工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S03E03
Part 2
June 28, 2021, 1:41 p.m.
对啊 - 不管付出什么代价
Yeah. - Whatever it takes, man.
我只是再也不想收到罚单了
I just don't want to get another ticket.
如果我们假装残疾 编个病 会不会奇怪啊
I mean, is it weird if we made up a handicap, like, a disease?
那种老年人记忆力减退的病
What's the disease that old people get
叫什么来着
where you start forgetting things?
是什么 - 老不死的吗
What is that? - Old timers.
但是 我不知道这主意好不好
Yeah, still, i don't know if that's a good idea.
装残疾一点都不酷
It's not cool to pretend you're handicapped.
对吧 - 哇哦
Right? - Whoa!
我想到了
I got it.
公♥司♥现在正在招人 对吧
Telamericorp is hiring, right?
可以让我们货真价实的残疾表哥Devin来这工作
We can ask our real-life handicapped cousin Devin to work here,
然后用他的残疾人停车证
and use his pass!
对啊 那肯定管用 - 对
Yeah. That'll work. - All right.
可是我好久没见他了
I haven't seen him in a while, though.
好想见到他啊
I'm excited to see him.
他不能来过感恩节
He couldn't come to Thanksgiving
因为我奶奶家房♥子有楼梯
because my grandma's house has stairs,
而他不能走楼梯
and he can't walk up stairs!
哦 天哪 那个家伙
Oh, man, that guy.
哦 老天
Oh, jeez!
这里是不是到处是猫
Are there cats everywhere?
Devin
Devin?
真是混乱啊(也是饶舌歌♥曲 指酒)
Some funky cold medina.
Adam 这哥们儿发生了什么事
Adam? What's the story with this dude?
他的名字是Devin Devin Demamp
His name was just Devin. Devin Demamp.
他就像我们一样 酷 帅 棒
He was just like us... Cool, handsome, gnar.
两年前 他看到一个小姑娘
Two years ago, he saw this little girl...
在过马路
Crossing the street.
消防车快速地冲向她 然后
This fire truck was barreling towards her and just...
吓死你 - 噢
Bam! - Oh!
天哪
Jeez!
车子直接把我撞到了四十米开外的砖墙上
Truck knocks me 40 feet straight into a brick wall.
*爷拿着政♥府♥补偿 如奥巴马·本·拉♥登♥*
*Now I'm ballin' off government checks like Obama bin laden*
哦哦 对
Oh. Oh, sure.
太棒了 - 对啊 你还记得
Yeah! - All right. You remember.
他教会我的 - 有什么事吗?
He taught me that. - What's up?
最近怎么样 - 最近怎么样啊 英雄
What's going on? - What is going on, my hero?
没啥(西语)
Nada mucho.
这对傻基佬是谁啊
Who are the, uh, butt twins?
哦 傻基佬 - 没错
Oh, the butt twins? - Yeah.
这是Ders 这是Blake
This is Ders, and this is Blake.
这我表哥Devin
This is my cousin Devin.
得了吧 叫我大肥肥
Please, call me big fat.
好 - 不 逗你玩呢
Right. - No, dummy.
把你后面的油条盘递给我
Hand me the churro plate behind you.
他耍到你 兄弟
He got you, dude.
太谢谢了 - 他耍到你 太搞笑了
Thank you so much. - He got you. He's funny.
一个搞笑的家伙
He's a funny dude.
你看起来很棒 - 哦 谢谢
You're looking good, man. - Oh, thank you.
你掉了几磅吗
You dropped some lbs, huh?
对 减肥了 肉掉去哪了
Yeah, I lost some weight. Where'd it go?
哦 在这 放回去 - 哦 我抓着了
Oh, there it is. Get it back. - Oh, I'll get it.
我喜欢 哦哦哦哦 - 哦哦哦哦
I love that.Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
像在摸女人的咪♥咪♥ 伙计们
It feels like a real woman's boob, dude.
好痒 兄弟们 - 摸这
Tickles, bro. - Get in here.
Blake 打这试试
Blake, hit this, man.
真的 - 是的 快打
You sure? - Yeah. Do it.
哦 - 哇哦
Oh! - Whoa!
不错
That's good.
嘿 Ders 你快试试 - 我不用了 不用了
Hey, Ders, come try it, man. - I'm good, I'm good.
我不想丢表 所以
I don't want to lose my watch, so you know....
基佬们总是很担心时间问题
Gay dudes... always worried about time.
真的吗 我没听说过
Is that true? I didn't know that.
你们是占了便宜了
So you guys seem to be getting a pretty sweet dealio,
不过对我有什么好处
but what's in it for me?
