怪妈闯荡记（2015）

that I look decades younger than I am.
我看起来比我的实际年龄年轻10岁
In fact, last week I was carded at Cipriani.
实际上上礼拜我在西普里亚尼做了一个护理
Is that so?
是吗
But there is one thing I'm wondering about.
但是有一件事我有点好奇
Alan, see this freckle here?
艾伦 看到这个雀斑了吗
Does this look questionable to you?
这个看起来有问题吗
I'll have a look here.
让我看下
Um, looks, uh... looks fine to me.
看起来没什么问题
You realize Alan was an orthopedic surgeon.
你把艾伦当整形医生了
You know, I... yeah, I better see if Jill needs help.
你知道 好了 我最好去看看吉尔有没有什么需要帮忙的
If you're, uh, concerned about it,
如果你对这个有点担心的话
I have a good friend who's a dermatologist.
我有一个朋友是皮肤科医生
Park Avenue doctor. Very good.
帕克医生 医术非常好
How old is he?
他年纪多大了
She's seducing your father?
她在引诱你♥爸♥爸
She belongs in a Burberry straightjacket.
她应该归入巴宝莉紧身衣人群之列
Oh, she's just needy.
她只是有点饥渴了
Ugh, I hate that they come here every year.
哦 我讨厌他们每年过来
Why would you celebrate Yom Kippur
你为什么要庆祝赎罪日呢
if you didn't have to?
你明明可以不这么做
It's the brown crayon of holidays.
这简直是最烂的节日
Hey, by the way, have you taken Hazel
对了 你拿榛子
to the orthodontist yet? It's time.
给那个牙齿矫正医生了吗 现在正是时候
No, Mom, I've been busy.
没 老妈 我很忙
I really regret not getting you braces.
很抱歉我没有遗传一副好的牙齿架给你
It's not too late, though, you know.
但是你知道 现在还不是太晚
Everyone at the club is doing Invisalign.
人们现在都在做牙齿隐形矫正
Okay, thank you, Mom.
好的 谢谢老妈
Is there a special wine for breaking the fast?
是否有专门庆祝斋戒结束的酒呢
Don't ask me. I'm a lapsed Catholic.
别问我 我是天主教♥徒♥
Ooh, this is one of my favorites.
唔 这瓶酒是我的最爱之一
That looks good.
看起来不错
But this might go better with a fish.
这个配鱼喝可能更好
It's okay. We can get the red or both.
好的 那要这瓶红的或者两瓶都要
Unless you want to see if they have a Lambrusco.
或者你想知道他们是否有蓝布鲁斯科
Or not.
或者不
I thought you liked Lambrusco.
我以为你会喜欢蓝布鲁斯科
I go back and forth.
我很纠结
Sign next to the blue tabs.
在蓝色标签下签名
There and there.
这里还有那里
I do this for a living, Alan, but thanks.
我就是干这个的 艾伦 但还是非常感谢
You've been out of work, so, uh... so maybe a little rusty.
你已经失业了 所以我以为你可能会有点生疏
Jill, how about I ask Harvey
吉尔 要不要我问下哈维
to draw up a couple of living wills for both of you, okay?
为你们两个起草一份生前遗嘱如何
It's pretty standard practice,
这是一个惯例
uh, since you're signing for each other.
你们互相为对方的受益人
Yeah, um...
这个
We just need to talk about it first.
我们两个需要先讨论下
What's to talk about? We're married.
有什么好讨论的 我们已经结婚了
That's what marriage is all about.
这就是结婚的意义
Well, I'm just afraid
我只是有点害怕
that you might be too upset to pull the plug
当事情发展到那一步的时候
if things got really ugly.
你会太难受不忍♥去终止我的生命
You underestimate me. I can do it.
你低估我了 毫无疑问
No question.
我能克服过去的
Let's say there is a car accident
假设在布朗克斯高速公路的十字路口上发生
on the Cross Bronx Expressway,
了一起交通事故
and your wife is catapulted head-first
你的妻子从挡风玻璃上
through the windshield. Oh, my God, Alan.
撞出去了 - 哦我的天艾伦
This is very important to talk about.
这是一个必须谈论的话题
I mean, Jill can't drive,
我的意思是 吉尔不会开车
and we all know that the passenger side is
我们都知道副驾驶位是一个
the death seat.
很容易致人死亡的位置
Mm, this is delicious, honey.
偶 亲爱的 这个很美味
Or, picture this, Jill, I don't know, just skis...
或者想象下这个画面 吉尔直接
Right into a tree.
撞向了一颗树
Right, total organ failure.
