艾比酒吧

我刚买♥♥的这块就很疯狂
I just bought this crazy one.
指针是固定的
The hands are feet.
太厉害了
Remarkable.
介意我跟比尔说两句吗
Mind if I take Bill here for a second?
非常抱歉 我朋友太粗鲁了
So sorry. My friend is so rude.
但是我很高兴见到你
But it was great seeing you.
我刚刚差点死在那里 谢了
I thought I was gonna die just now--thank you.
爱尔兰式告别看起来也没那么糟 对吧
The Irish good-bye isn't looking so bad now, is it?
我跟你实话实说
I'll tell you the truth.
我不在乎你有时那种爱尔兰式告别
I don't care that you Irish good-bye sometimes.
我只在乎你对我做了什么
I just care that you did it to me.
我觉得我们在友谊上取得了长足的进步
I feel like we've been making strides in our friendship.
-长足的进步 -没错 就在上周
- Strides? - Yeah. Just last week,
我向你要了一颗坚果
I asked you for one of your nuts.
你就给了我一颗
You gave me the nut.
弗雷德 我吃了那颗坚果 我很喜欢
Fred, I ate that nut, and I loved it.
如果那不是友谊 我不知道是什么
And if that's not friendship, I do not know what is.
还有一种可能
Oh, that's an option,
就是你不知道什么是友谊
that you don't know what friendship is?
-算了吧 -拜托 这是个笑话
- You know what? Forget it. - Aw, come on, it's a joke.
是吗 那一定是爱尔兰式笑话
Well, it must have been an Irish joke,
因为我也不喜欢它
because I didn't like that either.
你说什么
What the hell?
非常抱歉
I'm very sorry.
我刚意识到这句话比我今天晚上
I just realized that was more racist
抱怨的任何事都更种族主义
than anything I've been complaining about all night.
他在这里干什么
What's he doing here?
他在这里的原因是因为我邀请了他
He's here because I invited him.
因为只有一种方法可以解决这个问题
Because there's only one way out of this,
只有一个人能拯救我们所有人
and there's only one person who can save us all.
千万告诉我那个人是道格·哈弗森
Please say Doug Halverson.
不 詹姆斯 是你
No, James, It's you.
艾比 看看我 他是「磁带王子」
Abby, look at me. He's the Prince of Tape!
我们能快点吗
Can we make this quick, please?
别再用圣诞水诱惑我了
And don't try to tempt me with any more of that Satan water!
我一到家
My wife smelled it on my breath
我妻子就能闻出来
the minute I got home!
很快就好了 理查德
It'll be quick, Richard.
我只是在想你总是
I was just thinking about concerned you always are
十分关心邻里的幸福
about the well-being of the neighborhood.
这是我的第一要务
Well, it's my first priority.
但我担心你从没考虑过
But I worry that you haven't considered
艾比的宵禁对你有何影响
how an Abby's curfew might affect you.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
詹姆斯 如果你是理查德
James, if you were Richard,
酒吧晚上9点关门
and the bar closed at 9:00 p.M.,
你会担心什么
what would you be worried about?
来啊 詹姆斯 你能行的
Come on, James. You got this.
你确定吗 我通常都不是太行
Are you sure? I usually don't.
可能我从来没有行过
It's possible I never have.
来吧 把你体内那条神经质的龙释放出来
Come on. Unleash the very neurotic dragon.
我想我会担心桑迪的
Well, I guess I'd be worried about Sandy.
-谁是桑迪 -桑迪是圣地亚哥
- Who's Sandy? - Sandy's in the San Diego
停车执法人员 她特别喜欢这里
parking enforcement. She loves it here.
如果她9点就没地方喝酒了
If she's gotta stop drinkin' at 9:00,
她会发牢骚的
she's gonna get grouchy,
然后她就会把气撒在在这条街上
and she could start targeting this very street.
接着你就会有一堆你根本不知道的罚单
Now you got a bunch of tickets that you know nothing about.
-你知道为什么吗 -为什么
- You know why? - Why?
因为那边的园艺师兰迪疯了
Because Randy the landscaper over there's mad
下周他不能在这里开单身派对
that he can't have his bachelor party here next week,
所以他会用吹叶机把那些罚单从你车上吹下来
so he blows 'em off your car with his leaf blower.
