和平使者（2022）

(三年前)
嘿 回床上来
Hey. Come back to bed.
我得准备上班了 瑞克 你也是
I have to get ready for work, Rick. So do you.
别提这个
Don't remind me.
你今天要出发 而且你该去陪着琼
You ship out today. You should really be with June.
你吃醋
You're jealous?
你知道我没有 只是不喜欢撒谎
You know I'm not. I'm just not fond of lying.
她可是个巫婆 - 所以呢
Yeah. Well, she's a fucking sorceress. - And?
所以我担心要是跟她分手
And I'm afraid if I break up with her,
她能给地球凿个窟窿出来
she's gonna burrow a hole through the planet.
伙计 - 怎么了
Dude. - What?
你还能再往自己脸上贴点♥金♥吗 - 我是认真的
Can you possibly self-aggrandize more? - I'm serious.
我知道 问题就在这
I know. That's the problem.
或许也值了
Maybe it's worth it.
什么
What?
给地球开个窟窿
A hole through the planet.
换我和你在一起
Me and you.
瑞克 你是我唯一的朋友
You're the only friend I have, Rick.
我很确定你也只有我这个朋友 你想搞砸吗
And I'm pretty sure I'm yours. You want to fuck that up?
最新消息 艾米莉亚哈考特 我们已经搞了
Newsflash, Emilia Harcourt, we already fucked that up.
我是认真的
I'm serious.
快点吧 两小时后 你要出发去柯尔多马提斯
Come on. You ship out to Corto Maltese in two hours.
和平使者
Peacemaker,
真是个笑话
what a joke.
和平使者
第二季第三集

“第三章:暗藏瑞克”
小老弟
Dude,
你干什么
what are you doing?
已经11点多了
Dude, it's past eleven.
你去哪儿了 伙计 老爸和我都担心死了
Dude. Where the fuck have you been? Dad and I have been freaked out.
书房♥里到处是血 哪来的
There's blood in the library. Where the fuck did that come from?
什么书房♥
What library?
咱家的书房♥
Our library?
我管那叫战利品陈列室
Yeah, I... call that the trophy room.
什么时候改的名
Since when?
你去哪了
Where have you been?
你喝多了 - 有一点
Are you hungover? - A little bit.
我以为你会慢慢戒了那些东西
I thought you were gonna slow down with all that.
最起码只喝酒
I mean, at least it's just alcohol.
你只是喝酒 对吧
It is just alcohol, right?
对 没错
Yeah. Yeah.
那好 快起来 我在煎蛋
All right, get up. Come on. I'm fixing us some eggs.
好
Okay.
该死
Shit.
(艾米莉亚:嘿)
(能见一面吗 )
(我只是想谨慎些)
(我们可以谈谈 只是谈谈 不要指望什么 行吗 )
(好吧 明天中午我们单位见 别迟到)
见鬼
Fuck.
快啊
Come on.
快尿
Piss!
搞什么
什么鬼玩意
What the fuck?
抱歉 基思 我得走了
Keith. Sorry, but I gotta go!
对了 为什么我所有衣服 都像卡戴珊的家具
Also, why do all my clothes look like the Kardashians' furniture! Huh?
卡戴珊是谁 - 你认真的
Who are the Kardashians? - Seriously?
你要去哪
Where are you going?
我听从你建议 去见哈考特
I took your advice. I'm going to see Harcourt.
那个大兵哥怎么办
What about the jarhead?
让他去死
Fuck him.
同意
Agreed.
去他的
Fuck him!
让他去死吧
Fuck that guy.
走之前来个突击测试
Hey. Before I go, pop quiz.
突击测试 - 对
Pop quiz? - Yes.
说出艾米莉亚哈考特 工作单位的完整地址
Can you name the entire address, including zip code,
包括邮政编码
of Emilia Harcourt's workplace?
什么鬼 - 来嘛 多好玩
What? - Come on, this is fun.
好玩个屁 我怎么记得天眼会的完整地址
It's not fun. It's weird. Why would I know the address of ARGUS?
天眼会 没错 第二题 - 我答对了
ARGUS. Okay, second question. - That counts as right?
能借你的卡车吗 - 这算哪门子突击测试
Can I borrow the keys to your truck? - What kind of fucking pop quiz is this?
兄弟 规则不是我定的 - 我看全是你定的
I don't make the rules, bro. - It seems like you very much do.
