尝试（2020）

No, I didn't realize we'd decided that.
不 我以为你说想要女孩
No, I thought that you said that you wanted a girl
因为你想学怎么梳…
because you wanted to learn how to do the--
那叫什么来着？法式辫
What's it? The French plait thing.
因为巴士上有人梳 看起来好酷
Because the guy on the bus looked cool when he did it.
巴士上的那个男的确实很酷 但…
The guy on the bus did look cool, but--
难道我们没讨论过这事？
How have we not discussed this?
你决定了要女孩吗？
Are you set on a girl, yeah?
你决定了要男孩吗？
Well, are you set on a boy?
不…我…是这样吗？
I'm, no-- Look, am I?
如果必须要选 从自私的角度而言 也许是的
If I had to choose, then, maybe selfishly, yeah.
因为毕竟存在
Because, you know, because there's that,
那种天生的父子情感连结
there's that special bond between father and sons.
这样吗？你和你♥爸♥有多少次谈话
Oh, really? How many conversations do you have with your dad
不是关于如何把电视调到HDMI1的？
that aren't about how to get the TV back to HDMI1?
其实最近还真不少 因为他弄伤了肩膀
Actually, loads recently, because he's just hurt his shoulder.
所以我现在也会问他那件事
So now I can ask him about that too.
小杰 我只是不懂他们
Jase, I just, I don't understand them.
谁？ -他们的选择
Who? Who? -Their choices.
男人啊
Men!
所有男人？是吗？
All men? Yeah?
比如说 你们…
I don't know, you--
你们对事物的反应都很奇怪
You all react weirdly to things
而且总把情绪用在错的地方
and you have emotions in all the wrong places.
你们看的电影基本上
that are basically an hour and a half of fast driving.
就是一个半小时的飙车
that are basically an hour and a half of fast driving.
你们总是把头发剪得太短
You always like your hair loads shorter than you should.
你在说什么？
What are you talking about?
我该怎么应付男孩 小杰？
What am I supposed to do with a boy, Jase?
真的 怎么弄？我应该培养他的自信心
Seriously. What? Do I fill him full of confidence,
还是让他谦逊一点？
or do I take some of it away
因为社会本身已经让男孩充满自信
because society already fills him with confidence,
所以如果我也鼓励他 我就会把他养成…
so if I do it too, I'm just-- I'm gonna turn him into--
养成什么？ -弗莱迪
Into what? -Freddy!
你觉得这是最糟的情况？
That is seriously the worst-case scenario?
小杰 你知道吗？这…
Do you know, Jase, it's--
让我害怕的是你竟然不像我那样讨厌他
It really scares me that you don't hate him
和他的所作所为
and what he's done as much as I do.
但他是我的哥们 妮基 我能怎么办？
He's my mate though, Nikki. What am I gonna do?
而且女人也会犯浑 -得了吧
And anyway, women can be dicks. -Yeah, okay.
米拉韩德丽 -好吧
Myra Hindley! -Yeah.
邮局的那个粗鲁女人
That rude woman at the post office.
玛丽一世
Queen Mary I.
好吧 才说到第三个女人 你就得去16世纪找例子了
Okay, three women in, and you're back to the 16th century.
我可以在今晚新闻里找五个男人当例子
I could name you five men off tonight's news.
但他们都不是四岁大的男孩吧？
But none of them are four-year-old boys, are they?
对 小杰 但他们曾经是 然后社会…
Yeah, no, Jase, but they were once and then society,
这个大染缸把他们都教坏了
society just came in and messed them all up.
我怎么抗争得了社会 小杰？它无处不在
How can I compete with society, Jase? It's bloody everywhere.
我们是唯一有机会选择孩子性别的父母
I mean, we're the only people that get to pick a gender.
为什么不选择最好的性别？
Why would we not pick the best one?
本周排名出炉了没？
Have this week's rankings come out already?
抱歉 我一定是错过了 这个对话太荒谬了
Sorry, I must've missed that. This is a ridiculous conversation!
你能拿盘子吗？ -我正要去
Will you get the plates? -I'm doing it.
玛格丽特撒切尔
Margaret Thatcher.
（巴克街市集）
（肯顿市集）
能问问你的意见吗？
Can I ask your advice?
你不是说笑吧？ -不是
Are you serious? -Yeah.
天啊 太神奇了 从没有人对我说过这句话
Oh, my God, that is wild. No one has ever said that to me before.
别人总是说：“珍 没有人想听你的意见
It's always like, "Jen, no one asked your opinion.
这是我的婚礼 回到你的座位上”
This is my wedding. Go back to your seat."
好吧
Okay…
但我会实话实说的 好吗？ 我不会光说好听的
But I will be honest with you, 'kay? I won't sugarcoat it.
你也不希望我只说好听的 对吗？
You wouldn't want me to sugarcoat it, would ya?
我还挺希望的 我什么时候说过我不希望？
Yes, I would. When have I ever said that?
必须说好听的话 -好吧 明白 问吧
Always sugarcoat it. -Okay, fine. Go.
