我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E04

Part 3 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:50 p.m.

咱们整点什麽的时候你想看会电视吗
What do you want to watch? CNN, pornography?
想看什麽 CNN台还是色情片
No, Thank you, Sidney.
不用了谢谢 Sidney
I don't have time for the works today.
我今天没时间看那些了
I just wanted to talk to you about my toes.
我只想和你说说我的脚趾
As you know, Julian loves my feet,
你知道的 Julian喜欢我的脚
for sex reasons.
出于性爱的原因
I'm just not feeling good about them for some reason.
不知道为什麽我对它们不太自信
Well, we can do a toenail re-sizing.
我们能给脚趾甲调整大小
You can have a foot face-lift, or you can toe tuck them.
你可以做一个脚部提拉或者缩脚趾
Well, which do you recommend? I cannot choose.
你建议哪个呢我可选不出来
That's like asking me which one of my children's placentas
这就像是在问我我哪个孩子的胎盘
was the most delicious.
最美味
Hold on.
等等
Who's this?
这是谁
What interesting skin you have.
你的皮肤真有趣
Oh. Look at that.
哦瞧瞧
Thank you.
谢谢
Absolutely no sun damage.
完全没有阳光损伤
But you've clearly experienced a tremendous amount of stress.
但你肯定承受过巨大的压力
What?
什麽
Are you a coal miner, submarine captain?
你是煤矿工人还是潜水艇舰长
No. Huh.
都不是哼
Because you have very distinct scream lines.
因为你有非常明显的法令纹
Where did those come from, I wonder.
我很好奇这些是从哪来的
I don't know.
我不知道
Too many fun roller coasters maybe?
可能是坐了太多过山车了
Either way, your problems are easy to fig.
不管怎麽说你的问题很容易解决
This brow furrow, zap.
这个抬头纹一下就给去了
And these frown lines, we'll flump-up, you know.
这些皱纹我们把它往上推
Oh, I don't need all that. Oh.
我不需要这些哦
Who am I? Pamela Lee?
我是谁 Pamela Lee吗
What about those scream lines, Kimmy?
那些法令纹怎麽办呢 Kimmy
I know they were bothering you.
我们知道它们困扰著你
Those, we can inject with the R.E.O. Cream,
我们可以注射修复面霜
and instantly gone.
马上就解决了
You can do that? Yeah.
你可以做到吗是啊
Of course he or she can.
他或者她当然可以了
I can do that right now.
我现在就可以做
Do it.
做吧
Oh, Kimmy, I'm so excited for you.
Kimmy 我好为你激动啊
Joy comes from the outside in.
喜悦由外而内
What, dear? I'm sorry?
啥亲爱的你说啥
I'm sorry. I still don't have it. Pardon?
不好意思我还是没听清请再说一次
I was saying that we now validate parking,
我是说现在进店消费就能免停车费了
if that's important to you guys at all.
就告诉你们一下
Oh.
哦
Oh, who's that girl?
那个女孩是谁
What? I didn't do anything? Got some sun but...
啥我可没做任何事晒了点太阳但是
I'm not talking to you, dear.
我没在跟你说话亲爱的
I'm watching Jeopardy!
我在看呢
The category is "Worst Madonna Songs."
题目是"麦当娜最差的歌♥曲"
This 1987 one is terrible.
这首1987年的很烂
That was humiliating. I'm never auditioning again.
太羞辱人了我不会再去试镜了
Aw, did you screw the pooch?
你搞砸了啊(搞了杂种狗)
Know how that expression originated?
知道这个俗语怎麽被发明的吗
It wasn't anything clever at all.
其实一点也不聪明
There was this guy and a dog...
就是一个人和一条狗
Lillian, I'm trying to tell a story.
Lillian 我跟你说正事儿呢
So there I am, standing in line for this cattle call,
我在那排队等试镜
and I run into Coriolanus Burt.
然后我就遇到了Coriolanus Burt
Oh, no! Right?
好惨啊是吧
My nemesis, the man who stole my career.
我的死敌他抢走了我的事业
When I first moved here,
我刚搬到这裡的时候
they were doing an all-black production of Oklahoma!
有一个黑人版的<俄克拉荷马>在筹演
Called Alabama!