你怎么这么奇怪 - 快回答
Why are you being so weird? - Just answer the question.
骑你的和平摩托不行吗
Why don't you drive your fucking Peace-cycle?
这是满分答案
That's the correct answer.
搞什么鬼
What the fuck?
帅爆了
Oh yeah.
(天眼会总部)
是他
是和平使者 - 和平使者
Peacemaker!
和平使者 我爱你 - 我也爱你 小家伙
Peacemaker, I love you! - Love you too, little man.
和平使者 我好爱你
Peacemaker! I love you!
和平使者 - 这就有点过了
Peacemaker! - That's a bit much.
和平使者
Peacemaker!
史上最棒的维度
Best. Dimension. Ever.
见鬼
Shit.
天啊
Dude.
我的脑袋
My head.
我们昨晚喝了多少
How much did we drink last night?
该死
Shoot.
我要喝水
I need some water.
你明明和我们喝得一样多
You drank as much as anyone here.
你不难受吗
Aren't you in agony?
抱怨就不难受了
Does it help somehow to bitch about it?
喝咖啡吗 - 水就好
You want some coffee? - Just water.
克里斯昨晚气冲冲地走了
Chris stormed out of here last night.
你俩发生什么事了吗
Did something go down between you two?
没有 克里斯就那样
No. Just Chris being Chris.
不止是昨晚 还有几周前
I don't mean just last night, but, like, a couple of weeks ago?
你们经常在一起 突然间...
Because you guys were hanging out, like, a lot, and then...
所以你俩之间发生了什么吗
So, did something happen between you two then?
没有 - 不可能
No. - No way.
你怎么知道
How would you know?
和平使者是我最好的朋友 我们无话不谈
'Cause Peacemaker's my best friend, and we share everything with each other.
连隐藏最深 最阴暗的秘密都共享
Yeah? - Even all our deepest, darkest secrets.
比如什么
Like what?
你也知道 比如...
Like, you know, like...
好吧 可别笑话我...
Okay. Don't make fun of me, but how...
比如我喜欢蜘蛛
I like spiders.
和平使者教会我不必为此感到羞耻
Peacemaker taught me that that's not something I should be ashamed of.
猫头鹰 海豚和魔鬼鱼 也是我的心头好
Along with owls and dolphins and manta rays,
这些是我最喜欢的动物
they're one of my favorite animals,
就算你们用眼神批判我
and no matter how much I can tell you're both judging me right now,
我也绝不害臊
I'm not gonna be ashamed of that.
所以你隐藏的阴暗秘密是喜欢蜘蛛
So, your deep, dark secret is that you dig spiders?
对 我知道这爱好有点吓人 可谁没点怪癖
Yes. I know it makes me ghoulish, but, you know, we all have our faults.
艾德里安 你杀过多少人
Adrian, how many people have you killed?
多如牛毛 等等 为什么转移话题
How many is a shit-ton? Wait, why are you changing the subject?
你穿的是我的浴袍吗
Hey, are you wearing my robe?
我对蜘蛛了如指掌
I know everything there is to know about spiders.
想来个蜘蛛问答吗 - 不想
You wanna quiz me on some spider facts? - No.
我完全可以去参加蜘蛛考试 轻轻松松拿个昆虫学位
I could probably take a spider test right now and get a professional entomology degree.
蜘蛛考试 - 乌鸦也是我的心头好
A spider test. - Crows. Crows are also one of my favorites.
艾德里安 大清早的我不想聊这个
Adrian, it is too early for this.
你们都不迷乌鸦吗 老天 我知道好多乌鸦知识
You guys aren't on the crow train? Oh my God, I know so many crow facts.
知道乌鸦是唯一会用工具的鸟类吗
Do you know they're the only bird to use tools?
我不知道 - 没错
No, I didn't. - Yeah.
它们能把回形针掰直
They can take a paper clip,
要是碰上欠收拾的同类 直接一针捅死它
straighten it out, and then if another crow is being a dick, he can stab him to death with it.
乌鸦会这么干
Crows do that?
我只说能这么干 没说一定就会
I didn't say they do do it. I said they could.
知道吗 艾德里安 - 知道什么
You know what, Adrian? - No. What?
约翰昨晚在浴缸里睡着了
John fell asleep in the bathtub last night.
我突然担心他被自己呕吐物呛死