我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E12

Part 2 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:52 p.m.

你好 Rick
Better get used to those handcuffs.
你最好先习惯一下手铐
What handcuffs?
什麽手铐
Uh, hold on.
呃等一下
What handcuffs?
哪裡来的手铐
Dang it.
卧槽
That video made it look so much easier.
我看视频裡明明很简单
Can you just imagine that these are on you now?
你能想象现在是你铐著这副手铐吗
Oh, my God. How'd he do that?
哦我的天他怎麽办到的
That's what we're up against.
这就是我们要对付的
The only thing that matters is that for 15 years
事情的关键就是坐在那裡的那个男人
that man right there wouldn't let us leave the bunker,
15年不允许我们离开地堡
and that's the definition of kidnapping.
这就是绑架的定义
And of my Verizon contract.
也是我Verizon手机套餐合约的定义
Objection.
反对
You're paying for the network.
这钱肯定得出的啊
Compare coverage!
覆盖范围完全占优
But even I have to admit
即便是我也要承认
that Kimmy here is right.
Kimmy说得对
The definition of kidnapping is
绑架的定义是
to take away and keep a person as a prisoner.
带走某人并将其囚禁
Your honor, I would like to submit this dictionary
法官大人我想呈交这本词典
into evidence as Exhibit A.
作为证物A
Wait, that's your first piece of evidence?
等等这是你的第一件证物吗
And only.
也是唯一一件
Your honor, the defense rests.
法官大人我的辩护完毕
Prosecution.
检举
The prosecution rests.
检举完毕
Your honor, I don't have one question for this witness.
法官大人对这位证人我一个问题没有
I have many questions.
我有很多问题
Could you please state your name and residence?
你能说出你的姓名和住址吗
Kimmy Schmidt, New York City.
我叫Kimmy Schmidt 家住纽约
Oh!
哦
The Big Apple.
"大苹果城"纽约
Just like the one Eve gave Adam.
就像夏娃给亚当吃的那个苹果
And that's when all of our earthly suffering began.
那就是我们所有尘世痛苦开始之时
Mortality, shame in our nakedness,
死亡因赤♥裸♥而羞耻
burning your tongue on cocoa,
被热巧克力烫伤舌头
junk mail,
垃圾邮件
Mondays!
礼拜一
But that's not why Kimmy Schmidt is on trial.
但是这些都不是Kimmy Schmidt受审的原因
I'm not...
我没有
Kimmy, tell me,
Kimmy 告诉我
where were you at the beginning of this trial?
此案刚开庭的时候你人在哪裡
And why were you so heck-bent on not returning to Durnsville?
为什麽你死活不愿意回到登斯维尔
Bad things happened to me here.
这裡有我痛苦的回忆
Oh, did you hear that?
哦你们听到了吗
Kimmy Schmidt thinks that Durnsville
Kimmy Schmidt觉得
is a place where bad things happen.
登斯维尔是痛苦之城
Well, call me crazy,
是我太荒谬吗
but unlike Kimmy Schmidt, I happen to love this town.
但是和Kimmy Schmidt不一样我爱这座城市
I mean, I love casting a line
我是说我喜欢把鱼线
out into the... parking lot.
抛到停车场裡
I love that it sometimes takes a little longer
我喜欢有时在Diane的咖啡馆
to get your coffee at Diane's Cafe.
得等上一段时间才喝得到咖啡
Because of her limp.
因为她走路一瘸一拐
And I love going to a high school football game
我还喜欢参加中学的足球比赛
and cheering on the undefeated Durnsville Terns.
为不败神话登斯维尔燕鸥队加油打气
Terns, Terns, Terns, Terns,
燕鸥燕鸥燕鸥燕鸥
Terns, Terns, Terns, Terns!
燕鸥燕鸥燕鸥燕鸥
Now, Kimmy, isn't it true that when I saved you
Kimmy 回答我我救你的时候
you were running away from home,
你是不是正从家裡逃出来
from Durnsville, named after
从以我们伟大创始人Zachary Ville
our magnificent founder, Zachary Ville.
命名的登斯维尔逃出来
I wasn't running from Durnsville.
