怪妈闯荡记（2015）

Ah! Sorry, sorry.
噢 抱歉抱歉
It's all right. Woop.
没关系的 我去
Uh, okay, stop.
呃 好 停车
These cones aren't cheap. Sorry, I'm a total spaz.
这些警示标可不便宜 不好意思 我真的很笨
Maybe...
也许
Maybe we should try a little music
也许我们可以来点音乐
to calm you down.
放松一下
Unless this isn't your thing. No, I love it.
除非你不喜欢 不我特别喜欢
Crank it to 11!
声音调到最大
And all of the power gays
所有小有名气的同性恋
have RSVP'd yes, which is huge.
都会参加开业仪式 这是很大一群人
Gay word of mouth is nine times
同志们说的话比普通人说的
more powerful than regular word of mouth.
影响力九倍大
Oh, gays. What aren't they good at?
哦 同性恋 他们不擅长什么
Besides procreation. So true.
不擅长生孩子 无法反驳
I have interviews lined up for the day of opening
开业那天有两个采访申请
with elle.Com and "Tall Tween."
是世界时装之苑和高个子萝莉杂♥志♥
The magazine for women who refuse to admit they're adults.
这个杂♥志♥是给那些逃避年龄的成年女性看的
Love. 100% on brand.
和我们的品牌理念完全对路
But there is one part of the opening
但是关于开业还是有个部分
I'm afraid could be way off brand.
恐怕会影响我们的品牌价值
Let me guess. The estranged husband issue.
让我猜猜 冷漠的夫妻关系问题
Listen, this is my bread and butter.
听着 这点我最在行
It's very simple. If he's not there,
这很简单 如果他没到场
people will assume you're divorcing,
人们会猜测你们正在闹离婚
which is off brand.
这会影响我们的品牌价值
If he is there, people will think you're a pushover.
如果他到场了 人们又会觉得你控制欲太强
Even more off brand.
这更有损品牌价值
As the Buddha said, you have to find the third path.
正如佛陀所言 你必须找到第三条路
Or maybe that was Nixon. But there are only two paths.
或许这话是尼克松说的 但是我只有两条路可走
Either I invite him or I don't.
要么邀请他 要么不
Oh, doll, there are so many more.
哦 小姑娘 我们有很多条路可走的
I can't believe this is your band.
不敢相信 这是你的乐队
It's like Alice in Chains meets Mother Love Bone
这就像妻管严爱丽丝乐队融合了 妈爱用功生乐队
meets Animal from "The Muppet Show."
又加入了大青蛙布偶秀里的动物们
I'm touched.
我深受感动
I never expected one of my Upper East Siders
真没想到你这样一个上东区的俏佳人
to be a legit rocker. To my core.
竟是个地地道道的摇滚粉 摇滚深入我心
Okay, I wanted to walk down the aisle
好吧 我曾经希望在我步入教堂时
to "Welcome to the Jungle," But Andy wouldn't let me.
放的是 婚姻是爱情的坟墓 这首歌♥ 但是安迪不同意
Okay, so to wrap up for today, you have killer music taste
好吧 我给这节课做个总结 你的音乐品味棒极了
but you're the worst driver I've ever had.
但是你可是我见过的最差劲的司机
I mean, and I taught a guy
我曾经教过一个家伙
who had a grand mal seizure on the West Side Highway.
他在西区高速公路上癫痫病发作
Oh, my God. I drive like a seizure victim?
哦 上帝 我开车像是个癫痫病患者吗
No. Worse. I mean, at least
不 更吓人 我是说 至少
he was involuntarily pumping the brakes.
他在那反反复复的踩刹车是身不由己的
Oh, my God. But I'll get you there.
哦 上帝 但是 我会把你教会的
Which means we're gonna have to spend a lot of time together.
这就意味着我们还要一起度过很多时光
If we must.
如果我们需要的话
I'm crawling on your shore
我爬上了你那温柔的港湾
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
我曾看过医生 也曾登山远眺
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
我曾照料孩子 也曾路边汲水
There's more than one answer to the...
有千千万万个答案
Hey!
嘿
How'd it go? Great.
进展如何 棒极了
Good. I mean, fine.
很好 我是说 还不错
So would you be willing to go back?
那么你愿意接着上课吗
Um, yeah.
恩 好啊
Sure. I mean, if it makes you happy.
没问题 我是说 如果能让你高兴的话
Yes. Um, so...
高兴 嗯 还有
there's a Soundgarden concert next week at The Beacon.
下周在灯塔剧院 有场声音花♥园♥乐队的演唱会
Do you want to go?
