我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E02

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:50 p.m.

All right, Kimmy, listen up.
好了 Kimmy 听好了
I'm listening!
我听著呢
Good! Day two in New York City,
那就好才来纽约两天
and you've already got a room with a door,
你已经有了一个带门的房♥间
a new pair of shoes, and a black friend.
一双新鞋和一个黑人朋友
Are you kidding me?
你逗我呢吧
No, I'm not.
不我没有
Now all you have to do
现在你需要做的
is get your job back.
就是找回你的工作
Ms. Jacqueline?
Jacqueline女士
Oh. Didn't I fire you?
诶我不是把你炒了吗
I want to say... Cornmo?
你是叫Cornmo来著
It's Kimmy, ma'am.
我叫Kimmy 夫人
And I deserved it.
我罪有应得
But I also think I deserve a second chance.
不过我也觉得应该给我第二次机会
I'm a hard worker,
我工作努力
I'm proficient in WordPerfect
精通WordPerfect软件
and Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing,
和马维斯·比肯教打字软件
and I can hold my breath for a real long time.
我还能憋好长时间的气
Watch.
不信你看
But you were two hours late
但是你第一天上班
on your first day!
就迟到了两小时
Do you have any idea how much I have on my plate?
我已经自顾不暇了(盘子上都是东西)
Not literally, of course.
当然了不是字面意思上的
The point is, I'm extremely busy.
重点是我太忙了
I know.
我知道
Buckley's birthday is today.
今天是Buckley的生日
First, our nanny quits, then you don't show up,
先是保姆辞职了你又不来
then my Pilates guy gets a part on Royal Pains,
接著我的普拉提教练接到了<欲海医心>裡的一个角色
so I have to go to Michelle.
所以我不得不去Michelle那儿了
Michelle!
Michelle诶
Look, I don't like giving second chances,
我不喜欢给人第二次机会
but I appreciate your lack of pride.
不过我欣赏你的毫无自尊
So, if you can handle Buckley's birthday party,
如果你能搞定Buckley的生日派对
I'll consider bringing you back on.
我就考虑让你回来工作
But this is your last chance.
这是你最后的机会
I'm not running a charity here,
我可不是开慈善机构的
except the one where I donate my old towels to poor people
除了捐我旧毛巾给和我名字
with the same initials as me.
首字母相同的穷人的那个机构
My husband, Julian, is flying in from London for the party.
我的丈夫Julian会从伦敦飞过来参加派对
That was the fanciest sentence I've ever heard,
这是我听过的最有逼格的话
and I used to watch Frasier.
我可是看过<欢乐一家亲>的人
Well, Julian's only here for one night,
Julian就在这儿呆一晚
and I want everything to be perfect.
我希望一切尽善尽美
You have four hours to plan a superhero birthday party
你有4个小时时间为20个孩子和他们的加勒比保姆
for 20 children and their Caribbean chaperones.
准备一场超级英雄主题生日派对
You won't regret this, Mrs. Voorhees.
包您满意 Voorheees夫人
I'm pretty great at birthday challenges.
我很善于筹办生日
How did you make this?
你怎麽做的
It's my hair and Donna Maria's hair.
用我的头髮还有Donna Maria的头髮
Que, que?
什麽什麽
Well, good luck.
祝你好运
I'd hate to have to fire you again.
我可不想再炒你一次
**Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*简直坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**It's a miracle. Unbreakable.*
*真是个奇迹坚不可摧
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧槽
**But females are strong as hell*
*但是女人们可真牛逼啊
**Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*简直坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**It's a miracle. Unbreakable they live. Damn it*
*真是个奇迹坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**That's gonna be, uh....*
*接下来是
**You know, uh...*
*就是那个
**A fascinating transition*
*华丽的变身
**Damn it*
*卧槽
Hey!
嘿
Yeezus! What are you doing back here?
吓死我了你在这儿干嘛
Shopping. It's Times Square, where New Yorkers shop.
买东西啊这可是时代广场纽约人都在这儿购物
Why are you dressed like a robot?
你干嘛还穿著机器人服
Remember dream-following?
还记得追寻梦想吗
Yes, Kimmy, I do,
是的 Kimmy 我记得
but I can't exactly quit my job.