叫做<阿♥拉♥巴马>
Coriolanus Burt and I went head-to-head,
Coriolanus Burth和我就对上了
down to the final call-back,
一路到最后一轮试镜
for the role of Sharecropper Number Two/Cow.
为了佃农二号又名奶牛的角色
Just as I was about to hit the women's high C
正当我要唱<人们说我们相爱>中的
in People Will Say We's in Love,
女声调高音C时
Coriolanus runs on stage and yells,
Coriolanus跑上舞台大叫
"Oh, my God. They shot Versace."
我的天啦他们开枪杀了范思哲
I mean, rude!
太没礼貌了
And guess who got the part? You?
猜猜谁拿到了那个角色你吗
A third party that wasn't in the story?
没在这故事裡的第三方吗
No!
不是
That should have been my big break.
那应该是我的大转折
And now he's walking around in shoes and socks
现在他穿著鞋子袜子到处显摆
like a big shot.
牛逼轰轰的
And look at me...
看看我
Talented, dashing, transcending,
才华横溢光鲜亮丽超凡脱俗
but no career, no agent, and just the one sock.
但是没有事业没有经纪人只穿一隻袜子
It isn't good to hold on to things like that.
对这件事情如此耿耿于怀不好
You have to work from the outside in.
你必须要由外而内的解决它
I mean, if I can get rid of my scream lines...
如果我都能去掉我的法令纹的话
Diva, I thought you looked real rested.
天后我就觉得你容光焕发啊
Then anything is possible.
任何事都有可能
Tomorrow we are going to put on our fanciest clothes,
明天我们要穿上我们最高档的衣服
go down to the biggest agency,
去最大的经纪公♥司♥
and do a series of leg and arm poses
然后搔首弄姿
to project confidence and get you an agent.
来展现自信帮你找到经纪人
All right! I'll try it.
好啊我会试试
He's here to see an agent, please.
他是来找经纪人的麻烦了
What are we doing exactly?
我们到底在干嘛
Trust me.
相信我
If you're confident on the outside,
如果你表现得很自信
good things will happen.
会有好事发生的
I don't know.
我不确定啊
Why are you keeping this important man waiting?
你为什麽让这重要人士在这儿等著
Right this way.
这边走
Would you like a water? No, thanks.
你要喝水吗不用谢谢
I hope he does well in there.
我希望他能表现得好
He prepared a monologue from an episode of Maury
他准备了一段<莫裡>其中一集的独白
where this guy was afraid of peaches.
那哥们怕桃子
No, Maury.
不要啊 Maury
Get them away from me!
把它们拿开
The fuzz! The fuzz!
有毛有毛啊
I like you, Titus. We represent Myron Affleck.
我喜欢你 Titus Myron Affleck也是我们旗下的
I want you to read for his Spidermen musical.
我想你去参加他的蜘蛛侠歌♥舞剧的试镜
Get Myron on the phone. Try the pay phone first.
给Myron打个电话先打公用电话
If he's not there, try the car, where he lives.
要是没人接去车裡找找他住那
Pardon my French, but, Au bon pain!
我法语说的不好不过可以撮一顿了
How do I know you?
我好像认识你
You don't.
不认识吧
No, no, no, no, no. I've seen your face before.
不不不不我以前见过你
Are you the girl from The Bachelor whose butt prolapsed?
你是<单身汉>裡屁♥股♥下垂的那个女孩吗
No, I'm not. You've never seen me.
我不是你从来没见过我
Oh, you're one of those girls from Indiana...
哦你是那个从印第安纳来的
the Mole Women.
鼹鼠女
Have you discussed life rights, reality show, porno?
你想过要做真实事件改编的真人秀黄片吗
The Hole Women? Just saying.
比如说洞女郎
Do you remember New Jersey Tanning Mom?
你记得新泽西那个美黑妈妈吗
I can do that for you. Do what?
我可以帮你做到做到什麽
Get your face everywhere...
让你遍布各处
Magazines, talk shows, a show where you and Flavor Flav
杂志脱口秀一个你跟Flavor Flav
drive across country staying in haunted B&Bs.
开车穿越整个国家住在闹鬼的快捷酒店的节目
You are crushing it, Joshie!
你太强了 Joshie
You know it, Joshie!
你懂的 Joshie
I want a whole new face.
我要一张全新的脸
I have some.