魔多客（2021）

不只是选角的事情 还有卢脆弱的心理
Not just the casting, Lou's fragile emotional state.
看来离婚对他影响确实很大啊
I guess the divorce has really taken a toll on him.
是啊 不只是他呢
Yeah, he's not the only one.
对了 还有托德 酷酷的邮递员 他也很难接受呢
Of course, Todd the cool mailman! He's also taking it poorly.
我真是白费力气 你们都是傻屌♥
Why do I even bother? Everyone is so stupid!
梅丽莎 你不要对全世界都这么愤怒了好吧
Melissa, you really need to stop being so angry at the world.
你是超级恶棍啊 你应该恨全世界的
You're a super villain, you hate the world!
不是啊 我只是想改变世界
No, I don't. I just want to change it.
喂喂喂
Yello.
找到孩子了吗
Tell me you got kids.
两个卢已经毛遂自荐做了七次返场表演了
The Lous are wrapping it up after their seventh not-demanded encore.
现在
And now--
放鸽子吧
Release the doves!
都被挤在胳膊肘了
- - Ah! They're bottlenecking at the elbows!
你喂太多了啦
You overfed them!
我用食物表达爱呢
Food is my love language!
什么情况啊 我看不到了啊
What's happening? I-I-I can't see.
你是让他们表演魔术呢嘛
Are you letting them do magic?
他们不知道在干嘛
They're doing something.
赶快啦
I don't know, just hurry!
会有人的 我保证
People will be there. I promise.
摩多客会拯救今天的
MODOK will save the day.
我再次跟你保证
This I promise you. I promise you again.
绝对不会让你失望的
There's literally no way I will let you down.
天啊
Oh god.
我们为啥不能进去啊
Why can't we go in?
- 在等爸爸 - 为什么啊
- We're waiting for your Dad. - Why?
我能不能先跟一个卢聊一聊
Ugh. Can't I have a conversation with one Lou
另一个先别捣乱啊
without you batoning it back and forth?
我们不知道 你在
We don't know what-You're talking--
说什么啊
... about.
滴滴
Screech!
哔哔
Beeps. Beeps.
发现司机座位上有重物
Heavy load detected in driver's seat.
闭嘴啦
Shut up!
太好了 你带来孩子了吧
Oh, thank god. Tell me you brought kids.
是的呢
Yes!
是的呢的意思就是
And by "yes," I mean
这些玩意儿也曾经都是孩子啊
at one time in their lives they were all kids
或者是幼虫或者实验室里的合成成分
or larvae or synthetic ingredients in a lab.
- 这什么啊 - 我拯救了成人礼啊
- What is this? - Me saving the Bar Mitzvah
带来了一堆我答应的怪物啊
with the oodles and oodles of creatures I promised you.
- 我们是人 - 我觉得不是
- Hey, we're people! - Not to me!
这可不妙
Oh boy, that's not good.
放下 给我啊
Hey, put that down! Give me that!
你们这些八十来岁的人要不要趴体啊
Hey, you octogenarians want to party?
把绳子解开啦
Come on, let us out of these restraints!
无论如何都不要让他们出来啊
Under no circumstances let them out.
他们会啪到你死的
They will sex you to death.
什么叫没有甜腿的歌♥
What you mean you ain't got no Sweetleg?
妈的 我现场唱好了
Ah, screw it! I'll do it live.
天啊
Oh god!
我的密西西比刺痛出现
- * I got a Mississippi tingle risin--
你剪了我的线 大哥
Hey! You scissored me, bro!
他干嘛了
He did what?
好好吃啊
- This is delicious! - Ohh!
菜品不错哦
Great catering, MODOK!
这不是菜品 这是菜品提供商
That's not the catering! That's the caterer!
反正不要吃太多 等下跳不动舞了
Alright, well, just don't eat so much that you won't dance later.
聚会有点烂啊
Party's a little... terrible.
也没有很烂吧
It's not all bad.
至少食物不用付钱了
We don't have to pay the caterer.
两个卢都玩的开心吗
Are the Lous having a good time at least?
- 我都没看到他们呢 - 你们好啊
Hey there.
小朋友们 喜欢魔术吗
Hey, little boys. You like magic, huh?
这是教堂 这是尖塔
Well, here's the church, and here's the steeple,
打开门就
- open the door and-- whoops.
等下 我忘记人了 重来吧
Hang on, I forgot the people. Let me start over.
这是教堂
Here's the church--
行吧 跳霍拉舞什么的吧
Alright. Dance the Hora or something.
