怪妈闯荡记（2015）

and then I finally just said,
最后呢 我跟她说
"Listen, honey, Daddy loves Owen more."
听着 宝贝 爸爸更喜欢欧文
It took about a year.
花了大概一年的时间
It's been rough, honestly.
说实话真的很煎熬
At work, all you have is one person to worry about.
工作的时候 你担心一个人就可以了
At home, I'm fourth or fifth on the list.
但是在家 我要操心一家四五口
So true; it's no fun
太对了 哪怕就失业几个月
being out of work, even for a couple months.
呆在家里简直无聊到疯了
Well, I'm technically not out of work.
严格意义上来说 其实我不算是失业
Brad, honey, it's not a couple months, it's 6 1/2.
布拉德 亲爱的 那不是几个月 是六个半月
Thank you for keeping such close track, dear.
亲爱的 谢谢你算得这么清楚
Here's a wild idea: why don't you go back to work?
我有一个大胆的想法 为什么你不回去工作呢
She used to be a copy editor, back in the day.
她曾经是个文字编辑 早些时候
I was, but I made the selfish choice
是的 但是我做了自私的选择
of staying home to raise our children, so my bad!
留在家里照顾我们的孩子 我的错
Forgive me!
原谅我
At least I get out of my sweatpants
至少我一周有那么几天
more than once a week.
不♥穿♥宽松的运动裤
This is, like,
他现在这样
the most dressed-up you will ever see him.
已经是他最正式的打扮了
Yeah, well, I don't know who she's dressing up for.
啊 好吧 我不知道她是穿给谁看的
Not you--I get more sexual energy off the fruit vendor.
反正不是你 自动售货机都比你有吸引力
Well, good--why don't you let him hunker down
嗯 很好 为什么不让他晚上跟你睡
with your eight hours of night gas, then?
顺便忍♥受一下你八小时不停的屁呢
I just have a question about that garlic spray.
我想问问那个大蒜喷雾
Is that something you cook with?
你们拿它做饭吗
Oh. No. No. No, no, no.
哦 不 不不不 不是
This is something you spray on your kid's scalps.
这是用来洒在孩子的头皮上的
It's supposed to prevent lice. I think it's bullshit.
用来防头虱的 我觉得没用
Yeah, well, so is lice.
啊 好吧 防头虱
I mean, people act like it is just the most devastating
我觉得 人们好像觉得头虱这是地球上
apocalypse on the planet.
最毁灭性的灾难一样
I had a girlfriend who spent thousands of dollars
我有个闺蜜 花了几千刀
de-lousing her kids, fumigating her house,
给她孩子驱除虱子 给房♥子熏烟消毒
throwing out the brushes and the hats and the blabbity-blah--
扔掉刷子 帽子 还有别的乱七八糟的东西
It's like, who cares? It's lice!
谁在乎啊 头虱而已
But your kids don't have lice now, right?
但是 你家孩子现在没有头虱吧 对不对
No, they did-- well--
不 他们没有 不过
Fanny has eggs in her scalp.
范尼的头皮上有些包
She got sent home from school with, like, a neon-green note,
她被学校送回家了 算是个提醒警告吧
like she was radioactive.
好像她是放射源一样
So what'd you-- what'd you do about it?
那你们做什么了吗
Oh, you know, these things work themselves out.
噢 这种东西他们自生自灭就好了
Lice aren't killing people. He's exaggerating.
头虱又死不了人 他太小题大做了
We bought the shampoo and we're gonna use it.
我们买♥♥了专用的洗发水 准备试试
We just haven't had a minute.
只是一直没有时间试而已
Okay, um, look at the time!
好吧 呃 看看时间
We have totally overstayed our welcome.
我们实在是待了太久了
Kids! Kids!
孩子们 孩子们
Kids! Thank you so much. What about our bloody marys?
孩子们 谢谢你们的招待 你们还没喝血腥玛丽呢
Take that off. Take those off.
脱掉这些 全都脱了
Say thank you!
说谢谢
Thank you for having us. Okay.
谢谢招待 好的
We'll be in touch with you about the house!
我们完了会跟你们说那个房♥子的事情
House?
房♥子
What house?
什么房♥子
Okay, here we go.
好的 在这里
"If you've come into contact with contaminated hair"--
如果你跟受到感染的毛发接触了
Okay, kids, I want you to take off all your clothes
好的 孩子们 你们现在马上脱掉你们的衣服
and chuck them in the dryer now!
然后扔到烘干机里 立刻马上
Here it is. The booking confirmation.
找到了 订单确认信息
Winter cottage rental in Burlington, Vermont.
