极品老妈

Mom S06E22

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 8:50 p.m.

It's better pay, a bigger market,
而且那里的天气很疯狂
and the-the weather is insane there.
那里有八种不同的降水
They have eight different kinds of precipitation.
八种啊
Eight.
但没有你我怎么办
But what am I gonna do without you?
你的戒瘾生活
Your sobriety
不靠某一个人
does not depend on one person.
你会没事的
You're gonna be fine.
你会比没事更好和我抱抱
You're gonna be better than fine. Give me a hug.
你不抱人
You don't do hugs.
为你破例
I'm making an exception.
来吧
Come on.
这让一切更糟了
This makes it so much worse.
邦妮你愿意在此后余生
Bonnie, do you promise to love, honor and cherish Adam
爱尊重和珍惜亚当吗
for as long as you both shall live?
愿意随便
Yeah, whatever.
亚当你愿意爱
And do you, Adam, promise to love,
-尊重和珍惜邦妮吗 -愿意完了吗
- honor and cherish Bonnie... - u202dYep. We done?
你们还没交换戒指
Um, you haven't exchanged rings.
还有什么
What else?
只剩接吻了
Just the kiss.
真温馨所以我们才做这个
Aw. That, right there-- that's why we do this.
-我拍不进去你们俩能不能... -快拍
- I'm having trouble getting you both in. Could you ju... - Take it!
我说过我会嫁给你
Told you I'd marry you.
是的你说到做到
Yep, you really showed me.
我接到电♥话♥后很激动两个小时内
I was so excited when I got the call, within two hours,
我辞了工作打包好了一半行李
I had quit my job and packed up half the house.
然后拉尔夫回家说怎么回事
Then Ralph comes home and he's like, "What's going on?"
我才意识到我告诉了孩子没告诉老公
I realized I had told the kids, and had not told the husband.
幸运的是他是一名"潜力"悬疑小说家
Luckily, he's an "Up and coming" Mystery novelist,
所以我说什么他基本都得照做
so he pretty much has to do whatever I say.
祝我生日快乐
Happy birthday to me
所有人快可怜我
Everyone, feel sorry for me
所有人都离开我所有人都离开我
Everybody leaves me, everybody leaves me
所有人都离开克丽丝蒂
Everybody leaves Christy.
最后我说拉尔夫你整天只会
Finally, I just said, "Ralph, all you do all day
坐在星巴克写作明尼阿波里斯也有星巴克
is write at Starbucks, and they got those in Minneapolis, too."
总之
Anyway,
我会想念你们每个人
I'm gonna miss each and every one of you.
但更想念你们其中一人
But one of you more than others.
我就说这么多谢谢
That's all I got. Thank you.
拜托
Come on!
为诺拉鼓掌
Let's hear it for Nora.
您对招待还满意吗
How are you enjoying the reception?
这完全符合我的想象
This is exactly how I pictured it.
可能之前我只是饿了
You know, it's possible I was just hungry earlier.
所以我们结婚是因为你饿了
So we got married 'cause you were hangry?
在我人生中有五个转折点
Oh. There were five turning points in my life
如果有三明治一切都会不同
where a sandwich would've changed everything.
但那样我就不会生克丽丝蒂了
But then I wouldn't have Christy.
至少有一件好事跟我做伴
At least I'm in good company.
天啊
Oh, my God.
我结婚了
I'm married.
你结婚了
You're married.
这辆车里所有人都结婚了
Everyone in this car is married.
今天真是跌宕起伏
This day really took a turn...
但我很开心
...but I'm happy.
我也很开心
I'm happy, too.
看看我们开心结婚
Look at us, being happily married.
我们做得太帅了
Dude, we are crushing this.
我们可以办个婚姻研讨班比如周末聚会
We could run a marriage seminar. Ooh, like a weekend retreat.
那种活动很赚钱
Those are big moneymakers.
收夫妻400美元入会费
Charge couples 400 bucks to get in,
他们必须买♥♥我的书
and then they have to buy my book.
你没写过书
You haven't written a book.
能有多难
Well, how hard could it be?
写个劲爆的前言
Just knock out a sassy forward
然后抄几段教堂小册子
