极品老妈

Mom S06E08

Part 1 Jan. 3, 2020, 8:48 p.m.

我的小家伙怎么样了
Hey. How's my little buddy doing?
它眼里依然粘粘的除此之外没事
Well, he's still got that goop in his eye, but otherwise, fine.
我是说塔米我想念她
I meant Tammy. I miss her.
拜托你是想念她替你工作
Oh, please. You miss her doing your job for you.
完全对我什么时候能要回她
Yeah, exactly. So when do I get her back?
抱歉宝贝塔米正在帮我准备
Sorry, babe, Tammy's really helping me get things ready
-盛大的开业 -它很漂亮吧
- for our grand opening. - Isn't she a beaut?
等等邦妮
Hold on a second, Bon...
非常美
Hey, really nice.
我去男厕了
I'll be in the men's room.
-好选择 -对了
- Good choice. u202d- Oh, hey.
你想要高弧
You looking for high arc,
低弧还是直线
low arc, straight shot?
你来定
Your call.
他信任我太好了
He trusts me. Sweet!
天啊你让她装厕所
Oh, my God, you've got her installing toilets?
太不体面了
That's so degrading.
是的你要她做什么
Yeah. What do you need her for?
装厕所爱你拜拜
Installing a toilet. Love you. Bye.
要不是我未婚夫专精口♥交♥
If my fiancé didn't have oral sex down to a science
我早就离开他了
I would've left him a long time ago.
这是我妈妈邦妮
So, this is my mother, Bonnie.
妈妈这是史黛西
Mom, this is Stacy.
很高兴见到你我应该先洗手
Nice to meet you. Ooh, I should probably wash my hands first.
我整个早上都在从捕鼠器上取老鼠
I've been pulling rats out of traps all morning.
-我们在学习 -知道了
- We're studying, Mom. - Got it.
史黛西前面的摩托是你的吗
Hey, Stacy, is that your motorcycle out front?
-不是 -非常酷
- No. u202d- It's really cool.
漂亮的蓝色非常有复古感
Sweet shade of blue, real vintage-y vibe.
依然不是她的妈妈
Still not hers, Mom.
很好因为我正想说
Good. 'Cause I was gonna say,
你这小身板骑不了大摩托
you're a little small for a big bike like that.
她开的是普锐斯妈妈
She drives a Prius, Mom.
普锐斯陌生人会坐你后座上
Prius, huh? Do strangers just hop into your back seat
以为你是优步司机吗
thinking you're an Uber driver?
-因为新闻上说经常发生 -妈妈
- 'Cause on the news, they say that happens a lot. - Mom!
克丽丝蒂
Christy!
对不起
Sorry.
没事我妈妈也这样
It's okay. I have one of those, too.
不你没这样的妈妈
Oh, you don't have one of those.
没有任何人有这样的妈妈
No one's got one of those.
你听过播客《问题之母》吗
Do you listen to that podcast, The Mother of All Problems?
没听过是什么
No. What is it?
一个女人讲她妈妈的疯狂故事
This woman tells these crazy-ass stories about her mother.
那会令你感激你有这样的妈妈
It'll make you grateful for the mom you have.
克丽丝蒂
Christy!
我困在马桶上
I'm stranded on the bowl!
需要一卷纸
Need another roll!
我喜欢发生这种事
Oh, I love it when this happens.
有时我能清静一个小时
Sometimes I get a whole hour.
听众们
Hey, listeners.
欢迎收听我的播客《问题之母》
Welcome to my podcast, The Mother of All Problems.
我是你们的主持维奥莉特
I'm your host, Violet.
维奥莉特我家维奥莉特吗
Violet? My Violet?
节日季快到了
The holidays are around the corner,
所以正适合讲述
so great time to dive into horror stories
我和我不幸称之为妈妈的
about growing up with a drunken stripper
酒鬼脱衣舞♥女♥的恐怖成长故事
who I unfortunately had to call Mommy.
等等我是问题之母吗
Wait, I'm the Mother of All Problems?!
极品老妈第六季第八集
亚当的酒吧何时开业
So, when does Adam's bar open?
一周后
One week from today.
我不该相信我们的梦想终于要成真了
I can't believe our dream is finally coming true.
等等你的梦想
Wait a minute-- your dream?
他买♥♥下那地方以后你一直在抱怨
You've been complaining since he bought it.
