我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E05

Part 3 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:50 p.m.

to keep Kimmy and her girlfriend out of the apartment.
把Kimmy和她闺蜜拖住挡在公♥寓♥外面
Oh, sure.
噢没问题
I just need five minutes with that country boy.
我只需要和乡村男孩独处五分钟
Or however long Kenny Loggins' Footloose is.
反正Kenny Loggins那首<浑身是劲>有多长就拖多长
Titus, cherish this time.
Titus 且行且珍惜
Someday you'll wake up and you'll say,
有一天你醒来会不禁问自己
"Who's that old woman in the mirror?"
"镜中那个老太太是谁"
And then she'll punch you, and you'll say,
然后她就会打你一拳你会接著说道
"That's not a mirror. That's an open window."
"原来这不是镜子是一扇开著的窗户"
What are we talking about again?
我俩聊什麽来著
You're lying to my friend.
你在骗我朋友
I'm telling her!
我要告诉她真♥相♥
Kimmy!
Kimmy
Kimmy, please!
Kimmy 别啊
I'm not using Cyndee to get stuff for myself.
我不是在利用Cyndee获取利益
I'm part of the stuff. What?
我就是利益的一部分什麽
She wanted me. Ever since middle school.
她从中学开始就想和我在一起
What choice did I have after what she's been through?
她经历了那种事儿我还有什麽办法
I do whatever she wants.
她想怎样我都依她
I... I got a tattoo that says "Bean curd."
我还去刺了个"豆腐"的刺青呢
So you're doing all this to make her happy?
所以你做这麽多只是想让她幸福咯
I dumped Richard Hinkle for her.
我可是为了她甩了Richard Hinkle
He's the one I wanted to give flowers and meat to.
他才是我真正想送花和肉的人
No, this is not okay, Brandon.
不这不对 Brandon
You're lying to her. Really?
你在欺骗她是吗
You never lied to Cyndee in the bunker?
你在地下从没骗过她嘛
We're never going to get out of this stupid bunker.
我们永远也摆脱不了这讨厌的地底生活了
I'll never own a sports car or a pool.
我不可能有跑车或者游泳池了
And Brandon Yeagley got Apocalypsed!
Brandon Yeagley也被天启惩罚了
Well, that's not true. The reverend told me.
不对牧师都和我说了
God spared Brandon.
上帝保住了Brandon的性命
And he's in an all-men's bunker,
他在一个全是男人的地底避难所
so you know he's being faithful.
他足够虔诚
Really?
是吗
Okay.
好吧
You know Cyndee needs someone to take care of her.
你也知道 Cyndee需要一个能照顾她的人
You left, so everyone back home is stepping up.
你离开了所以家乡的人们都替了上来
Please don't ruin it for her.
拜託你别坏了她的好事
Welcome to New York.
欢迎来到纽约
I wanna say... Brandon?
你大概叫Brandon吧
Titus, it's Brandon.
Titus 我是Brandon
The gals are outside talking to your landlord.
姑娘们正在外面和房♥东讲话
So then, in 1984...
然后呢在1984年的时候
no, wait, let me back up.
不对等等我再往前讲一点
Modern-day Israel...
当代的以色列
What's going on?
你这是在干嘛
I think you know.
你应该懂的吧
Well, I was wrong. Brandon is not gay.
我搞错了 Brandon不是基佬
No, he is. He told me.
不他是基佬他自己和我说的
That's impossible!
这不可能
I tried to seduce him.
我引诱他都失败了
In my over-shorts!
人家可是穿著热裤的呢
Am I not a pretty young thing anymore?
难道我不再是花样美男了吗
Am I a bear now?
难道我成"熊男"了吗
Or a daddy? Or a Huxtable?
还是"乾爹男" 或者"Huxtable男"
Titus, my best friend's dream boyfriend is gay.
我最好朋友的完美男友是个基佬
What do I do?
我该怎麽办啊
Are you asking me for advice
你向我咨询意见
because I seem like a wise old black man?
是因为我看上去像个充满智慧的黑人爷爷吗
Oh, God. My reflection.
天啊看看我在窗户上的倒影
I'm old!
