魔多客（2021）

- 打开的玉米罐头 - 有必要么
- Open can of corn. - Necessary?
- 魔法之剑 - 很神奇
- Sword of mystery! - Mysterious.
- 还有你们的照片 - 好贴心哦
- And a photo of you guys. - Aww.
因为没有什么比家人的爱和支持
Because there's nothing more magical
是更好的魔法了
than the love and support of a good family--
我的道具
My gear!
成人礼上不许玩魔法
No magic at your Bar Mitzvah!
你干嘛就不能正常点 跟
But-Why can't you just be normal like--
跟
Normal like--
跟
Normal like--
反正说好了 不许玩魔法
Just no magic. That's final!
如果你觉得我不想玩阴的
If you think I'm afraid of getting dirty,
那你显然是没看过我给绿巧克力豆写的信呢
you clearly haven't read my letters to the green M&M!
这么好的旋涡怎么给扔进去了
Who threw away this perfectly good swirling vortex--
不要啊
- Ahhh! - No, no, no, no!
昨晚刚来一出 现在又这样
Last night at Hardee's, now this!
我有一天不用翻进垃圾桶里去的吗
Can there be one day this week where I don't dive into a garbage can?
别怕 卢 我来了
Don't worry, Lou. I'm coming!
卢平安无事的落地了
Oh phew! Lou landed safely and softly.
现在我也会平安无事的
- And now for me as well--
我要把你们的心脏吃掉 科里·斯塔格还有苏力·萨伦伯格
Eat your heart out, Kerri Strug and Sully Sullenberger.
镇上有一个新的登陆器了
There's a new lander in town.
我哪能想到我的纳尼亚传奇穿过一个垃圾桶就到了啊
Who knew my Narnia was just a trashcan away?
还有小精灵呢
Oh, it even has fairies!
他好棒啊
Ah. He's wonderful!
把你的士力架给我
Gimme your sneakers!
别动 我来救你了
Stay there! I'm coming to get you!
伙计 我还会回来拿士力架的
Uh-oh. Company. I'll be back for those sneakers!
再见了 小精灵 我会想你的
Goodbye, fairy, I'll miss you!
也会想念你捅我哦
Even the stabbing!
我的魔术道具
Hey! My magic stuff!
- 老爸 - 狗头人哥布林
- Dad! - Kobold goblins!
卢 不要啊
Lou! No!
我靠 还穿斯凯奇鞋呢
Aw man, Skechers Step Ups?
你也要扎一下
That's a stab!
山羊啊
Goat! Ahh!
是昏迷的羊啊
Oh, it's one of those fainting goats!
傻缺羊把我的电线咬了
Ugh, dang goat chewed my wires up!
我可以修好的
I can fix this.
我的后背
Oh, my back.
这是我全身唯一够不到的部位了
The one thing on my body I can't reach besides everything else.
卢 孩子啊
Lou! My son!
我修剪的刚刚好的眉间有小树枝给你吃呢
I got twigs in my just-threaded eyebrows for you?
Well, at least you're friendly.
我现在搞不了羊了
I can't concentrate on goats right now.
我得想办法过去
I'm trying to figure out a way to get around.
对了 仙宫里的羊都会飞呢
Oh, hell yeah! In Asgard, goats can fly!
我说了 羊会飞的
I said "goats can fly"!
我是不是找的是唯一几只不会飞的羊
Did I get the only non-flying goats in Asgard?
要不要换一下
Should I switch them out?
算了 不能一整天都在换羊啊
No, no, I can't spend all day switching goats.
就相信这俩
Just gotta commit to these.
我靠了
Dammit!
我好担心卢呢
I'm so nervous for Lou,
我都快吃不下这块干巴的肌酸磷酸激酶披萨了
I can barely eat this old slice of CPK pizza.
这是卢的先锋科技参观凭证
OMG, it's Lou's A. I. M. visitor badge.
我们走的对 羊 继续啊
We're on the right path, goats! That's right.
我不想给你们取名字 因为估计等下要把你们吃掉的
I refuse to name you because I'll probably eat you.
小洋洋 比利小子 完了 我爱上这两头羊了
Goatye! Billy the Kid! Dammit, I love them now!
我靠 是乔迪
Oh crap, it's Jodie.
姐们 一切都好呢
Hey, girl. Things are all good here.
说到这里可以顺其自然的挂电♥话♥了 拜
Well, seems like a natural stopping point for us to hop off the phone. Bye--
等下 我就问问卢好不好啊
JODIE No, wait! I'm just calling to see how Lou's doing.
我知道成人礼对他很重要的
I know how important the Bar Mitzvah is to him,
他有那么敏感
and he's so fragile.
他没事啦 他
Oh, he's fine. He's--
巨大金刚松鼠
Giant honking squirrel!
你说什么
I'm sorry, what?
就是 巨大金刚松鼠
Yeah, giant honking squirrel.
