魔多客（2021）

间谍技艺了
of espionage.
我是送水员 戴夫·深潜斯基
Ayyy, I'm water delivery man Dave Deepdishski.
芝加哥中国城来的 我就是中国城来的
From Chicago. Chitown, my town, is where I hail from.
当我没在吃正宗的热牛肉三明治的时候
When I'm not chowin' down on authentic hot beef sandwiches,
我就乘船去参观建筑
I'm takin' architectural boat tours
还参观西尔斯大厦呢
and visiting da Sears Tower.
我是凯尔·大山药 俄亥俄州哥伦布来的 宁好
And I'm Kyle I'yam. From Columbus, Ohio, I hail.
首先 已经是威利斯大厦了
First of all, it's the Willis Tower now.
第二 我们这边没有饮水机
And secondly, we don't have water coolers.
还有 你们怎么上来的
Also, how did you get up here?
- 第二计划 人体炮弹 - 什么是人体炮弹
Human Projectile. GARY: What's human proj--
脑波增幅器 终极无效器
Cerebro, Ultimate Nullifier,
奇异博士的处方筏 厉害了
Dr. Strange's prescription pad. Oh, rip!
找到了 我的时光机
Here it is! My time machine!
- 把那个发光的紫色水晶递给我 - 这啥啊
What is it?
天体编年水晶
The Celestial Chrono-Crystal,
能够给我时光机充能的宇宙神器
the cosmic artifact that powers my time machine.
对了 希望孩子们不会出现
By the way, I hope kids were not in the picture
因为你拿着的水晶辐射超大的
because the crystal you're holding is highly radioactive.
你现在已经不孕不育了
Definitely sterile now.
你的蛋蛋已经没用了 只能拿来看了
Your balls are completely useless. Purely for show.
- 什么 - 行了 别琢磨你那
- Ha. What? - Ugh, enough about you
永远不会拥有的虚拟家庭了
and the imaginary family you'll never have.
该去拯救我的家庭了
Time to go save mine!
那就这样吧
Well, I guess that's... it.
我是想啊
Actually, I was thinking--
别再墨迹了 摩多客
Please, just don't make this difficult, MODOK.
先等我说完 我们可以一起去旅行啊
Wait, hear me out. I thought we could take a trip together.
你一直想去的地方
Somewhere you always wanted to go.
劳德代尔堡的阿甘虾旗舰店
The flagship Bubba Gump Shrimp in Fort Lauderdale!
- 不是啊 - 戴托纳海滩的阿甘虾店
- No. - Bubba Gump Daytona Beach!
- 不 - 查尔斯顿的阿甘虾店
- No! - Bubba Gump Charleston?
不是啊 为什么你想去的地方都是阿甘虾店啊
No! Why are all the places you want to go Bubba Gumps?
我想吃他家米饭了 最好吃了
I go nuts for their rice. It's the best rice.
我要带你去没人可以带你去的地方
I want to take you somewhere no one else can.
17年前我们没看成的心灵蒙蔽合唱团演唱会
That Third Eye Blind concert we missed 17 years ago,
用我发明的时光机回去
with this time machine I invented.
不了
Yeah, no.
穿越空间和时间是非常复杂的
Leaping through space and time is super complicated,
我还在书店有签售会呢
and I have a book signing at Barnes & Noble
我想在他们家破产之前赶紧签完
and I want to get there before they go out of business.
不用花任何时间的 真的 有时光机啊
It won't take any time at all. Literally. It's a time machine.
你要是同意了 现在已经看完回来了
If you'd said yes, we'd be back already.
感觉你又在拖啊
This feels like another stall.
把这个当成是我们分开之前和平的道别吧
Think of it as just a civil goodbye before we part ways.
我们新开始之前的最后一个回忆
One last memory before our fresh start.
你好成熟啊
That is surprisingly mature of you.
也可以一起出去一晚
I mean, yeah, I guess we could try a night out.
作为朋友啊
As friends.
好的 我输入一下坐标
Great! Let me just punch in the coordinates,
我是很明白要怎么做的 然后
which I totally know how to do, and--
反正租约也快到期了
The lease was almost up anyway.
然后
And--
科学就是牛逼
Boom! Science!
您先请吧 女士
After you, my lady.
那就不客气了
Why, thank you.
如果这个穿越了空间和时间的大洞
Hey, give me a quick thumbs up
没有把你撕成碎片的话 给我比个大拇指啊
if the hole through space/time doesn't tear you apart atom by at--
大家好啊 17年前的派对人们
What up, 17 years in the past party people!
演唱会呢
Where's the concert?
是不是来早了
Maybe we're early?
是啊 早了四年呢
Yeah. Four years early.
