我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E10

Part 2 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:51 p.m.

We are here today to discuss the terms of the divorce
我们今天在这裡商讨
of Julian and Jacqueline Voorhees.
Julian和Jacqueline Voorhees的离婚事宜
Thank you for joining me. I know you're both very busy.
感谢你们百忙之中抽空来参加
Wait. What? They're getting divorced?
慢著什麽他们要离婚了
I have been authorized to assure you
我被授权告诉你们
that it's not your fault,
你们没有错
they don't love you any less,
他们不会因此少爱你们一点的
grown-up relationships are complicated,
成年人的关係很複杂的
et cetera, et cetera.
如此如此这般这般
Oh.
对了
Great, now if you would initial here
在这裡签上你的姓名首字母
to indicate that you received a hug.
说明你收到了一个拥抱
And here to acknowledge that you were comforted.
签这裡表示你得到了安慰
Great.
好了
Wait, what's the deal with custody?
监护权的事有说法没
What is the deal with custody?
监护权这事有没有个说法呢
It's funny, 'cause it's true, Xan.
因为是真事儿所以才好笑 Xan
Oh, you're really asking. Hold on.
你还真是在问啊慢著
You know what? I know it's back here.
我确定在这边
It's one of these.
肯定在这堆裡
Honestly, Titus, I was just like you.
说真的 Titus 我曾和你一样
I was always getting typecast
选角总是被定型
as the funny gay guy who works at the police station.
总是警♥察♥局裡那个逗乐的同性恋
That's not even a thing.
哪有这种角色啊
Or the sassy best friend who makes up words.
或者随手造新词的风骚闺蜜
Like "Snowbesity."
就像"胖冬儿"
It's when you don't know if someone's fat or not
形容那些因为到了冬天
'cause they're wearing a winter coat.
看不出来是胖还是穿得厚的人
But then I turned my career around,
但是后来我拯救了我的事业
thanks to Le Loup.
多亏Le Loup
For realsies?
真"朵"吗
For realisingtons.
真"哆"啊
He's tough, but last month, I booked a radio ad
他很严厉但上个月我订下了要给
for a paintball range.
彩弹射击做电台广告
The straightest of all weekend activities.
世界上最直的週末活动
Okay.
好吧
My parents are getting divorced.
我爸妈要离婚了
Two Christmases! Yes!
一年有两个圣诞节可过了
You bitch.
你个贱人(母狗)
A female dog? The thing that makes puppies?
母狗吗会生可爱狗宝宝的吗
Nice compliment, Xan.
多谢夸奖 Xan
Why would you tell Jacqueline to divorce my dad?
你为什麽要怂恿Jacqueline跟我爸离
Now she's stripping our Hamptons house for copper wire,
她现在要拆我们汉普顿房♥子的每个角落搞铜电线
and I have to go live in Connecticut
而我必须搬到康涅狄格州
with my mom and Roger and their gross babies.
和我妈 Roger和他们噁心的孩子们住一起
Okay, first of all,
首先
I never made your stepmom do anything,
我从没指使你后妈干过任何事
except for the time she made me make her eat a peanut M&M.
除了有次她逼我逼她吃了一个花生巧克力豆
Whoa, that's a big phone.
这电话真大啊
How has my life been ruined by someone so stupid?
我的生活怎麽就被你个白♥痴♥给毁了
Hi, Mom.
妈妈你好啊
Xanthippe, you look tired.
Xanthippe 你气色不好啊
How are your BMs?
最近大便通畅吗
Mom, jeez.
妈别这样
Well, there's my answer.
不用说了我懂了
So are you all packed?
你东西打包了没
Remember, it's colder here than it is in the city.
这裡可比纽约冷多了
Do you have enough corduroy slacks
内面有缝小水鸟的
with the little waterfowl stitched in them?
那种灯芯绒裤子你带够了吗
What? No.
什麽才没有
The lawyer said I don't move until the end of the semester.
