怪妈闯荡记（2015）

Last season on "Odd mom out"...
怪妈闯荡记 上季回顾
This from dottie.
多蒂 书
"My mommy loves tattoos,
我的妈妈喜欢纹身
"Underwear dance parties,
短裤舞会
And bad words."
和脏话
Oh, shit.
哦 真糟糕
It's my sister-in-law. I can't escape her.
这是我的妯娌 我总是逃不了她的魔掌
Just promise me you will not turn
答应我 你不会变成
Into one of those freaky mom-bots.
那种怪大妈
oh, shit.
哦 太糟糕了
one more push.
继续用力
I can't do it! Yes, you can!
我做不到 不 你可以
You are an olympian!
你可是奥林匹克运动会选手
jill...
吉尔
From now on, we have to stick together.
从现在开始 我们一定要团结一致
You are wasting your life at that whiteshoe law firm.
你只是在顶级律师事务所浪费时间
You should come work for hercules.
你应该回来为赫拉克勒斯工作
Lex-- what the--
莱克斯 擦
Oh! Lex is cheating on brooke
哦 莱克斯和他的助手艾拉
With his assistant ella.
正在背着布鲁克偷♥情♥
Did you say something?
你说了什么吗
Next time, keep it in your pants.
下次记得 收敛点
I quit.
我放弃
I'm sorry your husband cheated on you,
我感到抱歉 你丈夫欺骗了你
But you manipulated me
但是你利用了我
The way you manipulate everyone to get your way.
你利用你周围的每一个人来达到你的目的
It is so funny to bump into you here.
竟然在这里碰到你 真是太有意思了
I know. I can't believe it.
我知道 我也不敢相信
So how was your summer? Not good.
所以 暑假过得怎么样 不太好
We did a gut job on the house on gin lane,
我们在杜松子酒巷的房♥子上做了装♥修♥
But it wasn't ready in time.
但是没能及时完成
So we had to stay in a $50,000 rental next door,
所以我们不得不待在一个50,000美元的隔壁出租屋里
But now my contractor isn't speaking to my architect
但是现在我的承包人没有怪责我的建筑师
Who isn't speaking to my decorator.
我的建筑师也没有怪责我的装♥修♥师
It's like civil war.
这就像是文明之战
Ooh, I think I found one.
唔哦 我想我找到了
Holy neptune's nutsack!
我的天哪
Oh, my god, steamrollered boobage.
哦 我的上帝 像蒸汽压路机一样的美胸
I can't look at it!
简直不忍♥直视
Oh, my god, has anyone's nipple ever exploded?
哦 我的上帝 有人的乳♥头♥爆♥炸♥过吗
No, wait, don't tell me. No, tell me.
不 等下 不要告诉我 不 还是告诉我吧
No, don't. Don't.
不 不要 不要
Are my cans gonna be
我的咪♥咪♥会被粉碎么
Smashed beaver tails after this,
海狸尾在这样之后
Or do they go back to melons?
他们都能变成了乳♥房♥♥么
Ma'am it's very important that
女士 这是非常重要的
You don't move or talk or breathe.
你不要动或者说话或者呼吸
Sorry, bad habit.
对不起 坏习惯
oh, mercy.
哦 天了噜
Mercy mine.
天了噜
If guys had to shove their nutsack on this thing
如果有人要把蛋蛋放到这东西上来挤
And turn 'em into silver dollar pancakes,
并且要把它变成银美元煎饼
They'd find a better way, am I right?
他们会找到更好的方法的 我说的对吗
Mm-hmm. Time for the other side now.
对 换另一边了
What? Is that really necessary?
什么 这真的是必须么
I have to do the other one?
我一定要做另一边吗
oh, my god.
哦 我的上帝
Oh, look, it's my boobs.
哦 看 这是我的奶♥子♥
To healthy cans.
为了健康
And with my family history, that's no small feat.
在我家族历史中 这是不小的壮举
Oh, my god, sorry,
哦 我的上帝 抱歉
I keep thinking I'm seeing brooke.
我一直在想我一直看着布鲁克
I have loved this break from her.
我曾经喜欢和她一起休息吃饭
Why does it have to end?
为什么这会结束呢
School starts tomorrow, right?
学校明天开课 是么
Relax, the woman doused you in fruit punch.
别担心 那个女人把果汁洒在你身上
I mean, what else can she do?
我是说 她还能做什么
She could throw one of her handbags at me.