冬季平房♥出租 在佛蒙特州柏林顿
Vermont! That's why the syrup!
佛蒙特州 这就是他们要糖浆的原因
What have we done? We just met these people,
我们做了些什么 仅仅是见了这些人而已
and we agreed to a three-month house-share?
然后我们就签了三个月的合租
And she was wearing my socks.
她还穿着我的袜子
What if I have body lice?
如果我有虱子了怎么办
We have to break up with them.
我们必须跟他们切断联♥系♥
How? They live in the building.
怎么切 他们在这栋公♥寓♥里住着
We'll move. What?
我们搬家 什么
Sell the apartment and move far, far away.
买♥♥了房♥子搬得远远的 非常非常远
It's the only way out of this!
这是唯一的办法了
What if we tell them we just found out
如果我们告诉他们 我们刚刚发现
your mother is coming to visit and we can't leave her alone?
你的妈妈要来了 而且她无法自己照顾自己呢
That's so dumb, it's insulting.
这理由太傻了 而且侮辱我妈
We have to do something! We hooked up with nutjobs!
我们必须做点什么 我们被疯子缠上了
I've done a lot of growing, you know.
我成长了许多 你知道的
Me too. I've grown a ton.
我也是 我成长了非常多
I've changed.
我变了
I think I've changed more.
我觉得我变了更多
I'm a completely different person.
我简直变了个人
Okay, fine. We've both evolved equally.
嗯 好吧 我们进步了同样多
So what do we do about it?
所以我们该怎么做
In my now-extensive business experience,
根据我大量的商业经验
I've found it's beneficial
我发现把未来期望写出来
to set expectations in advance in writing.
是非常有好处的
You want to draw up a contract?
你想起草一个合同
No. A vision board.
不 是一个梦想板
Let's put it all up here.
我们把它都写在这里吧
All our hopes, dreams,
我们所有的期待 梦想
prospective vacation destinations.
各自想要去度假的地方
Should you be drawing on the wall in Sharpie?
你确定要用记号♥笔画在墙上吗
I'll start.
我要开始啦
My fondest wish for this relationship
我对这段感情的最大期望就是
is that you never betray my trust.
你永远不会辜负我的信任
Or what remains of it.
我所剩不多的信任
This is what I'm talking about.
这也是我所希望的
If we're going to have a future together,
如果我们打算有未来的话
you have to find a way to forgive me.
你必须想办法原谅我
I have forgiven you.
我已经原谅了你
And now all I ask is the right to lord it over you
现在我只要求在接下来的人生里
for the rest of your life.
可以对你呼来喝去
I can't do this.
我做不到
Where are you going?
你要去哪
For a walk in the snow.
雪中漫步去
It's gotta be warmer out there.
外面会暖和些
Jesus, it's the Superdome in here.
老天 这简直是世界末日
Hey, Vaness, we need your advice.
嘿 瓦内萨 我们需要你的建议
We had a one-night stand with this family
我们和一个家庭相处了一个晚上
and we need to cut it off.
我们需要尽快摆脱他们
What? You've dumped tons of guys.
什么 你甩过那么多男人
What do we do?
告诉我们怎么做
Okay, has there been any contact since?
好吧 到现在为止你们接触过了么
Yes, and we traded clothes,
是啊 而且我们交换了衣服
and we're doing a house-share with them.
我们还要跟他们一起租♥房♥♥子
Wow! You guys are easy.
哇噢 你们太容易亲近了吧
How 'bout you say you're not ready for anything serious,
要不然你就说你们还没做好认真♥相♥处的准备
you'd rather stay friends.
还是做普通朋友比较好
No, we need to kill this dead.
不 我们要把这段关系扼杀在摇篮里
I never want to see these people again.
我再也不想看见这一家子人了
And one more.
再敬一杯
To our dear friend, Timberly.
为我们亲爱的朋友 田伯烈
Really, Candace, haven't you quite had enough?
说真的 坎迪斯 你就喝不醉吗
If you can't keep up,
如果你撑不住了
grab a couch like the other one, sister.
就像那个姐们一样去沙发上躺着吧 大姐
What a treat this has been,
这真是上天的恩赐
in the company of such elegant beauties.
能有如此优雅的美人陪着我
Yes, though it is funny.
没错 但这太搞笑了
Where I come from, we don't put on our big jewelry until 8:00.
我们上流人士 从来不会在八点前就佩戴我们的名贵珠宝
Oh, darling, whoever said this was my big jewelry?
噢 亲爱的 谁说这是我的名贵珠宝了