我记得不是这样
That's not how I remember it.
你说亚当没经验
You said Adam has no experience,
没商业计划原话是"他太蠢了
no business plan, and I quote, "He's so stupid,
蠢到令我难以相信"
I can't believe how stupid he is."
我说了"我记得不是这样"
I said, "That's not how I remember it."
我女儿有个播客
My daughter has a podcast
在讲我是个多糟糕的妈妈
about what a terrible mother I am.
天啊
Oh, my God.
抱歉
Sorry.
给我们讲讲
Tell us everything.
我在和我的学习搭档抱怨
Well, I was bitching to my study partner
你是个多么糟糕的妈妈
about what a horrible mom you are,
她说有个播客能令我开心
and she told me about this podcast that would cheer me up.
并没有
It did not.
维奥莉特从没对你提过吗
Violet never mentioned it to you?
我们一年多没说话了
We haven't spoken in over a year.
她说她需要空间作为一个恢复中的健康妈妈
She asked for space, and, being the healthy mother in recovery that I am,
我知道尊重她的意愿很重要
I knew it was important to respect her wishes.
而且她换了电♥话♥
And she changed her number.
有多糟
How bad is it?
非常糟不能更糟了
Really bad. Couldn't be worse.
她说的是真♥相♥
She tells the truth.
怎么了这事太讽刺了
What? The irony of this is delicious.
我记得有天晚上
I remember this one night
我妈妈闯入我的房♥间醉得一塌糊涂
my mom barged into my room, drunk off her ass,
开始大声训斥我卖♥♥了她的车
and started yelling at me for stealing her car.
结果是她把车留在了711便利店旁
Turned out she left the car at a 7-Eleven,
这是我在打扫她吐在我衣橱里的
which I figured out while cleaning up the Slurpee
思乐冰饮料时搞清楚的
she threw up in my closet.
野黑樱桃味如果有人好奇的话
Wild cherry, if anyone was wondering.
所以别难受了波特兰的丽莎
So, cheer up, Lisa from Portland,
你妈妈的小货车被收回
your mom's minivan getting repossessed
也许是好事
might be a good thing.
-下封邮件来自德州的丹... -关掉
- Our next e-mail is from Dan in Tex... - Turn it off.
我必须搬家了
I have to move.
他们开始送人上火星了吗
Are they sending people to Mars yet?
亲爱的我知道这很难
Honey, I know this is hard.
我记得我儿子拿我照片
I remember how humiliating it was
去学校上展示讲述课时
when my son brought a picture of me
我有多羞辱
to school for show and tell.
那又怎么了
What's wrong with that?
那是我的入案照片
It was my mug shot.
好吧确实挺糟
Okay, that's bad.
但维奥莉特在对上千人说
But Violet is telling thousands of people
我做的每一件坏事
every awful thing I ever did.
数十万人
Hundreds of thousands.
温蒂
Wendy!
每集的标题还挺机智的
The episodes have clever titles.
我们来听听"果冻杯和圣诞老人的真♥相♥"吧
Let's listen to "Jell-O Shots and the Truth About Santa."
够了不听了
That's enough. We're done listening.
-谢谢 -有一集叫
- Thanks. Ooh! - There's one called
"我的外婆救命稻草"
"My Grandmother, the Life Preserver."
或许我们还有时间听一集
Well, maybe we have time for one more.
不求你别说校车的事
No. Please don't tell the school bus story.
不是真的
Not true!
我只露了一边胸
Only one of my boobs popped out!
还在听呢
Still going, huh?
我停不下来我一直在想
I can't stop. I keep thinking,
或许下一集她会说些好话
"Maybe in the next episode she'll say something nice."
别再折磨自己了
Quit torturing yourself.
你说起来当然容易她称你为救命稻草
Easy for you to say-- she calls you the Life Preserver.
我知道真贴心
I know. It's so sweet.
真可爱我只是希望维奥莉特能当面恨我
Adorable. I just wish Violet would hate me to my face
而不是发泄给全世界听
and stop venting for the world to hear.
听着你有两个选择
Look, you've got two choices.
你可以继续听播客