好老了啦
I've been in that bath for hours.
我在浴缸裡卡了几小时
You all watched me struggle!
你们眼睁睁地看著我受苦
Shame!
过意的去吗
You're not gay, right?
你不是基佬对吧
Straight guys can be vegetarians.
直男也有吃素的
Hitler was a vegetarian.
希♥特♥勒♥就是个素食主义者
Ooh! I have to go.
啊我得走了
I promised Cyndee I'd take her out
我答应要带Cyndee出门
for a real New York pizza bagel.
尝尝正宗的纽约披萨百吉饼
Well, I'm working tonight if there's any chance
我今天晚上要工作先和你们说一声
that you could come by.
万一你们要过来的话
I'll be here.
我会来的
With my kissing hole.
带著我的接吻洞
They did it again!
他们又这麽干了
They undercharged my breakfast by 15%.
早餐钱给我打了八五折
I think they're giving me the senior citizen discount.
我觉得他们是给了我老年人折扣
Why would they think someone ordering broiled scrod
搞什麽嘛点了烤鳕鱼仔
and a black coffee is a senior citizen?
和清咖的怎麽可能是老年人啦
Dude, I think it's great
哥们我觉得你们基佬朋友
the strides you gays have made.
真的取得了很大的进步
You cut it out!
你少来
I know that straight act is just a...
装直男的基佬就实在是
What's that Stanley Donen movie with, uh,
斯坦利多南导的那电影是什麽来著
Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn?
加裡格兰特和奥黛丽赫本演的
Charade?
<谜中谜>(低级的骗局)吗
Tell me I'm a pretty boy. I can't do that.
告诉我我是个美男子我做不到
What are you two doing?
你们两个在干嘛呢
Sports.
做运动
How old do you think I am?
你觉得我几岁了
Titus, age doesn't matter.
年龄并不重要
You can die at any time.
你随时都可能死掉
Hey, you. What's going on?
嗨在干嘛呢
Not much. Where are you right now?
没干嘛你在哪儿
Home.
在家呢
Just sucking on a chill pill.
反正就閒著呗
Cool. Are you free?
好那你有空吗
Sure. What's up?
有啊怎麽了
Uh, I want us to get to the next level.
那个我们进入下一个阶段吧
I've only got one life,
我就一条命
so it's now or never.
再不抓紧就没机会了
What do you mean next level?
你说的下一阶段是什麽意思啊
Like, relationship-wise?
是说感情方面的吗
Let's go for it.
我们试试看吧
I found these butterscotch in my pocket.
我发现我口袋裡有几颗奶油糖
They just appeared!
都不知道哪儿冒出来的
It's a sign!
凶兆啊
Come on, I'm totally exposed here.
拜託我现在毫无设防
Don't let me down, dude.
可别让我失望哥们
Okay, dude. I'm in.
好的哥们我同意
Awesome! Yes! I love you.
太棒了赞我爱你
Me, too.
我也是
Hey, Cyndee, we're friends no matter what, right?
Cyndee 不管发生了什麽我们永远是朋友对吧
Of course. Okay.
当然了好的
Well, maybe I'm spoiled because things are going
可能我是自我感觉太好了大概因为
so well with Charles,
我和Charles处的很顺的缘故
but I think you can do better than Brandon.
我觉得你能找到比Brandon更好的人
Are you kidding?
你在开玩笑吧
Brandon's perfect.
Brandon超完美的好吗
He takes care of me... like you used to.
他照顾著我就像以前的你那样
Okay, I just want you to be happy, so...
好吧你开心就好这样的话
Cyndee Sandy Pokorny, will you...
Cyndee Sandy Pokorny 你愿意
Yes!
我愿意
Of course I will!
我当然愿意
What the H-E-double... No.
搞什麽名堂不行
You know what? What the hell, Brandon?
豁出去了我你搞什麽屁啊 Brandon
Kimmy, don't use that kind of language
Kimmy 别说髒话
in front of a unicorn.
独角兽在呢
Oh, my gosh, Cyndee, unicorns aren't...
天哪Cyndee 独角兽不
Offended by strong language. Their magic protects them.
不会被粗话冒犯的他们有魔法护身