我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S01E11

Part 1 Dec. 2, 2020, 2:52 p.m.

Oh, hey, Kimmy.
嘿 Kimmy
My God, would you look at all this mis-delivered mail?
我的天哪你看看这些错发邮件
This government can't do anything right.
这个政♥府♥真是什麽事都乾不好
Well, what can you expect from a president
总统都没普通信件收发的经验
with no real-world postal experience?
你还能指望什麽
Anything for me?
有我的的东西吗
Yeah, there's some tapes for Titus from Columbia House.
有一些哥伦比亚唱片俱乐部寄来的带子给Titus的
Oh, sweet!
太好了
We ordered the Rain Man soundtrack!
我们订购了<雨人>的电影原声带
Sweet.
不错
Also...
还有
there's a letter for a Kimmy...
给某个Kimmy的一封信
Oh, no, never mind,
噢不是不用管了
because this is for Kimmy Schmidt.
这是给Kimmy Schmidt的
Oh, that's probably for me, actually.
应该就是给我的了吧
You know, Schmidt sounds a lot like Smith.
Schmidt听起来很像Smith
So you're saying that you're Kimberly Schmidt?
你是说你是Kimberly Schmidt
It's probably from my friend Cyndee.
应该是我的朋友Cyndee写给我的
Nope.
不是
From the state of Indiana, you've been served.
印第安纳州寄来的传票已经送达
What? Lillian!
什麽 Lillian
See, I'm a drug lookout and a process server.
我给毒贩放风同时也是个传票送达员
This way, when business is bad,
这样一来这边生意砸了
oof, business is good.
欧喔那边生意就来了
The new tapes are here!
新磁带到了
Tape day! Forget the tapes.
磁带日别管那些带子了
I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.
我就当你没说过这话
The Reverend's trial is starting,
牧师的审讯开始了
and they called me as a witness.
他们传唤我作证人
What channel is it on?
哪个台可以看
I mean...
我是说
what channel is it on?
哪个台可以看
I'm trying to say something supportive.
我是想讲一些安慰你的话
What channel is it on?
哪个台可以看
I don't want to go, Titus.
我不想去 Titus
Think of the greater good, girl.
姑娘要为大局著想啊
You think the Reverend Martin Luther King
你以为马丁路德金牧师
wanted to wear a bikini and put on angel wings
就愿意穿著个比基尼再带上天使的翅膀
and gyrate on the "Gay pride parade" Float?
在同志大游行花车上招摇吗
Foop, I'm mixing up my struggles.
又黑又基的我把我的斗争弄混了
Why do I have to go to a stupid trial?
我为什麽要去一场蠢爆了的审讯啊
I never want to see the stupid Reverend again.
我再也不想再看见那个白♥痴♥牧师了
And why stupid now?
而且为什麽是现在
I mean, Jacqueline is flipping out about her divorce.
我是说 Jacqueline离个婚都快疯了
Dong wants us to get married
Dong想和我快点结婚
before he gets kicked out of the country.
不然就要被遣返回去了
I can't handle all this! Superfoop!
我招架不住了啊超级糟糕
Your trial isn't gonna be on national TV.
审讯不在电视上全国直播
I'll have to watch it on the Internet.
我还得上网看
What if I get cyber-bullied?
万一我遭到网络霸凌怎麽办啊
Well, I'm sorry it's inconvenient for you
不能让你方便的去娱乐
to be entertained by the darkest chapter of my life.
我人生最黑暗的篇章是我的错真抱歉
Kimmy, sweetheart...
Kimmy 亲爱的
I'm gonna go to the library and watch it.
我去图书馆看就好了
Damn it, I'm really trying to comfort you.
该死我真的是努力在安慰你
I'm gonna go to the library and watch it.
我去图书馆看就好了
I'm gonna go... Sorry.
我去图书馆对不起
Library... Nope. You know what? Forget it.
图书馆不听我说你别担心了
I'm just gonna go to the library and watch it.
我就去图书馆看好了
**Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*简直坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**It's a miracle. Unbreakable*
*真是个奇迹坚不可摧卧槽
**They alive, damn it*
*她们活下来了卧槽
**But females are strong as hell*
*但是女人们可真牛逼啊
**Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*简直坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**It's a miracle. Unbreakable they live. Damn it*
*真是个奇迹坚不可摧她们活下来了卧槽
**That's gonna be, uh....*
*接下来是
**You know, uh...*
*就是那个
**A fascinating transition*
*华丽的变身
**Damn it*
*卧槽
"women kidnapped bunker trial."