但我不能辞掉工作
I've still got bills to pay.
我还有账单要付
If I stop paying Columbia House, I stop getting my tapes.
如果我不付钱给哥伦比亚唱片公♥司♥ 他们就不给我寄磁带了
后不断寄磁带并索取邮费等附加费用
这是个著名的商业陷阱先用极优惠的价格诱惑人加入会员
Look, we both listen to the tapes.
磁带我们都在听
Let me take care of Columbia House.
我来付唱片公♥司♥的钱
Let me take care of the rent for a little while.
我来付一段时间的房♥租
I got my job back.
我找回工作了
I don't know, baby girl.
我不知道宝贝儿
I mean, rent is one thing, but I need new head shots,
房♥租是一回事我还需要新大头照
new clothes, new teeth, Botox to stop my sweating.
新衣服新牙齿注射止汗的肉毒杆菌
Well, that costume's got to be worth something.
这套服装肯定还值点钱
Maybe you could sell it.
也许你可以卖了它
No, this thing's a rental.
不这是租的
But I gave them a security deposit.
但是我付了押金
That's $200. Whoa.
200美金哇
With that kind of money, you could produce your own show.
有这麽多钱你可以做自己的个人秀了
Maybe something about
一个关于
being black and gay and bald and poor... Okay
一个既是黑人又是同志还是秃头而且穷的打住
But I've already been down that road, Kimbert.
这条路我试过行不通 Kimbert
After my tenth failed Lion King audition,
在我第十次<狮子王>试镜失败后
I tried to stage my own version.
我表演了自己的版本
**Sanjaya*
*桑佳亚
**Oh, no-no*
* 哦不不
Well, you can at least buy some new clothes.
那些钱至少能买些新衣服
All right. That's the spirit.
好吧这样才对嘛
Look out, New York. Nothing can stop us now.
当心了纽约现在没什麽能阻止我们了
**Well, they call me Cool Kimmy*
*他们叫我酷Kimmy
**'Cause I like to rap*
*因为我喜欢饶舌
You, help.
你啊救命
We were playing vodka shotzee
我们在玩伏特加数字拼酒游戏
to pre-game for Dexter's party tonight,
为今晚Dexter的派对热热身
and Simone kept losing 'cause she's really bad at math,
Simone一直输因为她数学真的很差
and I think she has alcohol poisoning.
我觉得她酒精中毒了
What? Who are you? I wasn't rapping.
什麽你是谁我没在饶舌
We have to pump her stomach
我们必须清她的胃
but we can't take her to the hospital
但不能送她去医院
because her dad's running for Congress. Okay,
因为她爸正在竞选国会议员呃
I've gotten botulism a bunch of times
我几度因为吃了变质的罐头食品
from spoiled canned goods,
而肉毒中毒
so I know lots of ways to make people throw up.
所以我知道很多能让人呕吐的方法
Oh, I... I'm fine.
我我没事
Don't let her die. She'll kill me!
别让她死了她会杀了我的
She'll be okay, but she really should see a doctor.
她会没事的但她真的需要去看医生
Her boyfriend's an ophthalmologist,
她的男朋友是个眼科医生
but he's on vacation with his wife.
但是他在和老婆度假
Oh.
哦
I'm sorry. Does one of you live here?
对不起你们俩谁住这儿吗
Mrs. Voorhees didn't tell me that she had a daughter.
Voorhees夫人没告诉我她有一个女儿
Jacqueline? I'm her stepdaughter.
Jacqueline吗我是她的继女
And you're what, the new Hunong?
你是谁新的Hunong吗
I'm Kimmy, and I'm going to have to tell your stepmother that you were drinking.
我是Kimmy 我要告诉你的继母你在喝酒
No, you don't.
不行你敢
I'm 15, and I'm pretty much your boss.
我15岁了而且还算是你的老闆
Um...
嗯
can you go?
你能走人吗
We're, like, in here.
我们在这儿呢
No way, man.
不可能老兄
I can't give you your security deposit back.
我不能退给你押金
There's all kinds of wear on this thing.
这上面都这麽多划痕了
That is ridiculous.
胡说八道