律师说这学期结束了我才搬家
Yes, but I'm going to be putting up my jams that week,
但是我那周要开始做果酱了
so I'm coming to get you tomorrow.
所以我明天就去接你
What? No.
什麽才不要
No, you can't do that.
你不能这麽对我
My God, Xanthippe.
天呐 Xanthippe
The histrionics are not going to fly in this house,
到我这裡你可不能这麽任性了
especially around the quintuplets.
家裡还有五胞胎呢
And Roger has taken up mental golfing where he uses his mind
而且Roger玩起了意念高尔夫
to play some of the world's most famous courses.
他想象自己在世界著名的球场裡打
So I really hope we're getting
所以我希望过来的是
the nice quiet Xan,
以前文静的Xan
the one we knew before she invented teen angst.
而不是后来青春期躁动的Xan
Helene, please!
Helene 小点声
I'm playing St. Andrews, and it's very windy.
我在圣安德鲁斯打球风大著呢
This is BS.
这完全是扯淡
The only BS around here is butternut squash,
这裡被扯的只有冬南瓜
one of the dozens of varieties of squash I grow.
我种的各种瓜的其中一种
I hope you like squash.
我希望你喜欢吃瓜
Also, tomorrow we're playing squash
对了明天我们要和征服队
against the Squashes.
打壁球
See you then.
到时候见
I can't live there.
我不能住在那裡
I just need to talk to my father.
我只要和我爸谈谈
He can't say no to his Daddy's Girl.
他拒绝不了爸爸的贴心小棉袄的
Oh, see, that sounds like a thing.
这话女儿来说就没问题了嘛
But he's at his Captain Phillips fantasy camp until Monday.
但是他在菲利普船长幻想营裡周一才回来
I need to stall.
我得拖延时间
You! You have to help me.
你你必须帮我
Uh, no. This is none of my beeswax.
这不是我的问题
I don't want to interfere.
我可不想管
Kimmy, put yourself in my shoes.
Kimmy 你设身处地的想一下(穿穿我的鞋)
Oh, my God! Not literally.
天不是字面意思上的
It's like talking to a chicken.
简直像对牛弹琴
Imagine you're 15,
想象一下你现在15岁
and one day your whole life gets taken from you:
有一天有人要将整个生活从你身边夺走
your school, your friends,
你的学校朋友
your dad's friend who buys you jewelry
还有只要把你的旧牙套给他
if you send him your old retainers.
就能给你买首饰的你♥爸♥爸的朋友
Okay, Xan. What are we gonna do?
好吧 Xan 你说怎麽做
We're gonna make my mom refuse
我们得让我妈拒绝
to take me back to Connecticut.
带我回康涅狄格洲
Hello?
有人吗
Mr. Le Loup?
Le Loup先生
Hello. Hi.
哈喽嗨
Rick Barnes gave me your name.
Rick Barnes给我介绍的你
He said that you work with actors
他说你跟演员合作
to help them "Ass-pay."
让他们"好受"
That was Pig Latin for "Pass."
是"通过试镜"的颠倒语序
Why would I try Pig Latin for the first time ever
我为啥偏要现在决定尝试看看
right now anyways?
玩颠倒语序
So stupid.
蠢爆了
I can't work with you.
我不能和你合作
What? You have no potential.
什麽你没潜力
Get out.
滚出去
But I rode a bus to get here.
我好不容易坐著大巴来到这裡
A bus that went over a drawbridge.
那个大巴还从吊桥上开过
Fine. I don't need you!
行我才不需要你呢
Bye, Felicia!
再见管你是谁
Very good.
很好
You yelled. You denied help.
你吼了拒绝帮助
You broke something.
还打坏了东西
That's your first lesson
这是你的第一课
in behaving like a straight man.
关于如何表现的像个直男
Your second lesson...
你的第二课
Is that he is not Le Loup.
就是他不是Le Loup
Hey. Yeah, what's up?
嘿怎样
Bye, Felicia.
再见那个谁
I'm gonna break you down,
我要将你击碎
but by the time I put you back together,
但是当我再把你组合在一起的时候