我找点有趣的人来玩
I'll try and get more fun people here. Good time people!
要好玩是要找谁呢
Who do you call for a good time?
你好 我想要点应♥召♥女郎
Hello, yes, I'm calling about hiring some escorts.
要优质的 13岁小孩会喜欢的那种
Good ones. Ones 13-year-olds would love.
抱歉先生 我们已经要倒闭了
Sorry, sir. We're actually going out of business.
因为摇摆果冻的出现 应♥召♥女郎行业大受打击啊
The escort industry has been decimated by the invention of Jiggle-Os.
他们等于是滴滴把出租车给干黄了
They are the Uber to the prostitute's yellow cab.
算了 妓♥女♥没找来
Uhh, no go on the hookers.
我就当没听到吧
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
你看啊 摩多客
Look at them, MODOK.
看我啊 很完整呢
integral!
自从发现卢肚脐眼外翻
Oh, I haven't seen Lou this miserable
其实不是他的备用鸡鸡那次事件过后
since he learned that his outie belly button
我还没看他这么不开心过呢
wasn't actually a back-up wiener.
是啊 他去年真的很惨的
Yeah, that really sent him spiraling last year.
咋办啊
What are we gonna do?
一件我早就该做的事
What I should have done in the first place,
告诉他备用鸡鸡的事情搞错了
told him we were wrong about back-up wieners.
摩多客
MODOK!
好了 我会按照拉比说的 跟他们聊聊的
Okay, okay, I'll talk to him like the Rabbi said.
- 你选的这张牌吗 - 是的 好棒
- Is this your card? - Yes, amazing.
- 你选的这张牌吗 - 是的 好棒
- Is this your card? - Yes, amazing.
孩子们 给你们带了面包屑蛋糕啊
Hey, boys, I brought you a crumb cake.
就你们喜欢的 没有蛋糕 只有面包屑
No cake, only crumbs, just the way you like it.
还是有点面包的 我看到了
There's a little bit of cake in there. I see it.
虽然不是你们所期待的派对吧
This probably isn't the turnout you were hoping for.
但是本来找到了好多青少年的
I had so many cool teens in my sights,
但是你姐都一直捣乱 都没找来
but your sister's becoming a real anti-netter.
你们还有大把时间
Look, boys, there'll be plenty of time
可以跟幸运女孩跳第一支舞呢
for you to have your first dance with a lucky girl.
我们可不想跟什么幸运女孩跳舞
We didn't want to dance with some lucky girl.
幸运女孩会中大奖
Lucky girls win lotteries,
然后贪婪会毁灭他们周围所有人的
and greed destroys everyone around them.
我没懂啊
I... don't understand.
这是我们的大日子
This was our big day,
你一直在跟别人玩 都不理我们
and you've been talking to everybody but us.
我们只想跟你跳舞啊
All we wanted was to dance with you.
跟我吗
Ohh! With me?
不 跟老爸
No, with Dad.
我也就只是怀胎九月把你生出来而已 不知感恩的熊孩子
I only carried you in my body, you ungrateful little shit.
你们想和我跳舞吗
You want to dance with me?
今天的重点是成为大人
Today is about us becoming men.
你就是我们最崇敬的人
And you're the man we admire most.
跟我跳起成人的第一支舞吧
Will you dance me into manhood?
还有我 我也想成人
And me! I want manhood too!
我不会跟你们跳舞的
Boys, I'm not going to dance with you.
除非有牛逼的灯光啊
Without some proper dang mood lighting!
我可是学生会主席
I'm student class president,
青少年时尚杂♥志♥的花样滑冰运动员
Teen Vogue's "Figure Skater to Watch"
而且我开车撞人都没被逮到过呢
and I never got caught for hitting that guy with my car.
但是老爸有注意到你吗
But does Dad even notice?
你真是太悲催了
Wow, you are... such a bummer.
你那个三圈半跳跃好厉害啊
Hey, congrats on that triple axel.
看你溜冰真的很荣幸
I get a real pleasure out of watching you skate.
你是冰上变♥态♥吗
What? Are you one of those ice pervs?
- 你跟踪我 - 不会 我连苍蝇都不会跟踪的
- You stalking me? - No, I wouldn't stalk a fly.
但是那次跟踪大黄蜂确实被捕了
Though I did get arrested for stalking The Wasp.
你可真是女版绿巨人啊
And She-Hulk!
你真的好厉害 快住手吧
And She-Thing! But that's basically it.
你比暴风雨还猛烈
Uhp, there was Storm, too!