我不是要逃离登斯维尔
I had just gotten into a fight with my mom
我只是为了一条超短迷你裙
about a super-short mini skirt
跟我妈妈吵了一架
she wanted to wear to my recital.
她想穿著去我的朗诵会
I was running away from her.
我是要逃离她
And there I was, minding my own business,
而我正巧在那儿自顾自的
sucking on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freez.
在"冰冻美味"冰淇淋店外吃著辣椒味的热狗
Mellencamp! Whoo!
哇哦 Mellencamp
美国歌♥手John Mellencamp将"冰冻美味"冰淇淋店写进歌♥曲Jack & Diane中
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
在座的陪审团们
Kimmy Schmidt wasn't just running away
Kimmy Schmidt不仅仅是
from our beloved town.
要逃离我们挚爱的城市
She was heading east...
她一路向东
to Ohio.
要去俄亥俄州
Ohio's stupid.
俄亥俄是个蠢地方
Now, I might just be a simple country preacher,
我可能只是个单纯的乡村牧师
but it seems to me that if fewer people
但是对于我来说如果不是有那麽多的人
"Ran away" From Durnsville,
从登斯维尔"逃出去"
maybe Elston Buckner's tractor dealership
也许Elston Buckner的拖拉机经销商
wouldn't have had to close last year,
不会在去年被迫关门大吉
and maybe the firehouse could have finally gotten a pole
也许消防站就能有根滑柱
so Durnsville's finest wouldn't have to freefall
那样登斯维尔的消防员就不用
20 feet onto a concrete floor.
每次从二十尺高跳下来
Now, I'm not saying that Kimmy Schmidt
我并不是说Kimmy Schmidt
is solely responsible for all our town's troubles.
要为这座城市所有的麻烦事负全责
Objection! Overruled!
反对反对无效
But if she had stayed in Durnsville,
但是如果她能老实呆在登斯维尔
like a real American,
像个真正的美国人那样
I know for a fact
我可以肯定
all of you would be rich right now.
你们所有人会比现在更富有
Where'd all these potato bugs come from?
这些马铃薯瓢虫是哪裡来的
Let's take a quick recess.
暂时休庭
You mess with the big dog...
敢跟大人物作对啊
and you get the horns.
不作就不会死
Oh, thank you.
哦谢谢你
What kind of country-ass sugar water is this?
这是什麽乡下的鬼糖水
Well, well...
看啊
Word of advice, brother.
给你个建议兄弟
Sir, we are cousins at most.
先生我们最多也就是表亲
I know this seems great now.
我知道现在这一切看上去很光彩
Free birthday-cake-flavored water,
免费的生日蛋糕味的水
everyone paying you attention.
万众瞩目
And it lasts forever.
而且永远都会这样
No, sir.
不先生
After my viral video,
在我那段视频疯传之后
I got a taste of fame.
我尝到了成名的滋味
I got to meet Truckasaurus.
我见到了"卡车战龙"
I got to wave the checkered flag at an execution.
还能在执行死刑的时候挥舞方格旗
But there is a darker side to fame.
但是成名也有不好的一面
I don't think so.
我不这麽想
And I've seen the first half of every Behind the Music ever.
我还看过每一♥期♥<音乐背后>节目的上半场
I'm just saying, thanks to my "Fame,"
我只想说多亏了我的"名声"
the IRS started calling.
国税局开始找我了
The Navy realized I hadn't been eaten by a whale.
海军知道了我并没有鲸鱼吃掉
And my dentist tracked me down.
我的牙医找到了我
I was way overdue for a cleaning,
我非常久没有洗牙了
and those hurt!
牙超痛的
And they're all, "There's ham in your dry socket, sir."
疼到牙纷纷说"兄弟你干燥的牙槽裡有块火腿"
Nah, man, they didn't say that.
不老兄他们没有这样说
My point is...
我想说的是
**The other shoe is gonna drop*
*一切都是无可避免的
**You wait and see*
*你等著瞧
Yeah.
没错
It's me.
是我啊
**Yeah, it's me*
*没错是我啊
So tell me, Kimmy,
告诉我 Kimmy
if it was so bad in the bunker,
如果在地堡裡的生活真的这麽糟糕