工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S03E11
Part 1
June 28, 2021, 1:42 p.m.
我有个姨奶奶活了差不多129岁吧
I have a great Aunt who lived to be, like, 129.
噢 是吗 从生理角度来说根本不可能 别编了
Oh, cool, that's physically impossible, so nuts.
不 Derch 自然规律对她不起作用
No, Derch, physics have nothing to do with it.
她是个超人类 - 那她怎么死的
She was a human hero. - Well, how'd she die?
枪杀 被警♥察♥射中了
Gunfire... cops shot her.
噢 - 什么
Oh. - What?
没错
Yeah.
哇噢 出什么事了 - 20分钟内
Whoa, what the fug? - You have 20 minutes
把这弄干净
to clean this up.
什么 这又不是我们干的
What? We didn't do this.
这是什么 披风吗 - 说吧 谁干的
What are these, capes? - All right, who was it?
你妈干的
Your mama.
Waymond 你表现得异乎寻常地安静
Waymond, you're being uncharacteristically quiet.
是你干的吗 你要整我们吗
Did you do this to us? Is this your doing?
如果真的是你 我们可不会手下留情
'Cause if you did, we're gonna come back at you...
要来点硬的了
So hard.
没错 整过我们的人都知道
That's right, 'cause anybody who comes at us...
我们会双倍奉还的
Know that we come back at you twice as hard.
瞎吹吧 - 没错
Preach. - That's right.
你们想来硬的 我们就硬给你们看
You want us to come hard? You got us to come hard!
我们可没瞎吹 - 我睡觉都能硬起来
So seriously guys... - I come hard in my sleep!
好了 Waymond - 我要搞死你
All right, all right. Waymond... - I will shit on you!
听着 Waymond 你最好承认
Here's the deal. Waymond, you gotta fess up,
除非你想让三个比你高的爷们对你来硬的
unless you want three dudes on top of you coming hard.
倒数三 二 - 骗到你们啦
In three, two... - Bazinga!
这是你们做的吗 - B仔回来了 太好了
You guys do this? - B-rad is back, baby, yes!
他要出来了 - 耶 快把他弄出来
Oh, he's coming up top. - Yeah, get him out of here.
出来了 出来了
There we go. There we go.
耶 - 噢 我们像在接生
Yeah. - Oh, we're giving birth.
接生B仔
Giving birth to a B-rad.
好了 - 出来了
All right, man! - There he is.
快来把他身上拍干净
Everybody, dust him off.
B仔 见到你真是太好了
B-rad, it's good to see you, man.
你看起来真帅啊 - 简直容光焕发 哥们
You're looking pretty fit. - Looking good, dude.
你回城里做什么
What are you doing in town?
还有 为什么要整我们啊 伙计
Also, why'd you come at me so hard, bro?
还用了这么多塑料泡沫球
You came at us so hard with all these popcorn... s.
开个玩笑嘛 小婊砸
It was a joke, you bitch!
哇噢 有火♥药♥味了
Whoa. Shots fired.
我回来是想跟警♥察♥体验工作
I'm in town to do a ride-along with the police,
因为我在写一本关于警♥察♥的小说
'cause I'm writing a cop novel.
酷 - 哇
Cool. - Wow.
苦差事啊 - 肯定的
Gritty stuff. - I bet, dude.
但Alice想让我顺便来参加吐槽会
But Alice wanted me to stop by for the roast.
什么吐槽会 - 是啊
Roast? What roast? - Yeah.
噢 周一是Bill
Oh, Monday is Bill's
在电美工作的20周年纪念日
20th anniversary of working at Telamericorp,
所以我们要吐槽他
so we're roasting him.
太酷了 - 噢 太好了
Cool. Yeah. - Oh, nice.
那么 我们要写多少段子
All right, so, like, how many snaps should we write?
我们能羞辱他吗 能骂脏话吗
Yeah, can we work blue? Can we cuss?
还有 Bill是谁
And also, who's Bill?
呃 其实 Alice说你们不能参加吐槽会
Oh, actually, Alice said you guys don't get to do the roast.
什么 - 为什么全公♥司♥最有趣的三个人
Really? - Uh, why wouldn't
不能参加吐槽会
the three funniest guys in the office be roasting him?
你们无聊透了
You're not funny.
我无聊 我
I'm not funny? Me?
我全名可叫 Adam "段 呃 段
Adam, "The... The Laugh Ki... The Laugh... uh...
段子手" Demamp - 没错
Giver" Demamp. - Mm-hmm.
我对不良青年的101个笑话倒背如流
I know all 101 sick jokes for twisted kids.
嘿 Alice 你想知道
Oh, Alice, you want to know the difference
一堆死婴和一堆沙子的区别吗
between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand?
我不吃沙子
I don't eat sand.
好吧 随你们便
Fine. Whatever.
我们可以参加了吗 - 可以
You'll let us roast? - Yes.
