艾比酒吧

你们一定要在这讨论这个吗
Does this discussion have to take place right here?
我在做填字游戏呢
I'm working on the crossword puzzle,
是周六版的 所以我在努力集中注意力
and it's Saturday's, so I'm trying to lock in.
艾比 我是想帮你啊
Abby, I was just trying to help you.
比尔 我不需要你帮我
Bill, I did not need your help.
我用的可是钢笔啊
Okay, see, I'm doing it in ink.
要不你们去后面的凳子上吵
Maybe you guys would want to argue
或者干脆去别人家的后院吵吧
on the back benches or in a different backyard.
你把我弄得就好像是个落难的弱女子
You acted like I was some damsel in distress
需要你挺身而出似的
who needed you to come to my rescue.
没有啊 我只是...
I did not. I just--
而且你出手相救还嘟囔着
And you just had to save the day
那些个法律的词儿
with your legal mumbo jumbo,
如同身披账房♥先生行头的
like the world's most boring knight
最没劲的武林高手
in the world's most business casual armor.
我出手并不是因为我知道那些法律上的词
I didn't step in because I know legal mumbo jumbo.
我出手是因为我...
I got in there because I'm--
那个什么 因为我比你块头大
well, you know, because I'm bigger than you.
我服了你们了
You guys win.
你们这一出比填字游戏好玩儿
This is more interesting than my puzzle.
那你是觉得你很强大而我很弱小了
So you think you're so strong and I'm so weak?
比尔 我当过海军陆战队员
Bill, I was a Marine, okay?
我可以有五十种办法把你撂倒
I can take you down 50 different ways.
光是你的脖子
Look at your neck.
就可以用八招
There's, like, eight ways right there.
仅仅从一个客观的角度看
Just from an objective standpoint,
我的体型比你大 就是这样
I have a larger frame than you, that's all.
我的生理特点让我比你具备一定的机械优势
My biology gives me certain mechanical advantages.
比尔说得有点道理
Bill has a point.
比如说有个九岁的
Say there was a nine-year-old
黑带小孩想和我打架
with a black belt that wanted to fight me.
他是个黑带并不重要
It doesn't matter that he has a black belt.
他是个小不点 而我是个巨人
He's tiny, and I'm a giant.
那孩子要完蛋了
That kid is going down.
恕我直言 弗雷德
With all due respect, Fred,
我儿子们认识一个九岁的孩子
my sons know a nine-year-old
叫埃文·莱夫科维茨
named Evan Lefkowitz.
他会杀了你
He would destroy you.
无论何时 何地 任何孩子 放马过来
Anyplace, anytime, any kid.
事情是这样的 艾比 我是个工程师
The thing is, Abby, I'm an engineer.
-是吗 -又来了
- Oh, really? - Oh, that again.
作为工程师 我必须考虑牛顿力之类的东西
And as an engineer, I have to consider things like Newtonian force.
一切不过是支点位置的问题
It's all about fulcrum placement.
在这种情况下 我的手臂就是杠杆
You got one lever-- in this case, it's my arm--
有这么长呢
starts way up here.
你想看看这个肌肉泵启动时会发生什么吗
Do you want to see what happens when this pump gets primed?
因为我是不想看
Because I don't.
不 比尔 我不想看你的任何东西启动
No, Bill, I don't want to see when anything of yours gets primed.
你不知道「启动」在这里意味着什么
You don't know what primed means in this sort of--
艾比 比尔 行了吧
Abby, Bill, come on.
你们俩都是成人了
You're both adults.
这种争吵是愚蠢的
This bickering is silly.
我们应该用成熟的方式来解决这个问题
We should solve this thing in a mature, grown-up way.
你们两个应该把手放进冰桶里
The two of you should put your hands into the ice bin
放30秒 再打开一大罐橄榄
for 30 seconds and then open a big jar of olives.
是的 因为这是处理这种情况
Yes, because that is classically the correct way
最「传统正确」的方式了
to handle this sort of situation.
如果我赢 比尔就道歉
And if I win, Bill apologizes.
先说清楚 你要我因为帮了你而道歉
And just to be clear, I'm apologizing for helping you.
是的 没错
Yes, that is correct.
好吧 来吧
All right, fine, you're on.
我没有打开过很多橄榄罐
I don't open a lot of olive jars,
但我打开过很多泡菜罐
but I do open a lot of pickle jars.
