极品老妈

Mom S06E15

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 8:50 p.m.

Do your thing.
塔米
Hey, Tammy.
-我吓死了 -怎么了
- I am freaking out. - What's wrong?
我觉得尤里今晚想和我做♥爱♥
I think Yuri wants to have sex with me tonight.
我很久没约会过了
I haven't dated in a long time.
提醒我一下做♥爱♥为什么不好
Remind me, why is that bad?
因为我蹲了七年监狱
Because I've been in prison for seven years
我的那个什么也是
and so has my... you know.
你怕什么
Well, what are you afraid of?
一切
Everything.
我怕做完后他甩了我
I'm afraid we do it and then he dumps me,
或者做得很糟
or we do it and it's terrible,
或者做得很爽然后我们相爱
or it's amazing and then we fall in love
然后他死了
and then he dies.
真会发生的
It happens.
你就遇到了
It happened to you.
是的我记得
Yes, I remember.
没事亲爱的
It's okay, sweetie.
如果你没准备好告诉他就行
If you're not ready, just tell him.
你说话总是显而易见
Wow, you say stuff that's so obvious,
但总能让我感觉更好
but it always makes me feel better.
我要挂了
Ooh, I got to go.
他拿着玉米饼回来了
Here he comes with the tacos.
等等只是个长得像他的人
Wait, it's just a guy who really looks like him.
不就是他再见
Oh, no, it's him. Bye.
温蒂怎么了
Hey, Wendy. What's going on?
我要进手术室了我只想打电♥话♥
I'm about to go into surgery and I just want
问候一下你让你不孤单
to call and say hi so you don't get lonely.
谢谢我很好
Oh, thank you, I'm good.
-动手术快乐 -我不动手术
- Happy operating. - Oh, I don't operate.
我只是递东西给动手术的人
I just hand stuff to the person who does.
递东西快乐
Well, happy handing.
现在听起来你在小瞧我
Now it sounds like you're minimizing.
再见温蒂
Goodbye, Wendy.
下个电♥话♥你接
You take the next call.
快看订婚的情侣
Look at that: the couple that got engaged
刚得到了免费巧克力舒芙蕾
just got a free chocolate soufflé.
吃完后跪下向我求婚
Hey, after dinner, get on your knee and ask me to marry you.
不你已经被求婚过了
No, you've already been proposed to.
你向我求婚
You propose to me.
好但你最好答应
Fine, but you better say yes.
再说吧
We'll see.
知道吗
You know what?
我很想假装订婚
I would love to pretend to get engaged.
因为我知道这永远不可能成真
Because I know it's never gonna actually happen.
拜托
Oh, come on.
我认命了
I'm fine with it.
我有一群好朋友
I have an amazing group of friends,
我会有很棒的事业
I'm gonna have a kick-ass career.
悄悄告诉你
And between us,
自摸超爽的
sex with myself has never been better.
所以你放弃爱情了
So you're just giving up on love?
如果要说实话
Well, if I'm being honest,
我都不知道我是否爱过
I don't know if I've ever been in love.
这令我很悲伤
That makes me sad.
很好
Good.
因为这算是你的错
'Cause it's kind of your fault.
我的错什么意思
My fault? What's that supposed to mean?
没什么
Nothing.
我开玩笑的
I was kidding.
再跟我讲讲和平部队
Tell me more about the Peace Corps.
不我不会奖励你
No, I'm not rewarding you
关于东方的奇妙故事
with fascinating stories about the Orient.
求你了
Please.
我以为你已经不再什么事都怪我了
You know, I thought we were past you blaming me for everything.
所以我们可以拿这事开玩笑啊
That's why it's something we can joke about.
开个玩笑嘛
Jokey-joke-joke.
每个笑话都蕴含真♥相♥
Every joke has a kernel of truth.
这个没有
Not this one.
只是可笑
It's just funny.
呵呵呵
Ha-ha, hee-hee, hoo-hoo.
好吧
Okay.
服务员保证我们"真的"是下一个
The hostess swears we're "Totally" Next
她"真的"非常抱歉但我私下告诉你
and she's "Totally" Sorry, but between you and me,
我"真的"不相信
I don't "Totally" Believe her.
没关系
Oh, it's fine.
其实跟你等着我也挺开心
I'm actually having fun waiting with you.
我也是
Same here.
吉尔·肯德尔
Jill Kendall.
薇薇安·普雷斯科特
Vivian Prescott.
你好吗
How. Are. You?
从没更好过
Ne-ver be-tter.
发生了什么
What. Is. Happening?
安迪这是我在俱乐部的会员朋友薇薇安
Oh. Andy, this is my friend Vivian from the club.
薇薇安这是安迪
Vivian, this is Andy.
很高兴见到你
Oh, nice to meet you. u202dHi.
我只有在好市多是会员
The only club I belong to is Costco.
不笑吗好吧
Eh, eh? All right.
我去亮一下警徽
Uh, you know what? I'm gonna go flash my badge
-给我们要桌子 -好
- and get us our table. - Okay.
他是个警♥察♥啊
So he's a cop?
是的我家遭贼了
Yeah, my house got broken into,
所以我雇他当私人保镖
so I hired him for private security.
好这就说得通了
Okay, that makes much more sense.
-有什么好笑的 -我刚还以为
- What's so funny? - Well, for a second, I thought
你们在约会
you guys were on a date.
天啊才不是
Oh, God, no.
下次约午餐
So, uh, lunch?
行
Let's do.
-天啊才不是 -什么
- "Oh, God, no"? u202d- What?
就是我听见你对你朋友
No, it's just, I-- you know, I heard what you said
说的话了天啊才不是
to your friend: "Oh, God, no."
很抱歉
I am so sorry.
我不该那么说我不是那意思
That came out wrong. I didn't mean it.
她爱评判人爱八卦不会懂的
It's just, she's very judgy and gossipy and wouldn't understand.
不会懂什么
Wouldn't understand what?
不不不是她不会懂
No, no, it's not that she wouldn't understand,
没什么要懂的只是
there's nothing to understand, it's just that...
她习惯了我和某种类型的男人在一起
She's used to me being with a certain type.
好吧这样如何
All right, uh, well, um... how about this?
你慢慢喝你的健怡可乐
You enjoy your Diet Coke,
如果你的类型来了告诉他我祝他好运
and if your type comes along, tell him I said good luck.
女士
Ma'am?
你的桌子真的好了
Your table's totally ready.
你知道那只鸡不是我吧
You know that chicken isn't me.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
它又小又瘦还有点苦
It's small and skinny and a little bitter.
-你能别闹了吗 -还问我明明是你
- Will you stop? - u202dMe? You're the one
毁了母女情人节
who ruined mother-daughter Valentine's Day.
-拜托 -干嘛我开玩笑
- Come on. u202d- What? I'm kidding.
开个玩笑嘛呵呵呵
Jokey-joke-joke, Ha-hee-ho-hoo.
好吧
Fine.
那蕴含真♥相♥
There was a kernel of truth.
我的确认为我没爱过这都怪你
I do think it's your fault I've never been in love.
我就知道你简直不可理喻
I knew it. You're unbelievable.
我带你来一家高档餐厅让你开心
I take you to a nice restaurant to cheer you up,
结果你还是想办法让我成了坏人
and you still find a way to make me the bad guy.
一次高档晚餐并不能弥补糟糕的童年
One nice dinner doesn't make up for a sucky childhood.
听着即使我是完美妈妈
Look, even if I was a perfect parent...
是个鬼
Ha!
我说了即使