魔多客（2021）

你多久洗一次头呢
So how often do you wash your hair?
我刚刚自杀的时候湿了一点
Well, some of it got wet when I tried to kill myself.
我喜欢你这个克鲁尼·凯撒的形象 但是该改变了
I love this Clooney Caesar, but I think it's time for a change.
你要重新做头发了
You're about to have a hair moment.
新的我 我好喜欢
The new me! I love it!
我啥都没干呢
Uh, I haven't done anything yet.
你人太好了
You're just so nice!
怎么样
So how do I look?
你简直帅的不能再帅了 老爸
You look... as good as you possibly could, Dad.
现在要改造一下你有毒的阳刚之气了
Now it's time to makeover your toxic masculinity--
我走了
Gotta go!
最帅男人到场
The handsomest man has arrived!
没错 是我摩多客 我还带了伴侣
It is I, MODOK, and I brought a date!
是个果冻
It's a Jiggle-O!
还能当零食呢
She's also a snack!
也给自己找一个又能带出门又能吃的伴侣吧
Get yourself a woman who can do both!
西班牙腊香肠味道的哦
Mmm. Chorizo flavored!
不 老爸的脸
Oh no! Look at Dad's face!
他打了太多填充物了
He went rogue and used a ton of fillers!
我感觉到皱纹出来了 释放填充物机器人
Uhp! I sense a wrinkle! Release the Filler Bots!
只是胶原蛋白蜘蛛而已
They're just collagen spiders!
其实他们更怕你们呢
They're more afraid of you than you are of--
等下 他们才不怕
Oh no, wait. No, they're not scared.
都别动
No one move!
我天 摩多客
Oh my God, MODOK?
他好帅啊
Wow, he looks incredible.
喜欢我的椅子屁♥股♥吗 是用人类脂肪做的哦
Do you like my chair's butt? It's made of human fat!
赶快拍 等下腐烂了
Get a pic before it turns rancid!
乔迪 作为你的出版商 我不得不说
Jodie, as your publicist, I have to say
你真的用你的精♥装♥书
that you are literally changing lives
打破陈腐 改变了很多人的生活呢
and breaking chains with your hardback book.
太鼓舞人心了 我好想把你撕碎
It's so inspiring, I could rip you to pieces.
谢谢 布兰迪
Thanks, Brandi.
问题是 精♥装♥本销量正在下滑
The thing is, hardback sales are dipping.
大家觉得书皮太硬了
People find it too hard.
但我有解决办法 换成软皮封面
- But I have the solution-- a softcover.
你是说平装本
You mean a paperback?
错 平装本一个月后出版
No. Your softcover is coming out in a month,
那时候你会名声大噪
and this has to be your moment.
你还差一点点就能GOOP化了
You are so close to going goop.
格温妮丝·帕特洛饰演钢铁侠的妻子“小辣椒”，2008年在伦敦创立了一个叫做Goop的东西，
逐渐成为商业品牌，以传导健康的生活方式为名，过度宣扬未经科学证实的产品功能，并品牌化。
抱歉 没大明白
I'm sorry. Excuse me?
格温妮丝·帕特洛建立的GOOP
Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop.
你要将生活方式打造成GOOP那种类型
We need your lifestyle brand to goop hard and goop soon.
光有潮流是不够的 你必须保持时尚
It's not enough to just trend. You have to stay trending.
等等 我先喝口GOOP水
Hold on, I gotta take a quick sip of the goop.
我称之为GOOP水 因为它无处不在
I call water goop because it's everywhere.
我要你把一切拉丁化
I really need you to lean in to the Latina thing.
聊聊你外婆是怎么
Talk about how your abuela smuggled
把她的配方偷偷带过边境的
the recipe for her pozole over the border.
我外婆来自科罗拉多州的博尔德 她吃罐装汤
My grandma's from Boulder, Colorado. She eats canned soup.
那就说说你在皇后区和女巫玩棒球的事
Then how you played stick ball with your brujas in Queens.
不 等等 可以穿得像骷髅一样
No, wait. Dress like a skeleton.
不 等等 你应该跳着恰恰走路而不是单纯用走的
No, wait, wait. You should cha-cha instead of walking.
恰恰不是墨西哥人走路的方式
The cha-cha isn't how Mexicans walk--
乔迪 我能感觉到你认为这是种族歧视
Jodie, I'm getting the sense that you think this is racist.
感觉不错 我确实是这么想的
Very much so, yes.
如果你不想搞八卦的话
Well, if you aren't gonna spice it up for mama,
那我们就弄个大型公众事件 引起大众关注
then we need a big public-inciting incident to make people care.
你需要包装
You need more!
风衣 黑手套 更多的红色元素 多元化
More trench coats, more black gloves, more red, more maps,
以及更大 更霸道的宽边帽
and a lot more big, bossy wide-brimmed hats.
你说的是卡门·桑迪戈
You're describing Carmen Sandiego.
没错 她可是拉丁裔偶像
Damn right I am! She's a Latina icon!
