和平使者（2022）

Oh, why do you always have to be an asshole, Economos?
可能我脑内化学物质失衡吧
I don't know, probably because I have some major chemical imbalance issues, sir.
约翰 - 好吧 没什么不寻常的
John! - No, nothing overly unusual.
什么鬼
What the fuck?
怎么了 - 没什么
What? - It's nothing.
就是人们在乱搞 开性♥爱♥派对
It's just people having sex. Like an orgy.
什么 - “群♥交♥”
What? - Group sex.
我听懂了 老天 这人怎么回事
No, I... I heard you. Jesus, what is it with this cat?
克里斯托弗史密斯向来放荡不羁
Christopher Smith is notoriously free-spirited.
“史密斯 他也参与其中吗 ”
Is he one of them? Smith?
什么其中 - “群♥交♥的其中一员”
One of what? - One of the people in the orgy.
是的 - 好
Yes.
保持高度警惕 有情况就通知我
All right. Stay on high alert. Let me know if anything else comes up.
收到
Copy.
再派一名探员盯着伊克诺莫斯
Send in another agent to watch over Economos.
我不信任他 - 是 长官
I do not trust him with this. - Yes, sir.
本案件升级为天眼会一级优先事件
And let's move this case to ARGUS Priority One.
一级优先
Priority One?
对 必须查明 这个异常光点是怎么回事
Yeah, we need to figure out what this blip is about.
绝不能再重蹈维度裂缝 导致星球撕裂的覆辙
Last thing we need is another dimensional rift tearing up this planet.
(输入)
(绝顶三巨头击败彩虹生物)
(三巨头决战极端人 拯救哥谭市)
怎么在这傻站着
What are you doing out here?
我以为你在布鲁德海文
I thought you were in Blüdhaven.
基思
Keith?
你还好吧 老弟
You okay, man?
不好
No...
浑身酒气 跟狐朋狗友出去鬼混了
You smell like a distillery. You out with the boys?
对
Yeah...
两个傻瓜干什么呢 克里斯珀 我以为你在布鲁德海文
What are you knuckleheads doing? Chrisper, I thought you were in Blüdhaven.
我刚也这么说
Yeah, that's what I said.
三剑客重聚
Well, the three amigos are together again.
值得喝一杯庆祝一下
I believe that calls for a celebration.
别看你一大把年纪 脑子还挺清楚
Yeah, that's pretty clear thinking for a man of such advanced years.
臭小子找打...
Why, you, I oughta...
别比划了 老头 小心伤着自己
Pow, pow, pow! Hey, here, old man, before you get hurt.
住手...
Hey!
怎么 - 没事
What? - Nothing.
“没事 没事 我漂亮的头发”
"Nothing, nothing."
“没事 没事”
"Nothing, nothing."
我想起那次回到家
Reminds me of the time when I came home.
你当时多大 才12岁吧
What were you, like, 12 years old or something?
又来了
Here we go.
克里斯满屋乱跑
And there's Chris running around the house.
身后追着三十多个只有膝盖高的...
He's being chased by 30 of these knee-high--
那东西叫什么来着 - 小妖
What the hell do you call them things? - Imps.
没错 被小妖追着乱跑
Imps, yeah. Running around.
我问他 克里斯 你搞什么鬼
I go, "Chris, what the hell are you doing?"
他瞪着我说“没事”
He looks at me and goes, "Nothing."
没事
Nothing?
老天 过了一周基思才告诉我
Oh my God. It was a week before Keith told me.
我不想打小报告
No, I didn't want to narc.
结果是克里斯珀在八扇门后的 小矮人维度里乱翻
Chrisper's rummaging around the munchkin dimension eight doors down.
不是小矮人 老爸 是小妖
They're not munchkins, Dad. They're imps.
他想偷人家的巨型薄荷糖
Trying to nab one of them giant peppermint sticks.
三个月后 我在道奇车的引擎里
I found a dead, rotting imp inside the Dodge engine block,
发现只腐烂的小妖
like, three months later.
那臭味我根本没法形容
I cannot stress how fucking bad it smelled.
那算什么
You think that's bad.
有天早上我吃谷物圈 发现碗里有黏糊糊的玩意
The next morning, I was eating my Cheerios, and there's something sticky in there.
大概是哪个小王八蛋在里面打飞机了
I think one of those little fuckers jacked off in there or something. Yeah.
不可能 我不记得有这事
What? No. No. That didn't happen. I don't remember that part.
又是你的奥吉式添油加醋吧
That's the famous Auggie embellishment right there.