女人被绑架地堡审讯
Nope, not the one in the abandoned Bennigan's.
不对不是在废弃班尼根餐厅的那个
Not that one or that one.
不是这个也不是这个
Come on, Florida.
怎麽都在佛罗裡达
Scrolling, scrolling.
往下拉往下拉
Indiana.
印第安纳
Finally.
终于找到了
What is up, society?
这个社会是怎麽了
I'm Carla Tuesday live at the trial
我是Carla Tuesday 为您现场直播
of Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne
牧师Richard Wayne Gary Wayne的审讯
for kidnapping, lying to a census worker,
他被控绑架欺瞒人口普查工作者
and, according to neighbors,
以及据邻居透露的
leaving Christmas lights up way too long.
圣诞灯彩挂很久都不拆
There's Cyndee Pokorny.
Cyndee Pokorny来了
Cyndee Pokorny, who are you wearing?
Cyndee Pokorny 你穿的是谁设计的衣服
Kathy Ireland for Family Dollar.
家庭美元百货买的Kathy Ireland牌
Ooh, Donna Maria Nuez.
是Donna Maria Nuez
Donna Maria Nuez, ay-ay-ay.
Donna Maria Nuez 啊呀啊呀
Everyone in Durnsville loves your Mole Women mole Sauce.
登斯维尔的每一个人都爱死你的"鼹鼠女"鼹鼠酱汁了
This trial is a sham.
这场审讯虚伪至极
The Reverend only has to answer to Gosh Himself,
牧师只需要回答上"弟"他老人家的问题
and that online quiz that tells him
以及那个能测出他是<新飞越比弗利>
which 90210 character he is.
中哪个角色的网上测试
He is Andrea.
他是Andrea
The defendant, Richard Wayne,
被告人Richard Wayne
is now entering the courtroom.
正走进法庭
That's the Reverend?
这就是那个牧师
It's not what I expected.
和我想得不一样啊
Well, who do we have here? Carla Tuesday, WDUR, the Dur.
这位是谁啊 Carla Tuesday 来自杜伦的WDUR电台
Reverend Richard, is it true
Richard牧师传言你要为自己辩护
that you'll be representing yourself?
这是真的吗
Carla, let me tell you a little story.
Carla 我给你讲个小故事
I was walking on the beach with the Lord,
我和主在沙滩上散步
and there were two sets of footprints in the sand,
沙滩上留下了两行脚印
and then there were three sets of footprints,
之后变成了三行脚印
and I said, "Who's that?"
我就问这是谁啊
And the Lord said, "It's Dale Earnhardt.
主回答我说是Dale Earnhardt
He's a big fan of yours."
他是你的超级粉丝
My client won't be answering any more of your questions.
我的客户不会再回答更多问题
Stay in school, kids.
小朋友们好好学习哦
He cleans up well.
他真是焕然一新啊
Back to you, Trent.
交还给你 Trent
Good morning, Vera.
早上好 Vera
How is she today?
她今天怎麽样
I don't know.
我不知道
She didn't even touch her breakfast.
早餐碰都没碰
Good morning, Kimmy.
早上好 Kimmy
Mrs... Not Voorhees Anymore.
不再是Voorhees太太夫人
You look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
你看起来精神焕发啊
No, I got that lasered off.
不可能我早就激光脱掉了
Look, Kimmy, I know
Kimmy 我知道
that I have been overwhelmed with everything lately...
我最近被各种事情搞得不知所措
My cheating ex-husband, De Blasio's war on the rich,
偷腥的丈夫比尔白思豪的仇富大作战
not to mention these crow's feet
更别说这些乌鸦脚了(鱼尾纹)
that I found in Buckley's bedroom.
刚在Buckley卧室发现的
And then you tell me you're a Mole Woman?
然后你又告诉我你是鼹鼠女
It's a lot.
烦事纷扰
Yeah, well, imagine being me.
没错想象假如你是我的话
Absolutely not!
才不要
But now I am in daily sessions with Tristaf,
但是我现在每天去上Tristaf的课程
and he says that none of that matters
他告诉我说没什麽大不了的