耶 太棒了
Yes! Nice.
是啊 - 太酷了 我想
Yes. - So cool. I got this thing...
嘿 你真觉得我无聊吗
Hey, you honestly don't think I'm funny?
就说我 不包括那两个家伙
Just me, not talking about those guys.
你从来没有说过任何
You've honestly never said one thing I have ever found
让我觉得有趣的事 哥们
at all funny, bro.
你根本不懂什么叫有趣
What do you know about funny?
女人无聊 男人才幽默
Chicks aren't funny. Dudes are funny.
<宿醉2>那么好看 可<伴娘>就烂透了
"Hangover 2" rules. "Bridesmaids" drools.
我才不管别人怎么说
I don't care what anybody says.
我们就是全公♥司♥最幽默的人
We're the funniest people in this office.
比那老家伙幽默 - 我比她幽默
Funnier than that dad. - I'm funnier than she is.
定购了一套"自♥杀♥指♥南♥"
Got a subscription to "Suicide Illustrated!"
等等
Wait.
现在Bill想吃点零食
Now Bill is trying to get a snack?
Bill 你嘴里的东西还没吃完呢
Bill! You still gonna end up eating what you always eat.
你的大坨鼻屎
Your big-ass boogers in your nose!
嘿 我知道他们在做什么了 Bill
Hey, you know, I see what you're doing, Bill.
他们在拿你开玩笑 但是 呃
He's trying to make jokes about you, but it's, uh...
鼻涕(音似"不")有趣
it's "Snot" Funny.
是 是鼻涕(音似"不")有趣
It... it is... it's snot funny.
鼻涕 - 我是说"鼻涕"
Snot. - I said "Snot,"
因为鼻屎 和鼻涕
because the boogers... With the snot.
嘿 呃 - 都他妈
Hey, uh... - What the...
Bill是秃头 对吧 他看起来就像
Bill's so bald, right? He looks like he, uh...
像个癌症患者
like he's a cancer patient!
就快要死了
Death bed!
这家伙 呃 就是一个
This dude, um, he's a human...
有一次我见他拉在了自己抽屉里
One time, I seen that motherfucker dookie in his drawers!
拉屎 拉屎
Dookie! Dookie!
拉在抽屉里 Bill 拉在抽屉里
Dookie in your drawers, Bill, dookie in your draw...
也许Montez是对的
You know, maybe Montez is right.
我可能真的不会逗人开心
Maybe I'm not an hysterical dude.
嘿 - 我不要听
Hey! - I won't listen to it.
你很幽默 知道吗
You are funny, okay?
这世界上从来没人像他这样
No one has given me more laughs in this world
带给我欢乐 - 没错
than this guy. - Yeah.
Adam "段子手" Demamp
Adam "The laugh giver" Demamp.
谢谢 - 没错 Montez能逗大家开心
Thank you. - I mean, sure, Montez has
对吧 - 是
broad appeal, right? - Sure.
这点我们让着他 可我
We'll give him that. But I'm sorry...
我更偏于优雅 正统的英式幽默
I have a more refined, dry, British sense of humor,
就如同史上最有趣电影"王牌大贱谍"
a la the funniest movie of all time, Austin Powers.
不 - 噢 得了吧 最有趣电影
No. - Oh, please! Funniest movie of all time,
毫无疑问是"反斗智多星"第一部
no questions, Wayne's World One.
错 先生们
No, sir.
你们喜欢的都是火爆一时的大♥片♥
You guys like the big blockbusters.
没关系 这很好 我个人的话
That's cool. That's fine. Me, personally...
喜欢独♥立♥喜剧
indie comedy.
这才是我爱的类型
That's what I'm into.
我说的是印度(音似"独♥立♥")喜剧
I'm talking about Indian comedy.
最近很火很火的
Very, very, very hot right now.
"爱情导师" 那片子会引领喜剧潮流
Love Guru? That's the future of comedy.
你们都疯了吧
You guys are out of your minds.
希望没打扰你们的圆桌自♥慰♥会
I hope I'm not interrupting a circle jerk.
不是 我们在 - 我们没有在互撸
No, we were just... - We're not circle-jerking.
虽然这间屋子就是为互撸准备的
Although this would be the room to do it in.
大♥麻♥在哪 拿过来 宝贝 拿来
Where the weed at? Bring it, baby. Bring it.
他回来了 - 派对野兽
He's back. - Party beast.
你们这些下♥体♥运动员在抱怨什么呢
What are you dick gymnasts squawking about, anyway?
噢 不知道
Oh, man, I don't know.
我们只是想成为吐槽会的焦点 但是那个Montez
We just want to be the stars of the roast, but that Montez guy...
他有好多段子 - 是啊
he has so many snaps. - Yeah.
Tez就是个卡♥通♥角色
Tez is a cartoon character.
我不觉得他有趣
I don't find him funny.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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