怪妈闯荡记（2015）

Carpe diem, let's party!
筒子们 我们嗨起来
Yes!
就这样
Last season on "Odd Mom Out."
上一季的怪妈
You shot the doormen.
你给那个门卫拍了写♥真♥
I'm gonna do a group show.
我要办一个联展
I'd love to include you.
想加你进来
I wish you would stay.
你能留下来就好了
Is this a test?
你在考验我吗
No, I just wanted you to know how I feel.
不 我只是想让你知道我的想法
So you met Mr. Ernie Krevitt, genius investor.
想必你已经见过欧尼 克雷维特先生了 天才投资者
What's going on? They're saying he pulled a Madoff.
怎么了 他们说他是另一个麦道夫（金融诈骗案犯）
Brooke just got me in with him.
布鲁克才让我给他投钱
Sebastian!
塞巴斯蒂安
Of course I went all in.
当然我把所有的钱都投进去了
Ernie was our best performing manager.
欧尼是我们表现最好的经理
He was killing it for us.
他业绩超牛逼
Should we be freaking out?
我们该担心吗
No, fortunately we never had
不用 因为我们根本就没那么多钱
enough money to invest with him.
和他一起投资
My mother did. Oh.
但我妈全投了 天惹
Candace?!
坎迪斯
We didn't have much money with him, did we?
我们没投太多钱给他 对吧
Babe, we still have each other.
宝贝儿 我们还有彼此呢
No!
不
I just can't believe she's gone.
我还是不敢相信 她就这么没了
I mean, she was so beautiful,
她貌美如花
I mean, almost too perfect to look at,
沉鱼落雁
like the teeth of an Obama.
闭月羞花
I'm sorry.
我很遗憾
I don't mean to interrupt... But I... I... I...
我不是故意打断你 但是 我
Now she's God only knows where
现在谁知道她在什么鬼地方
with God only knows who.
和什么人在一起
I hate myself for losing her!
我恨我自己就这么失去了她
Lex, I'm a grief counselor
莱克斯 我是个心理咨♥询♥师
for those who've lost a loved one...
帮助那些失去挚爱的人
Not a yacht.
你说的是一条游艇
Are you all right?
你还好吗
It's just you've been standing here
你站在这里
the better part of an hour.
都快一个小时了
Is there someone I should call?
需要我帮你叫人吗
Who would you call?
你能打给谁
I had to fire my Art Advisor.
我不得已辞退了我的艺术顾问
Now I'm expected to figure out if I like this painting.
现在我自己得决定 我到底喜不喜欢这幅画
All. By. Myself!
全靠老娘一人
Marisa? Are you okay?
玛丽萨 你还好吗
Jill. You have no idea what I've just been through.
吉尔 你根本没法想象 我都经历了什么
Our financial advisor made us choose
我们的金融顾问让我们选
between the chalet in Aspen
是卖♥♥掉白杨小木屋
and the horse farm in Millbrook.
还是度假村的小马场
It was a Sophie's Choice.
那简直就是苏菲的选择
Have you ever read Sophie's Choice?
你看过 苏菲的选择 吗
Just be thankful that you were not affected
你没被那个天杀的骗子克雷维特影响到
by that crook, Krevitts.
你就谢天谢地吧
Oh, I was affected.
呵呵 我明明也被影响了
We're out of tonic.
我的酒又喝完了
And I'd appreciate if you'd invest
你们浴室为什么不装那种
in a removable shower head.
手持式的花洒头
Mother!?
老妈啊
Dottie! Miles! Let's hit the roadski!
点点 迈尔斯 赶紧出来上路啦
Must you project like that?
你非得这样讲话吗
You're not centerstage on Broadway.
你又不是百老汇的台柱子
Rolling Eyes Emoji.
老娘一个白眼翻死你
Just trying to get the gang together to visit Hazel in the sleepaway camp
就是想把大家都叫出来去探望黑兹尔 她在露营
You're gonna have the place to yourself this weekend.
这周末你就自己在家了
Ah, thank goodness.
谢天谢地
I haven't slept past eleven since I moved in.
我搬进来就没试过十一点以后睡觉
I'm practically on a day laborer's schedule.
