和平使者（2022）

他不是我男朋友
He's not my boyfriend.
他不是你男朋友吗
He's not your boyfriend?
21号♥门锁着
那脱衣舞娘都不算是个美女
Now, this stripper is not exactly a looker,
你懂我的意思吗 金发妞
you know what I'm saying, blondie?
从一到十打分 她顶多算个惊吓猫的表情包
On a scale of one to ten, she's a fucking scared cat emoji.
但人家丘比才不管 他喝得烂醉
But fucking Kewpie, he don't care. He's drunk as fuck.
老兄 你能闭嘴别提这事了吗
Dude, will you shut the fuck up about this?
他坐在舞台边上 瞪着那只恐怖的魔斯拉蛾子精
He's sitting on the edge of the stage, just staring at this fuckin' Mothra, like,
眼珠子就像那个臭美公子的心形眼
with these big Pepé Le Pew heart-shaped eyes
都快蹦出眼眶了
popping out of his skull.
你知道这些屁话会被录下来吧
Dude, you know they record this shit, right?
那更好了 伙计
Well, that's great, man.
现在先让金发妞乐呵
You know, blondie can enjoy it now,
以后听录音的人还能再乐呵一遍
and who's ever listening can enjoy it later.
人力资源部爱死这故事了 - 脱衣舞娘瞧见他这德行
HR will love it. - And the stripper sees this, right?
人家干这行的最会挑送钱的主了
'Cause she is trained in the art of seeing easy money.
她就这么从舞台那头爬过来找丘比
And she start crawling all the way across
接着她捧起丘比的脸
the stage to Kewpie. And then she grabs his face,
把他的脸摁进 她那对硕大无比的奶♥子♥中间
and she puts it right between those big, ginormous fucking titties of hers.
他立刻就在那对宝贝中间开汽艇
He starts... he starts motorboating those bitches.
哈考特 你能叫他闭嘴吗
Harcourt, will you tell him to shut the fuck up about this?
不好意思 我现在想听后续
Stupidly, now I need to know where this is going.
疯了 - 然后他开始呻♥吟♥ 像这样…
God. - And so, he starts moaning, just going...
我心想 他不会是射裤裆里了吧
And I'm thinking, "Did he just jizz in his pants?"
他突然没声了 紧接着他就这样…
He just got quiet. And then, all of a sudden, he just goes...
吐在了魔斯拉的奶♥子♥上
...and he hurls all over Mothra's titties.
吐到整个舞台还有钞票上都是
All over the stage all over the dollar bills.
我后悔了 想回到没听这故事的时候
I changed my mind. I want to go back in time and not hear it.
你真缺德 把这事宣扬得人尽皆知
Dude, you're a dick for having to tell everyone that story.
他是缺德 克莱恩 但你吐在脱衣舞娘身上
Yeah, he's the dick, Kline. You threw up on a stripper.
我肯定是被人下药了
Somebody fucking roofied me or something!
第三队 检查22号♥门
Team three, door 22.
将军
General?
这是雷克斯写的 关于你们昨日所获的笔记
Lex's notes on what you all found yesterday.
太好了 谢谢你 奥蒂斯
Great, great. Thanks, Otis.
进展顺利吗 - 一切顺利
Everything good? -Everything's good.
不是吧
Oh, shit.
22号♥门 未上锁
22号♥门没有锁住
Door 22 is unlocked!
太好了
Fuck, yes!
我们要进入22号♥门了 其他门的行动暂停
We're heading into door 22. Hold off on the other doors.
温度华氏49度
Temperature is 49 degrees Fahrenheit.
湿度百分之79
Seventy-nine percent humidity.
重力与地球环境相当
Gravity is commensurate with Earth.
什么东西
What the fuck?
咪♥咪♥ 拉我们出去
Pull! Titties, pull!
快拉
Pull!
快拉 快拉
Pull! Pull!
用力拉
Fucking pull!
快快快
Go! Go, go, go!
你♥他♥妈♥在逗我
Are you fucking kidding me?
该死 快开啊
Get it open!
弗勒里
Fleury!
拉 快拉
Come on! Come on!
动作快
Go, go, go!
妈的
Fuck!
操 该死 搞什么
Fucking shit, fuck! What the fuck?
出了什么事 - 他死了
What happened? -He's fucking dead.
克莱恩 整张脸被噩梦一样的东西吃了
Kline, his face got eaten off by nightmare shit.
你究竟派我们进了个什么地方
What are you sending us into?
我原以为这么做是为了防止 大都会裂缝事件重演
Well, I thought we were doing this to prevent some kind of Metropolis rift,
但现在我害怕我们是在亲手制♥造♥裂缝
but now I'm scared we're actually gonna fucking create it.
我们就这么盲目地闯进陌生宇宙
I mean, we are blindly going into these universes
面对的科技和物理法则
with technologies and physics
都跟地球差了十万八千里
that are mind-bogglingly different than our own.
