尝试（2020）

（洗礼）
（依云矿泉水）
我喜欢教堂 很温馨
I like church. It's cozy.
你当然喜欢了
Of course you do.
里面有蜡烛、红酒和靠枕 简直是我们家的翻版
Inside are candles, red wine and cushions. It's basically our flat.
艾瑞卡看起来状态不错
Erica looks well.
杰森 她在我心里就是女神碧昂丝
That woman's Beyoncé to me, Jason.
历经离婚后变得更强大
Comes out of a marriage breakup stronger
甚至都不会拽我去做瑜伽静修
and without once dragging me to a yoga retreat.
你知道那有多不容易吗？
Do you know how hard that is?
来 我们走吧
Come on. Let's go.
你为什么穿着帆布鞋？ -对
Why're you wearing canvas shoes? -Oh, yeah.
我不想花太多心思打扮
Well, I tried to not overthink it, all right?
结果倒成了考虑不周 -这不太符合教父身份吧？
Then I've ended up underthinking it. -It's not very godparenty, is it?
很难打扮得正好啦
It's difficult to think about things the exact right amount.
没事 别担心 不会有人注意的
Anyway, don't worry. No one will notice.
回头见
See you in a bit.
你还好吗？ -挺好的
You all right? -Yeah, yeah, fine.
杰森怎么穿那双鞋？ -不知道
Why is Jason wearing those shoes? -I do not know.
好 我们要不要… -先进去吧？
Okay, should we-- -Should we just pop inside?
对 -好
Yes. -Yeah.
不…没关系…我不在乎他在和谁约会
No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I don't care who he dates.
她很漂亮 -不
She's very pretty. -No.
现在下定论还太早
It's too early to tell.
谁在27岁时不漂亮？
Everyone's hot when they're 27.
等她到了35岁我们才能肯定
We won't know for sure until she's 35.
对 他们能有什么话题？她有什么成就？
Yeah, what do they talk about? What has she done?
30岁以下的女人 除了果汁节食 什么都不做
Women under 30 don't do anything except juice.
还有自称双性恋 -没错
And tell people they're bisexual. -Very true.
我们打算简简单单的
We're just gonna keep it simple.
婚礼大张旗鼓的人 只是为了掩盖感情的裂痕
People who obsess over the wedding day are just trying to cover up the cracks.
如果感情六分 那婚礼必须做到十分
Like, if the relationship's a six, the day has to be a ten, you know.
没错 不用花太多心思 -对
Exactly, don't overthink it. Yeah. -Yeah.
你好吗 哥们？最近好吗？ -最近在尝试长篇
How are you, mate? You all right? -Writing more long form now.
这样啊？ -对
Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
上个月 医生让我记饮食日记
Doctor told me to keep a food diary last month,
我越写越有兴致 找到了个人风格
and I just, I really leant into it, you know. Found my voice.
也发现我对豆制品过敏
And an allergy to soy.
这就是我的近况了 迫不得已努力创作我的伟大美国小说
Yeah, so that's me, trying to crack the Great American Novel for my sins.
可你是英国人啊
But you're English, mate.
我觉得这意味着我的视角独特
I think it gives me a unique perspective.
很高兴你来了 -对
Glad you made it. -Yeah.
见到你真好
Lovely to see you.
他什么时候搬走？ -今晚
When's he moving out? -Tonight.
我只坚持了六周 艾瑞卡 我不知道你是怎么忍♥受12年的
I lasted six weeks. Erica, I have no idea how you did 12 years.
人类是坚韧不拔的 曼德拉忍♥了27年
Humans are resilient. Mandela did 27.
是 那是因为他没遇到弗莱迪
Yeah, not with Freddy he didn't.
（肯顿市集）
愿我主耶稣基♥督♥的恩典
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
上帝的慈爱及圣灵的契通与你们同在
the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
也与你同在
And also with you.
天父 我们恳请您赐福予这水… -嘿
Father, we ask you to bless this water-- -Hey.
不如让你的女友回来？ 刚好让他也给她洗一洗
Why don't we bring your girlfriend back? Because he could do her while we're here.
能别这样吗？ -别怎样？
Can we not? -Not what?
别上演狗血戏码
Be that cliché.
这话轮不到戴着友谊手环的中年危机男说
Says the midlife crisis wearing a friendship bracelet.
…基♥督♥ 我们的主 阿门 -阿门
…Christ, our Lord, amen. -Amen.
阿门 -阿门
Amen. -Amen.
弗莱迪和艾瑞卡 你们是否接受这孩子为上帝之恩赐？
Freddy and Erica, do you receive this child as a gift from God?
是 -是
Yes. -Yes.
你们是否感谢上帝 祈求他的福佑？
Do you wish to give thanks to God and seek his blessing?
是 -是
Yes. -Yes.
你们此刻是否认可这源于上帝的仁爱？
Do you acknowledge this day that God's love is already at work?
哥们 我们其实不怎么虔诚
Mate, we're not really religious,
所以不介意你快进到撒水的环节 谢谢啊
so if you wanna just cycle forward to the water bit, that'd be great.