你要不要去
Maybe.
也许会
Probably not.
可能去不了
We used to go to shows all the time.
我们以前总是去看演出的
Well we also used to not have three kids
可我们以前没有三个
that got up every day at 6:00 a.m.
每天早上6点就要起床的孩子
You never let me do anything fun.
你从来不让我做点有趣的事
Never!
从来没有
Jill.
吉尔
I went to the doctor
我曾看过医生
I went to the mountains
也曾登山远眺
So how are the driving lessons going?
驾驶课上的怎么样了
Fun. I like my teacher.
很有趣 我喜欢我的教练
Nico.
尼柯
Is there any chance I could rock this?
有没有机会让我穿上这件衣服一展风采呢
Well it depends. What's the occasion?
要看情况了 什么场合呢
Nothing, just bored of everything I have.
没什么 只是对我生活中的一切有点烦了
Wait a minute. Go back.
等等 刚才咱们在说什么来着
Tell me about the driving teacher.
跟我说说那个驾驶教练
I don't know. Um, he's Australian,
我不知道从哪说起 他是澳大利亚人
plays in a rock band, sleeved in tats,
在摇滚乐队表演 双臂满是纹身
vague resemblance to Robb Stark from "Game of Thrones."
有点像权利的游戏里的罗柏 史塔克
You're whacking it to your driving instructor.
你要泡你的驾驶教练
First of all, I am too tired to whack it to anyone.
首先 我太累了谁也泡不动
And second, I've been married for 12 years.
其次 我已经结婚12年了
I'm entitled to a harmless crush.
我有权享受一点点迷恋 这没什么害处
Trust me, he would never be into me.
相信我 他也不可能对我感兴趣
Um, I think that's besides the point, right?
呃 我想你有点逃避我的问题啊 是不是
Yes, and you know I would never cheat on Andy.
是吧 可你知道我绝对不会出轨的
Ever. It's just, Nico is like
永远不会 只不过 尼柯有点像
that bad boy rocker type I never banged.
我从来没有泡过的那种摇滚范的坏男孩
Why didn't I do that?
我为什么没试过呢
Because deep down in the core of your being
因为你骨子里
you prefer the smell of a pampered man.
你更喜欢养尊处优的男人的气味
God damn it, I do!
该死的 我确实如此
Ugh, my B.O. Sensitivity has kept me
啊 我灵敏的嗅觉
from experiencing so much.
让我失去了很多美好的体验
But Nico is 100% B.O. Free.
但是尼柯身上特别好闻
Okay then. Go crazy.
好吧 去疯吧
Throw it all away.
抛开一切
Run off with your driving teacher.
和你的驾驶教练私奔吧
Hey, this is what you get for ganging up on me
嘿 这都是你们联合起来
about not knowing how to drive.
非让我学车的下场
Home wrecker.
家庭破坏者
As I've explained already,
正如我刚刚解释过的那样
the other option is to invite Lex
另一个选择就是 邀请莱克斯
but not do any pictures with him.
但是绝不跟他合影
That is a move popularized by all
哈维韦恩斯坦（男演员）的前妻们
of Harvey Weinstein's ex-wives.
对这招屡试不爽
But we're not divorced. I don't want to look cold.
但是我们可没离婚 我不想看上去冷冰冰的
So you do one photo with him and the children.
那 你就和他还有孩子们照一张相
It says, "We are co-parenting, but... "
这说明 我们一起养育孩子 但是
The children won't be there.
孩子们不会出席的
Children remind people of responsibility,
孩子让人想到责任
and that's not what we're selling.
这可不是我们的卖♥♥点
Okay, how about this? It's a classic.
好吧 这样你看如何 这招很经典
Invite him to the party but not the after party.
邀请他来参加开幕式 但是并不让他参加后续活动
It's clean, it says, "We're on speaking terms,
这招不赖 这说明 我们关系还可以
but we're not actually speaking."
但是实际上我们并不跟对方讲话
Mm, or does it say
嗯 或者这表示
I didn't want to invite him, but I need him.
我本来不想邀请他 但是我缺了他就不行
Because neediness is completely off brand.
欲求不满可不符合我们的品牌文化
Ugh! Why doesn't anything feel right?
哦 为什么每条路都行不通呢
Oh, dear.
哦 我的天
Honestly, what more does she want from you?
说实话 她还想要什么呢
Roses, jewelry.
玫瑰 珠宝
$15 million worth of start-up financing.
1500万美金的起步资金
It takes a lot of roses to fix a heart
真的需要好多玫瑰才能治愈一颗受伤的心