艾比酒吧

想不出什么好方法了
Well, can't think of anything,
我想你在艾比酒吧有个固定演出了
so I guess you have yourself a gig at Abby's.
太好了 太棒了
Yes! This is amazing!
布兰登会很兴奋的 他可能要吃东西
Brandon's gonna be so excited. He might eat food.
好了 该好好谈谈了
Okay, it's time to get serious.
也许我们可以骗过萝西一次
Maybe we can get away with lying to Rosie once,
但每周都骗可能吗
but every week?
大多数晚上这里都有50人
There's 50 people here most nights.
总会有人露馅的
One of them is gonna slip up,
就算他们记得假装喜欢 詹姆斯也会说漏嘴
either because they forget or because they're James.
她说得对 我很有可能会搞砸
She's right. There's a high possibility I'm gonna blow this.
你得告诉萝西真♥相♥
You gonna have to tell Rosie the truth.
我做不到 我不想伤了萝西的心
I can't. I don't want to break Rosie's heart.
她年轻 她有个梦想
You know, she's young, and she has a dream.
你们不记得怀揣梦想是什么感觉了吗
Don't you remember what it's like to have a dream?
我原来还想在海洋世界训练虎鲸
I mean, I wanted to train killer whales at SeaWorld
美国纪录片 讲述海洋世界残忍♥训练虎鲸的故事
但是之后就拍了《黑鲸》
but then you know Blackfish.
-我想设计手♥机♥应用 -真的吗
- I wanted to design apps. - Hey, really?
詹姆斯 我是个不错的程序员
You know, James, I'm a decent coder.
事实上 我已经编了几个自己的应用程序
In fact, I've written several of my own applications.
不是那些程序
Not those type of apps.
我是说像布法罗鸡肉爆♥炸♥器
I mean like buffalo chicken blasters
或者是烤土豆爆♥炸♥器这种
or baked potato blasters.
但别人已经发现了所有有用的爆♥炸♥器
But they already discovered all the good blasters.
我一直梦想着成为一个脱下圆领套衫的人
I always dreamed of being a man who could pull off a turtle neck.
-我跟你们说 我还是 -不
- And you know what, I still co-- - No.
你不行
You can't.
当我在做律师时
When I was practicing law,
我想为那些因自然灾害而流离失所的人
I wanted to start a nonprofit
建立一个非盈利组织
for people displaced by natural disasters.
然后我每个周六都很累 我就想
Then I was so tired on Saturdays, it was just like,
「他们会没事的」
"Eh, they'll be fine."
我想结一次婚
I wanted to just be married once.
-老天 -搞什么鬼
- Oh. - For crying out loud.
各位 看看萝西
Guys, look at Rosie right now.
她在告诉她父母 自己的梦想就要实现了
She's telling her parents that her dreams are about to come true.
我不能夺走这一切
I can't take that away from her.
那我们怎么办
So what do we do?
我们为什么不在尼莫酒吧给她安排个演出呢
Why don't we get her a gig at Nemo's?
想想看
Think about it.
那是个更大的场地 他们有舞台
It's a bigger venue. They have a stage.
还有真正的音响设备
And actual sound equipment.
那里的观众是很老 但要的就是这种老观众
Yeah, the audience is old, but they're the kind of old
如果他们不喜欢 那反倒是一种赞美
where if they don't like it, it's a compliment.
奇怪的完美契合
It's weirdly perfect.
那里也有真正的乐队演奏
Yes, and also real bands used to play there.
以前只要5美元你就能买♥♥瓶啤酒
Back in the day for five bucks you could get a beer
还可以从名人身上感染性病
and an STD from someone really famous.
不是个坏主意
It's not a bad idea.
但为什么尼莫会帮助我们
But why would Nemo help us?
你们没听见我刚才讲的拉尔夫店故事吗
Did y'all not hear my Ralph story earlier?
有人看了我一眼 艾比
I got a look, Abby.
眼神很不客气
A dirty look.
跟他们做个交易就好
I'm just gonna have to make a deal.
估计没有比这更难办的事了
It'll be the hardest thing I've ever done,
但是 贝丝 安排下
but, Beth, set it up.
等等 和尼莫做交易
Wait a second. Making a deal with Nemo
是你做过的最困难的事吗
is gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done?
不 我是个海军陆战队 但一旦我开始讲
No, man, I was a marine, but if I start talking
我如何用手榴弹炸掉一座桥
about how I blew up a bridge with a hand grenade
所有人就会很兴奋
then everyone would get turned on
我们就没时间谈了
and we don't have time for that.
听好了 他们走到门口
Listen to this. They walk over to the door.
他们转过身来 看着我
They turn around and look back at me.