就是一个比喻啦
It's an expression.
意思是一点都不危险 很安全的
It means "out of harm's way, totally safe."
你没听过吗 那你真的是
You never heard that before? Wow, you're such a--
冰霜巨人
Frost Giant!
我怎么成冰霜巨人了 啥意思啊
- Okay, now I'm a "Frost Giant"? What-- what does that mean?
乔迪 你真是暴露年龄了啊
Oh Jodie, you're showing your age.
这当然也是一个比喻啦
It's another expression, of course.
重点是 卢很安全的
The point is, Lou's totally safe.
他超级安全的 就跟 更大的金刚松鼠一样
- He's as safe as an-- Even bigger honking squirrel!
既然这是他很安全的意思
Well, now that I know that means he's safe,
那就没事咯
I guess... good?
谢谢你处理了
Thank you for handling this.
那就差不多挂了吧 幸亏啊
Alright, seems like we're wrapping up , thank God.
你只要会自动啊一切都很
Just know that everything's--
胆大包天的巨人
b-b-b-bodacious hunks!
我刚刚查了一下冰霜巨人的意思
Okay, so I just looked up "Frost Giant,"
我都没有这么吃过冰淇淋三明治呢
and I have never done that to an ice cream sandwich!
我再次道歉
Once again I apologize
我们不该用剑指着你可怕的大脸
for how we all pointed swords at your horrible face.
我也很抱歉在来的路上一直猜测你的体脂百分比
And I apologize for continually guessing your body fat percentage on the way over.
是零吧 你至少告诉我猜的接近了没有
It's zero, right? You gotta tell me if I'm close.
我们在找杀害将军的巫师
We're on the hunt for the sorcerer who murdered our General.
我们唯一的线索就是巫师的符号♥
The only clue we have is the sorcerer's symbol.
每个盒子上的标记都和杀死将军的盒子上一样
Each carries the same marking as the loathsome death box,
这就是我们领导人的死因
the cause of our leader's demise.
我长这么大都没见过这个符号♥
I've never seen that logo in my life.
不过挺酷的对吧
- It's-- it's cool though, right?
看着应该是跟巴斯金·罗宾斯标志
I mean, it looks like it's by the same guy who did
是同一个人画的 所以肯定不便宜啊
the Baskin Robbins logo, so it couldn't have been cheap.
知道吗 他们把数字31藏在了巴斯金·罗宾斯的商标里呢
- You know, they-- they hide the number 31 in the Baskin Robbins logo.
你们看到过吧
You can see that, right? Have you ever seen that?
太酷了 但你说的那个标志 我从来没看到过呢
It's so cool! But that logo, I've never seen that one in my life.
我只知道如果那人被我们找到 肯定会弄死他的
All I know is if we find him, verily we will clonk him up good.
那你们这些健美的美男子们
Uh-huh. Well, if any of you beefcake beauties
要不要加入我的征途
want to join me on a quest,
我得去搞一帮寇伯怪物救下我儿子呢
I've gotta go mess up a bunch of Kobolds and rescue my son.
唉 不行的
Alas, we cannot.
我们跟寇伯族有个千年和平合约
We hast a thousand-year peace with the Kobolds.
因为这些和谐的 喜爱和平的生物
Because they're harmonious, peace-loving creatures
绝对不会伤害我儿子吗
who would never hurt my boy?
不 那些吓人的大怪物是生态系统里重要的一个环节
No! Those freakish ghouls are an important part of the ecosystem.
他们吃下没人要的孩子
They devour unwanted children...
让我们得以继续进行无保护措施的性♥爱♥
...allowing us to continue having unprotected sex
还不会有任何后果
without consequences!
厉害啊 不对 没人保护卢呢
- Wow, hot-- No, wait! Lou is unprotected!
而且我是通过啪啪把他制♥造♥出来的 走先啊
And I made him with sex! I gotta go!
再见了 好色巨魔
Fare thee well, horny troll!
真棒 树都越来越吓人了
Oh good, the trees are getting creepy.
肯定是快到寇伯城了
Must be close to the Kobold city.
一条铺满人头骨的路
A road paved with human skulls?
有点过了吧
Huh! A little much.
卢
Lou!
幸亏 不是他
Oh, thank God, it's not him.
这些骨头含钙量太高了 肯定不是我那小瘦猴儿子
These bones are way too calcium-fortified to be my noodly son.
微弱的孩子般的哭声
A weak child-like whimper.
肯定是丢人现眼的卢了
Now that's my embarrassing Lou!
然后见证奇迹的时刻
Now for the main attraction.
所有人都注意看啊
Everyone, please, please, please take a look.
这根牙线没什么特别 对吧
There's nothing special about this dental floss, is there?
我们都不知道牙线是啥呢
We don't even know what dental floss is!
很快啊
And in a few short moments,
我会将这两根牙线融合