艾比酒吧

就是在一位女士的厨房♥里
that was in this lady's kitchen.
地板都是灰尘 到处都是动物
And the floors were dirt, and there were animals everywhere.
还没人在意
And no one even minded.
我看见你有地掷球
And I saw that you have bocce.
在南非 他们叫它博拉斯克里-瓯-拉斯
You know, in South America, they call it bolas cri-oh-las?
你是说博拉斯克里拉斯吗
Oh, do you mean bolas criollas?
接近了 是博拉斯克里-欧...
Oh, so close. Bolas cri-oh--
好了 莎伦 不如
Okay, Sharon, why don't--
不如我带你在酒吧里逛逛吧
why don't I show you around the bar a little bit?
这位先生是斯基普
Uh, well, this gentleman here is Skip.
他被判过失杀人罪不成立 但他确实杀了人
He was acquitted of manslaughter, but he did it.
-妈呀 -我们走
- Yikes! - Let's go.
我很讨厌她
Wow, I hate her a lot.
你们看见她想纠正艾比的西班牙语吗
Did y'all see her try to correct Abby's Spanish?
莎伦永远不知道她当时离死亡有多近
Sharon will never know how close she was to dying just then.
-很棒吧 -是的
- Pretty cool, huh? - Yeah.
看到后面那个飞镖靶了吗
Oh, you see that dartboard back there?
-是我把它放在那里的 -那很难吗
- I figured out where to put it. - Was that hard?
不 我想不是的 需要考虑一些角度
Well, no, I guess not. There were angles to consider.
是一整个过程
It was--it was a whole process.
看到你过得很好我很高兴
Well, I'm glad to see you're doing better.
我只是不太确定你有没有把衣服扎好
Although, I'm not so sure about the untucked look.
系上皮带你看起来会好很多
I like the definition that a belt gives you.
不然 你看起来就像游泳池里圆柱形的浮条
Otherwise, you look like a pool noodle.
是的是的 这一定是不小心能松了
Yeah, yeah, this must have come untucked by accident.
显然我上网冲浪没看标题为
I definitely didn't click on a link that said
「一招让你火♥辣♥程度暴涨三成」的教程
"Look 30% hotter with this one simple trick."
听着 莎伦 我邀请你过来
Listen, Sharon, I invited you here
因为我要问你点事
because I need to ask you something.
我也要问你点事
Oh, I wanted to ask you something too.
你有没有把我们网飞的密♥码♥泄露出去
Did you give our Netflix password away?
有人看了几百部悲剧电影
Someone's been watching, like, hundreds of sad movies.
几乎每一部都有个标签
I mean, like, everything labeled
「白人青少年催泪电影」
"Caucasian Teenage Tearjerker."
是啊 就是这样
Yeah, yeah, that--that is it.
我把我们的网飞账号♥给了一个很可悲的人
I gave our Netflix password to a very, very sad man.
酒吧不许用手♥机♥
Hey, no phones allowed at the bar.
抱歉 艾比的规矩
Oh, sorry, Abby's rules.
是我们的规矩 我们是一个团队
I mean, our rules, because we're a team, you know?
她就像蝙蝠侠 我就像蝙蝠侠的冷酷房♥东
She's like Batman, and I'm like Batman's chill landlord.
要回门票的进度如何了
So how's it going getting those tickets back?
进展很不错
Oh, really great.
我的自尊跌入谷底
Uh, my self-esteem is at an all-time low,
我的火♥辣♥程度也暴减三成
and also, I look 30% less hot now.
这么看来 没有我们的帮助
Okay, so it appears that Bill isn't going to be able
比尔是没法直面他的前妻的
to stand up to his ex-wife without our help.
拜托 艾比 要有信心
Come on, Abby. Have some faith.
他还是有机会能自己迈出这一步的
There's a chance that he can pull this out on his own.
我真不行 帮帮我吧
No, I really can't. Please help me.
好吧 我们会帮你
Okay, okay, we will.
有没有什么方法可以把莎伦支开
Any ideas on how we distract Sharon in the meantime?
是有个办法
Well, there is one thing,
但不太适合胆小的人去做
but it's not for the faint of heart.
可以找人问莎伦看她的旅行照片
Someone could ask to see Sharon's travel photos.
至少可以耗上一个小时 或许更久
Now, it's going to take at least an hour, maybe more.
尽量别看牙买♥♥加的旅游照片
Just--just try and skip the Jamaica album,
因为看见我的次数会比你想象得多
because you might see more of me than you bargained for.
好吧 比尔 为了你 我豁出去了
Okay, Bill. For you, I'll do it.
我也来帮忙
I'll help.