and then steal from a bunch of church pamphlets.
我老婆太可怕了
My wife is so scary.
我只听见了"我老婆"
All I heard is "My wife."
我很高兴这是你的戒瘾生日
I mean, I'm glad it's your sober birthday and all,
但我们为什么不能去咖啡馆吃热餐
but why couldn't we go to the bistro where the food's hot
而不是全吃千层面呢
and it's not all lasagna?
我说过我要带千层面来
I told you I was bringing my lasagna.
我说过我要带千层面来
I told you I was bringing my lasagna.
看起来留几张便条
Seems like a thing that could've been handled
就能解决这事
through a series of Post-it notes.
我只会提醒人们
I only remind people of things
他们不上心的事
they need reminding of.
我居然为此取消了按♥摩♥
Oh, I canceled a massage for this.
克丽丝蒂快改变话题
Christy, quick, change the subject.
我恨我自己
I hate myself.
好吧
Okay.
也许比约恩还有空
Maybe Bjorn's still available.
诺拉的事我应对得很差劲
I just handled things with Nora so badly.
不敢相信经过了六年的戒瘾
I can't believe that after six years of sobriety,
我听到别人的好消息后
I can still take someone's good news
依然只会关注它对我的负面影响
and only focus on how it negatively affects me.
德国人称之为不爽
The Germans call that gluckschmerz.
对别人的好运感到不满
Bad feelings over someone's good luck.
这是幸灾乐祸的反义词
It's the opposite of schadenfreude.
我想你在监狱里有很多时间读书
I guess you had a lot of time to read in prison.
不我的狱友是德国人希尔德
No, my cellmate was German. Hildé.
善于沟通从不留便条
Good communicator, never left notes.
我想为诺拉高兴但我更擅长心疼自己
I want to be happy for Nora, but I'm so much better at feeling sad for myself.
我懂参加选美比赛最糟糕的部分
I get it. Worst part about being in beauty pageants
就是别人获奖了
was when someone else won,
我还得站在那面带微笑鼓掌
and I had to stand there smiling and clapping
好像我为她们高兴似的
like I was happy for them,
但整个过程中我心里想的全是
but the whole time, I'm thinking,
老娘和那个评委睡了有毛用啊
"Well, what the hell did I sleep with that judge for?"
克丽丝蒂你可以不爽
Christy, it's okay to be upset,
不要扫别人的兴就好
just don't rain on someone else's parade.
你做的事必须比你内心的想法更高尚
You've got to act better than you feel.
就像是玛乔丽带了她的千层面背叛我时
Like I did when Marjorie betrayed me
我做的事一样
with her lasagna.
是啊不管你是多么心如死灰
Yeah, no matter how much you're dying inside,
都得露出凡士林的微笑
you got to flash that big old Vaseline smile.
凡士林
Vaseline?
是啊你把凡士林涂在牙齿上
Yeah. You put it on your teeth
这样嘴唇就不会粘住了
so your lips don't stick.
痔疮膏能使眼睛紧致
And hemorrhoid cream tightens up your eyes.
有次我喝醉了涂反了
Once, when I was drunk, I switched them.
我的脸闪闪发光嘴变小了
My face was shiny and my lips were tiny.
抱歉我们迟到了
Sorry we're late.
我们停下来结婚了
Yeah, we stopped and got married!
什么
What?
我们在里诺的速婚教堂里结婚了
Yeah, we did it in Reno in a quickie chapel.
等等
But wait--
你们不是策划了一场婚礼吗
what about the wedding you guys were planning
我们还一直在聊这事呢
that we've been talking about forever?
-不办了 -我爱我老婆
- Eh, skipping it. - I love my wife.
我爱我老公
I love my husband.
克丽丝蒂你脸上
Chris, you got a little
有不爽的表情
gluckschmerz on your face.
我都忘了没贴便条的咖啡壶
I forgot what these look like when they're not covered
长什么样了
in Post-it Notes.
别忘了冲洗我脏兮兮让人家好难过
"Don't forget to rinse me. Being dirty makes me sad."
我们为什么不直接送他们个电压力锅就完事了
Why don't we get 'em an Insta-Pot and be done with it?
这太好了没有邀请我们参加他们婚礼的人
Too nice. People who didn't invite us to their wedding
不配在一小时内炖好