她二话不说就可以朝我扔一个手提包
Oh, my god, is she still making those?
哦 我的上帝 她仍在做这种事情么
Come on. She keeps posting pictures
得了吧 她一直都在格兰顿
Of her trunk shows in the cramptons.
展示裸照
Her friends are actually paying for her original designs.
她的朋友也同时会付钱给她
Ah, too good.
哦 太好了
Here's what you're gonna do next time you see her.
下次你见她的时候 就可以这么做
I already told you.
我已经告诉你了
I can't call her the gold medalist
我不能告诉她金牌获得者是谁
In the asshole olympics.
在混♥蛋♥奥♥运♥会上
Andy's making me take the high road.
安迪让我走正确的道路
Fine, but I went to this empowerment workshop
好吧 但是那天我去了授权工作会
The other day for female physicians--
为了女物理学家
Aka doctors without penises. Exactly.
没有阴♥茎♥的一群博士 事实上
And it's all about power-posing to command respect.
而且这都是关于需要尊重的肢体语言
You've gotta take up an obnoxious amount of space.
你已经占据了大量的空间
Like this...
就像这样
Okay, thanks, linda carter.
好吧 谢谢 琳达 马车夫
Or even better, this...
或者更好 像这样
Key is to communicate dominance.
关键是交流沟通的主导权
Can you sit down?
你能坐下来吗
Your dominance is starting to freak me out.
你的架势开始吓死我了
Oh, and you can do it at the magazine.
哦 你也可以在杂♥志♥社那边做这个
Aren't you meeting with your old assistant today?
今天你没见到你的老助手吗
Yes, but she's senior photo editor now.
是的 但是她现在是一个高级照片编辑
It's gonna be so weird to be back there.
回到那里会很奇怪
So many skeletons. Literally.
那里白富美太多了
You were, like, the fat chick there.
你就像那里的胖母鸡
and, of course,
而且 当然
Trixie's still in charge, sucking up people's souls
特里克茜仍然执管 吸取着人们的灵魂
Like a dustbuster,
就像个婊♥子♥
But I guess I have to "Network"
但是我猜我不得不去找一个干净的工作
If I want to jump start my career.
如果我想要去快速开始我的事业
Well, it's "About time."
好吧 这是时间问题
Daddy, are you unemployed?
爸 你失业了么
No, miles, I am on what is called a sabbatical,
不 麦尔斯 我在休假
Which means we get to do a bunch of fun stuff,
这就是说有一大堆事情等着我去做
And then I start my new job in january.
之后我会在一月份开始我的新工作
But today, we are gonna go to the zoo, the boat pond,
但是今天 我们会去动物园 有船的池塘
Then we're gonna water taxi over to red hook.
然后 我们将坐水上出租车去红钩区
But are we ever seeing uncle lex again?
但是我们能再见到叔叔莱克斯吗
What? Um, of course.
什么 嗯 当然
Sure, yeah. Actually, you know what?
是的 会的 事实上 你知道吗
Uncle lex's new place is right by the subway.
叔叔莱克斯的新家就在地铁站旁边
Why don't we stop there first and cheer him up?
为什么我们不先停在那里 和他一起庆祝呢
Oh, my god, the lamp.
哦 我的上帝 这个台灯
I can't believe you still have that.
不敢相信你还留着它
Oh, and I risked everything smuggling it in here.
哦 我冒着险把它运到这
There is an actual tchotchke limit now,
这儿现在有一个小摆设限制了
But you gave it to me
但是你把它给我了
And you're still my favorite boss.
而你仍然是我最喜爱的老板
Oh, kate, that means so much to me.
哦 凯特 这对我来说意味太多了
This stay-at-home mom thing has gotten so old.
这种做家庭主妇的事儿以已经过时了
Yeah, but at least you got off the hamster wheel
是的 但是至少你要下了仓鼠轮足够长时间
Long enough to get a personal life.
开始个人生活
Oh, I'm--I'm so grateful for my kids, of course--
哦 我 我对我孩子心存感激 当然
Oh, I meant your husband. Oh, him too.
哦 我意思是你的老公 哦 他也是
I'm not complaining. I'm just--
我不是在抱怨 我只是
Don't listen to me.
不要听我的
I am just so fried
在时装周之后
After fashion week.
我真是喝醉了
There have been so many layoffs,
有太多失业的人
Morale is in the shitter.
志气都不在了