我知道我再也不会看见
And I knew that I would never see
查克·诺里斯或者法兰·德瑞雪了
Chuck Norris or Fran Drescher ever again.
这个故事太棒了
That is an amazing story.
当然了 克拉克
It sure is, Clark. It--
你的啤酒好像快喝完了
Looks like you about done with that beer.
介意我帮你处理空杯吗
Mind if I take that empty off you?
当然不 谢谢你
Oh, sure. Thanks, man.
艾比酒吧对待用过的餐具可是很认真的
Oh, we're very serious about our dirty dishes here at Abby's.
雷蒙
Ramón.
我想你们也该放轻松一点了
I think it might be time to relax a little.
你的鞋上沾了些泥
You got some mud on your shoes.
想和我说说这是怎么搞的吗
Wanna tell me how that happened?
我不想说这件事
I'd rather not talk about it.
我想知道为什么
I wonder why. Hm.
告诉我们 克拉克 告诉我们真♥相♥
Just tell us, Clark. Just tell us the truth.
为什么你的鞋上有泥
Why is there mud on your shoes?
好吧
Okay.
我今天把我的狗埋了
I buried my dog today.
它的名字叫嬉皮士
Yeah, his name was Romper.
它是只乖狗狗
He was a good dog.
我会想念它的
I'm gonna miss him.
-没事的 兄弟 -这是它的照片
- It's okay, buddy. - Here's a picture.
-老天 -这是它死前的照片
- Oh, boy. - This is before he was dead.
是啊 它看起来很有活力
Yeah, he looks alive here.
你看 别担心 心爱的宠物
See, don't worry. There's a place where
死后会去一个叫做彩虹桥的地方
beloved pets go when they die called the Rainbow Bridge.
我相信嬉皮士现在正在那里快乐玩耍呢
And I'm sure Romper's up there playing right now
和我的狗一起 它叫雷蒙...詹姆斯
with my old dog, Ramó--James.
想看看照片吗 在这里
Want to see a picture? Here he is.
-我也有照片 -好的
- I got a picture too. - Okay.
这是我之前养的狗 爪爪先生
It's my old dog, Mr. Paw-dre.
我是这么拼的 P-A-W 同理D-R-E
I spelled it P-A-W... and the D-R-E is the same.
-有道理 -看看它吧
- Makes sense. - Look at him.
我想如果警♥察♥真的来找那个逃犯
Well, I think if the police do come looking for that fugitive,
这场婚礼将会是一个很好的不在场证明
this wedding is gonna be a pretty good alibi
我们不是非法经营的户外酒吧
that we're not running an illegal outdoor bar here.
唯一的问题是我看不懂这张座位表
Only problem is I can't figure out this seating chart.
这是场假婚礼 兄弟
It's a fake wedding, buddy.
没错 但是我在和我前妻的婚礼安排中
Yeah, but, you know, my ex-wife--she didn't really
并没有发言权 所以我终于可以计划
give me a say in our wedding, so I'm finally getting to plan
自己一直想要的婚礼了
the wedding that I've always wanted.
猜猜婚礼上的惊喜是什么
Hey, wanna guess the surprise wedding favor?
多肉宝宝 我实在憋不住要告诉别人了
It's baby succulents. I just had to tell somebody.
时间到了 艾比
It's time, Abby.
等等等等
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
趁你们还在这儿
While I still have you guys here,
玻璃瓶里放蜡烛 会不会太老套了
candles in mason jars, chic or are we over that?
行吧
Fine.
-艾比 -尼莫
- Abby. - Nemo.
-贝丝 -弗林戈
- Beth. - Fringo.
该死 你明知道我叫泰迪
Damn it, you know my name is Teddy!
够了
All right!
艾比 我得赶紧回去了
Abby, I got to get back soon.
贝丝说你要找我帮忙
Beth said you need a favor.
没错 我想让你在酒吧每周提供一次
Yeah, I need you to offer someone
演出机会 付费演出
a weekly gig at your bar, a paid gig.
-我不会花钱请人 -不是
- I'm not paying someon-- - No.
我会先付你钱 然后你再付给他们
I would pay you so you could pay them,
但是你要对别人说 乐队是你花钱请的
but as far as everybody knows, the gig's legit.
我或许可以帮上忙
I might be able to do that.
但天下没有免费的午餐 马尾辫
But you don't get something for nothing, Ponytail.
泰迪 把我们的需求清单给她
Teddy, give her the list of the stuff we want.
「用普通牙签
"Switch to regular toothpicks
代替塑料小叉
Instead of the little plastic swords.
塑料小叉是我们专用的」
The swords are our thing."
好吧 随你们便