你们为这个孩子选择的名字是什么？
What name have you chosen for this child?
塞缪尔 -巴斯特
Samuel. -Buster.
什么？ -巴斯特
What? -Buster.
他叫塞缪尔 -不对 我改变主意了
His name is Samuel. -Nope, it's not. I changed my mind.
你不能改变主意 他是以我祖父命名的
You can't change your mind. He's named after my grandfather.
我从来都不喜欢你的祖父 所以…
I never liked your grandfather, so…
基♥督♥徒社群共同欢迎…
Together, the Christian community welcomes…
塞缪尔特纳 -巴斯特特纳
Samuel Turner. -Buster Turner.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
两位 我觉得在这里说这个不太合适
Okay, guys, I'm not sure this is the ideal place for this.
我不会叫他塞缪的
I'm not naming him Sam.
我不会叫他巴斯特的 -为什么？
I'm not naming him Buster. -Why not?
因为他又不是卡♥通♥片里会说话的巴士
Because he's not a talking bus in a children's cartoon.
这段对话好像应该发生在洗礼前吧
Yeah, this really does sound more like a pre-font sort of chat.
不如一人退一步 叫斯坦如何？
What about a little compromise? What about Stan?
两个名字的字母都有 -不行
'Cause that's got letters from each. -No.
马龙
Marlon.
杰森 你只想到斯坦和马龙？
Stan and Marlon? That's the first two on your list, Jason?
不知道 我慌神了
I don't know. I'm panicking.
卢克？ -这名字就像一个无意义的音节
Luke? -It's just a sound really, isn't it?
约翰？保罗？乔治？好像都是披头士
John? Just-- Paul? George? I'm just doing Beatles now.
帕克 -不
Parker. -No.
为什么？ -他不是有钱的杀人犯
Why not? -Because he's not a wealthy murderer.
约…不知…乔治
Joh-- I don't-- George.
我好像又回到披头士了 天啊 抱歉
I'm back on Beatles again, aren't I? Christ. Sorry.
你叫什么名字？ -我的名字？
What's your name? -My name?
对 你的名字 -汤马斯
Yeah, your name. Yeah. -Thomas.
汤马斯 -我还挺喜欢的
Thomas. -I like that actually.
是吧？ -小汤米
Yeah? -Little Tommy.
汤马斯特纳
Thomas Turner.
好 可以
Yeah, okay. Yeah.
太好了
Great.
汤马斯特纳 我用水为你施洗 以天父之名
Thomas Turner, I baptize you in the name of the Father,
圣子之名
and of the Son…
以及圣神之名
and of the Holy Spirit.
阿门 -阿门
Amen. -Amen.
阿门 -向你鞠躬致意
Amen. -Namaste.
她不能因为怨恨就把小孩的名字改了
You can't rename a child out of spite.
你背着老婆出轨 就别怪她要给小孩改名字了
Okay, you cheat on your wife, she might rename a kid or two.
你当初就该想到风险
It is the risk that you take.
其实 妮基 从进化学角度 一夫一妻制…
Actually, Nikki, from an evolutionary perspective, monogamy is really--
请打住 我不会赦免你的罪过 好吗？
Okay, stop. I'm not absolving you of your sins, okay?
我不是女人们的教宗
I'm not the women's pope.
其实我还真有…
Well, I actually have a…
一篇有趣的文章 关于倭黑猩猩
a very interesting article on bonobos--
弗莱迪…佩妮五分钟后就要到了
Freddy, we've got Penny here in five,
我需要终止这一场对话 好吗？
and I need this not to be happening, okay?
我们永远都不可能领养到小孩
We're never going to find a kid.
什么？ -艾莉不见了
What? -Ellie's gone.
你在逗我呢 -她昨天才登上网站
You're kidding. -She only come on the site yesterday.
怎么会… -孩子们好快就被领走了
What sort of a-- -They go so quickly!
简直像在抢格拉斯顿伯里音乐节的门票
It's like trying to get Glastonbury tickets.
这是你的错 -什么？
This is you. -What?
你的动作又慢了
You took too long again.
对 但单凭照片选择孩子是很难的
Yeah, but it's difficult choosing a child from a photograph, isn't it?
一定要斟酌好了再决定
You wanna get in there, kick the tires.
小杰 -这次面谈会很快结束吗？
Jase. -This meeting. Is it gonna be quick?
你是说将决定我们所有希望和梦想
What, the meeting that decides all of our hopes and dreams
决定我们余生命运的面谈？
and defines the rest of our lives?
是这样 我得去艾瑞卡那里拿回我的东西
Yeah, it's just, I need my stuff from Erica's,
但我现在不能和她见面
and I cannot see her right now.
抱歉 你是希望我们去拿？
Sorry, you want us to get it?
我很确定她不会给我的鹿角蕨浇水
I just know she's not watering my staghorn fern.
弗莱迪 我说真的… -好啦…
Seriously, Freddy-- -Okay. All right.
行 我们去拿 你能不能等我们一下？
Fine, we'll do it. Can you give us a minute, please?
谢谢 -小杰
Thank you. -Jase.
他的中间名是埃文