不是吧
Oh no,
我们过了心灵蒙蔽合唱团演唱会来到了查巴旺巴的年代了
we overshot Third Eye Blind and we're in the year of Chumbawamba.
这破玩意 估计是没有算进去
Stupid thing, probably didn't account
闰年 还有夏时制
for leap years and daylight savings time
还有啊 进入传送门是不能带金镯子的
and the gold bangles you shouldn't have worn into the portal
大家都知道的 传送门里不能有金属的
because everyone knows you can't wear metal into a portal.
你还怪上我了
Are you seriously blaming me?
你的悬浮椅里面有大概九种不同的金属吧
Your hoverchair is nine different kinds of metal!
你还成冶金学家了
Oh, look who's suddenly a metallurgist!
你还一直这么关注我椅子上的金属呢
I didn't know you were keeping track of all the alloys in my chair.
我不会再动你东西了
Ahh! I won't touch your stuff!
你敢吃摩多客的拉面
You dare eat MODOK's ramen?
我看你是活腻了
You obviously have a death wish.
真的 洗澡的时候怎么能穿人字拖呢
I mean, seriously, you never wear flip-flops in the showers,
就跟你自己想得脑膜炎似的 泰勒
it's like you want meningitis, Tyler.
你将会是我走上成功之路上碾碎的其中一人
You are but one of the many I will crush along my path
因为未来属于摩多客
to self-assured greatness, for the future is MODOK!
我当然知道怎么用时光机了
Of course I know how to work the time machine!
这玩意是我发明的啊
I invented the time machine!
那是我啊
Ugh, this is-That's me!
未来的我 我就知道我能穿越时间
That's my future self! I knew I'd crack the laws of time.
你从未相信过我 泰勒
You never believed me, Tyler!
你也从没夸奖过我搞笑的海报
And you never once complimented my hilarious poster.
我现在都没眼看
I can't even look at it right now.
我要去见见未来的我 看看我是如何征服世界的了
Oh, I've gotta go meet myself and hear how I conquered the world!
我们卡在这里了是吧
We're stuck here, aren't we?
安静 乔迪
I need quiet, Jodie.
我的超精电脑大脑正在处理及其复杂的数据呢
My masterful computer brain is processing incredibly complicated--
我把一个曲别针放到了我
Oh! I put a paperclip in the little hole
时光旅行的观察器的小洞里 然后就好了
in my time travel watchy-thing, and something's happening!
你确定我们要继续穿越时空吗
Are you sure we should keep screwing with time travel?
我很懂的
I know how time travel works.
赶紧的 穿过去 省的这波浪大门关上了
Now quick, through the doory-door thing before the wavy stuff closes!
等下啊 未来的我 我有好多问题要问你啊
Wait, Future Me! I have so many questions!
我靠 我最爱的玩具啊
Oh crap! My favorite Teva!
我靠 竟然成了
Holy shit, it worked!
我是说
- I mean--
我靠 竟然成了
Holy shit, it worked.
现场听起来更棒呢
They sound so good live!
要是能唱我最爱的那首歌♥就好了
Oh, I just hope they play my favorite song.
就是那首什么
You know the one that's like,
哎呦 妞儿
yeah, girl.
我不记得我们当时
You know, I can't remember
为啥错过演唱会了
why we missed the concert in the first place
但是最终弥补上了 真是太好了
but, oh, I'm so glad we finally made it.
Third Eye Blind's Never Let You Go playing
For letting you go
She's sneaky and smoked out
And it's starting to show
来跳舞啊
Come on, dance!
我 跳舞吗
Me? Dance? I--
别不好意思了大头
Oh, get out of that big head of yours
来跟我一起跳舞吧
and enjoy this with me!
你干嘛
What are you-
你看看你
Aw, look at you all--
I'll never let you turn around
Your back on each other
That's a good idea
我们离舞台近一点吧
Hey, let's get closer to the stage.
Turn around
抱歉 借过一下
Excuse me. 'Scuse me. Can I just--
让我来
Allow me.
真是绅士呢
What a gentleman.
我要嗨了
I wanna do something reckless!
来 1 2 3
Okay, una, dos, tres!
你 接住我老婆 不然你就完蛋了
You! Catch my girl or die!
还有你 跪下来保护她别仰过去了
And you! Bend your goddamn knees and protect the back!
还有你 你脸是圆的
And you! Your face is round!
应该戴方形眼镜的
You're supposed to wear square glasses!
别忘了儿童大屠♥杀♥啊
Don't forget about Child Slaughter.
没错 儿童大屠♥杀♥乐队
That's right, Child Slaughter, the band.
带来了他们的新专辑 被草莓杀死
With their new album, Death by Strawberry.