是时候走出这个寒碜的地下室 找个工作了
Duh. You get to get out of this sorry basement, and you get a job.
啊 我为什么要这么做 聪明鬼
Duh, why would I want to do that, smart guy?
看看这儿
Take a look around.
Xbox Live Howard TV 我的猫戏团
Xbox Live, Howard TV, My Cat Circus.
你是个黑道 就像
You are a gangster, man. You're like...
更加有性格的Rick Ross
Rick Ross with extra sauce.
耶 那你就像单人G unit
Yeah, you're like a one-man G Unit!
快点问他
Come on, ask him.
事实上我们真的很需要残疾人停车证
Actually, we really do need that pass, man.
只可惜Der的迷你小♥弟♥弟♥不算残疾
Unfortunately, Ders' micro-machine penis doesn't classify him as handicapped.
虽然应该算
It should, though.
该算 它太小了
It should, though, it's so small.
既然你一直说它小 要看看吗
You wanna see it? You keep calling it small?
不如我真的给你们瞧瞧
Might as well just show it to you.
等等 我想看
Wait, I wanna see it.
前排围观
I got front-row seats over here.
我的屌♥都比你的大
My dick's bigger than yours.
你看不看 - 我看过了 早看过了
You wanna see it? - I've seen it. I've seen it!
哇 冷静点 - 我看过了
Whoa, slow down. - I've seen it.
把你的小♥弟♥弟♥藏好 好吗
Keep your grub worm in its hole, okay?
我可以告诉你它比猫的大
I can tell you it's bigger than a cat's dick.
喔 - 我很抱歉 伙计
Yeah. - I'm sorry about that, dude.
你能帮兄弟一把吗 确切说是表弟
But will you help a brother that's actually a cousin out,
只是因为 我的好兄弟
just 'cause... my brother?
我们懂 伙计 了解了
We get it, dude. We get it.
坐你的椅子 你爱咋就咋
Sit in your chair, chub up.
我们只求一个停车证
But all we're asking for is a parking pass.
仅仅如此 - 对啊
That's it. - Yeah.
好吧 可以给你们停车证
All right, you guys can have the pass.
没问题 - 看我说的吧 我说的吧
It's cool. - What'd I say? What'd I say?
现在可以走了吧
Now, get on out of here.
我要上网看小妞用香肠自♥慰♥了
I'm about to watch a chick masturbate with a summer sausage on the Internet.
哦 不行 Devin
Oh, no, you don't. Devin.
这些小伙子给了你一个工作
These boys just offered you a job,
你得接受
and you are taking it.
妈 我才不要去做那么愚蠢的工作呢
Mom, I'm not taking some stupid job!
我们能不提这事了吗
Can we not do this again?
你的残疾补偿金快花光了
Your disability is about to run out,
我不能一直为你买♥♥单
and I am not footing the bill
看你"撸"尽一生啊
while you masturbate your life away!
妈 - 伙计 这挺好
Mama! - Dude, it's cool.
你可以来试试 我也在那工作的
You can just come and try it out... I work there.
不 - Devin Demamp
No! - Devin Demamp!
我会打给动物局 领走你的猫
I will call animal services to come for your cats.
谁给我水桶和肥皂
Someone get me a bucket and soap.
大肥肥要工作了
Big fat's about to get a job.
我们到了 - 耶
Here we are. - Yeah.
就像一只手套 - 享受这残疾人的待遇吧
Like a glove. - Livin' that handicap life!
停车到位 - 我们走喽
This... is parking. - There we go.
没错 妈呀 - 我们走喽 大块头
Yeah, mama! - There you go, big buddy.
我不想自夸的
I don't want to sound arrogant,
但停在残疾人车位 简直是天命难违
but I feel like I was always meant to park in handicap spots.
你本来就是残疾人啊 好兄弟
You're basically a handicapped dude, my brother.
我怎么会不知道 - 这才是停车
Don't I know it. - Now, this is parking!
我刚说的 这才是停车
I just said that. This is parking.
没有其他说辞
There's no other way to say it, though.
这才是停车 - 嘿 大伙
This is parking. - Hey, guys!
我卡住了
I'm stuck!
哟 我说真的 卡住了
Yo! Seriously, I'm stuck.
哦 我忘了你很胖
Yeah, I forgot how fat you were, bud.
胖到没法出车了
Can't get out of the car.
欢迎来到龙之穴
So welcome to the dragon's lair.
我是这么叫休息室的
That's what I call the break room.
多棒 - 没错
It's pretty sick. - Yeah.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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