而且我确信我可以把那个领域的技能
And I'm fairly certain that my skills in that area
转移到这个新的领域
will transfer over to this new area.
比尔 告诉你 这通垃圾话弱爆了
Bill, I gotta tell ya, that is some weak-ass trash talk.
这酒怎么了
Ugh, what's wrong with this wine?
难喝死了
It tastes terrible.
是渥太华的灰皮诺酒 你以为呢
It's pinot grigio from Ottawa. What do you expect?
是因为杯子
It's the mug.
这酒味道不对
The wine doesn't taste right
是因为我没有用我从里诺买♥♥的杯子
because I'm not drinking out of my Reno mug.
有没有可能 酒的味道再也不一样了
What if alcohol never tastes the same again
我就会喝的少些
and I end up drinking less?
也许我早上醒来还不会那么醉
What if I wake up in the morning feeling okay?
詹姆斯 我们的调查进展如何
James, where are we on the investigation?
还在调查中
It's, uh--it's coming along.
我只需要在亚马逊优♥惠♥上买♥♥个紫外光灯
I just need to get a black light on Amazon Prime,
所以我想大概 两个工作日送达吧
so we're looking at, like, two business days right there.
我能跟你谈谈吗
Could I speak to you for a second?
是你打破的杯子 对吧
You broke the mug, didn't you?
-你怎么知道 -你暴露了
- How did you know? - You have a tell.
每次你撒谎都那样 你不擅长撒谎
Every time you lie, you're terrible at it.
听着 我知道贝丝有点吓人
Look, I know Beth can be a little scary,
但她应该知道发生了什么
but she deserves to know what happened.
你说得对
You're right.
好吧 我去说
Okay, here I go.
-那个 贝丝 -你发现了什么
- So, Beth... - What do you got?
你找到打碎我杯子的懦弱老鼠了吗
Did you find the gutless rat that broke my mug?
我找到了 他就远在天边近在眼前
I did, and I didn't have to look too far to find him, either.
-是丹干的 -谁是丹
- It was Dan! - Who's Dan?
-我 我是丹 你需要什么吗
- Me, I'm Dan. Did you need something?
我左耳听不清楚
I can't hear well out of my left ear.
别再找借口了 丹
Enough excuses, Dan,
如果那是你真名的话
if that's even your real name.
也许你连胡子都是假的
That's probably not even your real mustache either.
好了 现在是比尔和艾比的
All right, so we got Bill versus Abby
力量及韧性的对决
in a test of strength and toughness.
如果艾比赢 比尔就道歉
If Abby wins, Bill apologizes,
如果比尔赢 我们该干嘛就干嘛
and if Bill wins, we just kind of keep goin' how we're goin'.
当我说开始 你们就把手放进冰桶里
When I say go, you both put your hands into the ice
直到我喝完我的啤酒
for as long as it takes me to finish my beer.
准备好了吗
Are you ready?
各就各位 预备 开始
On your mark, set, go.
好吧 不 感觉还好
Okay, no, this is fine.
不难受
This isn't bad.
不难受 我的天 这好难受
This isn't bad-- oh, my God, it's so bad!
弗雷德 我知道你可以喝得更快
Fred, I know for a fact you can drink faster than that.
萝西 那个男人回你短♥信♥了吗
Hey, Rosie, that guy ever text you back?
没有 他打了电♥话♥
No, he called.
所以我是对的 他是个神经病
So I was right. He is a psychopath.
刀 以指为刀
Knives, knives as fingers.
打开罐子
And...open the jars.
艾比 你能行的
All right, Abby, you got this.
小心
Nice and easy.
只要...
Just gotta--
手滑了
Butterfingers.
冷冻的手滑[黄油手] 很好吃
Frozen Butterfingers, which are delicious,
但吃完一定要去看牙医
but that's a guaranteed trip to the dentist.
-还好吗 小艾 -还好 在用力了
- Everything okay, Abs? - Yeah, just trying to get a grip.
打开了
Ah, done.
什么
What?
你们为什么看起来这么震惊
Why do you all look so shocked?
我说过我有开泡菜罐技能
I told you I had pickle jar skills.
我还预言过那些技能
I also predicted that those skills
可以转移到这个新的领域
would carry over into this new area.
你还记得吗 就在那些垃圾话里说的
Do you remember, from the trash talk?
不 不 我没输
No, no, I didn't lose.
你作弊了 你把罐子弄掉了
You cheated. You dropped the jar.
一定是磕松了
That must have loosened it.