极品老妈

Mom S06E14

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 8:49 p.m.

In the kitchen!
房♥子太大那样说没用
Big house. Doesn't help.
跟着我的声音走
Follow my voice, follow my voice, follow my voice!
好检查过整个房♥子安全了
All right, checked the whole property. It's clear.
谢谢警官
Thank you, Officer.
没问题
No problem.
警官告诉你一句我在假释中
Sir, just so you know, I'm on parole.
但我有不在场证明
But I have an alibi;
我一晚上都在和她们看血腥恐怖片
I was with them watching slasher movies all night.
是的那些片子挺好看
Oh. Yeah, those are fun,
直到你走进真的犯罪现场
till you walk in on a real crime scene.
我敢打赌你见过很多可怕的场面
I bet you've seen some messed-up stuff.
我不想谈这个但没见过
I don't like to talk about it, but no.
这里是纳帕谷
This is Napa Valley.
人们会打报♥警♥电♥话♥抱怨布里干酪形状不好
People call 911 when they get a bad wedge of brie.
我喜欢布里干酪
Oh, I love brie.
好这是我的名片
All right, here's my card.
明天给我打电♥话♥说丢了什么
Give me a call tomorrow with a list of what's gone missing,
为了申请保险
you know, for your insurance.
谢谢
Thank you.
还有我...
Oh, and, uh, I, uh...
我还想问你一个问题
I just got one more question for you.
后院那个是卡拉马祖烤架吗
Um, is that a Kalamazoo grill in the backyard?
我不知道我前夫装的
I don't know. My ex-husband put it in.
我从没碰过
I don't touch the thing.
怎么...
How can...
你怎么能没...
How can you not...
抱歉我买♥♥彩票时
I'm sorry. It's just, when I buy a lottery ticket,
梦想就是那个烤架
that grill is what I'm dreaming of.
你可以烧木头木炭燃气或者
You can burn wood, charcoal, gas, or-or...
你可以用红外线
you can go infrared.
红外线
Infrared.
你有点激动警官
You're getting a little worked up here, Officer.
白白放在那里
It's just sitting there!
还好他们没偷那个
Well, good thing they didn't steal that.
好吧
Okay.
你不能偷走那是装上去的
You can't steal it; it's built-in.
对不起
I'm sorry.
祝女士们过个愉快的夜晚
You ladies, have a, have a good night.
左转右转两次后左转
It's a left, two rights and a left.
收到
Copy that.
再次感谢你们来但我觉得我没事了
Well, thanks again for coming, but I think I'm okay now.
是的除非他们回来
Yeah. Unless they come back.
什么
What?
你为什么这么说
Why would you say that?
这种事经常发生
It happens all the time.
现在他知道布局了
I mean, now that the guy knows the layout,
他可能叫一群同伙回来
he could get a couple buddies, come back,
把这里搞得像凯撒沙拉
toss this place like a Caesar salad.
-塔米 -对不起
- Tammy! - I'm sorry!
你说得对也可能是女人干的
You're right. It could be a chick.
很感谢你们留下过夜
I really appreciate you guys spending the night.
我依然觉得我能挤挤睡上面
I still think you could've made room for me up there.
我依然觉得你在下面可以给我揉脚
I still think, while you're down there, you can rub my feet.
邦妮你能再查查窗户吗
Bonnie, would you please check the windows again?
可以
Sure.
-回去 -该死
- Back. u202d- Damn it.
我们不能每晚都睡这里
You know, we can't sleep here every night.
这话替你自己说吧
Speak for yourself.
这个床垫变成了我屁♥股♥的形状
This mattress is taking on the shape of my ass.
这是记忆海绵
It's memory foam.
我想嫁给它
Well, I want to marry it.
或许你该雇个保安
Maybe you should hire some security, you know,
让某人留在这里直到你不怕了
someone to stay here till you get over the yips.
那位警♥察♥如何
How 'bout that cop?
很多警♥察♥都做兼♥职♥
A lot of those guys do off-duty work.
我不知道
Mm, I don't know.
他总是在说我的烤架
He wouldn't shut up about my barbecue.
怎么会有男人不注意我却注意烤架
I mean, what man notices that and not me?