乔迪 接下来说的话可能很难听
Okay, Jodie, tough talk.
你左边脸不好看 这很正常
You don't look good from your left side. It's common.
把自己想象成一辆邮政速递货车 只能露右脸
- Think of yourself as a UPS truck-- you can only go right.
现在跟我一起哼 小猪猪
Now oink with me, my little piggy,
因为你将成为我的宝贝猪
because you are going to be my prized hog!
乔迪 你没跟我一起哼 有什么问题吗 猪猪
Jodie, you aren't oinking with me. Is there something wrong, pig?
我不喜欢你叫我“猪”
I don't like it when you call me "pig."
称女人为“婊♥子♥”是贬义词
Calling women "bitches" is derogatory.
所以我才换成了“猪” 乔迪
That's why I said "pig," Jodie.
因为它们聪明 能算数独
'Cause they're smart, they solve puzzles.
是这样的 我爱我的传统
Look. I love my heritage,
但我不想成为别人眼中的拉丁人
but I'm not interested in being someone else's idea of Latina.
人们只需要接受我的本来面目
People will just have to accept me for who I am.
我明白你的意思
I hear you loud and clear.
你想和威廉生个孩子
You want to have a baby with will.i.am.
我的书远远落后于心灵GOOP汤
I'm so far behind Chicken Goop for the Wealthy Mother's Soul.
你读过吗 我推荐你读一下
Oh, have you read that? I recommend it.
书很棒 改变了我的生活
Really amazing. Changed my life.
也改变了我的生活
Changed my life too.
我希望买♥♥来送给每一个我尊敬的女人
I wish I could buy it for every woman I respect.
也就是 每一位女性
Which is every woman.
作者一定会很开心的
I'm sure the author would like that.
真希望能见到她 把她聪明脑子带走
Yeah, I wish I could meet her and pick her brilliant mind.
可惜她被火车撞了 内脏到处都是
Too bad she got hit by that train and her guts sprayed everywhere.
打断一下 什么
Excuse me, what?
对不起 我知道你是作者
Sorry, I know you're the author.
我想开个玩笑 因为很紧张
I was trying to be playful. I'm nervous,
而且我不擅长调情
and I'm-I'm bad at flirting.
就知道你刚是在调情
I knew you were flirting!
可不可以 要你的电♥话♥号♥码
Is there any chance I could, I don't know, get your number?
我现在有些事情要解决掉
I'm actually getting out of something right now.
不确定是不是真的准备好
Don't know if I'm really ready to, uh--
听着 我最不想做的就是给你压力
Look, the last thing I want to do is pressure you.
但如果你准备好了 不管是几个月
But if you ever decide you are ready, whether that be months from now
还是几年 还是别超过两年
or years from now, let's say no more than two years,
可以考虑一下我
look me up.
我准备好了 这是我的号♥码
I'm ready, here's my number.
该死 工作上的事
- - Ah. Damn. Work thing.
奥创刚刚黑进了优步 晚点打给你
Ultron just hacked Uber. I will call you later.
神奇蜘蛛应该在网上
A magical spider should be writing messages
爆你的事了 因为你太猪猪了
in a web above you because you are such a hog.
等等 为什么
Wait. Why?
我刚说要GOOP化 你这个脏兮兮的 有粉红皮肤
I said go goop and you dirty little pink-skinned,
卷曲尾巴 哼哼很好听得乔迪
curly-tailed, magnificent oinking Jodie.
你在和奇迹人约会吗
You're dating Wonder Man?
奇迹人是谁
Who is Wonder Man?
小报上都登了
It's in the tabloids.
你不是作家吗 你都不看的吗
Aren't you a writer or something? Don't you read?
我刚认识的那个人
The guy I just met--
我可不想听你描述羞羞的性生活
La la la la la. I don't want to hear about your filthy sex life.
我想自己从媒体报道上看
I want to read about it. In the press.
这太完美了 你得继续跟他约会
This is perfect. You have to keep seeing him.
绝对会拉动书的销量的
It will do wonders, ha, for your book sales.
你这个邋遢的小畜生
Oh, you sloppy barnyard beast,
蹭的可是奇迹人的热度
you are eating right out of the Wonder Man trough.
我不是为了宣传 布兰迪
I'm not doing this for the publicity, Brandi.
我只想和奇迹人约会一次
I'm just going to go on one date with Wonder Man
因为我是真心这么想的
because it's what I want.
随便你说 贱♥货♥ 我是说宝贝 我是说猪猪
Okay, whatever you say, bitch, I mean babe, I mean pig.
挂了哈 再见
Gotta go. Byeee!
你在科罗拉多长大的 是什么感觉
So you grew up in Colorado? What was that like?
有时候日子很艰难 那边很白
Well, you know, it could be tough at times. It's pretty white there.
没错 雪
Oh right, the snow.
你是怎么进入演艺圈的
So, uh, how did you get into acting?
- 我奶奶 - 是吗
- My grandma. - Oh really?
对 是她发现我有
Yeah, she was the one who noticed that I just had a thing