对了 或许是器官衰竭
She's brain dead, living in a vegetative state
她脑死亡了成了一个植物人
with a string of drool coming out of her mouth
口水从她的嘴巴里面流出来
just like what happened to, uh, Sue Menkowitz,
就像发生在苏马科维茨身上的一样
may she rest in peace. Okay, shh, the kids, please.
让她安息吧 好吧 不要讨论这个话题了 孩子在呢
They're in the other room. See?
他们在另外一个房♥间呢
He can't even have a conversation about it.
看 他甚至都不想讨论这个话题
Whereas I can look at the facts and take clear decisive action.
然而我能冷静看待事实并果断采取正确行动
Hey, are you trying to get my job here?
你是想做我的工作吗
Mm, no, no, no, no, now that I think about it, Andy,
不不不 我想到这个事情
you had to excuse yourself during Miles' bris.
你在麦尔斯割包皮的时候走开了
That's different.
这是两件不同的事情
That's my baby son's foreskin being snipped
我的孩子在30个多管闲事的人面前
in front of thirty people kibbitzing.
割包皮
Uh, that's a barbaric tradition
这是一个野蛮的传统
I agree. That is not a good test.
我同意 这不是一个好传统
Oh, now, now, now, I don't think it's barbaric.
我可不认为这是野蛮的
In fact, I imagine that all the men here are circumcised,
实际上 我认为在这里的所有男士都割过包皮
am I right? Mother, please.
我说的对吧 老妈拜托
And Fielding, of course, had an unclipped saucisson,
还有菲尔丁还有一段没有剪断的
but I got used to it.
但是我习惯了
Ugh. Mom!
额 老妈
Mom! God!
老妈 天哪
Can we get back to the will?
让我们回到立遗嘱这件事上吧
Yes. I'm a pragmatist.
好的 我是一个实际的人
If someone is on life support and they are not coming back,
如果某人靠营养供给维持着生命并且他们不能苏醒了
I am pulling the plug. Really?
我会拔掉插头的 是真的吗
Even for me with the ski-into-a-tree scenario?
即便是我撞向大树这种情况下
Pulling the plug over a little drool seems excessive, but...
对一个植物人拔掉插头是有点过了 但是
Babe, the day I can't remember our kids names,
宝贝如果有一天我不能记住孩子的名字了
I wanna be offed. Fine, you win.
让我走吧 好吧 你赢了
You're dead. Happy?
你死了 你高兴了吧
Oh. Yes, I feel much better.
哦 是的我感觉好多了
Thank you. Great.
谢谢 非常好
Can we talk about something else?
让我们谈点别的吧
Anything else. Well, in the spirit
任何其他事情 本着你这
of your little holiday,
小小节日的精神
I've been doing some reflecting myself,
我对自己做了些自我反省
and it occurred to me that back in the '80s
我突然想到在80年代的时候
I had a few dinner dates with Bill Cosby.
我和比尔考斯比吃过几次饭
Oh. He never laid a hand on me.
哦 但他从来没对我有过亲密接触
Not even once. I mean, I'm haunted by it.
一次也没有 我的意思是我对这个事情很困扰
You should have seen me back then.
我可是个万人迷
I was... I was a knockout.
人们看我一眼就要迷晕了
Wait, I have a picture in my purse.
对了 我钱包里还有一张照片呢
Burberry straightjacket.
穿巴宝莉紧身衣的女子
Kids, dessert.
孩子们 吃甜点了
I've changed my mind. Pull the plug now.
我改变我心意了 现在就拔掉插头吧
What took you so long?
你怎么花这么久才来
You missed an actual trip to Hades.
你错过了一场真正的地狱之行
We all boarded an Amtrak train and went to Hades together.
我们一起乘上了死亡列车
Sorry, Elliot keeps swinging from hot to hid,
不好意思 艾略特一直在性感和丑陋之间来回变化
and now it's speeding up.
现在这种变换加速了
It's like I have sexual schizophprenia.
就像我有性精神分♥裂♥一样
Why? He looks fine to me.
为什么会这样 他看起来不错呀
Ugh.
哦
Ugh, I gotta go deal with this.
我必须把这个尽快处理好
No, don't do anything rash. This is normal.
不要急匆匆做任何处理 这是一个正常现象
Everyone has this.
所有人都这样
Has what?
都怎样
Sorry I'm so late.
抱歉 我迟到了
Rough day at the office.
工作太忙了
Hi, Brooke.
你好布鲁克
Jill, I'm sure today must have been hard for you
吉尔我肯定今天对你对说应该是很艰难的一天吧