我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E03

Part 2 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:50 p.m.

I walk him twice a day, and he never goes to the bathroom.
我今天带它遛了两回它一直没拉屎
Oh, they bred that out.
它们就是这样的品种
Someone's anus is purely decorative.
有些傢伙的肛门就是装饰哦
Yes, yes, yes.
是吧是吧是吧
Hey. How's it going?
嘿怎麽样
Well, I'm failing third grade.
我小学三年级的作业要挂了
At least you're the biggest kid in your class.
至少你是班上最壮的学生
Oh, Kimmy. I don't think I have your cell number.
噢 Kimmy 我好像没有你的电话号码
I wanted to call you last night because Buckley needed something
我昨晚想打给你的 Buckley要什麽东西
and I had already taken my makeup off.
但我已经卸妆了
Um, I don't actually have a cell phone.
其实我没有手机
You don't have a cell phone?
你没手机
Well, I had a cell phone, Xan,
我原来有手机 Xan
obvs, but I lost it at the zoo.
明显有不过在动物园丢了
A monkey took it, and she wouldn't give it back.
被猴子拿走了她不还给我
Yeah, Xan, the monkey was a woman.
没错 Xan 猴子是个女人
Women can be anything these days.
当代的女性只有想不到没有做不到
Here, you can take one of my old cell phones.
拿著你可以用我的旧电话
Go to Verizon and have them switch out the SIM card
去威瑞森通讯换张SIM卡
and then get my contacts off the cloud.
把我的通讯录从云端删除
Horizon... got it.
"辉"瑞森明白
Wow. Is this a Macintosh?
哇这是麦金塔机吗
What?
什麽
Hey, I have a fun idea.
嘿我有个好主意
Let's do Kimmy's family tree.
咱们来做Kimmy的家谱吧
We don't know anything about her.
我们一点都不了解她
Um, I don't really like talking about myself.
嗯我真的不太喜欢谈论自己
Oh, but can you?
噢但你能说说吗
'Cause I actually don't even know your last name.
因为我其实连你姓什麽都不知道
Smith.
Smith
Of course it is.
当然是咯
And you're from?
你来自
Ohio.
俄亥俄州
No way! Where?
真的俄州哪裡
My mom's from Shaker Heights.
我妈是谢客高地人
The middle?
中部
Middle... town.
中部镇
Damn it. There's a Middletown, Ohio.
该死俄亥俄还真有中部镇
Of course there is, Xan.
当然有了 Xan
And phones have maps of Ohio,
手机上还有俄亥俄地图
and I knew both of those things before now.
这两件事我都早知道了
Hey.
嘿
Why are you so dressed up?
你怎麽穿得这麽正经
In this neighborhood, dressed like that,
在这个社区穿成这样
someone might think you got money.
别人会觉得你有钱
I'm not so sure I appreciate your tone, Lillian.
我不喜欢你说话的语气 Lillian
If this is about my mishap in the bath
如果你想说的是浴室的小灾难
Titus. My floor is warped.
Titus 我的地板都翘起来了
All of my cats are piling up in one corner.
我所有的猫都堆在一个角落
And if I had any money, I would give it to you,
我要是有钱肯定会给你
but I'm unemployed.
可是我没工作啊
And Kimmy's backpack got stolen,
Kimmy的背包还被人偷了
and that gold tooth I tried to pawn
我准备当掉的那颗金牙
turned out to be just a very yellow tooth.
结果只是一颗很黄的牙
Right. So you're broke.
是你没钱
But you're walking around dressed up
但你穿得这麽好在这儿晃悠
like a USC cornerback on draft day.
像选秀日的加州大学橄榄球侧卫
For your information, the reason I put this suit on
跟你说了吧我穿西装是因为
is because I'm going...
因为我要
to a funeral.
参加葬礼
I'm so sorry. Oh, it was someone close.
真对不起噢是熟人吧
Oh, you poor thing.
噢可怜的孩子
That's it. I'm going with you.
就这麽定了我跟你一起去
Siri?
Siri
What can I help you with?
我能帮您什麽
I'm a Mole Woman.
我是个鼹鼠女
That's messed up.