过去五年我一直假装对医学感兴趣
I faked being interested in medicine for five years
好让我的父母爱我 这是我拿手好戏
so my parents would love me. This is my jam.
莎伦 听说你去过很多地方旅游
Sharon, uh, I heard you travel a lot.
有没有什么照片能让我们看看
Do you have any pictures we can see?
当然
Absolutely.
我在孟买♥♥拍的照片对我意义重大
My pictures from Mumbai are life-changing.
那里的人生活在极端的贫困里
Oh, the people live in abject poverty,
但他们却是如此开心
and yet, they're so happy.
都拍在我的平板里了 我去拿
I captured it all on my iPad. Let me go get it.
太好了
Hooray!
平板的电量有多少
How much battery life does an iPad have?
你不会想知道的
You don't want to know.
比尔 你不能任由她让你觉得自卑
Bill, you can't let her make you feel bad about yourself.
她没有让我感到自卑
Well, she doesn't make me feel bad.
她只是在某种程度上解释了我为什么应该自卑
She just sort of explains why I should,
经她这么一说 就有道理多了
and it makes a lot of sense when she says it.
好吧 我们要给你打气
All right, well, we're going to pump you up,
确保你可以承受
and make sure you can take
她对你的任何贬低 好吗
whatever she throws at you, all right?
比尔 你很棒
Bill, you're great.
你很高 身材方正
You're so tall, and you're rectangular.
头发浓密
And you got a lot of hair up here,
没有胸毛
and none of that hair right here.
换个人继续说
Someone else tag in here.
你很聪明 你是房♥主
Uh, you're smart. You're a homeowner.
-你很高 -艾比说过了
- You're tall. - Yeah, Abby said that one.
你记忆力很好
You got a great memory.
好了 现在你自信了吗
All right, buddy. You feeling confident?
-是的 -很好
- Yeah. - Okay.
该你上场了
It's time to get in the ring.
你不能让她把你击垮 好吗
You can't let her tear you down, okay?
而且 你得告诉自己
Instead, you got to tell yourself
「我是比尔 我很坏 而且我喜欢这样」
"I'm Bill, I'm bad, and I'm loving it."
好的 来吧
Yeah, yeah, let's do this!
好吧 我得请你
All right, I'm going to need you
先平稳一下情绪
to dial it down a little bit,
但我很欣赏你的热情
but I appreciate the enthusiasm.
你能行的
You can do this.
你得坚持自己的立场
You just got to stand your ground,
看着她的眼睛说 「莎伦
look her straight in the eye, and say "Sharon,
马上把门票还给弗雷德」
give Fred back those tickets right now."
快给弗雷德 他需要门票」
Give them to Fred! He needs them!"
这是我在旅途中吃到过的第三好的炖菜
Oh, and this is the third best ratatouille i had on my trip.
人们觉得巴黎是美食之都
People think Paris is the food capital of France,
但是 告密预警 里昂才是
but, spoiler alert, it's Lyon. Shh.
这怎么就算告密了
But what would that be spoiling?
莎伦 我们得谈谈
Sharon, I need a word with you.
失陪了
Oh, excuse me.
詹姆斯 机会来了 快跑
James, here's our chance. Run!
跑哪去 马德里还是巴塞罗纳
Yeah, but run where? Madrid, Barcelona?
不管我们跑去哪 她都会去那旅游的
No matter where we go, she's going to visit.
莎伦 我有事要告诉你
Okay, Sharon, there's something
这件事非常重要
that I have to tell you, and it's very important.
我是比尔 我很坏 而且我喜欢这样
I'm Bill, I'm bad, and I am loving it.
默念 比尔 默念
To yourself, Bill. To yourself.
我的意思是 我想要回♥教♥士队的门票
What I mean is, I would like the Padres tickets back.
我不知道这些票对你来说这么重要
Oh, I didn't know they meant that much to you.
-当然可以还给你 -太好了 宝贝
- Sure, you can have them back. - Yes, baby!
抱歉
Oh, sorry. Uh--uh--
有个孩子问了我个问题 答案是好的
A baby asked me a question, and the answer was yes.
在我车上的置物箱里
They're in my glove compartment.
你想陪我去车上拿吗
Do you want to come out to my car with me and get them?
-当然 -我一直把票放在那
- Sure. - I keep them in there
你永远也料不到什么时候能赶上去看一场比赛
because you never know when you can make a game.
我一次都没赶上
In my case, not once.
一次都没
Not once?
那些票就白白放在她的车里
And the tickets are just sitting in her car,
-慢慢腐烂 就像 -一条大死鱼一样
- rotting like some-- - Giant dead fish.
他们正站在她的车旁
They're standing by her car.
她有没有把票交给他
Has she handed him the tickets yet?
不知道 她一直在说话
I don't know, she's just talking a lot