你说得对别找警♥察♥ 找地狱天使[黑帮]
You're right, don't call a cop. Call a Hells Angel.
他们知道怎么打爆脑袋和欣赏美女
They know how to crack heads and appreciate a pretty lady.
嘘你们听到了吗
Shh, shh, shh! Did you just hear that?
吉尔警报开着你被我们围着
Jill, the alarm's on, you're surrounded by us,
克丽丝蒂离门最近她最先倒霉
and Christy's closest to the door-- they'll get her first.
才怪呢
The hell they will!
天啊好歹刮刮腿毛吧
Geez, shave your legs once in a while!
好要想这样睡
Okay, if this is gonna work,
所有人都得侧身
everybody has to sleep on their side.
-转身塔米 -好嘞
- Flip the dolphin, Tam. - Oh, sure, sure.
这是什么
What's this?
热棕色食物
Warm brown food?
我想吃
I'm in.
看起来像辣豆酱
Appears to be some sort of chili.
对辣豆酱
Yep, chili.
你在做什么大驼鹿
Hey! What are you doing, you big moose?!
你就走进来
You just walk in
吃炉子上的任何东西吗
and eat anything that's cooking on the stove?
我目前为止是这样活下来的
It's kept me alive so far.
不是给你做的是给诺拉做的
Well, it's not for you. It's for Nora.
我在Ins上查了查
I did a little snooping around on Instagram;
发现这是她的最爱
found out it's her favorite thing.
天啊你给诺拉做辣豆酱
Oh, my God, you're making chili for Nora
只为让她喜欢你
just so she'll like you.
我曾给你做过螺丝刀鸡尾酒
Hey, I used to make you screwdrivers
来让你喜欢我呢
to get you to like me.
对一个八岁小孩来说你的确倒酒很稳
You did have a good firm pour for an eight-year-old.
我真觉得这会有用
I really think this is gonna work.
我都能感觉到她喜欢我了
I can almost feel her loving me already.
你真的很可悲知道吗
You're really quite pathetic, do you know that?
我从未否认过
I've never denied it.
不好意思
Excuse me.
我付你钱是为了保护我的而不是坐在这里
I'm paying you to protect me, not to sit here watching
同时看六部黑白小♥电♥影♥的
six tiny black-and-white movies at the same time.
你搞懂了那是我安的监控摄像头啊
You figured out those are the security cameras I set up, yeah?
话说一半就知道了
Halfway through.
这是怎么回事这些松鼠在打架吗
What's going on there? Those squirrels fighting?
它们一直在激烈地"打架"
Yeah, they've been going at it hot and heavy.
绝对还没结婚
Definitely not married.
你没必要自己带食物
You know, you don't have to keep bringing your own food.
冰箱里的东西你都可以吃
You're welcome to anything in the fridge.
谢谢但多年的警♥察♥工作告诉我
Thanks, but years of police work tell me
整个房♥子加起来可能
there's probably less than a thousand calories
都不到一千卡
in this entire house.
真的吗
Oh, really?
我得问你个问题肯德尔女士
I got to ask you a question, Ms. Kendall.
你见过我没化妆的样子叫我吉尔吧
Oh, you've seen me without makeup; call me Jill.
你也见过我没化妆的样子叫我安迪吧
You've seen me without makeup; call me Andy.
很好安迪你问吧
Great, Andy. Ask away.
这房♥子很大而你只有一个人
This is a huge house, and you're just one person.
如果你住在更小的房♥子里不会觉得更安全吗
Don't you think you'd feel safer in a smaller place?
也许吧
Maybe.
但我在这里住了很久我想我已经习惯了
But I've just been here so long, I guess I'm kind of used to it.
我前夫离婚时想分走房♥子
And my ex wanted it in the divorce,
所以我梨花带雨直到法官说分给我
so I cried until the judge said I could have it.
我前妻也要抢我的突袭者队门票
Yeah, my ex did the same thing with my Raiders tickets.
她都不去看球赛的
And she doesn't even go.
看突袭者队的比赛就已经够痛苦的了
It's painful enough trying to watch a Raiders game.
现在我打开电视后
Now I got to turn it on and see
还会看见球门区的两个空座位
those two empty seats in the end zone.
那不算什么
Oh, that's nothing.
你前任有年轻美貌的妻子