其实和男孩子有关
Well, it's about boys.
经验之谈 他们最难看的头像照片 就是他们本人的样子
Okay, they look like their worst bio photo is a good rule of thumb,
对于腰部以下的裸照 一定会在十分钟内回复
and always reply to a below-the-waist nude within… ten minutes.
你好 你想要什么？
Hello. What can I get you?
嗨 两份法拉费卷 一份多加点腌黄瓜 谢谢
Hi. Two falafel wraps, one with extra pickle. Thank you.
不 我其实想问的是抚养男孩 不是和男孩约会
Yeah, no, raising them, not dating them.
你觉得我能抚养得好男孩吗？
Do you think I could raise a good one?
能啊 当然了 -真的？
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. -Yeah?
百分之百 -好吧
100%. -Okay.
只要别把他们惯得挑食
Just don't let them be fussy eaters.
我朋友克莱顿12岁前只吃吐司
My friend, Clayton, only ate toast until he was 12,
现在他嗜好性♥虐♥
and now he's really into S and M.
这可不是巧合
It's not a coincidence.
这样 好吧 这个建议很有用
Okay, yeah. No, that's a handy tip.
反正啊 父母糟糕 孩子会成为有趣的人
And anyway, you know, bad parents make interesting people.
乔尔的父母在他九岁时离婚了
Joel's parents divorced when he was nine,
他是我所认识最有趣的人了
and he's the most interesting person I know.
即使我们没嗑嗨 都能聊上好几个小时
I mean, we can talk for hours, like, even when we're not high.
不过他很易怒
He does get quite angry at stuff.
这很奇怪 因为我最好相处了
Which is wild, 'cause I'm the lowest maintenance person in the world.
以至于我可能还会和某些人谈恋爱呢
I'm so low-maintenance, I might still be going out with some people.
珍 你觉得他适合你吗？
Jen, does he sound like he's the right person for you?
不适合 我们目前是分手状态
Yeah, no. We're on a break at the moment.
我们无法在爱莉安娜格兰德的种族上
We couldn't agree what race Ariana Grande was
达成共识 然后矛盾升级了
and it all just sort of spiraled.
好了 姑娘们 请慢用 -谢谢
There you go, ladies. Enjoy. -Thank you.
谢谢
Thank you.
简单而言 用爱灌溉他们 一切都会水到渠成的
Basically, just fill them with love, and it'll be fine.
对 你说得没错
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
不过别灌溉得太多
But not too much.
否则他们过度恋母 然后憎恨所有其他女人
'Cause then they get too close and resent all other women
恨她们不如你好
for not being as good.
连环杀人犯往往是这样的
It actually happens a lot with serial killers.
你听过韩国那个杀人犯的事吗？
Did you see that one in South Korea?
他很帅
He was really handsome,
很少见到帅哥杀人犯 对吧？
which you don't really expect in a murderer, do you?
对
No.
我的建议有帮助吗？
Has this helped?
当然 太有用了
Yeah. Massively.
酷
Cool.
我们要不要聊一聊
Are we gonna talk about this
还是你想继续假装想买♥♥墨镜？
or just keep pretending you wanna buy sunglasses?
我可能真的想买♥♥墨镜啊
I do maybe wanna buy some sunglasses.
这就有墨镜
There you go.
我想要多几副换着戴
I like to have a choice.
听我说 我们怎么知道 儿子一定会是男孩气？
Look, who says that our boy is gonna be boyish anyway?
也许他就不是
He might not be.
性别规范是根深蒂固的 小杰
Gender norms are ingrained, Jase.
艾瑞卡给劳伦买♥♥了玩具大卡车
Erica bought Lauren a monster truck.
结果她给卡车穿裙子 还用婴儿车推着它走
She put it in a dress and pushes it around in a buggy.
我觉得你的一些论据不太科学
I'm not sure how scientific some of your arguments are.
大卡车想穿裙子有什么不可以？
So what if a monster truck wants to wear a dress?
祝他好运 或是她、他们
Good luck to him. Her. They.
我想指导孩子好好过这一生
I wanna be a guide to our child.
我想成为智慧的人 提供帮助 为他们铲除成长路上的障碍
I wanna be wise, and offer help and smooth their path.
如果我不知道做男孩的感觉 要如何做到呢？
How can I do that if I don't know what it's like to be a boy?
但你却希望我为女儿做到这些
You'd expect me to do that for a girl.
对 因为女孩会表达自己的感受
Yeah, because girls tell you what they're feeling.
她们知道开口求助 -有吗？胡说
They know how to ask for help. -Do you? Bollocks.
你们只会坐在沙发上抱着靠枕
You just sit on the sofa hugging a cushion,
叹气声越来越大 直到有人问你们怎么了
sighing louder and louder until someone asks you what's wrong.
男孩一点也不复杂 好吗？
Boys are uncomplicated, okay?
他们直截了当
They're just, you know, bosh, straight lines.
就像保养机器
It's like maintaining a bit of machinery.
时不时用湿抹布擦一擦就发亮了