我基本上就和工人一样的作息
I'm sorry, Grandma.
对不起 奶奶
I thought I told you never to use that word.
我已经告诉你别用那个词了
I mean, really, do I look like a grandmother?
讲真 我看起来像是奶奶辈的吗
You look like an angel.
是 你看起来就是个天使
A fallen Victoria's Secret angel.
一个陨落的维密天使
Honey, I know it has not been easy,
亲爱的 我知道这不容易
but it's important that we are supportive in her time of need.
但是在她低谷期 我们对她的支持很重要
'Til when?
到什么时候啊
The Grim Reaper buzzes from the lobby?
难不成等到死神来按门铃吗
Mother, please turn off all the
妈妈 当你出门的时候
lights when you go out.
请记得关灯
And don't leave out any food overnight and...
不要把食物隔夜放
I suppose next you're gonna tell me
我猜 你该说
not to have any boys over?
不要带男生回家咯
Actually, yeah. We don't want any...
实话说 是的 我们不想
Tata! Okay.
我说吧 好吧
You know that your mother's gonna throw an epic rager.
你知道的 你妈肯定会大搞派对
We're gonna come home to find Long Duck Dong
等我们回家就会看到
on the exercise bike and Anthony Michael Hall
各种各样的猛♥男♥
trapped under the coffee table.
遍布家里
Don't be silly, honey.
别想那么多 宝贝
Life is not a John Hughes movie.
生活又不像电影
You're right.Otherwise I'd be married to Andrew McCarthy.
也是 不然我早嫁给安德鲁麦卡锡（男明星）了
This city is one crawdad boil away
这城市就好像一个开水锅
from being a swamp. I'm dying.
我要死了
Oh I know. It's so hot
可不是嘛 热死了
the Statue of Liberty is like...
自♥由♥女神肯定是这样的
At least you're escaping to the woods!
至少你可以逃离这里 去树林里了
I'll be here with the cockroach conga line down Avenue A.
我只能在这个蟑螂都能排成队的A大街呆着了
Are you still seeing Krevitt victims
急诊室里克雷维特案受害者
in the ER from rich person accidents?
还是那么多吗
Our burn unit is inundated with people
我们的烧伤科被那些第一次用烤箱的人
using their ovens for the first time.
堵得水泄不通
Seriously? And last night,
真的吗 还有昨晚
a woman checked in because
一个女的来住院
she missed having her call button.
为了感受以前那种一呼唤就来人的生活
Oh, let me guess, Graham? Yup.
哦 我猜是格雷厄姆 是滴
It's like four FaceTimes a day!
一天能视频四遍
It's still so weird to me that he's in Burundi but can FaceTime.
我还是不敢相信 他在布隆迪（非洲国家）还能视频
I was picturing him in the bush
我觉得他应该在树灌里
with some tribeswoman bringing him a telegram.
某个部落的女的把电报拿给他
With, like, those neck rings...
带着这种 脖子上的圈圈
Jill! No.
吉尔 不
It's impoverished there, but it's still 2017.
虽然那很穷 但现在是2017年好吧
They don't have like, bones through their nose.
她们鼻子上不会串个骨头啥的
They're wearing, like, Sean John t-shirts.
现在他们穿着嘻哈风格T恤
Stop it. I swear.
不可能吧 真的
Time to go. Okay, give this to Hazel
该走了 把这个给黑兹尔
and tell that sweet girl I love her!
告诉她我爱她哟
Okay, and tell Graham I say...
好的 你帮我告诉格雷厄姆
That means "Hi". You're going to hell.
意思说嗨 滚远点
I ought to hug you but I'm schvitzing my balls off.
我想抱抱你 但我热得浑身是汗
Don't touch me. Love you.
别碰我 爱你哟
Oh God.
天呐
There's no one here to answer it.
没人能去开门
Do you think I should open it... myself?
你觉得 我该去开门吗
If I'm not back in five minutes,
如果五分钟后我还没回来
eat Langley first.
先吃兰利
Oh Devon! Thank God!
戴文 谢天谢地
There's someone at the door.
有人在敲门
It was me.
是我
Ugh, you have no idea what it's like
你根本没法想象
being alone with these unruly hellcats.
和这些熊孩子待一块是什么体验