-好吧 -所以现在你有一堆
- Okay... - So now you got a bunch of
未交付的停车罚单 这会影响你的信用
unpaid parking tickets, which is gonna affect your credit,
然后它会影响你的抵押贷款
which then will affect your mortgage,
这意味着你要搬进一个小公♥寓♥
which means you gotta move into a tiny condo.
卖♥♥掉你的处方风铃
And sell your prescription wind chimes.
你永远不会完成你的小说
You never finish your novel,
所以你会很沮丧 接着你就没有心情
and you're bummed, u202dso that's why you fall off
继续三十天全食疗法 然后开始吃麸质食物
the Whole 30 wagon and start eatin' gluten.
然后你的营养学家妻子就会离开你
And your nutritionist wife leaves you.
没错 所以你孤独地死去 胖死的
Yeah. So you die alone. And bloated.
这似乎是一个不太可能的结局
That seems like a pretty unlikely scenario.
这只是一个结局
Oh, that's just one scenario.
如果你想了解更多的结局 我可以告诉你
If you need more scenarios, baby, I got 'em!
-詹姆斯 差不多得了 -好吧 我说完了
- Nope, James, you can be done. - Oh, okay, I'm done.
我想我没意识到
I guess I didn't realize
提前几个小时关门对社区
how much closing a few hours earlier
造成的影响有多严重
would affect the neighborhood.
尽量保持声音小点
Just try to keep it down.
然后记得给我买♥♥个降噪耳机
And leave those noise-canceling headphones on my doorstep.
要贵的
The expensive ones!
等等 先别走
Wait, stop.
我不能继续这样下去
I can't let it go down like this.
再见 理查德
Good-bye, Richard.
回家后一定要给我们发短♥信♥
Just be sure you text us when you get home
让我们知道你很安全 好吗 再见
so we know you're safe, all right? Bye-bye.
-看看这是谁 -这是谁啊
- Whoo! - Well, now!
-你好 -伙计
- Oh, hello! - Man!
太棒了
Very nice.
第一天过得怎么样 经理先生
How was your first day, Mr. Manager?
太可怕了
Oh, it was scary.
我接了一个从亚特兰大来的电♥话♥
I had to field a call from Atlanta.
-天呐 -然后呢
- Oh! - Well...
然后有人问我是否需要星巴克的
Then somebody asked me if I wanted something
什么东西 我吓坏了
from Starbucks. I panicked.
然后我说一张CD 诺拉·琼斯
I said a CD. Nora Jones.
不错吧
Good.
总之 今天不错
All in all, today was fine.
好吧 不错就是胜利 对吧
Well, fine is a win, right?
不错就是胜利
Fine is a win!
不错就是胜利
Fine is a win!
-不错就是胜利 -好了
- Fine is a win! - All right.
好了 各位 谢谢你们
All right, you guys. Thank you.
感谢你前几天的帮助
And thank you for your help the other day.
我给你买♥♥了点东西
I got you something.
谢谢
Thanks.
包装得真好
This is really well-packed.
你知道的 我就是这么个人
Well, you know, that's what I do.
龙舌兰酒
Ooh! Tequila!
这其实是我给自己买♥♥的
That's actually for me,
以防你需要把别人赶出去
in case you need somebody else bounced again.
这是唯一的办法
That's the only way that's gonna happen.
棕榈树
Palm trees.
-什么 -棕榈树
- What? - You know, palm trees.
你在继续我们
Oh...you're picking up
前几天的话题
our conversation from the other day.
我知道我是以桉树收的尾
Well, I know I went off on eucalyptus trees,
但我真的讨厌棕榈树
but I really hate palm trees.
我也是 它们太糟了
I do too. They're the worst!
不错
Good.
我觉得这个话题有点尴尬
I thought that conversation had a little more left in the tank.
看来你选择了合适的时间休息了几天
Looks like you chose the right time to take off the other day.
如果我离开酒吧
You know, if I leave the bar
而不跟你说再见 这只意味着
without saying good-bye to you, it just means
我们已经够朋友了 而且下次见面
that we're close enough that next time
我们可以直接继续之前的话题
we can just pick up where we left off.
长足的进步 这就是长足的进步
Stride. This was a stride.
好像被我毁了 对吧
I'm ruining the stride, aren't I?