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Yeah, well, once you start talking to birds, you know...
是的
Yeah.
如果你是天主教♥徒♥的话这个梗会更有趣的
This is funnier if you're Catholic, by the way.
我以为你要说如果你是书呆子的话
I-I thought you were gonna say
-这个梗会更有趣的 -也一样啊
- it's funnier if you're a nerd. - That, too.
所以...
Okay, so, uh...
你其实挺忙的 而且我了解到
you're pretty busy. I happen to know, uh,
你的夫人她自己也有一些职责
your wife, uh, has a few obligations of her own.
你们是怎么腾出时间见面的呢
How do the two of you manage to make time to see each other?
你知道其实这很难的
Well... you know, it's tough.
有时候我觉得可能几周我们都
And sometimes it feels like we can go weeks without,
-你知道... -我懂得
- you know... - Oh, I know. Yeah.
不是...
No...
-不是那个意思 -真的吗 几周都没有吗
- Oh. Oh, boy. - Really? Weeks?
-天哪 -完了 完了 完了
- Wow. No. - Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
说认真的
Seriously, though, uh...
与第一位女总统同枕而眠
Cohabitating with the first female president,
她肯定一直都在空军一号♥上飞来飞去
uh, I mean, she's off on Air Force One all the time;
白宫就正式变成了你的宅男之家
that makes the White House your personal man cave.
我们想帮帮你
So, we wanted to help you out.
于是给你准备了一个礼物
We-we got... we got you a present.
给你
Here-here you go.
-就是这个 我们准备了... -我天
- There it is. We got you... - Oh, wow.
-我天 -我们给你准备了私人的...
- Wow. - We got you your own...
第一先生(First Gentelman of The United States)
我们准备了...
We got that...
你的私人第一先生啤酒帽
Your-your own FGOTUS beer helmet.
这正是我需要的
Oh, that's just what I need, yeah.
如果你...按这个按钮的话
Uh, now if you... if you push, uh, the button...
怎么样 很经典吧 给你
There you go, see? Classy.
拿好 我们还...
There you go. We also...
你要知道...
You should know...
我们还做了...
we also made...
我们还做了一个核弹版本
we also made a nuclear version,
但那个按钮你只能按一次
but you can only push the button once.
给你 以上是美♥利♥坚♥合众国的
There you go. First Gentleman
第一先生 亨利·麦考德博士
of these United States, Dr. Henry McCord, everybody.
为第一先生鼓掌
Give it up for the FGOTUS!
我们马上就回来
We'll be right back.
谢谢你先生
Thank you, sir.
攻击方案一
Attack option one:
用DoS攻击关闭伊朗政♥府♥网站
A DoS strike shutting down Iranian government websites
并使民用互联网瘫痪
and disabling the civilian Internet.
方案二 切断电网
Option two: Knock out the power grid.
还有所有的通讯网络 广播 电♥话♥和卫星
And all comms, radio, phone and satellite.
方案三 直接攻击革命卫队
Option three: A direct attack on the Revolutionary Guard.
干掉有数据连接的
We fry every piece of military hardware
每一块军用设备主板
with a data connection.
从近程弹道导弹到主战坦克
From SRBMs to main battle tanks.
上述任何一种方案都可以明确的表明态度
Any of these would send a clear message.
做好三种都执行的准备
Prepare to execute all three.
好的 总统女士
Yes, ma'am.
苏珊 我想知道在和平协议框架内
Susan, I want to follow with sanctions
我们所能执行的
that go right up to the line of
制裁力度和范围
what we can do given the peace deal.
我两小时内把方案放到您桌上
I'll have a plan on your desk in two hours.
如果把这一切都向公众解密
If I were to declassify all of this...
会有什么操作风险吗
would there be any operational risks?
摩萨德说这完全是一场黑客攻击
Mossad says it was a pure hack.
没有人力资源投入
No human assets in play.
这些以色列人很擅长解密
The Israelis are good with declassifying.
谢谢大家
Thank you, everyone.
谢谢你 总统女士
Thank you, Madam President.
告诉戴西 我一小时内要开新闻发布会
Brief Daisy. I'm holding a press conference in an hour.
我们先停一下
Let's just take a beat.
不 不考虑政♥治♥因素
No. No political considerations.
-这样教育科学和基础设施法案就要夭折了
- This could kill the ESI bill,
在你的政♥府♥倒台之前把它拖下了水
hobble your administration before it's out of the gate.