太惨了
Well, I'm off to see Joyce, my therapist.
我要去找我的治疗师Joyce
Oh, like a mental therapist? Mmhmm.
噢是心理治疗师吗嗯哼
Does it feel good to talk to her?
跟她说话感觉好吗
Yes, although for my taste, it's a little too much penis.
嗯虽然对我来说男性生殖器的话题有点过多
Oh, sorry. Freud.
抱歉佛洛依德那套
And it's $500 an hour. Oh.
一小时500刀噢
Yeah, I-I just wish I had someone to talk to for free.
嗯我只是想免费跟谁说说话
Oh, well, of course you're looking for someone to talk to.
当然了你肯定想找谁聊聊
I was just like you once.
我曾经像你一样
Yes, you're shorter and have a much heavier step,
虽然你比我矮脚步还拖沓
like a tired, old man.
像个没劲的老人
But I remember what it's like being all alone in New York.
但我记得隻身一人在纽约是什麽感觉
So what's your plan?
你有什麽打算呢
I mean, you have maybe four years
大概再过四年
of that youthful glow left.
你就人老珠黄了
After that, you'll be stuck marrying
之后你会走投无路嫁给
a primary care physician
一个初级理疗师
or one of those off-brand Kennedys.
或者是不正统的肯尼迪后代
I'm not looking to get married.
可我还没想过结婚
No, not right now, but the clock is ticking, Kimmy.
不不是现在但是时间在流逝 Kimmy
And I do happen to know
而我恰巧认识
all the richest bachelors in Manhattan.
曼哈顿所有的黄金单身汉
Whom could you have lunch with today?
你今天跟谁一起吃午饭好呢
Today? Like, for a date?
今天约会吗
Grant Belden.
Grant Belden
He's very available and fabulously wealthy.
他有大把时间又富得流油
He doesn't even work. He could do lunch.
他都不用工作可以跟他吃
Um, I'm not sure I'm ready for a "Date" Date.
我不确定我准备好去正经约会了
Oh, true. You look like you slept in those clothes.
的确你看著就像穿著这身过夜了一样
Well, go spruce up and meet him at Bistro Madison.
去打扮打扮然后在麦迪逊小酒馆见他
Just relax and be yourself.
放鬆做自己就好
Also, I've seen you eat, so don't.
啊我见过你吃相所以还是别做自己了
Oh, yay!
噢耶
I didn't know you had an elderly Korean friend.
我不知道你还有个韩国忘年交
Speaking of which, I think that Kim Jong Jr.
说到韩国我觉得金正恩
is doing a bang-up job.
现在乾的挺风生水起
What is that?
这是什麽
I was asked to sing here...
他们让我来
at the funeral...
葬礼上
of my dear friend...
给我的好朋友献歌♥
Son Hae Sop.
Son Hae Sop
I hope you sing one of those sad Boyz II Men songs.
希望你唱首"大人小孩双拍档"的悲伤的歌♥
They always remind me of all the homies I've lost.
它们总让我想起我逝去的老友
Okay. I'm going on a date.
好的我要去约会了
What kind of socks do you wear on a date?
约会该穿什麽袜子
Idiot! You're going to a nice restaurant.
傻瓜你可是要去高档餐厅
They probably have socks there.
那裡肯定有备袜子了
I don't know how to do this.
这该怎麽弄啊
I've never put on makeup in my life.
我这辈子从没化过妆
I don't think this is for me.
这应该不是给我用的
Dang this fancy comb!
该死的漂亮梳子
I think I'm gonna have the...
我来份
steak.
牛排咯
All I wanted was someone to talk to.
我只想有个人说说话
Now I'm meeting some boy at a restaurant.
现在却要去餐厅和男生约会
This is so wack!
太奇怪了
In the bunker, I was perfectly happy just talking to myself,
在地下时我自言自语就挺满足的了
like this.
就像这样
I saw that in a movie once.
我在电影裡见过这招
I know. I was with you. Oh, right.
我知道我当时和你一起呢对哦
Um, Grant Belden?
嗯 Grant Belden
No.
不
Oh, good. I
噢太好了我