没错 都是你的错
Yeah, and it's your fault.
这小子太招人爱了
You gotta love that boy.
要是没有他日子该多轻松
Life would have been a lot easier...
可没有他乐子少一半 - 没有他乐子少一半
But half as much fun without him.
说真的 老爸
More importantly, Dad,
究竟要打败多少只小妖 你才能记住它们的名字
how many goddamn imps you gotta fight before you remember what they're called?
去他的小妖
Fuck those imps!
百威淡啤
Bud Light.
有问题吗 加勒比海盗
You got a problem, Jack Sparrow?
我夸你呢 宝贝
It's just a compliment, babe.
是吗
Oh yeah?
有哪次你对小妞吹口哨 她会说
There a time you whistled at some chick and she said,
多谢你赞美
"Thanks for the compliment,
突然发现你沾满精♥液♥的胡子 和阳痿气场好性感 我们上♥床♥吧
I suddenly find your cum-soaked beard and micropenis energy hot. Let's fuck?"
我敢说从没有过吧
Willing to bet no, right?
我甚至敢说你只能靠花钱
In fact, I'm willing to bet no one's ever fucked you
或者恐吓才能有上♥床♥机会
for any reason other than money or fear.
这贱女人欠收拾 - 你确实欠
Bitch is looking to get swatted. - Yeah, you are.
别冲动 女士
Calm down, lady.
该死
Oh shit!
疯婆子 你少嚣张
Stay down, you fucking nutjob.
你是不是有病
What the fuck is wrong with you?
滚吧 贱♥人♥
Bye, bitch.
我去睡了 明天还有重要的事
I gotta go to bed. I got a big day tomorrow.
晚安 老爸
Night, Pops.
晚安 儿子
Night, son.
我爱你 - 爱你
I love you. - Love you.
我也爱你 小子
Love you too, buddy.
还跟你前任有联♥系♥吗
You still talking with the ex?
前任 - 是啊
The ex? - Yeah.
你今晚怎么了
What's up with you tonight?
不 我还没...
No, I haven't--
要我说那事是你搞砸了 老弟
I gotta say, I think you blew it with that one, bro.
你该再争取下的
I think you should give that another shot.
虽然她和那个锅盖头搞在一起了 但是...
I mean, I know she's with that... jarhead and all, but...
是吗 - 是的
Yeah? - Yeah.
好了 晚安 小老弟 - 基思
All right. Good night, brother. - Keith.
我爱你
I love you.
滚一边去你这醉鬼 我也爱你
Get out of here, you drunk asshole. I love you too.
这是什么
What is it?
一条魔法隧♥道♥
It's a magic tunnel.
魔法隧♥道♥
A magic tunnel?
所以你不知道吗
So, you don't know what that is?
他从来没跟你说过
He's never told you anything about that?
没有 你又是怎么知道的
No! How do you even know about it?
老瑞克弗莱格当上局长后
ARGUS has been monitoring Peacemaker
天眼会就一直在监视和平使者
ever since Rick Flag Senior was named director.
他知道克里斯杀了他儿子吗
Does he know Chris killed his son?
知道 所以他不惜挥霍纳税人的钱
Yeah, so he's wasting taxpayer money
找人全天候蹲守他 就盼着他露出把柄
having him surveilled 24 7 in the hopes that he screws up.
几个月前
And a couple months ago,
马瑞达尔雷达发现他家有异常信♥号♥♥
Maridal radar picked up an anomalous signal coming from his house.
马瑞达尔雷达专门探测 外星和灵质能量
Maridal detects known extraterrestrial and ectoplasmic energies.
我知道那东西
Yeah, I know what it is.
本来以为是个故障 但昨天异常信♥号♥♥又出现了
We thought it was a glitch. And then yesterday, it happened again.
然后我看到了这个
And that's when I saw this.
懂了吧 我完蛋了
Hello, I'm fucked.
是哦
Right.
我该怎么办 他是和平使者 懂我意思吧
So, what do I do? I mean, it's Peacemaker, you know?
他就像... - 朋友
He's like... - Your friend.
这有点牵强了
Now that's pushing it,
但我也不想坑他
but I don't wanna totally screw the guy over.
然后我想到了你
But then I think about you.
我
Me?
对 你帮过他
Yeah, you tried to help him,
现在你和哈考特的人生全毁了
and now yours and Harcourt's lives are completely fucked.
喂 我可没毁
Yo, I'm not fucked.
你活在“侠盗猎车手” 最噩梦的关卡里
You're living in the worst level of Grand Theft Auto.