还有弗莱格那混♥蛋♥
And fucking Flag,
什么事都要请示他的新死党 雷克斯路瑟
he's running everything past his new BFF, Lex Luthor, of all people.
这你知道吗 - 知道
Did you know that? - Yeah.
现在和我们共事的人 有一半是路瑟的手下
I mean, half the people fucking working with us worked for Luthor.
我知道
I know.
怪胎哈珀森还有那个麦考伊
That creep, Happersen, and then that McCoy chick,
甚至还有该死的奥蒂斯
and fucking even Otis.
奥蒂斯人还不错 - 这我不知道
Otis seems all right. -I don't know.
我们到底在找什么
I mean, do we even know what we're looking for?
他们说过无数次了 约翰
They told us a million times, John.
找一个有食物和水源 可以呼吸的安全地方
Someplace safe to breathe with a food and water supply.
是的 - 一个无人居住的地方
Yeah. - Someplace uninhabited.
这我知道 可找这个干什么 - 不知道
Yeah, I know that, but for what? - I don't know.
应该是对美国政♥府♥有价值的东西
Something that's worth it to the U.S. government
毕竟他们在这行动上砸了好几千万
because it has to be costing them tens of millions of dollars.
弗莱格能撬动这么大笔的预算吗
Flag's able to okay a budget that big?
没有国防部长的批准不行
Not without approval from the Secretary of Defense.
是啊 我搞不清楚目的何在
Yeah, so I don't know what it's for.
我猜是环境问题
Environmental reasons, I guess.
为了资源 为人口过剩寻找新据点
Resources, new ground for overpopulation.
怎么了
What?
我们什么时候真的为人♥民♥做过好事
When has anything we've ever done actually been for the good of the people?
找到它了
Oh, dude. Here he is.
和平使者入狱后它就一直很郁闷
He's been depressed since Peacemaker went to jail.
总是藏起来
He keeps hiding.
克里斯还没同意你去探视 是吧
Chris hasn't let you visit him yet, has he?
是啊 你呢
No. You?
我担心再一次目睹哥哥差点死在眼前
I'm afraid seeing his brother almost killed in front of him again, like,
会让他彻底崩溃
fucked him up on an elemental level.
你要去哪
Where the fuck are you going now?
去弄点午餐肉 看能不能把鹰鹰引出来
I'm gonna get some lunch meat to try and lure Eagly out of there.
加工食品对它不好 约翰
All that processed food can't be good for him, John.
艾德里安亲爱的 你在里面吗
Adrian, honey? Are you in there?
老天爷 不要来烦我 妈妈
Jesus Christ, Mom! Get off my nuts!
我都跟你说了 给我点私人空间
I thought I told you I needed some fucking privacy.
我知道 亲爱的 但你朋友来了
Yes, dear, but your friend is here.
我朋友
My friend?
什么鬼朋友 妈
What kind of fucking friend, Mom?
她叫小莉
Uh, Lee is her name.
小莉
Lee?
（禁止入内）
妈妈 我们都叫她阿德或者阿德巴约
Jesus, Mom, we call her "Ads" or "Adebayo."
你怎么连最简单的事都搞不清
Why can't you get the most simplest shit right?
对不起
Oh, I'm so sorry.
很抱歉 阿德
I'm sorry, Ads.
没关系 你可以叫我小莉 我妻子就叫我小莉
It's okay. You can call me Lee. My wife calls me Lee.
要是你俩是互相舔♥阴♥的关系
Well, I guess if you guys give each other cunnilingus,
那你就可以叫她小莉
then you can call her Lee.
太好了 现在我满脑子都是 你俩互舔的画面
Great, now I have you guys eating each other's pussies in my head.
艾德里安 你对你妈太差劲了
Oh, Adrian, you're really mean to your mom, dude.
很好
Good.
你还好吗
You okay?
没事 只是快打通 “碧姬公主：表演时刻”了
Yeah, just getting really far in Princess Peach: Showtime!
可难了 别看游戏主角只是个小姑娘
And it's not easy just because it's about a girl.
你能先放下游戏机跟我聊会儿吗
Yeah, well, could you put it down for a second so we can talk?
那好吧
Okay, fine.
我们得帮克里斯
We gotta help Chris.
他就快崩溃了 - 阿德 和平使者不会崩溃
He's fucking broken. - Peacemaker doesn't break, Ads.
我敢说这是他某个宏大计划的一部分
This is all part of some larger plan, I'm sure, so don't...
别这么说他 好吗 - 好
Don't say that, okay? - Okay,
但我们得把他保释出来
but we need to bail him out of prison.
三个月后就开庭了 他需要律师
He's got a court date in three months, and he needs a lawyer.
他已经有律师了 叫杰夫
He's already got a lawyer.
他身上有薄荷杜松子酒 和婴儿爽身粉的味道 还老打嗝
His name is Jeff, and he smells like peppermint schnapps, and baby powder, and burps.
杰夫只是个公设辩护律师
Jeff is a public defender,
而且我看他还有些心魔需要解决