么想法吗
All right, okay, well, let's cheer him up. Ideas?
我知道 我们送他一只兔子
I know. We could get him a rabbit.
奇怪的想法 为什么会想到这个
Weird first thought. Where did that come from?
你想要一只兔子吗
Do you want a rabbit,
还是你想要扔掉一只兔子
or do you have a rabbit you wanna get rid of?
我有个疯狂的想法 我们其中的一个人
Here's a crazy suggestion. What if one of us
去那边 跟他聊聊
went over there... and talked to him?
用嘴吗
With their mouth?
你疯了吗 弗雷德从不会向人倾诉
Are you insane? Fred doesn't talk about his feelings.
有一次 他一时软弱说他觉得「心寒」
Once, in a moment of weakness, he said he felt "Chilly,"
然后他马上让我们保证不再提起此事
and then immediately made us promise to never speak of it again.
好吧 我们先放「让弗雷德开心」的歌♥单
All right, let's just run the "Cheer Fred Up" playbook.
比尔 在点唱机上放「富家女」
Bill, go put on "Rich Girl" on the jukebox.
这是他第三喜欢的歌♥ 会使他心情愉快
It's his third favorite song. It'll put him in a good mood.
他喜欢讲述女子有钱的歌♥曲
He loves songs about women doing well financially.
詹姆斯 你去提议玩多米诺骨牌
And James, you go suggest a game of dominoes.
-好 然后我再让他赢 -没必要
- Right. Then I'll let him win. - You won't have to,
因为你从来没赢过
because you've never, ever won.
那我就不玩了
And I won't start now.
达成共识了 艾比
We're on the same page, Abby.
最后一点 弗雷德总是抱怨光线太暗
Okay, and finally, Fred's always complaining about dimness,
我们把灯开亮一点
so we'll turn the lights up a little bit.
如果这些都不管用 我就打电♥话♥给宠物店
And if none of that works, then I'll call the pet store.
-詹姆斯 不行 -真抱歉
- James, no! - I'm sorry!
我都不记得我们什么时候谈过送兔子的想法
I couldn't remember where we landed on the rabbit idea.
是赞成还是反对 反对吗 是反对吗
Are we pro, con? We're con? We're con?
确定吗
Are we sure?
弗雷德讨厌光线太暗
Fred hates dimness.
总有人得硬着头皮上
Someone's gotta bite the bullet.
这有用吗 上面写着
Does this help? It says here,
在受到一次致命的电击后
"After a fatal electrocution,
身体通常会呈现黑色或灰色
the body typically presents as black or gray,
而眼球可能会凝固或完全消失
and the eyeballs may be jellied or missing all together."
谢谢你 詹姆斯 好建议
Thanks, James. Cool tip.
好了 继续啊
Okay, get back in there.
快去 你能行的
Come on. You got this.
我的天 贝丝 好怕怕呀
Oh, my God, Beth, that was so scary!
不怕不怕 没关系 你做到了
Hey! Shh, it's okay. It's okay, now. You did it!
你插上电源了
You plugged in that thing!
你好 真抱歉
Ah, excuse me, I'm so sorry.
可以我先点歌♥吗
Do you think that I could go first?
我们要实施一个计划
We sort of have a plan unfolding here.
那计划就是 我要放一首赛德的歌♥
Yeah. The plan is I'm gonna put on Sade
然后和泰德亲热
and go make out with Ted.
事情是这样的
Ah...here's the thing. Um,
我从没有参与过任何计划
I never really get to be part of the plan, you know,
所以这对我来说很重要
so this is a very big deal for me.
在我童年时 我们经常搬家
When I was a child, we moved around a lot--
安吉 让他来放歌♥
Angie, let him play his song.
我们都知道 有没有歌♥你都会和泰德亲热
We both know you're gonna make out with Ted either way.
谢谢你
Thank you.
BGM: Rich Girl by Daryl Hall And John Oates
♪ You're a rich girl and you've gone too far ♪
♪ 'Cause you know it don't matter anyway ♪
♪ You can rely on the old man's money ♪
♪ You can rely on the old man's money ♪
♪ It's a bitch, girl, but it's gone too far ♪
♪ 'Cause you know it don't matter anyway ♪
弗雷德 有什么新鲜事吗
Oh! Ha. Hey, Fred, what's goin' on?
没什么大事 地掷球比赛打得有点混乱
Not much. Bocce got a little ugly.
特丽萨赌输 赔了狗
Teresa lost the dog,
然后她又拿自己的孩子去赌 想赢回狗和孩子
and she went double or nothing for their kids.
我们已经很久没有
Uh...you know it's been a long time
一起玩多米诺骨牌了
since we played a game of dominoes.
拜托 对那些把孩子拿去赌的人你都没反应吗
Really? No reaction at all to people betting their human children?
我现在还无法承受这些
I can't take that on right now.
-有什么进展吗 -还不好说
- Anything? - I can't tell.
詹姆斯来了
Oh, here comes James.
弗雷德没跟来 发生什么事了
Without Fred. What happened?
他不想玩游戏 更糟的是
He didn't feel like playing. And it gets worse.
他说他要去自己车里抽烟
He said he was gonna go smoke a cigarette in his car.
老天 他是想加速患上肺气肿
Oh, dear God, he's trying to fast-track emphysema.
没错 现在兔子听起来没那么傻了 对吧
Yeah. Rabbit idea ain't looking so stupid now, is it?
所以现在是什么情况
So what happens now?
好了 让我们总结一下事情的原委
All right, let's take stock.
弗雷德疯了 因为他没法修好苏打水枪
Fred's mad 'cause he couldn't fix the soda gun,
但是有人能修好 我们又一次
and someone else could. Once again,
低估了男人的自尊心有多不堪一击
we have underestimated the fragility of the male ego.
既然我们已经别无选择了
Since we've exhausted all the other options,
我觉得是到出绝招的时候了
I think it's time to pull out the big gun.
我们不如授予他吉祥币
I say we give him The Token.
-吉祥币 -吉祥币是什么
- The Token? - What's The Token?
吉祥币是个传奇宝物 比尔
The Token is the stuff of legend, Bill.
它可要追溯到2015年呢
It dates back to 2015.
在第二轮农夫保险公开赛上
It was the second round of the Farmers Insurance Open.
菲尔·米克尔森刚在多利松球场八区果岭开球
Phil Mickelson had just come off the green of Torrey Pines number 8.
他的球位标就从口袋里滑了出来
His ball marker slipped right out his pocket.
被我捡到了
I grabbed it.
好吧
Okay.
所以这个吉祥币 这个将会解决
So The Token, this magical talisman
我们所有问题的神奇护身符其实就是
that's gonna solve all of our problems,
詹姆斯从高尔夫球手那里偷走的一块塑料
is actually a piece of plastic that James stole from a golfer.
没错 但更重要的是
Yes. But more importantly,
吉祥币可以赐予其所有者
The Token bestows upon the holder
在艾比酒吧的一项特权
a special privilege here at Abby's--
-一周无限畅饮 -无限畅饮
- one week of unlimited free drinks. - Unlimited drinks?
听起来像场即将开庭的官司一样
That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
应该有人站出来把吉祥币丢进垃圾桶