-美国人♥民♥有权知道 -他们会知道的
- The American people deserve to know, Mike. - And they will.
再等几天 等《教科基建法案》彻底敲定
Just give it a few days. Get ESI on the books.
现在就告诉戴西
Brief Daisy now.
下午好
Good afternoon.
今天早些时候 我收到了一份情报简报
Earlier today, I received an intelligence briefing
说伊朗政♥府♥去年
about the discovery of a hack
进行了一次黑客袭击
by the government of Iran last year
其攻击导致
that resulted in confidential information
参议员博雷德·米勒的机密信息
about Senator Beauregard Miller being leaked
在总统竞选期间被泄露
during the presidential campaign.
这就是为什么在我就任第一天
And that's why on my first day in office,
堪萨斯城 密苏里州
我将带给给国会我关于教育
I will bring Congress my education,
科研和基础建设的计划
science and infrastructure plan.
选举前109天
所以请大家加入我
So please join me.
并且让这些落到实处 美国人♥民♥
And let's get it done, America.
十分感谢大家 谢谢大家
Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody.
这排骨太好吃了 我真想搬过来
Ugh, these ribs are so good, I might have to move here.
也许可以实现呢
It may not be a problem.
又怎么了 胆小鬼
What now, Chicken Little?
丑闻没能拉下米勒的支持率
The scandal didn't hurt Miller in the polls.
只要能迎合选民们的恐惧心理
He could eat a baby on national television,
即使他国家电视台上吃小孩
and his base wouldn't care
他的选民们都不会在意
as long as he panders to their fears.
-我在想做一个大型演讲 -关于什么
- Well, I've been thinking about a major speech. - On what?
你的对手把实习生的肚子搞大吗
Your opponent knocking up interns?
团结
Unity.
我跟你说 这是人们想要的
I'm telling you, it's what people want.
这是他们渴望的东西 比一切都重要
It's what they're yearning for, more than anything.
不 这是他们说他们渴望的
No, it's what they say they're yearning for,
但他们只是想要猛锤对方的脑袋
but really, they just want to bash each other's heads in.
做一个关于这个的演讲
Do a speech on that.
可能反而变成个取悦观众的人
It might actually be a crowd-pleaser.
天哪 奶酪通心粉
Oh, my God. The mac and cheese...
好吧 我很高兴你喜欢你的午餐
Okay, I'm glad you're enjoying your lunch,
但是我们得讨论副总统人选
but we need to talk VPs.
我也一直在思考这件事
Oh! I've been thinking about that, too.
我也是 托德·艾芙琳
Me, too. Todd Everlane,
来自奥斯汀的稳步发展的市长呼声很高
progressive young mayor of Austin is trending.
获得年轻选票什么的
Gets the youth vote and whatever,
-还有得州选票 -对
- but also Texas. - Yeah.
苏珊·汤普森 在外国关系上比较强
Susan Thompson, strong in foreign relations,
在国♥务♥院♥小有名气
uh, making a name for herself at the State Department.
-你喜欢她 -对 我喜欢她
- You like her. - Yeah. I love her.
好的
Okay.
我在想卡洛斯·莫雷洪
I was thinking Carlos Morejon.
你是在吃小熊软糖的时候
You were thinking that right about the time
想到的吗
the gummies kicked in?
为什么这很疯狂
Why is it crazy?
因为他永远不会离开他的党派
Because he would never leave his party.
-他不需要离开 -而且你们俩几乎
- He wouldn't have to. - And you guys
在所有事情上都意见相左
are on the opposite sides of, I don't know, everything?
也不是所有事 我们
Not everything. We...
还有我几乎肯定
I-I also have it on really good authority
他在米勒的副总统候选名单上
that he's on the top of Miller's shortlist for VP,
而且是非常靠前的
like, the tippy-top.
不
No.
卡洛斯是有原则的
Carlos is principled.
-他不会这么做的 -真有意思
- He'd never do it. - That's adorable.
没有人会拒绝 他们都表现得会拒绝
But nobody says no. They all act like they will,
但是所有政♥治♥家的原则
but no politician's ego
都会在政♥治♥野心面前低头
ever met a principle it couldn't crush.
这就是为什么我已经在收集莫雷洪的负面材料
Which is why I'm already gathering oppo
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